Forsaken
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Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
50
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Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
50
Views:
2,145
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
A Bit of Understanding
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling.
~~+~~+~~+~~
Chapter 13 - A Bit of Understanding
The next few days were a cycle of potions, sleep and liquid meals. Harry slept just a few hours at a time, staying awake late into the night to brew more potions or watch Severus sleep fitfully. He couldn’t be responsible for someone else dying -- he just couldn’t. Especially when that person was his only source of ways to destroy Voldemort’s Horcruxes.
Harry really didn’t understand how things had turned completely around in less than a week. He hadn’t realized just how far he still had to go. The training, the research, the attacks - and then, there was killing the bastard himself. God, he had so much to do still. Thankfully, the potions list Minerva left him was rather long and had terribly complicated and touchy potions that required his full attention.
By Thursday, Severus was able to get up and walk around a bit. He was downstairs reading the paper when Harry came through the door carrying several bags of groceries. Harry froze guiltily at the stern look in Severus’s eyes that were just visible over the top of the paper.
“I thought I told you that I wanted to know when you were going to be out and where you were going,” said Severus firmly. Harry shut the door softly with his back.
“You were still asleep,” said Harry, avoiding his gaze. “I got some things for a late breakfast. Eggs and bacon and -“
“Harry,” said Severus in a warning tone, “don’t change the subject. Unlike other people with whom we are well acquainted, I do not make rules that can be bent whenever you feel like it. Do you understand?” Harry nodded.
“Yes sir,” murmured Harry. Severus nodded curtly, going back to his paper. Harry walked to the kitchen and began unloading the groceries he had bought. Being kept at home while Petunia did the shopping kept him sheltered from realizing just how expensive food was. He left the eggs and bacon on the counter and put everything else in the icebox. It wasn’t even enough to fill a shelf. He jumped at the sound of a pan being set on the stove.
“Bacon and eggs, hm?” said Severus, cutting open the package Harry had set out on the counter. “God, I haven’t cooked like this in a long time. I’m usually only here for a couple weeks at a time, so I eat out quite often.”
“I rarely eat out,” said Harry. “I was never allowed to go. My aunt and uncle were always afraid I’d make a scene or do some uncontrollable magic that would ruin their reputation as normal people.” Severus snorted softly.
“They would never be considered ‘normal people’ from our world’s perspective,” said Severus. “Not only because of Petunia’s relation to Lily, but also because of their role as caretakers of the one and only Golden Child. You wouldn’t believe how many Order members Albus disappointed when he dropped you off with your muggle relatives. None of us would have locked you in a cupboard for ten years.”
Harry glanced quickly at Severus’s face, expecting to see a smile or some sort of entertainment derived from Harry’s humiliation. Harry hadn’t even really told Ron and Hermione about his years of sharing a room with the spiders and old coats. To his amazement, Severus’s face showed anger - anger on his behalf. He looked back down at the bowl of eggs he was whisking with a fork and moved to the stove, dumping them into the hot pan Severus had ready.
“He said it was to keep me from getting a big head,” said Harry, feeling defensive of Albus’s decision, “to let me have a normal childhood away from the fawning public.”
“Normal is subjective,” muttered Severus, forcefully stabbing a strip of bacon to turn it. “I hardly think anyone who knew about your home life would call what you endured ‘normal.’ If Albus had seen what things were really like --”
“He knew,” said Harry. “I guess he figured since I got to Hogwarts in one piece, it was worth it.”
“The end does not always justify the means,” said Severus. Harry was a surprised to hear a note of bitterness in his voice. “He made a choice. Luckily for all involved, the choice has turned out well so far and you aren’t a brat like Draco was, nor are you a twisted, black-hearted child like I was at your age.” Severus stopped himself, not really wanting to open a can of worms for Harry to dig into.
“For all of his warmth and caring,” continued Severus, “Albus was the commander of the Light’s forces, a veteran warrior who could see things very objectively when he chose to and could make a decision that, in the long run, would be for the best, even if in the short term it was awful to endure. He could subtly manipulate the circumstances and scenarios so that things fell into place. Strategy for him was moving his troops as if on a huge chessboard - some must be sacrificed, some must be endangered, while others are guarded fiercely until the opportune moment.” Harry scraped the eggs into a bowl on the counter and set the pan in the sink. He leaned against the edge of the counter and crossed his arms.
“Are you mad at him for doing that?” Harry asked boldly. “For manipulating and forcing you into things you might not have done otherwise?” He knew full well that Severus might explode on him, but he was curious. He had lost count of the number of times he’d been furious with Dumbledore for not telling him what was going on. Severus glanced at him, his defensiveness weakening at the look of honest inquisitiveness in the boy’s face. He turned back to the bacon, shifting it around in the pan.
“Yes and no,” answered Severus. “Like you, I was, and still am being used by Albus to do and achieve things that he himself could not, due either to time or disposition or other responsibilities he had that I did not. I knew when Albus asked me to spy for him that I would be entering into a situation that would require me to do things that did not benefit me alone, if at all. I had to continue to participate in gruesome and terrible acts of bloodshed that I thought I would be spared when I returned to Albus’s side. Yet Albus had a way of seeing more of the big picture than I, as a mere role player for the Order and the Council, could see. He knew in his heart that he could not spare us all of the suffering that we have gone through, no matter how much he cared for us or how much we screamed and ranted at him.” Harry bent his head, remembering the night he had shouted at Dumbledore and destroyed his office in his anger and grief.
“Albus seemed to live by the adage, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’” continued Severus quietly, now thinking out loud. “He had a kind of mind-boggling courage that I don’t think any of us actually realized. To live for months knowing that Death is slowly claiming you and still be able to stand in front of a group of highly perceptive children --“ he looked significantly at Harry, earning a small grin, “-- without showing a bit of fear is simply incomprehensible to me.” Harry handed him a plate for the bacon.
“He told me once that to the well-organized mind, death is the next great adventure,” said Harry. Severus shook his head.
“Well, it is an adventure I’d rather like to avoid for a while,” said Severus. He moved the pan to the back burner and picked up the bowl of eggs, bringing them and the bacon over to the small table. Harry took out some plates and forks, and grabbed the carton of orange juice he’d bought that morning from the refrigerator. He set it on the table and went to fetch some glasses as Severus fixed Harry a plate.
“When did Albus tell you that brilliant little quip of his?” asked Severus, setting a full plate across the table from himself. Harry sat down and placed two glasses in the center of the table.
“After I stopped Quirrell from stealing the Sorcerer’s Stone,” answered Harry, pouring himself some juice.
“I see,” said Severus drolly. “I seem to recall that being one of my more stressful years as a professor. I was always running around the castle trying to find you and your two cohorts-in-crime.”
“I thought you were following us,” said Harry. “You would always pop up just when we were talking about you.” Severus smiled smugly at him.
“And why were you three talking about me if Quirrell was the one after the Stone?” asked Severus. Harry rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t know it was Quirrell until after I got to the chamber with the mirror,” said Harry. “We thought you were the one trying to steal it. Ron and I saw you going to the third floor that night on our way to get Hermione out of the bathroom. Ron had teased her so bad she was in the bathroom crying during the Feast.”
“I knew there was more to that story,” said Severus. “Granger’s a worse liar than you are.”
“Well, she got McGonagall to believe her,” said Harry, “and that was the important part. And then I saw you with your leg ripped to shreds from Fluffy biting it.”
“Damn dog,” muttered Severus, stabbing at his eggs. “That thing was a menace. I made Albus send it back to Greece when we were done with it. Hagrid didn’t speak to me for weeks.”
“Yes, well, he gets rather attached to large, dangerous animals,” said Harry. He took a drink of his juice and went back to his eggs, not really wanting to talk anymore about his escapades with Voldemort. “I’ve been doing a bit of reading from one of those books you pulled out for me. I wanted to try some of the shields, if you’re up for it.”
“For a while,” said Severus. “I have to leave at little before three to go to Hogwarts.” Harry’s fork clattered on his plate.
“You’re what?” asked Harry tersely. Severus leaned back in his chair and picked up his glass, taking a slow drink of juice.
“I accepted her conditions for her services,” said Severus. “Minerva only agreed to heal me if I would come to her after I was well and explain myself. A promise is a promise.”
“Is it just going to be her?” asked Harry rapidly.
“I doubt it,” said Severus, watching Harry stand up and turn towards the sliding glass doors leading to the garden. “I’m sure the rest of the Council will be there as well.”
“Then you can’t go,” said Harry intensely, turning back to face him. “They’ll turn you over to the Ministry before you can say anything.”
“Nonsense,” said Severus, disguising his own apprehension about the meeting with clearing the table. “They are keenly interested in hearing what I have to say. And we will need their help in the very near future.”
“They aren’t interested in helping you,” said Harry fervently. “They want to see you dead.” He swallowed thickly, turning back to the doors. Severus sighed to himself, placing the dishes gently in the sink. He rinsed his hands and dried them on a towel hanging from the oven handle.
“While I appreciate your concern,” said Severus gently, glancing at Harry’s hard face, “I really do, Harry, but this is something that I must do.” He leaned his hip against the counter, crossing his arms and watching Harry run his fingers down the glass.
“What?” asked Severus softly. “Why are you so worried? It isn’t as if I’m not going to come back.”
“You don’t know that,” said Harry shakily. “What if they betray you? What if they have Aurors waiting when you arrive?” Severus shrugged his shoulder.
“Then I take few of them out upon my swift departure,” said Severus breezily. “You keep carrying on like this, and I might take offense at your thinking I can’t handle a few Aurors.” Harry glared at him, furious that the man was making jokes.
“Fine,” spat Harry. “Go to your fucking meeting.” He stormed out of the kitchen. Severus rubbed his eyes, hearing a door slam shut upstairs. He turned and started some water running in the sink for the dishes.
~~+~~+~~+~~
Harry laid on his bed, his back to the door, fuming. Snape hadn’t seen McGonagall when she saw him lying there on the bed; he didn’t have to deal with her firm refusal not to help a murderer. Snape didn’t see the hatred and revulsion in her face as she healed his wounds and listen to the snide comments about how he had brought this suffering upon himself.
But Harry had. He knew that this so-called meeting would be more akin to a burning at the stake. McGonagall would be bad enough, but Moody and Remus would be nearly impossible to talk to. Kingsley would be a big help, but how much could he really say without bringing himself under suspicion? He had been the one Snape had tried to contact about Azkaban. He had helped Snape rescue him from the Dursleys, even though the Council wasn’t to go near Harry unless he called them. From what Kingsley had told him while Snape was still ill, they hadn’t done anything about the Death Eaters that had escaped - they had been too busy looking for Snape. And now the man was walking right into their hands.
Harry sat up sharply, smacking himself. He climbed to the end of the bed and dug around in his trunk. He found his copy of Quintessence: A Quest and opened the cover, removing a bit of blank parchment. He drew his wand and tapped the parchment.
“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” murmured Harry softly, listening carefully for Severus as the ink began spreading all over the parchment, revealing the layout of the castle. He unfolded it completely, looking in particular at Minerva’s office. He spotted two dots - one labeled “Minerva McGonagall” and another labeled “Alastor Moody” - sitting in her office, perfectly still. He searched the rest of the map, his eyes scanning over every room in the castle for any unfamiliar names. He tapped the parchment again.
“Mischief managed,” whispered Harry. The map quickly went blank. He slipped the parchment back into his Charms book and set the book on his nightstand. He picked up one of Severus’s Auror books and opened to where he had stopped reading.
At a quarter to three, Severus climbed the stairs and walked softly to the end of the hall. He knocked on Harry’s door, turning the knob at the muffled “come in.” He pushed the door open and stood in the doorway.
“I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving,” said Severus quietly. Harry nodded, not looking up from his book.
“Do you know when you’ll be back?” asked Harry.
“No, not exactly,” said Severus hesitantly. “If things go well, I’ll patronus you and we’ll eat supper at the castle, if you want.” Harry did glance up at that.
“Maybe,” said Harry darkly. “We’ll see.” Severus nodded once and pulled the door to as he walked back downstairs. Harry pulled out the Map again, activating it to see all of the Council members near Minerva’s office. Kingsley was waiting down the hall from the others, making Harry feel a bit better. At least Snape had one person on his side.
For the next two hours, Harry watched as the six dots moved around the Head office. He noticed Snape and Kingsley stood separate from the others, keeping a bit of distance between themselves and Moody in particular. At one point, Remus’s dot went straight at Severus, the labels overlapping one another as Arthur and Kingsley joined the fray. Soon after that, Harry watched Severus and Kingsley leave the office, walking down the seventh floor corridor together. He waited until Severus’s dot disappeared from the Map before tapping it with his wand to clear it. He stuck the Map back into his Charms book and went downstairs to wait for Severus.
A few minutes later, Severus walked through the door, closing it firmly behind him. He made his way into the sitting room, stopping at the sight of Harry’s doubtful face.
“It went as expected,” said Severus wearily. He removed his cloak and tossed it over the back of his chair. He sat down and reached over for his cigarettes. He lit one and leaned his head back against the chair, resting his eyes for a few moments. Harry fidgeted slightly, wanting to ask a million questions but not wanting to upset the man.
“Lupin cannot do anything about the attack planned for him except be vigilant,” said Severus. “Arthur, however, is going to get Moody and Kingsley to start reinforcing the wards around the Burrow. Unfortunately, since I am not supposed to be passing any information whatsoever, we cannot afford to be any bolder than that in our preparations. I did not tell them about the Horcruxes. No need to add that to the chaos right now.”
“I understand,” said Harry quietly. “And did the rest of them believe you?” Severus cracked an eye open at him.
“They didn’t have a choice, did they?” said Severus smugly. “I am still a marked member of the Council. That’s proof they cannot deny, no matter how much of my story they do or do not believe.”
“So,” said Harry hesitantly, “what you’re saying is that no one on the Council trusts you but Kingsley.” Severus opened his eyes and pulled on his cigarette.
“I may have convinced Arthur,” said Severus quietly, “but your assessment is fairly accurate.” He looked at Harry’s thoughtful face, hearing Lupin’s hateful words ring in his ears. The werewolf had been furious over the explanation of where the boy was staying. Severus could see plainly the jealousy in Lupin’s face as the man made the case that Harry should be moved somewhere “safer.” Severus had placated him by agreeing to ask Harry if he wanted to go and stay with Lupin instead of at Spinner’s End. But now that he was home, Severus found himself unwilling to bring it up.
When did this happen? he thought to himself, watching Harry lie down on the sofa. It had only been a week - a stressful and harrowing week, yes, but a week nonetheless. But he made a promise, and he always kept his word.
“Harry,” said Severus softly, “I need to ask you something.” Harry sat up a little, resting on his arm so he could look at Severus.
“Yes?” said Harry, searching his face for a clue as to what this was about.
“Lupin was quite upset with your current living situation,” said Severus, trying to keep from influencing Harry in any way. “He wanted to make sure that you did not want him to arrange alternate housing for you.” Harry sat up, noting Severus’s shifting his gaze to the window.
“I am willing to take you to his home in London whenever you wish,” finished Severus. Harry’s jaw dropped slightly.
“Do -- do you want me to leave?” asked Harry. His heart thumped in his chest, the fear of abandonment suddenly and strangely rearing its head. Severus pulled on his cigarette and sighed.
“What I want is not what is really at issue here,” said Severus evenly, looking over at Harry’s pale face. “However, I don’t want to be a source of conflict between you and Lupin. He cares for you very much, Harry.” Harry watched him closely as Severus crushed out the cigarette and quickly lit another one.
“Those are bad for you, you know,” said Harry. Severus chuckled half-heartedly, tapping the ashes into the tray.
“Yes, I am well aware of that, thank you very much,” said Severus. “It has been a stressful day.” His face fell again, his eyes staring blankly out the front window as he absently rubbed at the slight pounding in his temple.
“You said that I could stay here,” said Harry hesitantly. “Have you changed your mind? Did I do something to -“
“Harry, stop,” said Severus firmly. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I told Lupin that I would ask you if you wanted -“
“So he put you up to this?” asked Harry angrily. Severus groaned softly.
“No one put me up to anything,” said Severus curtly. “When I told you Lupin was upset, it was a gross understatement. I gave him my word that I would ask you if you wanted to live with him.”
“But you don’t want me to leave,” said Harry keenly, staring at Severus’s face. Severus passed a hand over his face and gave up.
“Of course I don’t want you to leave,” said Severus quietly. He crushed his second cigarette out in the tray. “You’ve begun to grow on me, despite my best efforts to keep that from happening, not to mention that you are much safer here with me, as not very many people know where this house is. However,” he looked intensely at Harry, “I want you to be content, whether that means going to Lupin’s or staying here with me. Patronus Lupin with your decision. He said he would be at home for the rest of the day.”
Harry rose and walked up to his room. He bent down in front of his trunk and found some blank parchment, ink, and a quill in his cauldron. He sat against the side of his bed, using his Charms book as a writing surface.
Remus,
Thanks for the offer to stay at your place for the summer, but I have decided to stay here with Snape. I’ll be safer that way, since Voldemort won’t be so quick to look for me here. If you need anything, patronus me. Hedwig is with Ginny.
Harry
Harry carefully tapped the parchment, storing it in his wand like Moody showed him. He aimed and shot his stag out of the window. He sat thinking for a few minutes. For once, he felt like he had made a good decision. However, he wasn’t naïve enough to think that simply because he thought it was a good idea that everyone else would think it was as well. A white wolf came bounding back through the window, sitting before Harry with a seemingly stern expression on its face. Harry sighed and touched his wand to the patronus.
Harry-
Are you sure you’re going to be safe with him? He is a Death Eater. At any time, he could turn you over to Voldemort and we would be powerless to do anything about it. I promised Sirius that I would look after you, Harry. He wouldn’t want you in any danger. If you ever feel unsafe with him or he does anything to hurt you, let me know immediately and I will take care of him.
Remus
Harry crumbled up the letter angrily, throwing it behind him on the bed. Remus’s mention of Sirius burned his insides like acid. He knew full well that Snape would be a puddle of muck on the ground if Sirius was alive. Of course, if Sirius was alive, he wouldn’t even have the choice of living with Snape. He sighed and pulled his legs up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. There was a soft knock on the door.
“Come in,” said Harry dully. Severus pushed open the door and spotted him on the floor.
“Did you need help packing?” asked Severus, reach down to pick a set of robes up off the floor. Harry pointed at Remus’s reply. Severus draped the robes over his arm and picked it up, unfolding the ball of parchment.
“Hm,” he mused, folding the note neatly. He walked around and wrapped his arm around the bed post. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” said Harry sadly. “Just thinking.”
“About anything in particular?” ventured Severus. Harry sighed and climbed into bed, kicking his shoes off to the side.
“I’m not feeling well,” said Harry blankly. “You don’t have to fix me any dinner.” Severus ran his hand slowly through his hair, knowing something was bothering the boy, but unsure of how to coax it out of him.
“Are you sure?” said Severus, taking a step towards Harry.
“Yeah,” said Harry softly, curling up a little on the bed. “I’m not hungry.” Severus walked over and picked up the Charms book. He placed it and the note on the nightstand.
“We’ll do a bit of training tomorrow,” said Severus. “We’ll work on those shields you read about.”
“Okay,” said Harry absently, gazing out the window. Severus sighed softly. He patted Harry’s knee on his way out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him. Harry slipped his glasses off, setting them on top of his books as tears rolled down the side of his face.