Tainted White

She welcomed the weight that was still pressing her into the slippery tiled wall behind her back.

Can you feel his breathing, Hermione? Raged...difficult? His temple touching yours.

No one was ever as close to you as he is Hermione.

She felt a feather light kiss on her broken skin....She could tell it was still bleeding.

''I'm sorry'' He whispered.

I was thirsty for you, he wanted to add. I couldn't control it. He wanted to say. You fucking make me this way....why do you make me this way?

She tightened the arms around his neck...held him closer. She didn't care....didn't care for spilling her blood....She bled before, she'll bleed again. No matter. She shook her head.....no matter.

Draco pulled away slowly and placed his index finger on her chin, gently turning her head aside. He touched the skin he violated, soothingly....

His shirt...

White, tainted.

Wet, glued to her naked body.

''Put some clothes on and come downstairs; I'll fix it. '' He said. He said and leaned down to add, ''I didn't mean to hurt you.''

She just nodded.

Nodded silently.

Screaming in her head....Why didn't you Malfoy....Why the hell not?! You're supposed to want to... hurt me. Why didn't you rip me apart? I'm Granger, remember? Mudblood. Filth. Worthless. Why do you want to fix me when it's in your power to destroy me? To erase me.

She watched the muscles on his back tighten as he walked from the bathroom.

Watched the doors close.

Studied the reflection in the mirror.

Red Hermione...glistening...hot...alive...blood. Do you understand it? Blood.

The girl in front of her took the shirt off.

Touched the sticky liquid.

Reached for the bath robe.

Black.

Hide the body that was making him lose himself. Lose control.

Was it the body Hermione? You sure?

She opened the door and ran out...ran down...maybe there would be no voices. Maybe he would silence the voices.

Maybe.

She entered the living and saw him standing next to the window. He must have sensed her presence. ''Come here'' he said....differently...softly. She walked towards him....fighting to keep her eyes on his.

Too many battles lost.

He pushed the fabric aside...to see the wund...fingers brushed over her skin. She closed her eyes. ''It will hurt a little.'' He said and she looked at him...confused. And realized when she saw the glass in his hand. Half full. Firewhiskey. He'll heal her the muggle way.

To leave a scar.

Her mind was about to protest....

And then the burning. She gritted her teeth. Shut her eyes.

''Why?''

''Something to remember me by.''

Like she could ever forget. Forget Draco Malfoy.

''How does it end, Malfoy?'' She asked. When do you get enough of me? When do you get tired?

''How does what end Granger?''

She looked at him in disbelief. So, he's gona make it hard for her.

''This....this...'' Hermione motioned to both of them.

''You're asking me?'' He said while walking away from her...towards the center of the room.

She followed. Said...

''It was your plan....''

''This is not what I planed ...for you.'' He replied.

''And what is?''

He remained silent. Looked away. Like a child ashamed.

''Why did you let me?'' He asked about their first time. He asked and she heard it all in his voice.

Joy.

Accusation.

Regret.

Pain.

Triumph.

You do hear it all, don't you Hermione? All that.....all that in one simple question. Go on, give him your lame answer.

''It was the circumstances.....the only choice I had left was the wrong one. Was you...''

He looked at her before saying ''...so....I could say the same thing. Same excuse for having my arm marked....................'' He paused and added almost mockingly ''....only left with the wrong choice. How convenient.''

She watched him get up from the armchair that he so leisurely occupied ...it appeared as every single of his moves was carefully calculated...resulting in a perfect sync....complete control. He walked over to the fireplace...put his hands in the pockets of his pants...and she was faced with a masculine profile of his lean form...so casual...She used the moment to study the mystery of Draco Malfoy because his eyes attached to a framed picture in front of him.

When he spoke again she froze.

Because this was not supposed to happen.

Ever.

Isn't it a little miracle, Hermione? Or you think that someone's mocking you? It's a little miracle that you can hear emotions screaming from such plain words.....words made of ...letters...so common and simple and meaningless....Try and shut your ears...kill the sounds that are coming to you...because...

Draco Malfoy was not supposed to care.

About anyone.

Draco Malfoy was not supposed to have a decent bone in his body.

Not one.

He was not supposed to look vulnerable.

His voice was not supposed to be filled with pain.

His voice was not supposed to rip her skin and flesh and boil through her blood....stab right into her heart

''People do not think straight when a life of a beloved one is in question.....that's why you let me have you....... That's why I carry the mark.'' He said.

And then.... she was equal to him. Hermione Granger equal to Darco Malfoy.

Every fiber of her understood.

She didn't want to.

She didn't want to understand.

To sympathize.

He was not worth it.

He was an animal.

A monster.

And yet....perfectly human.

You have blood on your hands too Hermione. You know that.

She let him continue.

''Hard to believe isn't it? The thing that led notorious Draco Malfoy down the wrong path was the same that is considered to be the most noble and precious one on the earth.'' He laughed ironically.

She knew what he was about to say. She knew and it made no sense....and it was wrong, to hear him talking about...one thing he was not supposed to know nothing about...

'' Love.'' He whispered.

That's when he turned his head towards her.

''Silence doesn't suite you, Granger.'' He said and took a sip from his glass.

'' I'm not the only one who's out of character this evening.'' She whispered.

He smiled. A tiny little smile. A real one. A fragile one.

A beautiful one.

''Don't you have questions to ask?''

She closed her eyes.

Of course you do Hermione. So many questions to ask. So many answers you don't want to hear. Can't afford to hear.

''No?...Ok then...Don't mind if I give you a little summary to our......affair...'' She could hear the smirk...feel free to interrupt.''

Speak Hermione, stop him....don't let him verbalize...don't let him define it.

''You need it to feel bad....so you can justify it to yourself, so you can reason with it....but you end up lost in the sensations no one ever made you feel. You find yourself wanting more....you feel guilt eating you up inside, because you betrayed everything you once had for something so low..... The bizarre thing is....you feel safe when I'm near you, and when I'm inside you...it's not just fucking is it....because you have feelings for me too...''

He paused...gave her the time to object. She didn't....so he continued.

'' You don't let the man you hate more than anything to be your first......there is no pain big enough to blind you that much. You don't come back to him....You don't melt in his arms.....''

''Stop it.''

Hermione, that sounded like begging.

He smiled......to her closed eyes, weak voice....She reacted. Draco wanted more. Wanted this to be the night. He wanted to confess. Wanted her to confess. He was far away from stopping

''What are you afraid of? That there would be no way back if you realized that I'm not a monster after all? Is that it? You are afraid you might care? About Draco Malfoy? ''

''Fuck you! What do you know about me?''

''I think I know plenty. I think you already do. You care about me....a Death Eater. '' and he flashed the mark in front of her face.

''Don't do this to me.'' She turned her head away from him...

'' Ooh, I hit a nerve? Look at it...'' He grabbed her chin and made her look at his left forearm ''Look at it'' he spat out. ''Is this who you want me to be?''

''Please...''

''Is it?''

'' No!''

''Then stop treating me like one!''

''What do you want from me? What? To forget who you are? How ?''

''I want you to admit it! I want to hear you say it!''

'' Fine! I'm losing myself...losing my mind...everything...to you. YOU!'' She laughed bitterly, then repeated in disbelief ''YOU!.......... This is not the way my life was supposed to be.''

''Really? Were you supposed to spend it living happily ever after with Weasely? Potter? One of the brave Gryffindors? ''

'' Stop it!''

'' Do you think that any of them could make you tremble only by looking at you?''

'' Stop it! You don't get to talk about them....you're the enemy.''

Well, Hermione...let us applaud you.

''And you are sleeping with me...what does that make you?'' He whispered into her ear.

''Why do you keep torturing me?''

''Because I want to break you...and have you...for myself...only. Do you understand? You are mine now. Not theirs. I realized finally why they took such good care of you....Stop fighting....Let me....have you...''

''You had me........''

''No. Not like that. Really have you..........like they used to have you. All of you. Aren't you curious.... curious to see how would it feel? To be mine? Completely? Willingly? You might be surprised....I take good care of my belongings...especially the precious ones....There's nothing for you out there anyway. ''

Go on tell him....tell him Hermione...give yourself away. Be a brave little Gryffindor.

''There's love out there....something you...you could never give me.''

Eyes.

Fuck....his eyes.

Hermione, can't you see it? In those eyes. He could. He could give you the world.

He could.

Give you.

Love.

But then...........there would be no way out.

No running away.

It would be sick.

Twisted.

Wrong.

Possessive.

Breathtaking.

Demanding.

His love.

His love would chain you to the stone walls.

Bruise your wrists. Starve your body until it's too weak to fight him.

His voice brought her back. And he sounded like he never sounded before.

Tired.

''I gave it all up.....for you. Smart as you are...tell me.......if it was... love... that led me to the Dark side...''

She knew where this was going.

Don't let it go there.

Scared that you might believe him, Hermione?...You know what is he about to suggest. The only logical explanation....You know logic? You used to love it so much.....He's gonna give you logic. Now.

''....what do you think...was strong enough to make me betray it?''

No. He could not...could not ....

''It's a simple equation.....Hermione.........'' he pushed.

Love.

Equals.

Love.

Hermione knew it.

''No....you don't.'' She said and shook her head. ''You can't.''

He smiled again. Looked at her as if she was a foolish little girl. Lost. In denial.

''I can....you know I can.'' His thumb brushed over her scar. Caressed it. Then went to her throat...the rest of his fingers pressed lightly against the back of her neck. '' You know I do.''
He whispered.

She felt her eyes watering. Felt as if she was losing the battle. Fighting the tears...tears angry...sad...happy.

Just take it Hermione. Take him. You know you want to. You know he's telling the truth.

Draco Malfoy telling the truth.

You knew it even that first night. You felt it...he was...he was gentle, he was considerate. Almost respective....careful. You knew it then....you feel it now.

He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers....said '' I know you do too.''

Those ties that you are gripping so hard to.....Can't you see that they don't exist anymore Hermione. You are holding on to the ghosts. It's all gone....they are all gone. Those battles that you're fighting, that have you exhausted....they are battles lost. Battles lost long time ago. Stop fighting......

One last tired goodbye to Harry........Ron......One painful wave of hot tears spilling down her face.....and the only thing he needed.

A nod...shy and frightened....weak and hesitant....

''Say it.'' He demanded with their foreheads still touching....his hands framing her face.

''I do.''

The words brought his lips to hers.

For the first time the future didn't taste bitter.