Of Days and Ends
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Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
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Adult ++
Chapters:
43
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333
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Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
35,945
Reviews:
333
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
3
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters, plot, etc. from the books or movies. I also do not own the AdultFanFiction.net site. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
After the Betrayal
A/N: Do enjoy!
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Chapter 13—After the Betrayal
Hermione suffered that night until dawn broke through her window. Sitting up, she reached for her wand and went to the vanity mirror to appraise her appearance. The dark circles under her eyes and puffy redness reminded her of the agony she felt the night before. Fresh tears leaked at the thought of his betrayal. Tying her unruly curls up and tucking her grey ends underneath, she wiped her face and tried to decide what to do next. Odds were that Snape was home by now, and would be expecting her, but she didn’t want to face him.
Her original plan was to go home to her parents and sneak off in the wee small hours of the morning to sleep at the home of her husband. With the pain of the betrayal fresh on her mind, however, she decided to go see her parents and avoid him completely. Heaving a resolute sigh, she grabbed her trunk and apparated down the stairs.
Mrs. Weasley wasn’t around the kitchen, but Harry and Ron were. Apparently the Headmistress had come by while she slept, because they were each wearing a silver necklace and another lay on the table between them. The boys looked at her oddly, but she ignored them. They both opened their mouths to ask her about her exhausted expression, but she gestured that she wasn’t interested in talking about it.
“Professor McGonagall said to just tap the pendant with your wand and it will activate the portkey.” Ron stood, scooped up the necklace, and approached her around the table to place it around her neck. With the clasp set, he dropped his hands onto her shoulders and kissed her neck lightly. Jerking away from him in embarrassment and shame, Hermione smoothed it over quickly by pretending that his hands were cold and swatting playfully at him as she gave a sickeningly fake sounding laugh before disapparating to her parents’ house in Chester.
The next few days were spent putting a brave face on for her parents. They seemed to sense that something was amiss with their daughter, however, and questioned her whenever they thought she was most vulnerable to answering. Her typical response was an unconvincing smile and a shake of the head. “It’s nothing, mum.” She would say. Hermione continued with the façade for the rest of the two weeks, and managed to distract herself with all sorts of tasks and activities with her parents.
When she prepared to return to Grimmauld Place on the evening of the last day, her mother commented on how much her daughter had grown, and Hermione burst into tears, “I’m so sorry, mum!”
“Oh, Hermione! Is this what it’s all about?”
Hermione lied, “Yes, I just feel like such an ungrateful daughter for coming back to visit you so rarely when I know how much you care and miss me and love me. I—I’m just so s—s—sorry!” It felt good to let the tears fall to her mother even though she wasn’t really crying about the nonsense she was spilling to her and it made her feel worse to lie.
“You are a wonderful girl… a—a beautiful woman.” Her mother said, taking Hermione’s face in her hands. “Your father and I are proud of you, and I don’t know whether or not she wants us to tell you this or not, but McGonagall has been writing us and telling us about your… escapades over the last 7 years.” Her mother looked over her little glasses at Hermione with a sly look, “You are a sneaky girl, always were really, but your virtues make it hard to be angry or worried about you. You are so, so, so very smart and brave, and (though your father and I may be worried about it) you are very devoted as well. We have every confidence that you will make someone a very happy man one day and have a very successful life. So, yes, we miss you, but you are playing a very vital role in your world and ours, and we have every confidence that it is for the best.”
It was a touching moment for Hermione, but she knew that she had to tell someone and her mother was the only one she knew of that was almost completely unconnected to the wizarding world. “I—I have to confess a few things, but I’ll have to erase your memory of the conversation after I’m through.”
Though she looked shocked, the woman nodded in agreement. “Okay.”
Hermione told her mother everything. She told her about the fight at Hogwarts and the death of Dumbledore, and even though she already knew about it, she listened attentively. She told her about Severus catching her during the Death Eater gathering. She told her about going to Snape’s house out of curiosity. She told her about when Snape saved her life. She told her about finding the book, brewing the potion, Snape saving her life a second time, their kiss, her fevers, Snape’s decision, the Order nearly killing her, and finally Snape’s betrayal. When she finished, her mother fought the conflicting feelings of how maternal protection wanted her to hold her daughter hostage in her room and kill the man who touched her and the people who hurt her and what she knew was best for her daughter. Gently Mrs. Granger said, “You know you can trust me, right?”
“I know, Mum…” She hesitated and considered for a moment before adding, “but I still have to Obliviate you.”
“Look, Hermione. May I give you some advice before you Obliviate me?”
“Yes, mum.”
Her mother took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts for a moment. “I think you should give him another opportunity. Let him explain what’s going on, maybe it is beyond your understanding. He has had a lot more experience than you. Perhaps he had no choice.”
“There is always a choice.”
“Would you prefer that he chose death?”
“Never!”
At Hermione’s horrified exclamation, her mother narrowed her eyes, “You didn’t say it, so I’m going to ask. Do you love him?”
“No.” The answer left her mouth like a reflex, and then the reality of her mother’s question caught up to her.
“You didn’t even think about it.”
Hermione made an exaggerated thinking face before saying, “No.” again.
Mrs. Granger laughed, “Whatever you say, but denial gets no one any where, and I was a virgin once. It is not easy for a young woman to remain emotionally separated from the first man she trusts to give herself to. In fact, we sometimes never get over it.”
“I think I can manage. Besides, the point is that he deceived me, and that hurt me deeply.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you, Hermione. I’m betting that it hurt him deeply to do it.”
“This man doesn’t love me, mum. Even so, he killed his lifelong mentor for a cause. He doesn’t feel any emotions about me. We had sex for a purpose, as crass as that sounds. Without it we would have died. I’m sure that he’s experienced enough that one more woman in his bed means nothing to him.”
“Actually, you’d be surprised, my dear. A smart man would recognize something in you more than his base animal needs and desires and may find it extremely difficult to keep his emotions out of it.”
“If that were the case, he never would have been disloyal to me. He wouldn’t have been able to.” She griped.
Mrs. Granger shrugged. She could tell that Hermione was too emotionally invested to admit to herself that he may have had an excusable reason. “Like I said earlier, Hermione, I’m sure he can better explain what you were feeling. You should give him a chance.”
A familiar, though out of place voice came from the doorway that they hadn’t even realized they left open, “She’s right, Hermione.”
Hermione whirled around and drew her wand at Snape who stood, hunched over in the doorway. “Severus!” He leaned against the doorway and Hermione rushed to him just in time to support him before he collapsed to the ground. Hermione’s mother gasped and helped her daughter lay her husband across her childhood bed.
Mrs. Granger turned back to the door where Mr. Granger entered and looked at the blood on the wall before turning to his family. “What’s going on?”
Hermione tended her husband while her mother explained, and ignored his outburst about the bond among other things. “Now, I don’t mean to offend, but he’s just much too old!”
“Paul!” Her mother exclaimed.
“What’s the age difference?” Her father persisted as Hermione removed Snape’s robes.
“19 years.” Hermione answered distractedly, though she didn’t miss the surprised look that Snape gave her. He didn’t know that she knew the year he was born.
Even Hermione’s mother was shocked at that, “19…!” She had assumed that Hermione’s description of an older man was 6 or 7 years at the most, not 19. That made him 36 years old, and her mother clasped a hand over her mouth with shock clearly evident in her face. She and Mr.Granger were 38 and 40 respectively! Hermione had turned away from her husband for a brief second and caught her mother’s eye and embarrassedly darted her eyes back to her work.
Her father was stunned to silence, giving him enough time to collect his thoughts. “Does he treat you well?”
Hermione didn’t answer, and avoided Snape’s eyes as she pulled off his black shirt. He groaned and she looked up to see him beginning to sweat. What ever happened was getting very painful for him and she skilfully worked on patching him up.
“What happened to you?” Her mother asked.
Snape looked up at her with an appraising look. It was like looking at a shorter, curvier, shorter-haired version of Hermione. He considered her question before answering her in complete truthfulness, “I tried to find your dear daughter, who has been avoiding me, and got hexed by the entire Weasley clan. Apparently, Ginny is staying with them and learning some very serious curses. She has her mother’s speed and an incredible amount of power. This is the result of one of my own inventions turned against me.”
“That’s horrible.” Her mother said, “Hermione, why don’t your father and I leave you to tend to your…”
“Ex-professor.” Hermione said at the same time that Severus said—
“Husband.”
Her parents stared at the two of them for a moment, and her father sighed, “We’ll leave you two alone.”
Once they were gone, Snape focused on her and reached up to her chin, “Hermione, talk to me.”
“Piss off.” She was angry, and now she was finished mending his wounds. Standing and slapping his hand away she walked across the room away from him. It was a very small room, so it was a very ineffectual move for putting distance between them.
“Hermione, you can’t possibly avoid me forever.” She didn’t answer, but he noticed for the first time that the last 6 inches of her hair were grey. “What the hell did you do to your hair?”
She scowled, “Veritaserum, your veritaserum.”
“BLOODY IDIOTS!”
His explosion startled her and she turned back around. He had stood up and was struggling to stand erect and move towards her. Racing towards him, she wrapped her arms around him to support him, “What the hell are you thinking?” His arms wrapped around her as she lay on him while laying him back down, but she refused to look at him. He was about to speak to her when she whispered, “How could you do it?”
Her pain struck a chord in him, and he sighed. “Hermione, I have to do things that I don’t want to do and that I am ashamed of sometimes, because I am trying to redeem myself. The only thing that has ever kept me going is knowing that I have one more sin to atone for and one more and one more and one more.” She let him kiss the tip of her nose, so he continued, “I must continue, as painful as it was. It’s the way it was before you, and the way it will be after you. When you move on to a much younger man your own age, I will still be atoning.” When it looked like she wanted to object, he sighed, “Stop. Truth is I love the fact that I am getting the opportunity to be with you now. Not every man my age can say that he has been with a woman as young, ripe, beautiful, and active as you.”
He kissed her nose and she turned her head away to deflect attention from the blush that rose in her cheeks. She also didn\'t want to show that his well-place compliments were as distracting as his kisses. Blinking rapidly, she asked,“What happened?”
“I had to kidnap 5 girls, one had to be a redhead, and he ordered me to rape one of the girls.”
Hermione gasped, “How did you get out of it?”
“I didn’t.”
She pushed herself up from him, “What do you mean you didn’t?”
“I had to rape her.”
“You… you…”
“He didn’t accept my excuse and demanded it.”
Hermione didn’t know why she wanted to know, but she had to ask, “What did you do to her?”
“I killed her.”
“WHY?” she shrieked.
“It was either that or she would be passed along to each of the Death Eaters until one of them killed her with violence. The other four were not as lucky. Besides, she consented.”
“Consented or begged?” She growled at him.
“I think she understood.”
Hermione covered her mouth as an empathetic tear slid from her eye. “I don’t understand, Severus.”
“It was either that or death.”
“THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!” Snape tried to stand and Hermione shoved him back down. “Sit still or you’ll pull your skin open!”
Stupid Girl! He thought. “You either want me dead, or you care! You can’t have it both ways!” He said in a lethal whisper. She was silent, so he tried to sit up again, but she shoved him down. This time, he grabbed her upper-arms and pulled her over him, kissing her lips with need.
He was actually surprised and more grateful than he would admit that she was kissing him back. She broke the kiss and laid her head against his shoulder and began to cry. “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I felt so hurt. I knew…”
“I had no choice.”
“Is there no one you won’t betray?” Hermione whispered.
Snape immediately became tense and pushed her off of him. He tried to get up a third time, but she shoved him down again. “Stop trying to get up, you need to rest.” She went to the door, “Mum.” Her mother came in followed by her father, “Can Severus spend the night here?”
“For as long as he needs.”
“Don’t scorn my parents by leaving. I’m leaving them in charge of your care. The Order is expecting me.” She kissed her mother on the cheek and then her father, “I’ll be back after the meeting. I’ll stay through Christmas.” She whispered to her father before disapparating to Grimmauld Place. She knew he wouldn’t leave now that she had bound him by his honour and respect for her parents.
Every member of the Order was present, including Neville who seemed to be sitting next to a slimy orange Venus fly trap that kept rubbing against a block of salt in its planter. Kingsley nodded to her and she sat down against the far wall from the door. “Let’s come to order please.” Moody was the first to start the meeting and did a recap of the appearance of Snape at headquarters just an hour ago, applauding everyone for their efforts holding him at bay. Ginny in particular was mentioned for injuring Snape with the Sectumsempra spell and making him leave, and Hermione felt a surge of irrational anger swell within her.
The rest of the meeting was a bit of a drag, and they negotiated assignments for all of the older members. Hermione used that time to think about the situation Snape must have gotten into and her own involvement in it, and now that she was away from him and forced to think rationally and hide her thoughts and emotions from the Order of the Phoenix, she found herself gradually feeling more and more empathetic to his position. Somewhere in her daze, she noticed that Neville was the last to receive an assignment. He was asked to grow and tend the more exotic ingredients that the Order would need for its potions and help Headmistress McGonagall choose plant, tend, and train a few plants to guard the entrances of Hogwarts. The trio was left again without tasks to complete and they exchanged glances across the room at each other. Great, thought Hermione, another meeting.
Sure enough, the boys wanted to plan and Hermione sat through another 3 hours of discussions. Ron pilfered his family’s tent, and Harry had developed a few places to look for Horcruxes that he decided would be effective. Hermione had developed a few spells that she thought would protect them, and had begun to look through the dark potions book they had found last summer. Harry hugged her before leaving and Ron tried to sneak a kiss in, but Hermione pat his back and stepped out of his embrace before he had a chance.
As she began to walk out, Ron called, “Hermione,” she froze and grit her teeth in frustration, “can I have a word?”
“I’m quite tempted to say no, Ron. Can you make this quick? I have a bit of a headache.” Inwardly, she chastised herself for beginning to sound like Snape.
He nodded and surveyed her before beginning, “I wanted to know if you’ve been seeing someone.”
That caught her by surprise and her eyebrows rose. “This is not going to be a quick conversation.”
She started to leave but he grabbed her arm, “Hermione, please.”
She closed her eyes against his focused stare, “Quickly.”
“Are you seeing someone else?”
“What would make you think that?”
“You stay out late, sometimes overnight, you sneak out—”
“I already explained all of that.”
“--you won’t kiss me, you won’t spend time with me apart from making plans, you are annoyed with everyone, you are moody for no apparent reason—”
“Okay, okay I get it. Yes, I am seeing someone.”
Ron looked as though he had been slapped. “Who?”
“No one you know… a muggle.” The silence stretched between them and she sighed, “May I go?”
Ron released her arm and she rushed past him, suddenly overwhelmed by his sadness. Once in the outside the room, she disapparated to the hallway outside her bedroom and slid down the wall. It was all too much for her and she put her hands over her eyes, alone in the darkness of the hall and began to cry quietly. She cried for Ron, she cried for her parents, she cried for the nameless girl Snape raped, she cried for her husband, for Harry, for the Order, for Dumbledore, the wizarding world, and finally herself.
She never realized while she cried that her husband was not behind the closed door of her bedroom, but standing in the shadows of the stairway. He watched her cry and it hurt him deeply, but like the trained soldier, he resolutely watched over her until she fell asleep on the floor of the hallway. He approached her in the dark and examined the tearstains on her face. Her little nose was red, her eyes puffy, her lips swollen, and little salty streaks dried on her face. Her body was contorted in a position that did not look the least bit comfortable and he decided to risk waking her to take her to bed. Bending near her, he lifted her in his arms and carried her into her room to lay her in bed.
From the doorway of his bedroom, Hermione’s father watched the entire scene with mixed emotions. His little girl was going through some tough times and that man seemed to be the cause of most of it, but he trusted his daughter’s judgement and recognized a gentleness the man seemed to hide from all but her. Besides, he was more than a little curious about the dark wizard.
~~~~~~~
A/N: Ooh! I am having the time of my life writing this thing, but I had a bit of a rough spot earlier this week. Then just as suddenly as that hit me, the little voice in my head started whispering to me. Like any dutiful servant I began to type, and like any maniacal voice, it got too far ahead of me, so I had to slow down production and force it to repeat itself. Needless to say, it is pitching a royal fit now, and is only throwing out ideas intermittently.
That said, I just wanted to say wow! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! You all were awesome this week! Here’s the way the proverbial cookie crumbles!
1. catysmom
2. Jen618
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Also, a special thanks to Johanna3030, MrsDeLay07, and RedWritingHood. I just have to let you all know that you are appreciated, and there’s so many of you now, that if I ever make a mistake and don’t mention you, please understand that it is an error of the head and not the heart. I do check and double check my lists though. Unless you’ve ever written a fic before, you truly can’t understand just how much every review means. Thank you so much!
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Chapter 13—After the Betrayal
Hermione suffered that night until dawn broke through her window. Sitting up, she reached for her wand and went to the vanity mirror to appraise her appearance. The dark circles under her eyes and puffy redness reminded her of the agony she felt the night before. Fresh tears leaked at the thought of his betrayal. Tying her unruly curls up and tucking her grey ends underneath, she wiped her face and tried to decide what to do next. Odds were that Snape was home by now, and would be expecting her, but she didn’t want to face him.
Her original plan was to go home to her parents and sneak off in the wee small hours of the morning to sleep at the home of her husband. With the pain of the betrayal fresh on her mind, however, she decided to go see her parents and avoid him completely. Heaving a resolute sigh, she grabbed her trunk and apparated down the stairs.
Mrs. Weasley wasn’t around the kitchen, but Harry and Ron were. Apparently the Headmistress had come by while she slept, because they were each wearing a silver necklace and another lay on the table between them. The boys looked at her oddly, but she ignored them. They both opened their mouths to ask her about her exhausted expression, but she gestured that she wasn’t interested in talking about it.
“Professor McGonagall said to just tap the pendant with your wand and it will activate the portkey.” Ron stood, scooped up the necklace, and approached her around the table to place it around her neck. With the clasp set, he dropped his hands onto her shoulders and kissed her neck lightly. Jerking away from him in embarrassment and shame, Hermione smoothed it over quickly by pretending that his hands were cold and swatting playfully at him as she gave a sickeningly fake sounding laugh before disapparating to her parents’ house in Chester.
The next few days were spent putting a brave face on for her parents. They seemed to sense that something was amiss with their daughter, however, and questioned her whenever they thought she was most vulnerable to answering. Her typical response was an unconvincing smile and a shake of the head. “It’s nothing, mum.” She would say. Hermione continued with the façade for the rest of the two weeks, and managed to distract herself with all sorts of tasks and activities with her parents.
When she prepared to return to Grimmauld Place on the evening of the last day, her mother commented on how much her daughter had grown, and Hermione burst into tears, “I’m so sorry, mum!”
“Oh, Hermione! Is this what it’s all about?”
Hermione lied, “Yes, I just feel like such an ungrateful daughter for coming back to visit you so rarely when I know how much you care and miss me and love me. I—I’m just so s—s—sorry!” It felt good to let the tears fall to her mother even though she wasn’t really crying about the nonsense she was spilling to her and it made her feel worse to lie.
“You are a wonderful girl… a—a beautiful woman.” Her mother said, taking Hermione’s face in her hands. “Your father and I are proud of you, and I don’t know whether or not she wants us to tell you this or not, but McGonagall has been writing us and telling us about your… escapades over the last 7 years.” Her mother looked over her little glasses at Hermione with a sly look, “You are a sneaky girl, always were really, but your virtues make it hard to be angry or worried about you. You are so, so, so very smart and brave, and (though your father and I may be worried about it) you are very devoted as well. We have every confidence that you will make someone a very happy man one day and have a very successful life. So, yes, we miss you, but you are playing a very vital role in your world and ours, and we have every confidence that it is for the best.”
It was a touching moment for Hermione, but she knew that she had to tell someone and her mother was the only one she knew of that was almost completely unconnected to the wizarding world. “I—I have to confess a few things, but I’ll have to erase your memory of the conversation after I’m through.”
Though she looked shocked, the woman nodded in agreement. “Okay.”
Hermione told her mother everything. She told her about the fight at Hogwarts and the death of Dumbledore, and even though she already knew about it, she listened attentively. She told her about Severus catching her during the Death Eater gathering. She told her about going to Snape’s house out of curiosity. She told her about when Snape saved her life. She told her about finding the book, brewing the potion, Snape saving her life a second time, their kiss, her fevers, Snape’s decision, the Order nearly killing her, and finally Snape’s betrayal. When she finished, her mother fought the conflicting feelings of how maternal protection wanted her to hold her daughter hostage in her room and kill the man who touched her and the people who hurt her and what she knew was best for her daughter. Gently Mrs. Granger said, “You know you can trust me, right?”
“I know, Mum…” She hesitated and considered for a moment before adding, “but I still have to Obliviate you.”
“Look, Hermione. May I give you some advice before you Obliviate me?”
“Yes, mum.”
Her mother took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts for a moment. “I think you should give him another opportunity. Let him explain what’s going on, maybe it is beyond your understanding. He has had a lot more experience than you. Perhaps he had no choice.”
“There is always a choice.”
“Would you prefer that he chose death?”
“Never!”
At Hermione’s horrified exclamation, her mother narrowed her eyes, “You didn’t say it, so I’m going to ask. Do you love him?”
“No.” The answer left her mouth like a reflex, and then the reality of her mother’s question caught up to her.
“You didn’t even think about it.”
Hermione made an exaggerated thinking face before saying, “No.” again.
Mrs. Granger laughed, “Whatever you say, but denial gets no one any where, and I was a virgin once. It is not easy for a young woman to remain emotionally separated from the first man she trusts to give herself to. In fact, we sometimes never get over it.”
“I think I can manage. Besides, the point is that he deceived me, and that hurt me deeply.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you, Hermione. I’m betting that it hurt him deeply to do it.”
“This man doesn’t love me, mum. Even so, he killed his lifelong mentor for a cause. He doesn’t feel any emotions about me. We had sex for a purpose, as crass as that sounds. Without it we would have died. I’m sure that he’s experienced enough that one more woman in his bed means nothing to him.”
“Actually, you’d be surprised, my dear. A smart man would recognize something in you more than his base animal needs and desires and may find it extremely difficult to keep his emotions out of it.”
“If that were the case, he never would have been disloyal to me. He wouldn’t have been able to.” She griped.
Mrs. Granger shrugged. She could tell that Hermione was too emotionally invested to admit to herself that he may have had an excusable reason. “Like I said earlier, Hermione, I’m sure he can better explain what you were feeling. You should give him a chance.”
A familiar, though out of place voice came from the doorway that they hadn’t even realized they left open, “She’s right, Hermione.”
Hermione whirled around and drew her wand at Snape who stood, hunched over in the doorway. “Severus!” He leaned against the doorway and Hermione rushed to him just in time to support him before he collapsed to the ground. Hermione’s mother gasped and helped her daughter lay her husband across her childhood bed.
Mrs. Granger turned back to the door where Mr. Granger entered and looked at the blood on the wall before turning to his family. “What’s going on?”
Hermione tended her husband while her mother explained, and ignored his outburst about the bond among other things. “Now, I don’t mean to offend, but he’s just much too old!”
“Paul!” Her mother exclaimed.
“What’s the age difference?” Her father persisted as Hermione removed Snape’s robes.
“19 years.” Hermione answered distractedly, though she didn’t miss the surprised look that Snape gave her. He didn’t know that she knew the year he was born.
Even Hermione’s mother was shocked at that, “19…!” She had assumed that Hermione’s description of an older man was 6 or 7 years at the most, not 19. That made him 36 years old, and her mother clasped a hand over her mouth with shock clearly evident in her face. She and Mr.Granger were 38 and 40 respectively! Hermione had turned away from her husband for a brief second and caught her mother’s eye and embarrassedly darted her eyes back to her work.
Her father was stunned to silence, giving him enough time to collect his thoughts. “Does he treat you well?”
Hermione didn’t answer, and avoided Snape’s eyes as she pulled off his black shirt. He groaned and she looked up to see him beginning to sweat. What ever happened was getting very painful for him and she skilfully worked on patching him up.
“What happened to you?” Her mother asked.
Snape looked up at her with an appraising look. It was like looking at a shorter, curvier, shorter-haired version of Hermione. He considered her question before answering her in complete truthfulness, “I tried to find your dear daughter, who has been avoiding me, and got hexed by the entire Weasley clan. Apparently, Ginny is staying with them and learning some very serious curses. She has her mother’s speed and an incredible amount of power. This is the result of one of my own inventions turned against me.”
“That’s horrible.” Her mother said, “Hermione, why don’t your father and I leave you to tend to your…”
“Ex-professor.” Hermione said at the same time that Severus said—
“Husband.”
Her parents stared at the two of them for a moment, and her father sighed, “We’ll leave you two alone.”
Once they were gone, Snape focused on her and reached up to her chin, “Hermione, talk to me.”
“Piss off.” She was angry, and now she was finished mending his wounds. Standing and slapping his hand away she walked across the room away from him. It was a very small room, so it was a very ineffectual move for putting distance between them.
“Hermione, you can’t possibly avoid me forever.” She didn’t answer, but he noticed for the first time that the last 6 inches of her hair were grey. “What the hell did you do to your hair?”
She scowled, “Veritaserum, your veritaserum.”
“BLOODY IDIOTS!”
His explosion startled her and she turned back around. He had stood up and was struggling to stand erect and move towards her. Racing towards him, she wrapped her arms around him to support him, “What the hell are you thinking?” His arms wrapped around her as she lay on him while laying him back down, but she refused to look at him. He was about to speak to her when she whispered, “How could you do it?”
Her pain struck a chord in him, and he sighed. “Hermione, I have to do things that I don’t want to do and that I am ashamed of sometimes, because I am trying to redeem myself. The only thing that has ever kept me going is knowing that I have one more sin to atone for and one more and one more and one more.” She let him kiss the tip of her nose, so he continued, “I must continue, as painful as it was. It’s the way it was before you, and the way it will be after you. When you move on to a much younger man your own age, I will still be atoning.” When it looked like she wanted to object, he sighed, “Stop. Truth is I love the fact that I am getting the opportunity to be with you now. Not every man my age can say that he has been with a woman as young, ripe, beautiful, and active as you.”
He kissed her nose and she turned her head away to deflect attention from the blush that rose in her cheeks. She also didn\'t want to show that his well-place compliments were as distracting as his kisses. Blinking rapidly, she asked,“What happened?”
“I had to kidnap 5 girls, one had to be a redhead, and he ordered me to rape one of the girls.”
Hermione gasped, “How did you get out of it?”
“I didn’t.”
She pushed herself up from him, “What do you mean you didn’t?”
“I had to rape her.”
“You… you…”
“He didn’t accept my excuse and demanded it.”
Hermione didn’t know why she wanted to know, but she had to ask, “What did you do to her?”
“I killed her.”
“WHY?” she shrieked.
“It was either that or she would be passed along to each of the Death Eaters until one of them killed her with violence. The other four were not as lucky. Besides, she consented.”
“Consented or begged?” She growled at him.
“I think she understood.”
Hermione covered her mouth as an empathetic tear slid from her eye. “I don’t understand, Severus.”
“It was either that or death.”
“THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!” Snape tried to stand and Hermione shoved him back down. “Sit still or you’ll pull your skin open!”
Stupid Girl! He thought. “You either want me dead, or you care! You can’t have it both ways!” He said in a lethal whisper. She was silent, so he tried to sit up again, but she shoved him down. This time, he grabbed her upper-arms and pulled her over him, kissing her lips with need.
He was actually surprised and more grateful than he would admit that she was kissing him back. She broke the kiss and laid her head against his shoulder and began to cry. “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I felt so hurt. I knew…”
“I had no choice.”
“Is there no one you won’t betray?” Hermione whispered.
Snape immediately became tense and pushed her off of him. He tried to get up a third time, but she shoved him down again. “Stop trying to get up, you need to rest.” She went to the door, “Mum.” Her mother came in followed by her father, “Can Severus spend the night here?”
“For as long as he needs.”
“Don’t scorn my parents by leaving. I’m leaving them in charge of your care. The Order is expecting me.” She kissed her mother on the cheek and then her father, “I’ll be back after the meeting. I’ll stay through Christmas.” She whispered to her father before disapparating to Grimmauld Place. She knew he wouldn’t leave now that she had bound him by his honour and respect for her parents.
Every member of the Order was present, including Neville who seemed to be sitting next to a slimy orange Venus fly trap that kept rubbing against a block of salt in its planter. Kingsley nodded to her and she sat down against the far wall from the door. “Let’s come to order please.” Moody was the first to start the meeting and did a recap of the appearance of Snape at headquarters just an hour ago, applauding everyone for their efforts holding him at bay. Ginny in particular was mentioned for injuring Snape with the Sectumsempra spell and making him leave, and Hermione felt a surge of irrational anger swell within her.
The rest of the meeting was a bit of a drag, and they negotiated assignments for all of the older members. Hermione used that time to think about the situation Snape must have gotten into and her own involvement in it, and now that she was away from him and forced to think rationally and hide her thoughts and emotions from the Order of the Phoenix, she found herself gradually feeling more and more empathetic to his position. Somewhere in her daze, she noticed that Neville was the last to receive an assignment. He was asked to grow and tend the more exotic ingredients that the Order would need for its potions and help Headmistress McGonagall choose plant, tend, and train a few plants to guard the entrances of Hogwarts. The trio was left again without tasks to complete and they exchanged glances across the room at each other. Great, thought Hermione, another meeting.
Sure enough, the boys wanted to plan and Hermione sat through another 3 hours of discussions. Ron pilfered his family’s tent, and Harry had developed a few places to look for Horcruxes that he decided would be effective. Hermione had developed a few spells that she thought would protect them, and had begun to look through the dark potions book they had found last summer. Harry hugged her before leaving and Ron tried to sneak a kiss in, but Hermione pat his back and stepped out of his embrace before he had a chance.
As she began to walk out, Ron called, “Hermione,” she froze and grit her teeth in frustration, “can I have a word?”
“I’m quite tempted to say no, Ron. Can you make this quick? I have a bit of a headache.” Inwardly, she chastised herself for beginning to sound like Snape.
He nodded and surveyed her before beginning, “I wanted to know if you’ve been seeing someone.”
That caught her by surprise and her eyebrows rose. “This is not going to be a quick conversation.”
She started to leave but he grabbed her arm, “Hermione, please.”
She closed her eyes against his focused stare, “Quickly.”
“Are you seeing someone else?”
“What would make you think that?”
“You stay out late, sometimes overnight, you sneak out—”
“I already explained all of that.”
“--you won’t kiss me, you won’t spend time with me apart from making plans, you are annoyed with everyone, you are moody for no apparent reason—”
“Okay, okay I get it. Yes, I am seeing someone.”
Ron looked as though he had been slapped. “Who?”
“No one you know… a muggle.” The silence stretched between them and she sighed, “May I go?”
Ron released her arm and she rushed past him, suddenly overwhelmed by his sadness. Once in the outside the room, she disapparated to the hallway outside her bedroom and slid down the wall. It was all too much for her and she put her hands over her eyes, alone in the darkness of the hall and began to cry quietly. She cried for Ron, she cried for her parents, she cried for the nameless girl Snape raped, she cried for her husband, for Harry, for the Order, for Dumbledore, the wizarding world, and finally herself.
She never realized while she cried that her husband was not behind the closed door of her bedroom, but standing in the shadows of the stairway. He watched her cry and it hurt him deeply, but like the trained soldier, he resolutely watched over her until she fell asleep on the floor of the hallway. He approached her in the dark and examined the tearstains on her face. Her little nose was red, her eyes puffy, her lips swollen, and little salty streaks dried on her face. Her body was contorted in a position that did not look the least bit comfortable and he decided to risk waking her to take her to bed. Bending near her, he lifted her in his arms and carried her into her room to lay her in bed.
From the doorway of his bedroom, Hermione’s father watched the entire scene with mixed emotions. His little girl was going through some tough times and that man seemed to be the cause of most of it, but he trusted his daughter’s judgement and recognized a gentleness the man seemed to hide from all but her. Besides, he was more than a little curious about the dark wizard.
~~~~~~~
A/N: Ooh! I am having the time of my life writing this thing, but I had a bit of a rough spot earlier this week. Then just as suddenly as that hit me, the little voice in my head started whispering to me. Like any dutiful servant I began to type, and like any maniacal voice, it got too far ahead of me, so I had to slow down production and force it to repeat itself. Needless to say, it is pitching a royal fit now, and is only throwing out ideas intermittently.
That said, I just wanted to say wow! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! You all were awesome this week! Here’s the way the proverbial cookie crumbles!
1. catysmom
2. Jen618
3. sslover
4. Sampdoria
5. Sureves Epans
5. Juno Magic
5. Meankitty69
5. openthedoor
6. CB13
6. Perservero
6. Slytherin-princess
6. PyroAngel
6.Megan
Also, a special thanks to Johanna3030, MrsDeLay07, and RedWritingHood. I just have to let you all know that you are appreciated, and there’s so many of you now, that if I ever make a mistake and don’t mention you, please understand that it is an error of the head and not the heart. I do check and double check my lists though. Unless you’ve ever written a fic before, you truly can’t understand just how much every review means. Thank you so much!