A Thief to Catch a Thief; a Death Eater to Catch a

This is mostly conversation – but I didn’t want to write flashbacks.







Three Times the Charm.



“Mazzy?” Lucius asked, accepting a cup of coffee from the house elf, “Has the lady guest come down for breakfast yet?” If not, he’d have a perfect excuse for going to her room.



“Yes, Master, she is eating and leaving at dawn, Master.” Said the elf, accepting the used cup; with a click of her fingers, Lucius’s place setting contained a full English breakfast



“Did she say anything?” Lucius asked, his day looking darker by the second – yes, they’d slept in different rooms, but surely breakfast together wasn’t intimate, Hermione shared a morning bacon butty with most staff as a Friday morning treat.



“Yes, she is thanking elves for their breakfast making and serving breakfast and then going.” Answered Mazzy.



***



“Jess…” Draco said, watching as another elf placed an overflowing tray of breakfast items on the table by the bed.



“Mmmm.” She said sleepily, a little worse for wear after the night before.



“Any particular reason my Father has a face like a smacked arse this morning?” he asked, frowning, picking up the hangover potion and passing it to his girlfriend.



“Probably because Hermione left before dawn broke.” Jess said casually, downing the purple liquid in one gulp.



“Why?” he asked, puzzled.



“Draco, what I’m going to tell you can’t leave this room – only I and Harry know about this…” she said, instantly sober and reaching for some toast.



“Is it that bad?” he asked.



“Yeah, and it’s a long story too.” Jess accepted the cup of sweet tea Draco offered her before starting her tale.



“You know Hermione and Ron split up, and that Molly Weasley blamed Hermione for it – all because Hermione didn’t want to settle down and be a wife and mother?”



“Yeah, the Weasley matriarch moaned at everyone in hearing distance about that.” Draco said, puzzled. What did this have to do with Hermione not staying for breakfast? He nibbled his toast, Jess always commented that he looked like an albino gerbil; as he held the bread in both hands and took tiny bites.



“Well, her precious little boy didn’t tell Mummy that it wasn’t like that at all… Do you remember the raid that lasted four days a couple of years ago? The one where we pulled in six Death Eaters?”



Draco nodded, still nibbling the same triangle of toast.



“Well, Hermione had warned Ron it would probably last a week – we all warned our loved ones it would be a week until we were home. Well, anyway, we efficient aurors got the job done in four days; Hermione apparated back into her flat to find Ron between some other woman’s thighs.”



“Oh dear, for him – pissing Granger off tends to be painful.” He rubbed his nose with buttery fingers in reminder of his broken nose, “What was with the her flat thing?”



“They weren’t properly living together, Ron was officially living above the joke shop with his brother – he and Hermione only lived together on Thursday nights and Monday nights, because at the time her days off were Friday and Monday.”



“So he was shagging someone else in her bed?” Draco asked, a shocked expression on his face.



“Yeah, his little bedsit was tiny, and a real tip. He thought he’d impress this other woman with the big flat and the fancy décor.” Jess rolled her eyes, devouring a piece of toast with rapid speed.



“Hermione Literally dragged Ron off her by the scruff of his neck, told the woman to get out before she was thrown out and promptly began giving Ron a large piece of her mind… he turned around and moaned that if she was home more often and an attentive girlfriend that he wouldn’t have to shag other women. He told her in no uncertain terms that he wanted her at home so he could come in from work to a home-cooked meal and a little willing witch to do everything for him.”



“Like Granger would be that woman!” Draco scoffed. He just couldn’t imagine Hermione playing housewife.



“Ron then went on to say that he wouldn’t marry her unless she stopped working and stayed at home and looked after the kiddies when they arrived…” Jess grinned.



“I bet that went down well.” Draco said in sarcasm.



“Yeah, Hermione told him children were great – providing you could give them back to their parents; that she had no intention of getting married for a long time; and that if he wanted a perfect little housewife that he could look elsewhere, because she wasn’t going to stop doing a job she loved.”



“Ouch.” Draco hissed, easily imagining Hermione saying that to Weasley.



“Ron came back with some shite that she had to marry him because nobody else would, and because he knew any kids they had would be smart and successful with her brains – especially if she stayed at home and taught them… Hermione told him in no uncertain terms she was never having children and that Ron could shove his ideas for a little biddable wife and two-point-whatever kids up his arse. He found himself shoved through the floo and into his Mummy’s arms…”



“Where he promptly told Mummy only his side of the story and nothing about the affair.” Draco deduced.



“Yep – Molly branded her a cold-hearted bitch who didn’t care about anything but herself. She twisted the story so it sounded to be all Hermione’s fault – obviously Ron hadn’t done anything wrong? Nooooo, of course he was perfect husband material and would make a brilliant Father! Oooooobviously Hermione was a frigid cow who didn’t want to do her duty as a woman and give birth to a small army of the next Weasley generation! Molly went on and on about it, and in the end Harry got fed up and came to talk to Hermione about it - and watched it in her pensieve… Ron got a black eye for being a prick and Harry threatened to tell his dear Mummy everything.”



“Ah, so that’s what happened between Potter and the Weasel.” Draco said, like his Father he was incredibly observant. “What does that have to do with this morning, and the absence of Hermione?”



“Ah… I did tell you it was a long story, and trust me – this is the short version of it.” Jess continued, reaching for an apple that was cored and sliced into segments under a protective stay-fresh charm.



“Well, Hermione swore off men for a while, until she met Zach… he was intelligent and polite; they had similar interests in music, books and films; He’d listen to her moan about her day and massage the tension out of her shoulders… Hermione actually said she was waiting for him to stop being perfect…”



“And he did?” Draco asked, nibbling on one of the apple pieces, Jess thought all he needed were whiskers and a long pointy nose and the gerbil image would be complete.



“Yeah, Hermione held back the physical stuff, wanting to base the relationship on personalities, rather than sex. Zach was a bit too rough for her, so she told him to stop… and he ignored her.”



“You. Are. Joking.” Draco hissed, outraged. He’d been raised to have manners and common courtesy – a woman says stop, and you stop that instant.



“I don’t jest about the five other times he did the same that night, either.” Jess looked angry, her nostrils flairing in her rage. “Hermione dragged him through the wizengamot, where Zach pulled up some archaic law that stated that because they were in a ‘committed relationship’ that he owned her and had rights to her body. Hermione pointed out that no means no and thus his actions constituted rape...” she trailed of with a defeated sigh, ignoring the food presented before her, feeling sick to the stomach about what had happened to her best friend.



“What happened?” Draco asked, noting Jess’s sudden distress.



“The wizangamot sided with Zach and promptly said his actions were just and that Hermione should pay the hundred galleon fine for bothering the court with something so trivial.”



“The bastards!” Draco hissed.



“Ah, but Zach had messed with Hermione, so she turned the tables and raided the archaic law books for a solution; she found the whole law he’d used – it stated that her next of kin was liable to take matters into their own hands within the law and deal with the situation as they saw fit…”



“But her parents have no idea she exists, and Molly Weasley disowned her from her brood with the Ron fiasco.” Draco said, once again puzzled.



“Ah, that’s why Harry is named as her next of kin on her medical records – and that was Zach’s problem… Harry kicked the shit out of him – and as an auror there are no limits on the spells that could be used. Plus, Harry used one of Hermione’s spells to permanently write the word rapist on his dick in puss-filled purple acne.”



“Good man. Shame he didn’t hit him with the killing curse!” Draco said in malice.



“We said that – but dear Zach hasn’t had a partner since the incident, so others are safe.”



The couple, sharing a pair of soft cotton pyjamas (her wearing the top, him in the bottoms), and a breakfast tray looked at each other. Jess feeling wretched for telling Draco Hermione’s deepest and darkest secrets; Draco angry that someone would dare to harm a woman who trusted them.



“So, that’s why she’s a commitment-phobe?” Draco asked, sheepishly.



“Slightly – do you know where the term ‘Three times a charm’ comes from?” Jess asked, settling into the soft pillows on Draco’s ridiculously huge bed. Jess could seriously get used to this bed – and the man in it.



“No – but you’re going to tell me?” he said, laying his head on a pillow in her lap.



“Yeah, it’s a way that a woman who has been in two failed committed relationships can be forced to marry the third committed suitor – and we’re back to the ownership thing. Ron was number one; Zach was number two…” Jess trailed off.



“And Hermione has no intention of letting there be a number three.” Draco finished.



“Yeah, she’s had several fuck buddies – once she got over what happened, which did involve a lot of alcohol. Those friends with benefits finished with her as soon as they developed feelings – actually, Hermione is Godmother to one of her buddy’s kids.”



“And Father is just another notch on the bedpost.” Draco said, no emotion in his voice.



“And that’s all he’ll ever be – Hermione won’t be trapped in marriage – or any form of commitment – by anyone.” Jess sighed.



***



Lucius sighed; how many times had Draco been clipped around the ear for eavesdropping? How many times had Luicus bumped into him after leaving the room where he’d been conversing with a business associate? How many times had Lucius told Draco it was rude to listen at doors?



And how many times in the past hour had he been glad he’d been listening in?










A/N: Oh, LaBib - AnnSummers is the high street sex shop in the UK, there are stores in most major shopping centres! They sell everything from wedding lingerie to bondage gear, pajamas to vibrators - and they've a professional and friendly attitude that make it fun and acceptable for the general public. They also organise parties - you and your friends find a room and the AnnSummers lady comes around and lets you look at the products more closely and play games. They're on the net too - just put it into google!