MST: Oh! You said Snape! I thought you said Snake!

>>Lucius couldn\'t speak, didn\'t want to say anything. He could still feel Nagini deep within him,

Sirius: Sure this isn’t one of those \"The force be within you\" things?
Severus: It’s \"with\" you, not \"within\" you!
Sirius: *sarcastically* Thank you, Homo-One-Kenobi!
Severus: *snort*

>>squirming around Voldemort opened the door to the room. \"You will rest for awhile in here. After which, I shall be needing your services back in my group. You will not fail me again.\"

Severus: I’m guessing who’ll be… punishing you next time!
Lucius: There won’t be a next time!
Sirius: Unless you mess up or need a shag real bad!

>>Lucius wanted to say so much then. Wanted to scream at the Dark Lord. \'Your fucking snake just raped me!\' but nothing came out but \"Of course not, my Lord.\"

Sirius: Bitch alert! Bitch alert!
Severus: Run away and cover your…Ok, I was just going to say arse when I remembered: is this rated NC-17?
Lucius: I guess so. Haven’t seen censureship around.
Sirius: *nods* Me either, no.
Severus: Then, run away and cover your arse!
Sirius: I take \"fan fiction site where this is not going\" for 500!
Severus / Lucius: *nod**smile*

>>Voldemort left the room, shutting the door behind him.
Once Voldemort had gone, Lucius let himself sink back into the bed. Only one thought swam to the surface of his tortured mind.

Severus: You wish you could be more of an active party in all this?

>>\'If Pettigrew was supposed to get Nagini, what the hell was I supposed to receive?\'

All: Or that!

*silence*

Lucius: Is this it?

Sirius: I guess so…

Lucius: And this is how it ends?

Sirius/Severus: *nod*

Lucius: And no one rescued me?!

Severus: Nope… No one saved the damsel in distress. Poor you.

Lucius: *glares* And what was this ending supposed to mean?

Sirius: *very slowly* I think the author meant you should have got him *points at Severus* instead of Nagini. I personally think you got the best part of the deal. At least you came…*pouts*

Severus: That’s how you think you’re getting that shag?

Sirius: *pouts* What’s the excuse now? The fic’s over. We’re being freed in no time…what now? You’re having the period?

Lucius: *laughs*

Severus: *sarcastically* Congratulations, flea-hotel. Two lines, two wrong choices of words. Perfect score.

Lucius: *laughing and thinking at the same time. Steam coming out of his ears* Wait, wait, wait. You mean I should have got him instead of Nagini? I don’t know what’s worse!

Severus: *glaring at him* A couple of years ago, you weren’t so squeamish about it. Need I remind you…

Sirius: *attentive*

Prof. Dumbledore: *knocking on the door and sticking his head through it at the same time* Are you boys presentable?

Sirius: *to himself* If we were scoring timing, dear Headmaster, you’d be losing big time!!

Severus: *to Prof. Dumbledore* What the hell did you think I was doing with them?

Sirius: Keeping your word, greaseball.

Lucius: *nods, quite fervently for a perfectly straight person*

Severus: *to Sirius* Three lines, three wrong choices of words. You’re getting good at it. *to Prof. Dumbledore* Well?!

Prof. Dumbledore: *with a slightly disappointed look around* Well, I thought you might be…comforting…Lucius…

Lucius: *blush**to Dumbledore* I wouldn’t be needing that comfort if it weren’t for you!

Prof. Dumbledore: Like you were meant to do, Severus, if I recall. *to Lucius* Are you quite all right, Lucius? You seem a little too pale, my boy…and I don’t recall ever seeing you blushing.

Lucius: *blushing crimson* I’m all right. However, I’d like to be dismissed, old…Headmaster. I’m very tired, and I have to work tomorrow…

Sirius: Work? *snort* You?! *rolls on the floor…and not in a good way*

Lucius: *glares* It’s a hard day’s wages, administrating a fortune like mine. But you wouldn’t know about that, would you, you Weasley-clone-in-heat? (Sirius: *thinking hard*) And there’s also the Dea…*looks at Prof. Dumbledore* …deadly competition I face from others in the same position, who constantly try to take my place…

Sirius: *let’s give a big applause to reality* Hey, what do you mean by that?

Severus: *looks at the time. Glares*

Prof. Dumbledore: You’ll all be dismissed quickly enough. Beforehand, however, I need to talk to Severus in private. Severus, if you don’t mind…

Severus: *startled* With me? Why on earth…?

Prof. Dumbledore: To remind you what you were here for, and to compare that with what you’ve done. I think we’ll reach some interesting conclusions.

Sirius: *sensing the worst, yet again*

Severus: And, once again, there’s no way I’m talking you out of this, huh?

Sirius: Can I go with him? *clutches Severus*

Lucius: *mock thin voice* Please don’t leave me alone with the evil man…

Sirius: *glares* Shut up. I’m in the middle of something delicate, here.

Lucius: Didn’t you wish you were?

Prof. Dumbledore: Children! Ack! No, Sirius, you can’t come. (Sirius: Don’t I know that?) With us, I mean. *drags Severus (Severus: Hey! Watch your hands!) out of the door.* We’ll be back in a minute, boys.

Sirius: But…but-but-but…

Lucius: *finding himself alone with a horny Sirius* Headmaster! Dumbledore, you old faggot, get me out! *squeals like a bitch*

Sirius: Severus…I want Severus…I want my shag…*sniffles*

Lucius: *to Sirius* Will you stop whining for a moment? For heaven’s sake, you’ll have that shag. Eventually. Geez, what a bitch.

Sirius: *pouts* At least I admit it. Now that you mention it, what was that about you and Severus, and you being the submissive party? Hmm?

Lucius: You don’t want to know. Haven’t you ever heard that it’s bad politics to talk about old lovers?

Sirius: *hyperventilates*

Lucius: I…mean…I…

Sirius: *enraged* Explain.

Lucius: I…well…

Sirius: *wraps hands around Lucius’ neck*

Lucius: You know that we went to school together, we were in the same house, we were friends…sorta…and we were Death Eaters together for years. You figure the rest out.

Sirius: He and you…? *tears welling up*

Lucius: *turning to the door* You can’t expect him to be a virgin, can you?

Sirius: But…he…*sniffle*

Lucius: Headmaster, let me out! *looks at the fic’s parchment and sees the word “Nagini” next to “Lucius’ cock”. Ewwwww!

Sirius: *sniffle sniffle*

Lucius: Oh, you’re not going to cry! (Sirius: *chuif* Everyone gets him. Everyone. Except me! I’m sick of this, I’m tired, I am…*gestures dramatically*) Come on, come here…

Sirius: *pounces on Lucius and cries himself raw. Exceedingly close to Lucius’ neck.*

Lucius: *patting his back tenderly* It’s all right, you’ll be ok…Albus Dumbledore, you wordless prick (Sirius: *eyes lighting up* Prick?!), get us out! I have a prima donna drooling on my clothes!

Sirius: *kisses it away*

Lucius: Mmmmmmmm!

Sirius: Wanna shag?

Lucius: *ironically* Oh, will you dump the cryptics?

Sirius: I’m not being cryp…Oh! Irony! Check! *stops* *short pause* *grin* So…?

Lucius: I’m not gay…

Sirius: *rolls eyes* Ok, Didn’t get it the first twenty times, but I think it’s starting to sink in, now.

Lucius: Even if I was gay…

Sirius: You shagged *shudder* Severus! You’re GAY!

Lucius: *blink* *nod* *blink*

Sirius: It’s a blonde’s thing isn’t it? Why? What do you have that I don’t?

Lucius: *to himself* Brains, looks, guts…

Sirius: That wasn’t rhetorical. I want an answer.

Lucius: *getting closer to Sirius* It’s…it’s…

Sirius: *hugs Lucius* You’re a doll. You’re a giver. *sweet smile*

Lucius: *impelled to hug him back. Does so*

Sirius: *so not in the mood for foreplay* I’m horny. I wanna shag. *pushes Lucius to the floor* Now.

Lucius: *eagerly complies*

Sirius: *clothes fly everywhere. Sirius Jr. is making himself noticed*
Lucius: *finding an interesting spot behind Sirius’ ear* You do realise that you’re the first Gryffindor I bed, don’t you? *lick*

Sirius: *groan* I told you, you were never properly shagged. Time to make up for that.

Lucius: *nods* Then stop talking, you faggot. *licklicklicklick*

Sirius: *gone. Just gone.*

Prof. Dumbledore: *banging door open* Severus and I are done talking…boys!

Lucius: Oops…talk about a good timing.

Severus: *glares at Sirius* Black!

Sirius: *opens eyes through the haze. Looks straight into the Headmaster’s face.* Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Lucius: Huh… humm… We can explain…

Severus: *glaring at Sirius* Pray do!

Sirius: I… I… I…

Severus: That hard? I turn my back and you replace me with this… *in search for words*… wacko?

Lucius: Well, it takes one to replace one!

Severus: Forget it, I don’t want to know. I am excused, am I not, Headmaster?

Prof. Dumbledore: Well…

Sirius: Wait…

Severueaveeave it! Oh, about that shag? Forget it!

Sirius: What?

Severus: I don’t know which part of \"exclusivity\" and \"you shag me, you don’t shag him\" you didn’t understand, but in case you need a drawing: absolutely_no_shag.

Sirius: But I…

Prof. Dumbledore: *levitates Sirius away* I still have a few things I’d like to discuss with Sirius before we leave. You, boys, make yourselves comfortable while we’re gone.

Sirius: But… *is levitated out of the door* Hey!

*a while later*

Prof. Dumbledore: Back, children!

Sirius: *wearok aok around*

Severus / Lucius: *huge grin on their faces*

Prof. Dumbledore: How did you do without us?
ciuscius: *smiling* Tolerably well, thank you…

Severus: Any other discussions you wish to have, Albus? Lucius is the only one left.

Sirius: *hopeful*

Prof. Dumbledore: No, I think it’s time we release you…

Sirius: *pouts*

Lucius: *on his way out* St. Peter’s better have my place well secured in Heaven. I’ve paid my dues around here.

Severus: *to Lu* Th* This may have redeemed you of some cruciatus spell, but I’d say you have a long way ahead till the Pearly Gates open up for you!

Lucius: Let me put it this way: I don’t care!

Sirius: *already a bit blue… and not \"sad\" blue**to Severus* While you’re looking at tonight as \"little glasses of potions and potion steam and steering a cauldron of some unspeakable potion\" I’m looking at tonight as a \"shag to remember and hold on to senses ‘cause I’ll fuck’em off of you\", and, believe me, *whispering at Severus ear* your… potions won’t get on my way!

Lucius/Prof. Dumbledore: *eyes wide open*

Severus: I… I… I…

Prof. Dumbledore: I think we can leave now.

Lucius: I think we should leave now! I have some values I want to glue onto something…*walking out* I’m sensing the floor will be shaking by tonight!

Severus: *still in chock* But… I… but…

Prof. Dumbledore: *cheerful* *to Severus* I wouldn’t advise you to make anpoinpointments for tonight. And those potions, give them a rest. *grin*

Sirius: (Severus: *tries to say some more \"but… I…\"*) *pulls Severus out the door and into some dark side of the force**evil laugh*

Prof. Dumbledore: *to himself* Actually, I meant it for all of them…

Lucius: *runs*

***

*The End, till our next whim*
Thank you for the reviews, it\'s nice to know others have enjoyed this.