Tequila

Before I even start on this chapter I would just like to apologise profusely to everyone who's been waiting for an update on this story. I had a bad case of in-a-car-accident-in-the-hospital-for-months-with-various-parts-of-my-body-in-plaster. I'll also warn you that it's probably gonna seem different from the other chapters cause it's been about 7 months since I even looked at this story so it's probably gonna take me a little bit to get back into the style I use for this story. You have been warned so please don't flame me if you don't like it as much as the other chapters. As always, I hope you enjoy. Tallulahbell back to mostly full health!!! xx








Hermione had lectured him all afternoon about being nicer to Snape. Especially as she remembered they’d been quite friendly during the war. Harry rolled his eyes frequently and ignored her a lot. Now it was 5 to 6 and he was standing outside his potions masters office, again unsure as to whether to go to his chambers or not. He knew that’s probably where they’d both rather be, but most of Gryffindor and practically all of Slytherin knew he had detention so it would be highly embarrassing if someone caught him heading into Snape’s quarters.

Knocking on the door he heard the usual “come” and once again shivered internally.

// Stop saying that man, if you want us to have any kind of conversation tonight!!!!! //

Opening the door, he felt more at ease than ever because Severus was expecting him and he had a very valid reason for being here. What he was not expecting was Albus Dumbledore to be sitting in his

// MY!!!! //

chair across from Severus, calmly drinking a cup of tea. Severus had a face like thunder and Harry’s heart immediately dropped.

// He knows. //

“Harry,” Albus said serenely, standing up and making to leave the room, “I really must warn you to better keep your temper or you could end up in detention every single evening.” His eyes twinkled madly. “I’ll bid you both goodnight then. Thank you for the tea Severus.”

Severus just growled at Dumbledore as he swept out of the room, closing the door behind him. Harry stood frozen, just inside the doorway and stayed there for what felt like hours before Severus threw a locking charm and some silencing charms on the room.

“Sit down, Harry.” Severus rubbed his eyes as Harry sank into the chair in front of him, slouching so low he was almost lying down.

“Does he know?” Harry was almost scared to ask. Surely the headmaster wouldn’t have just left like that if he had. Surely he would have shouted or something.

Severus sighed. “Maybe he does Harry, but that’s not the reason he was here this evening. We were discussing the situation with Draco. It’s just highly frustrating that this sort of thing still occurs even after the war is done.”

Harry clapped his hand over his heart. “Severus, don’t you EVER scare me like that again. I thought I was gonna get expelled, I thought you were gonna get fired!”

Severus gave a small smile at the look of worry on his lover’s face.

“Don’t worry Harry. Even though relationships like ours are frowned upon, they aren’t against the rules as long as the student is of age. Albus may shout a lot but he wouldn’t expel you. Besides there would be uproar if he did.”

Harry tried to still his beating heart.

“It’s not so much that as the thought of everyone finding out before we’re ready that we’re seeing each other.”

Severus smiled.

“So you do want people to know then?”

Harry immediately got up and moved over to Severus. Sitting himself in his lap and wrapping his arms around his lover’s neck Harry answered quickly.

“Of course I want people to know. If only so I can see the headlines in the ‘Prophet’. I just don’t want people to know too soon.”

Severus laughed and shifted Harry in his lap so that the young man was straddling him.

“I can just imagine the fun Rita Skeeter would have with something like this: ‘THE BOY WHO LIVED IN TORRID AFFAIR WITH DEATHEATER’, ‘HARRY POTTER SEEKS COMFORT IN HIS ENEMIES ARMS’. God, people would lap it up.”

Harry also laughed and pressed himself closer to his professor, leaning in for a kiss.

“Can’t wait till this gets ‘TORRID’.”

Harry heard a door open behind him and looked around quickly, worried that Dumbledore had come back, and found himself face to face with a rather disgusted looking Malfoy emerging from Severus’ bathroom.

“Ewwwwww. Could you at least wait till I leave the room before you start all that.”

Severus laughed again as Harry scrambled up from his lap, knocking into the coffee table and nearly falling over at the same time.

“Draco, would you like to join us for some tea?” asked Severus politely.

Harry, still standing in the middle of the room, could only gape at the other 2 men, his mouth open, his eyes moving ponderously between Draco and Severus.

“Thanks, Sir, I think I’ll pass. Leave you 2 to your ‘entertainments’.”

Draco leered suggestively before beating a hasty exit from the room.

Alone once more, Harry slumped back into his chair, still contemplating all the shocks he’d had in the last 5 minutes.

“Harry,” Severus growled, “I much preferred you in your most recent seat.” Severus patted his lap and smirked at young man seated in front of him.

Harry glared at his Professor.

“How can you possibly think of anything sexual when we’ve just had both Dumbledore and Malfoy nearly catch us?”

Severus laughed a low throaty chuckle.

“Neither of them nearly caught us…”

Before he could finish his sentence Harry started talking again.

“And what was that all about? Asking Malfoy to stay? Are you insane? We’d have killed each other.” Harry stood and started pacing the floor, not noticing the grin slide from Severus’ face. “I mean, it’s ridiculous. It’s bad enough that he knows about us but now you’re inviting him to join us? I mean there’s a reason the boy has no friends. He’s an arrogant, selfish, superior pain in the ass and I could do with him not interrupting what little private time we actually get together.”

Harry finally stopped pacing and looked at his lover.

// Uh-oh //

Severus looked pissed off. Worse than that, he looked really angry and for a man who never showed any emotions that was a serious thing. Harry realised, belatedly, that he’d let his mouth run a little too much, an after-affect of the evenings surprises no doubt. But in his childish ranting, he’d managed to upset and possibly alienate the first person in years he’d truly come to care about.

// Shit //

Severus looked at Harry, hardly believing what had just come from his mouth.

“Mr Potter, I cannot believe you truly think that of Draco, Do you really see nothing? I though you were different, I thought you had some compassion. Remember, boy, that you were not the only person who suffered during this war, and bear in mind that over the last few years Draco has lost just as much, if not more than you. His parents dead, his name turned to mud. His friends all loyal to the Dark Lord and therefore now an enemy of him, his fortune and lands in possession of the ministry. He may be superior and arrogant as you say but do you never think that may have been a ruse to keep his dorm mates from realising the truth about his loyalties? Do you never realise that he continues acting this way because it’s all he’s ever known. Are you really so blind that you can’t see that this is all self-preservation? Can you imagine how he would feel if the whole school were to find out about his attacks? Hasn’t he had enough shame brought about by his family? I’m truly sick to know you think this way and at the moment I can’t even bear the sight of you.”

Severus leaned forward in his chair and put his face in his hands.

“Go Harry. Just go.”

And with that, he rose and swept from the room.

Harry stared at the empty chair in front of him for several minutes, disbelief coursing through his veins.

// Am I really all that he says I am? Am I really so blind? //

Harry stood slowly. It felt like a million years since he’d arrived in this room for his detention but it had only been about 15 minutes. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. His feet felt like lead as he dragged himself out of the room. Looking down the corridor to see if he could see Severus was useless; the man had practically flown out of the room, not even bothering with his usual locking charms.

// God, I’ve really upset him. //

Harry thought about what he had said and remembered Severus’ response. He’d clearly cut his lover with his stupid, thoughtless remark. He knew Severus cared deeply for his students, Draco especially. He knew Severus felt responsible for them and he clearly felt guilty that he could not stop the attacks. He also undoubtedly felt sympathy for Draco having no friends or family left to love him or care for him or just be with him.

It way the way Severus had said it. He hadn’t shouted or raved or been coldly furious. He’d been disappointed and hurt and Harry had no idea how to fix that. Pushing past his friend in the dormitory, Harry slumped on his bed and tried not to think about the fact that he may have destroyed his first chance at love before it had even started.

Severus paced his chambers muttering to himself. He’d been saddened by Harry’s tactless little outburst and at the time could practically feel all his feeling for Harry being stripped away. Now they were back, as he’d known they would be, but they were joined by a kind of rage that Severus had not felt in a long time.

// How could he think that? HOW COULD HE? He’s supposed to be a sensitive, bright, thoughtful young man, the man I was falling in love with. How could he turn out to be this uncaring, cold child? //

Severus felt everything he thought he knew about Harry, and himself, slowly start to crumble.

// you’re over-reacting Severus. He’s a young man, of course he’s going to have outbursts. And you know fine well he’s not selfish and uncaring. He’s just not as sensitive as you’ve let yourself believe. everything he thought he knew about Harry, and himself, slowly start to crumble.

// you’re over-reacting Severus. He’s a young man, of course he’s going to have outbursts. And you know fine well he’s not selfish and uncaring. He’s just not as sensitive as you’ve let yourself believe. //

Severus stopped pacing long enough to pour himself a drink as he realised that, unwittingly, he’d put Harry on a pedestal that the boy would never be able to balance on. He recognized that he’d been thinking of Harry as being pure in a way that no human being could ever be. The opposite of himself. He’d been building Harry up to be a being of light and goodness in order to counteract all the bad things he felt he’d done in his life.

// There is no black and white, there is only shades of grey. //

Severus’ illusions about Harry and himself were gone. He saw them both now for what they were: a pair of broken souls, searching for someone who complimented themselves, not completed them. Two people clinging to what they thought was a chance at love and happiness.

// It’s my last chance, // he thought. // My last chance. //

Severus sat down in the chair in front of the fire to contemplate his thoughts. He had to figure out now if he was desperate to have Harry or if he was just desperate to have anyone at all.