How To Disappear Completely

How To Disappear Completely
Chapter 13: Running Up That Hill
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author’s Note: This chapter was inspired by Placebo’s cover of Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill.” It’s a beautiful song, but Placebo’s version has, in my opinion, more power. (I also have a lyric from the song used in the dialogue.) I also was inspired by the movie Bright Star, and the last part of this chapter is a testament to a wonderful scene in the film. I don’t want to say this chapter is chock full of lemons, but there is a little something.

I greatly appreciate any feedback. It’s nice knowing that many of you are connecting to the story.

“It’s you and me”

“IT’S NOT FAIR!” Hermione screamed. She tried to lace as much hatred in her voice as she could, but he only heard its soft cadence.

“I know, but it must be done.” He replied. “Potter will be part of the group that Dumbledore has established. We’ve fought those who worked with Karnstein before, and now is our opportunity to catch the ones that are still out there. This is our chance to end it once and for all.” Severus stated as he began to prepare for what he hoped was a brief mission. Walking around his private quarters, he didn’t know how to make the news any easier for Hermione. When he looked at her, she was still rooted in the spot.

After months of fruitless searches and people moving on with their lives, one of Indra Karnstein’s followers decided to strike up a deal with the Ministry in order to avoid the kiss of the dementor. It didn’t take long for the Ministry to seize the opportunity; for months the Daily Prophet ran stories focusing on the whereabouts on those that escaped. Hefty rewards were offered, and while some leads were legitimate and useful, some people wanted the attention that came with possibly living next door to one of Voldemort and Karnstein’s followers. And it was the simple mistake of not covering his tracks that got Jonas Cumberland into trouble.

Cumberland provided names and the locations of the remaining Death Eaters in exchange for a somewhat lighter punishment at Azkaban. He would spend the remainder of his life there, but knowing that the dementors would not be visiting his cell was a bargain he was willing to strike.

“How do you know it isn’t a set up?” Hermione asked.

“We won’t know until we get there.” Severus replied, grabbing a few potions ingredients in order to brew a few extra vials of what might be needed if one were to be injured. “I can assure you that we will be careful Hermione. I know all of this worries you. This isn’t my first time fighting, and I can only hope that it will be the last time.” He said as he approached her.

“Haven’t you…haven’t I given them enough! It’s OUR TURN to be happy! They don’t need you! I’m so tired of this rollercoaster. It’s like when we reach a point of being so in order, something else comes along to take it from us! Can’t they just leave us out of it?”
Hermione walked into the arms of her former professor and now companion. He knew that all he could do was wrap his arms around her. That was the only comfort he could provide at that moment.

“I know I may be immature about it Severus, but if you don’t come back, I don’t think I can go on.” She quickly whispered, “I don’t think I’d want to go on.”

He quickly, but softly grasped her face in his hands and he kissed her lips with a rushed passion. Her tears were now revealing themselves as his forehead touched hers. Trying to soothe her worries, he began to run his hands over the back of her head.

“I will come back to you…my love…my Hermione.”

The tears were in full force now as she tried to hold in her sobs.

“You and me - we won’t be unhappy.” He whispered to her with a strict tone that reminded her of the days when he was her scolding professor. Clinging to her, trying to find a way for those words to sink under and within her, he spoke, “I will come back.”

She pulled herself away from him and took in a few breaths before she removed the necklace her mother gave to her, the sapphire still shining, as if it never witnessed any heartache or despair.

Hermione clasped it around his neck, but he was quick to place his hands over hers.

“No. No, I can’t take this.” He whispered with as much sternness as possible, but his emotions began to take over.

“Yes you can, and you will.”

“But it’s the last thing your mother gave to you. It’s too precious.” He hoped the gravity of those words would make her understand.

“It’s on a man who will make sure it is returned to its proper owner.” Hermione spoke, trying to have as much confidence in her voice in regards to their current situation.

He wouldn’t let her continue before he crushed his lips to hers, holding her as if he would die if he would let go. They slowly made their way to his bed, their falling on it unnoticed as they continued in their feverish kissing.

The only thoughts that rained down in her head were those of despair. What if he doesn’t return? What if he is killed? She knew better than to fall into that trap of belief, knowing that he had experienced his fair share of war and lived to tell such tales. But still, not every battle is won. That thought emboldened her as she deepened the kiss. Her hands began roaming down his back and then made their way to the front where she began to unbutton his shirt.

“Hermione.” Severus whispered as he pulled her hands away.

“What?”

“I don’t think now is the appropriate time for this, as much as I long to. I can’t.” He wanted nothing more than to sheathe his self into her warmth, but there was the possibility that he might not return. Severus Snape was afraid. He was very afraid. He had to downplay it for her sake, and maybe for his own. If her last memory of him was of their making love, he knew she would lose the will to live he didn’t return. He didn’t want to curse her to an existence that was possible. At least, that’s what he wanted to believe.

Sighing in frustration, but bringing her hand to cup his cheek, she knew that it was an argument she wouldn’t be able to win.

“Ever the noble gentleman.” Hermione stated as she brought her fingers to the chain of her necklace that he now wore. She could feel his erection pressed into her and knew that while he spoke one thing, physically, she received a different message.

“You think too highly of me. If you were to see what I have to do out there, then your opinion might be swayed. I have killed many, and I’m afraid I will have do kill more.” It was hard to speak of his new task when he could feel the rise and fall of her breasts. He wanted nothing more than to have her, and she was more than willing to do so in this very moment. His attention focused on the swell of her breasts through her navy blue jumper. Severus knew he was doomed. They didn’t have to completely consummate their relationship…

Before he realized what he was doing, he placed a hand on her breast, giving the both of them an idea of how it felt. She looked at him in utter fascination as he continued to speak,

“I will look forward to coming back to you and seeing you in this bed with your bovine eyes staring at me.” Before he realized what he was doing, he began to pull up her jumper, and in a matter of seconds it was no longer on Hermione. “I look forward to removing your clothes.” She was wearing a simple, yet elegant black bra. He could see the rise and fall of her chest, and in complete fascination, he traced his hands over her whatever inch of skin that was available to him. “I look forward to doing this to you every opportunity that you may graciously grant me.” Her scars were still concealed, but there would be another time to focus on that small factor.

“I look forward to kissing you…here” Severus said as he killed her collarbone. “Here.” He continued as he kissed the fabric of her bra, still covering her breast. “And we must be fair to the other now.” He said as he kissed the other one. He moved his lips further down, softly kissing her stomach, noticing all the while how her breathing became more erratic and how flushed she was becoming. He could sense the quickening of her pulse, and noticed that if looked as if it took every ounce of her self-control not to touch him, but she eventually gave in and her hands made their way to his hair.

“Severus…please don’t stop.” It was all she could say as she felt sensations that she never thought she would feel.

Her words were a caution to him, and while he didn’t intend to fully take her, he did want to give her a taste of what would eventually come for the both of them if he did survive. He could wait for her, and he would.

Her skin was so responsive to his touch. He felt the goosebumps form under his fingers, but he was simply under the spell of her. Her eyes were closed - a look on her face that begged him not to stop was present. He continued to kiss her, making his way back up to her breasts, placing his ear over her heart, feeling the vibration of the life that he was beginning to feel gave him life.

Severus kissed her lips, dragging one of his hands down to unbutton her jeans. There was no look of fear in her eyes, no apprehension, only the look of desire.

“I won’t make love to you Hermione.”

“Then what are you doing?” Hermione said, noticing his hands now pulling down her jeans. “You say one thing but do another.”

“I want to touch you is all.” He replied as he shifted beside her, his hand gliding up and down her leg.

Emboldened, she wanted to touch his desire, but before she could reach him, he gently grabbed her hand and placed it on his cheek. He knew he would never tire of such an endearment coming from her. “But what about you?” Hermione stated.

“What about me?” Severus stated, still dragging his hand up and down her leg.

“I want to touch you.”

“No.” Severus was quick to reply. “This moment is about only one thing – me pleasuring you.”

“Don’t you want me to touch you?”

“Of course. I want it so badly, but such a thing will have to wait.”

“Why?” Hermione asked, confusion making itself known on her face, the expression still present as he moved in to kiss her.

“I don’t want you to think about me. This is about you my sweet girl. I just want you to trust me and feel.” Severus stated as he glided his fingers over her core. He heard the hitch of her breath and noticed her eyes close tightly at the thought of such contact.

“Open your eyes.” Severus stated as he gently slipped a finger inside of her. Once feeling him inside of her, she opened her eyes and focused her attention on him. “I want you to focus on us, and this moment, and this feeling.”

She was so responsive, so eager to do exactly as he wished. A part of him worried that if her eyes were closed, she see Yorke or any other violator. He could feel her moisture coating his fingers and while his first instinct was to plunge at her relentlessly, her eyes entranced him into going at a slower pace in his exploration of her. He wanted to erase her memories of the men who violated her. He only wanted her memories to be of his pleasuring her. An impossible task, but one he knew he would spend the rest of his life trying to accomplish.

“Just breathe.” He told her. Her hips were starting to move slightly, and he took that as a good sign. “Yes…”

“I feel you.” Hermione whispered as she arched her neck back.

“Yes…my sweet girl.” Severus whispered back.

“I…I…oh…there’s a tension. I want you…”

“Yes.” Severus continued.

His voice was soft, gentle, unlike the roughness of her violators. She knew that he wanted her to focus on him because all it would take was one flashback for the moment to vanish. He kept his eyes on her, noticing how she would bite her lower lip to suppress the pleasure she wanted to vocalize.

Noticing this, Severus spoke, “Don’t be afraid of what I want to make you feel. This is just you and I. You are safe.” Releasing her lip, the softest moans of approval made him increase the pressure of her exploration. He swallowed her moans when he kissed her, his fingers still exploring her quim. He slowly picked up the pace of his fingers as he began kissing various areas on her torso.

“Make me come.” She whispered.

Hermione felt herself drowning in the sensations Severus was providing. Surprised at the words leaving her mouth, she didn’t care. Running her hands through his hair, she didn’t notice him going lower and lower and lower. When she felt his tongue on her, her immediate reaction was to jump, but his hands guided her hips down gently. One of her hands found his and clasped it.

He could hear whispered moans, her breath hitching as she felt, for the first time, what sex could be. She gave in to him, trying to keep as still as possible, yet grabbed onto him, desperate for him to continue and stop all at once.

When her release came, she tried to repress her moans, but the words of Severus pulled her back.

“I want to hear you. Don’t hold back.”

She sounded just the way he always imagined she would.

It took a few moments for her heartbeat to come down to normal. By this time, Severus had stretched out right beside her. She felt his fingers brushing her hair, while his other hand softly drew circles on her exposed skin.

“I still feel you.” Hermione whispered, noting the erection she felt pressed into the side of her thigh. Before he could protest, she placed her hand on the bulge and before attempting anything else; she waited for him to deny her. He didn’t.

His eyes were closed and his breathing was beginning to get erratic. As she watched him continue to struggle with his own breath, she turned to her side and unzipped his trousers. Still waiting for him to tell her that what they were doing wasn’t wise, she continued, each touch growing more and more daring.

Severus knew he should tell her to stop, but she was determined to have them both be on the same page.

“Severus…” It was then that he realized that she had no experience with such an act. He held her hand in his and showed her how he liked to be touched. As he guided her, she took the look on his face as a sign that she was doing things correctly; it was a tension that came only from pleasure. He didn’t have to tell her to increase the movement; his face and the incoherent words were doing it for her.

She was completely in awe of him, watching him, and as he coached her, she wanted to do the same.

“Do it. I want to see you lose control.” Hermione spoke. And then, seconds later, she felt the warmth of his seed on her hand as he spoke her name in the sweetest of devotions.

Hermione didn’t notice the cleansing spell that he cast before he settled next to her.

She protectively wrapped her arm around his chest and pressed herself against him. If she could use her arm as a cage to keep him there forever, she would. He felt her desperation, as if somehow their troubles would disappear during the night if she held on tight enough. It wasn’t painful. It wasn’t even that uncomfortable. Severus ran his fingers up and down her bare arm, wanting nothing more than to memorize the feel of her soft skin.

“Tomorrow we won’t say goodbye.” Hermione said with a soft assurance in her voice.

“It will be just another day, like all of the others.” Severus replied.

“Yes, and when you come back we will take walks along the lake.”

“We will continue to grade the horrid work of the dunderheads.” Severus continued, a smile on his lips as he kissed her forehead.

“And we shall visit the Weasley’s and give Molly a good reason to no longer speculate.” Hermione said, smiling into his shirt.

With those words he gingerly pushed her onto her back. She was still clad only in her bra, but there was no awkwardness there. He repeated his trail of kisses.

“I will kiss you here.” Severus stated as his lips found her neck. “And here.” He held her fingertips to his lips. “And here.” He continued as he kissed the cleavage of her left breast. It was then that he looked into her eyes again.

“Everywhere.” Hermione responded.

“Everywhere.” Severus repeated as he looked into her eyes.

Placing her arm on his chest again, the two fell into a peaceful sleep.