Trials of Affliction and Light Sleeping

 

Chapter 13

 

Draco was still in the prefect’s compartment, mesmerized into
thought.  Everyone had left, so he had
the time and opportunity to do just that. 

He didn’t even know why he was sulking so badly.

So he couldn’t get Granger.

Big deal.

‘Oh no, I’m not getting the
opportunity to get smothered into a suffocating relationship with a
Gryffindor’.

Just the word by itself: ‘Relationship’.

It sounded like a disease.

‘I’m suffering from relationship’.

Yes, Draco was relieved not to be suffering from that.  He shouldn’t be sulking.  He should be celebrating! 

He would.

If he wasn’t suffering from heartache instead.

Draco groaned and dropped his face in his hands to sulk some more.

Then suddenly the door reopened.  Draco
was about to tell the intruder to sod off, until he saw who it was.  Hermione came in without saying a word and
closed the door behind her.  She went to
sit opposite from Draco and looked him straight in the eye.  Draco fought the urge to look away.  Her gaze was piercing his mind, but he wasn’t
going to recoil and avert is eyes in a gesture of weakness.  He felt weak enough as it was.  All because of her. 

         “Do you still feel the same way as you
did at the dance?”  Hermione asked
coldly.

         “Yes” Draco answered in truth, although
suspiciously.  The girl could go from
zero to flaming fury in 0,2 seconds, so Draco really wanted to keep on his toes
while he was alone with her in a train compartment. 

         “Prove it” Hermione said, reached into
her bag and put an empty cup unto the table between them.  She filled the glass with water and then
added three drops of a bluish liquid, which dissolved immediately.

         Draco frowned in question.

         “It’s Veritaserium” Hermione explained
as she leaned back into her seat and crossed her arms in front of her
chest.  “The ball is in your court.”

         Draco ogled the substance with
suspicion. 

Truth potion.  How very Slytherin
of her. 

This was tricky.

He wasn’t very keen on digesting a potion concerted by someone who was
infuriated with him.  His father had
always told him: ‘Never digest something offered to you by an enemy’.  Draco could see the logic in that, but he
also was very aware that Hermione was giving his a window in.  If letting her know what he was thinking
could get him back into her good book, then he was just going to let her
know.  He reckoned that he knew her
enough to know that she wouldn’t be trying to poison him.  This was his chance, so he decided to
grab it with both hands. 

Draco reached for the glass, brought it to his mouth and emptied it in
one go. 

         Hermione swallowed nervously as she
watched him emptying the glass.  O gods,
this was it.  The moment of truth.  She had thought that it would have taken a
miracle to get Malfoy to swallow the potion. 
Hermione hadn’t even truly thought about what to do if he did.  Right now, she had the power to turn Draco
Malfoy inside out.

When Malfoy had put the glass back down, Hermione decided to just go
ahead and ask what was first on her mind.

         “Last month, why did you do what you
did?  Coming on to me” Hermione asked
tentatively.

         Draco
sighed.

         “I had lost control and I wanted it
back,” he said.  “I figured that that was
the best way to go about it.”

         Hermione nodded, knowing that he had
admitted to that before.

         “But why me?” she asked.  “I know you could smell my... affection for
you.  But lots of other girls fancy you
too.”

         “Because conquering you means
something,” he explained.  “It’s obvious
that you’re trying to live up to so many conflicting desires, morals and
expectations that you’re hesitant to act on any them.  You were a challenge.  And you were the person who had control over
me for a month, so I saw my window to inflict some payback.”

 

Hermione noted that Draco didn’t even seem like the information was
forced out of him.  It was as if they
were having a normal conversation.  A
normal conversation with way too much truth telling.  Up until now, Hermione really didn’t like
what she was hearing.  She felt stupid
for admitting it, but when she had entered the carriage with Ginny’s
Veritaserium; her teenage-girl-dreams had kicked in overdrive.  She had just wanted to hear that Draco was
totally smitten with her; that this whole thing was just one big misunderstanding
and that he lusted after her as much as she did after him. 

But no, she had been a challenge.

Stupid girly fantasies!

Hermione swallowed the lump in her throat and went to her next
question. 

“Was ignoring me part of that same plan?”  Hermione asked.  “To hurt me so you could feel in control?”

“No” Draco replied while fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat.  He didn’t like being this open.  It felt unnatural!  Yet he couldn’t stop the thoughts from
tumbling out of his mouth.  It was as if
he was vomiting words.

“I realised that I shouldn’t have done what I did,” he continued.  “My motivations were out of place.  I felt guilty about it and that scared me.”

“How so?”  Hermione asked.  She was very much aware that Draco was very
uncomfortable in talking so openly about all this, and that thought gave her
strength.  She was the one in
control here, not the other way around as it had felt for far too long. 

“I’ve never felt guilty for doing anything,” Draco explained while
nervously running his fingers through his hair in an act of embarrassment.  “It made me realise that I actually cared
about how you felt.  That scared me even
more, because I never cared about anyone before.  And I stayed away from you because I hate
being scared, being weak.  But the longer
I stayed away the more I hurt you and the more guilty I felt.  An error in judgement on my account.”

“So you didn’t stay away from me because I put you off during... the
thing?” she asked.  Hermione felt rather
silly for asking this, but she still wanted to know.

“No” Draco answered.  “You were
much more responsive than Pansy ever was. 
It boosts a male’s ego.”

Hermione couldn’t help but release a breath in relief.  But then she frowned.

“Draco... how many girls have you... pleasured before me?” she asked
suspiciously.  He could have said ‘then
anyone I’ve been with’.  Instead, he just
said ‘Pansy’. 

“Just one” Draco said.

 

Hermiones jaw dropped in astonishment. 
Only one?  What about all
those rumours about the vast amount of notches on Draco Malfoy’s bedpost?  Now there was a revelation! 

“Why did you kiss me at the dance?” she asked, changing the subject back
to the issue at hand.

“It seemed the right thing to do at the time,” Draco explained.  “I’m not very good at expressing myself about
that sort of stuff.  At least when I’m
not under Veritaserium.”

“What ‘stuff’?” Hermione asked. 

“Affection, caring, loving... that stuff.”

If it wasn’t he himself saying these things, Draco would have had the
urge to stick his finger down his throat and make a gagging noise.  Could he be any sappier?  This was why he was a man of actions
and not words; so claptrap like this wouldn’t start spilling out of this
mouth. 

Hermione’s eyes widened.  ‘Loving’?  Where did that come from?  They just went from ‘being a challenge’ to
genuine words of affection.

“Draco, how do you feel about me?”

“Nauseous” Draco replied.

“What?”  Hermione asked.

“I feel so much that it makes me nauseous.  Anger, resentment, affection, concern,
arousal, yearning, admiration,...”

“Okay okay” Hermione interrupted. 
“It’s just... what do you want us to be regarding each other?  Do you want us to start going out to see what
happens?  Or do you want us to be ‘friends
with benefits’ or-?”

“Lovers” he replied.

Hermione bit her lip at the sound of him saying that word.  Just hearing him say that made her nipples
harden.  Gods, she was already starting
to crack.

“So, when you came on to me it was solely to boost your male ego”
Hermione said, recapitulating.  “But then
you did feel something and you kept away from me because it scared you.  And now you’ve stopped feeling scared and you
want us to become an item?”

“Yes” Draco answered.

“Would you ever intentionally hurt
me again?”  Hermione asked.

“No, I wouldn’t” Draco said in
earnest.  “Not intentionally anyway.  I can’t promise you otherwise, because I do
seem to do a lot of stupid things without meaning to.”

Hermione nodded in understanding. 
She bit her lip in hesitation for asking her next question.

“Malfoy, I just... what do you see in me?” she asked sceptically.

“You’re intelligent, clever and brave,” he answered.  “You don’t let people walk over you yet you
know how to keep them on your good side unless you don’t want them to.  You don’t exploit people while they’re weak,
even though you could.  You’re stunning,
yet you don’t seem to be aware of it. 
You have an opinion about just about every single topic in the world and
you’re smart enough to actually sell it to someone else.  I like the way your eyes sparkle when you’re
arguing about something or when you’re coming apart during orgasm.  Most might think you are rather prim and
detached, but in fact you’ve got more passion and zest in your little pinkie
then most people in their entire bodies; they’re just too blind to see it.”

Draco blinked for a moment in astonishment at hearing his own
words.  Did he actually just say all
that? 

Off course he did, because it was true. 

Hermione was breathing heavily and
was trying very hard not to whimper. 
That were just about the most beautiful things anyone has ever said
about her.  If it had been in any other
situation, she would have told him to stuff a sock in it.  But now he was under Veritaserium and
Hermione knew that he actually meant it, that he didn’t just say those
things because he wanted something of her. 

“What about the war?” she asked, re-gathering her wits.  “Are you still siding with Voldemort?”

“No” Draco said.  “I don’t want to suffer the same fate my
father did.  I don’t care much about who
wins or loses.  Whatever the outcome,
I’ll adapt.”

Hermione smiled in relief, knowing that that was the best she could have
hoped for. 

Just then, she realised that she had no more questions to ask him.  Well, except for one.

“Malfoy, I still have one thing I
want to know.  It isn’t a question, but
you still can’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

Draco nodded.

“I want you to say that you’re
sorry,” Hermione said simply.

Draco looked at her knowingly.  He knew that she had already known he was
sorry about what he had done, but girls always seemed to like having these
things spelled out for them.  Not that he
minded; she deserved an apology. 

“I’m sorry,” he said
sincerely. 

Draco still was going to have to go
searching the floors for his pride, because it seemed to have rolled even
further away from him.  He had
apologised, had been slapped, had been jelled at, had been rejected, had digested
Veritaserium, had admitted to a whole lot of embarrassing feelings and
now had apologised... again.

He wasn’t even in a relationship
and he was already whipped.

Draco mused that perhaps he was
secretly into bondage, because being whipped didn’t feel al that bad.

Hermione released a breath.  It
was odd that those three simple words could make such big of a difference.  She felt... 
released. 

Then she realised that she had just forgiven him. 

When did that happen?

Suddenly she was struck with nervousness, realising that there was
nothing standing between her and Malfoy becoming an item.  She wanted it and she knew he
wanted it.  She had hoped this
would happen, but she hadn’t truly expected it. 

How does one go about this? 

There really should be a book about this sort of thing.

When suddenly snapping out of her moment of indecisiveness, she refilled
the empty cup with water, put in the Veritaserium and drank it herself under
Draco’s surprised gaze.

“Your turn” she said determinedly, waiting for Draco to respond.

 

**********

 

End of
chapter 13

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