Troublesome

I know, I'm awful. I wanted this chapter to be just perfect and I got this horrible bout of writer's block and got depressed so I didn't feel like writing much. This is the end result of my round with depression. I hope it's not too melancholy for your liking.


The moon, of all things, made Evelyn’s skin glow bright as they trekked through the forest and Severus couldn’t stop him self from sneaking glances at her. He was in high spirits, oddly enough. They were officially husband and wife now, and that baby would not be born a bastard. Now all there was left to do was the ritual. Severus had gone through earlier that week, looking for the perfect spot for the ritual, and the only place he could come to was the clearing in the forest that he and Lily Evans had spent so many days in. He’d already set up a tent for Evelyn, and he hoped that she wasn’t too choosey because it wasn’t anything extravagant.

“How much longer, sir?” Evelyn said, her hands on her back. He could tell that she was tired, and he frowned at how she addressed him.

“We’re married now, Evelyn. You don’t have to call me ‘sir,’” he said. “And not much longer.” He pushed his way through a brush of low tree branches and allowed her to step through. Evelyn stopped and looked around, apparently pleased.

“Oh it’s perfect!” She looked giddy, absolutely childish, and he envied her for that. “Oh but it’s so cold!” She shivered, and Severus stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, attempting to keep her warm.

It was odd being here again, really.

She wasn’t Lily. He wondered if by bringing her there that he was betraying Lily’s memory, but he knew that Evelyn wouldn’t have liked any other place.

“You’ve even set up a tent,” Evelyn whispered. The wind whipped her hair about, and a strand hit him in the face. The sensation shocked him, not because it was annoying, but because he enjoyed the softness of it. The scent was heavenly and almost as magical as the night was going to prove to be.

He pointed his wand at a pile of wood sitting near the shore of the river and set the kindling ablaze, illuminating the clearing. His breath caught in his throat. In the firelight her blond hair took on a reddish tint. She stooped on her knee and picked up a large stick that had not made it into the kindling.

“Sit, Severus,” she commanded softly. He felt a bit awkward sitting down next to her as the ground wasn’t very comfortable. He removed his cloak and wrapped it around her nearly bare shoulders. Hadn’t the girl had any sense to bring something to cover her shoulders? It was December for the love of god. He would forgive her this one time, but she’d do well to think things through better next time.

The stars were twinkling merrily and crisply and it gave Severus a deep sense of contentment. It was as if they were telling him that everything would be okay.

“Are you ready, Severus?” Evelyn’s voice cut deep through his core. It was odd having her call him by his first name, but it would be a bit awkward having her call him Professor since she was now his wife.

She held out the stick and he placed his hand over hers, so that they were both holding it. She was shaking slightly, from the cold or from fright, he wasn’t sure. He looked at her face, her head was pointing at the sky, her eyes closed, her breathing deep and even.

“We take this bough from the Earth herself and ask that Mother Earth grant us sturdy harmony to bind us together.” Her voice wasn’t quite a song, but more of a chant. It sort of entranced him. She guided the stick and roasted it in the fire for a few seconds before she withdrew the end and held the burning flame towards the sky, letting the wind catch the flare and smother it out, leaving the tip of the stick glowing red.

“We take this ember from the Earth Herself and ask that Mother Earth grant us burning passion to bind us together.” She smiled faintly at this. The smile soon faded and became a ghost as there wasn’t much time to waste. Though they were by law married, he knew that this was her affirmation. This was her way of assuring herself that she was doing right by herself and by everyone in general, so he’d let her have her peace of mind.

He was just grateful she’d plucked up the courage and signed the damn contract.

He wouldn’t know what to do if she hadn’t, especially in front of Lupin. He could tell Lupin was greatly disquieted about being the witness and he wondered if Lupin felt something towards the girl.

Water under the bridge, he thought, she was his now, and his alone.

Evelyn stood and guided Severus to the river and they both dipped the glowing limb into the murky water. The stick gave a great hiss and smoke filled the air.

“We diminish the fire that represents our burning passion in the Earth herself and ask that Mother Earth grant us the will to carry on after the passion has been extinguished.”

Evelyn gently tugged the stick from his hand and held it up towards the air once more before tossing it in the river where it would float off and see places that no one else had ever thought to go. Severus stood there for a moment, thinking there was something missing. Evelyn shuffled her feet beside him, staring into the distance as though she were watching something and couldn’t see it very well.

“Air,” Severus said, breaking the silence. Evelyn nodded numbly beside him. Then it hit him, the book said something about air from each others lungs. That could only mean one thing. Evelyn looked rather shifty with in his cloak, like a vampire of sorts. On her face a playful smile had emerged, but he could tell that she was nervous and was trying to avoid the next step which was to kiss him.

He had fooled himself into thinking that Evelyn still harbored feelings for him. He was also a fool to think this. He’d erased her memories so of course she hadn’t the inkling of how she felt before then. How could he expect her to still want him after he’d so abruptly sent her life screeching into chaos? She blamed him and the guilt weighed down on him like nothing else at that moment. He thought that once they were married it’d go away, and while it had gone on holiday for a few hours, it had gotten home sick and decided to plague his mind once more.

Oh curse his insufferable conscience! Now wasn’t the time!

He slowly took a step towards her and approached her carefully. She faced him, but the fear in her eyes haunted him. Though she was stepping towards him, he could tell that she was backpedaling furiously in her mind. He pushed a strand of hair out of her face and he had to admire her bravery as she stood steadfastly and looked him straight in the eyes. He poured into her brain not really caring to be subtle about it. The main thought that ran through her mind, and he didn’t have to pick her brain to figure it out, was; I’m going to make this work. He brought his mouth close to hers but paused.

“You’re the most persistent person I know, Evelyn. I do regret how we came to be and what brought about our union but I care for you and your well being and I wouldn’t have this any other way. You have my deepest gratitude for allowing me the chance to make it right,” He said lowly.

“You’re very welcome, Professor.”

And with that, she kissed him. It was very timid at first but her confidence began to grow as the kiss carried on. Her assurance chased his guilt away and that was what he was truly grateful for.

***

The fire was cackling merrily and it gave Evelyn a renowned sense of contentment just staring in it. Despite her prior feelings of being trapped and confused, she was feeling rather warm and peaceful. It was a beautiful night indeed as she stared at her new husband, wondering what on earth could be going on behind those dark eyes of his. She stretched heavily and found her hands resting on the bump of her belly as she lay down sideways near the fire.

“I see you’ve become quite fond of the child,” Severus observed. He was sitting opposite of her, poking at the kindling with a stick absentmindedly.

“I wouldn’t say fond. I’ve got to keep track of her however.”

“Her?”

Evelyn blushed deeply. She hadn’t meant to call the baby “her” out loud.

“I just have this feeling that it’s a girl, that’s all.”

Severus smiled weakly. “I’ve always wanted a daughter. I cannot say that I had actually expected it to happen.”

“We still don’t know for sure,” Evelyn shrugged. She yawned quite loudly. It’d been a long day. She wanted to go off to sleep, but some how she knew that Severus would probably want to do something more and it terrified her. She knew she had before, but she couldn’t remember it.

“You obviously don’t believe in the powers of a mother’s instincts. If you feel that it’s a girl then it probably is.” His tone was rather snappy and it sort of offended Evelyn but then she realized that was just how he spoke. Being married to him would be weird and she had a lot to get used to so she said nothing. “You’re tired. I thought perhaps we could have a spot to eat before we retired to the tent. My mother sent sandwiches.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly eat after that lunch she fed us,” Evelyn said. It was true, Eileen had stuffed her stomach so full she thought she might burst. “I want to go to sleep. It’s been a very long day.”

Evelyn stood slowly and Severus rushed to her side to help her up. He led her to the tent and even held the flaps open so she could step in.

“It’s not much, I’m afraid. I had to enchant it a bit so it would accommodate the two of us.”

Evelyn was a bit amazed. She’d never spent the night in a tent but they’d studied camping habits in Muggle Studies and the tent was like a picture book. It was a bit small, but she didn’t mind. In the middle of the floor, a very large pallet had been made from several large fluffy down filled quilts and several large pillows beckoned Evelyn to come lay down.

“Did you bring a change of clothes?” Severus asked softly, and she could almost hear him blushing. It made her wonder, however, why he was suddenly was being careful. From what she’d seen in the memories, he didn’t have any problems with bending her over his desk and fucking her senseless then. She had watched him kiss her roughly as she straddled him and rode him like an animal. It was odd seeing him in that light as she had no prior sexual attraction to him. She’d always been rather curious about him, though.

She regarded the man in front of her now, wondering if he wanted to have sex or if he was going to be respectful. Professor Snape did not seem to be the respectable type when it came to that sort of thing.

“No, I’m afraid I was feeling rather flustered this morning and forgot quite a few things actually.”

A silence hung between the two of them. She knew he wanted to ask her about sex but just wouldn’t say it. She could tell by the way he stared at her, his head tilted slightly, studying her, wondering if she would blow a gasket if he even mentioned it.

“You’re wanting to…” Evelyn started, not really sure why she had said it. The Professor shifted slightly. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just a bit frightened that’s all.”

“Of me,” he said, his voice low and stern. “You’re frightened of me. You’re frightened of having relations with me.”

Evelyn cringed and said damn in her head three times. She didn’t want to seem cruel, but he’d hit the nail right on the head. “You’re my teacher. “

“You’re my wife now. “

The silence returned once more, but the air was different. The air was cold and cruel and Evelyn suddenly felt very uncomfortable. She took the opportunity to remove the cloak from her shoulders and tossed it aside.

“If I could convince you that you needn’t fear me, would you consider?”

“Jesus I said I didn’t want to! Can’t you just leave it at that?” Evelyn snapped.

“No,” he replied, smirking. “I can’t.”

He swept behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders and brought his mouth close to her ear. It was creepy being accosted by a teacher like this, but it was rather arousing. She felt something stir within her.

“I can’t because I think you’re lying,” he whispered in her ear. His hand began to wonder down her body, touching places she never knew could be so erotic. His other hand slid the sleeve of her dress down so that it exposed skin and put his lips to it, nipping the skin lightly with his teeth. This distracted her from the fact that his other hand had found its way down to her thighs and up the skirt of the dress. “I think you want me. It’s alright Evelyn dearest. I won’t tell any one you want me deep inside you.” She gasped as his fingers slipped themselves into her panties. She pulled out of his grasp and backed away from him, a look of sheer terror on her face.

She could not see him as her husband. She could only see him as her teacher. This wasn’t right. How could he expect her to…How could he?
He inched towards her carefully with the same ravenous gleam in his eye that she’d failed to recognize so many times before. But it made sense now.

“Well, Evelyn,” he said, a creepy smile plastered on his face. The coldness of his voice made her shiver and only frightened her more. “I see it all so clearly now. You’re frightened of me because I’m not your precious Lupin. Oh no, I’m just so terribly cruel you see and he’s so nice and handsome. If you’d rather be married to him just say the word and I’ll go fetch him for you. “

“It’s not like that,” Evelyn stuttered and fell to her knees as he backed her in to the corner of the tent. He looked dangerous, his eyes glinting with malice. Evelyn feared for a moment he might hit her. Then he shook his head slightly and looked slightly dazed, as though he were coming out of some sort of trance. He backed up, a red blush creeping to his face, clearly ashamed of his behavior. Evelyn slowly stood up, still a little bit scared, and climbed underneath the blankets of the pallet and hoped upon closing her eyes that she’d wake up and this nightmare would be over.

“Evelyn, I didn’t mean to come at you like that. I just hoped that you’d perhaps give me a chance. “

She did not answer him.

“Evelyn, please. “

Perhaps if she kept silent, he would give up and just leave her alone. She felt him fall beside her with a sigh as he climbed underneath the blankets with her. The sigh had defeat written in it and Evelyn was able to relax. He seemed to be miles away from her, but her feeling of blissful solitude was interrupted as she felt a hand wrap around her expanded waist line. How very Slytherin, she couldn’t help but think. She stiffened, feeling slightly betrayed.

“Just relax,” he said in her ear. What choice did she have? “I’m far too tired to fight you any way.” He nestled his head on her shoulder and before she knew it, he was asleep. And so was she.

Oh I know. I'm such a tease! Aw well. Lemons will come later. I didn't want to force Evelyn in to doing something she didn't want to do. Perhaps you can forgive me. As always, let me know what you think. And thanks to those who have reviewed so far. You guys make me happy.