Totem

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used here just the devious little mind making them dance.

//blah, blah, blah// - denotes thoughts
// ‘blah blah’ // Snape’s thought in Harry’s mind

Pairing: Snape X Harry, Harry X Snape

Summary: Harry retreats to Hogwarts after his latest battle seeking safety, comfort and something else…

***

Totem: Chapter 13

Severus Snape felt his magic pooling in his veins as Harry stared into his eyes. He let it draw closer and closer to Harry. Then he felt the wave of supreme ecstasy course through him as their magics touched. He had never permitted anyone to know him like this, not even Albus. To allow another witch or wizard to touch one’s raw magic was the ultimate soul bearing for wizardkind. The two magics circled and melded together, dancing like lost friends fatefully reunited. It flowed back through them making flesh feel like liquid heat. Snape could do not but breath and let the experience rush though him. After they touched, all was still for a few moments. Snape couldn’t even perceive if the man on top of him was breathing. Slowly he surmised that Harry was moving against him, kissing him, treasuring his skin with assiduous lips. Snape held on gingerly allowing Harry to follow to wherever the fragile kisses led him. He traced his fingers minutely along Harry’s back. He felt like he was lighter than air. He wondered if they were drifting away. Would they find themselves once again on that distant shore where everything was made of light? Perhaps he was already there. Harry’s gentle worship fed Snape’s radiant being. The older man closed his eyes and knew that he and Harry would never be the same again. It would never be just sex, never just a simple fuck or a quick release for them, even ‘making love’ could not fully describe this kind of intimacy. Harry, extraordinary in everyway, unleashed this fierce existence within Snape during their coition. It was to be expected. Snape arched up and drew in a trembling breath as Harry suckled and bit at a vulnerable nipple. Lithe fingers taunted its twin doubling Snape’s pleasure. The thrill of Harry’s attentions swelled in Snape’s stomach and settled as a low throb between his thighs. His soft moans responded to each spike of joy with breathy admonition. Harry was taking him higher, leading him to dangerous reverie. He spread his legs and felt Harry settle between them. Snape set his hands on Harry’s back and urged his cock up, rubbing himself against the hard toned chest.

“Eeeeeasy…” Harry hissed, his breath swirling around a wet, excited nipple. He stilled Snape’s eager hips with the grip of his hand and kissed a trail to the middle of Snape’s chest. Harry pushed Snape down patiently inducing him to rest on the bed again. “We’ll get there love, I promise… mmmpph…. prommmmise…”Harry murmured into the man’s ribs as he kissed lower and lower. Harry’s heavy breath escaped his lungs in slow laborious pants. He was happily drowning in Snape: his smell, his suppleness, his flavor, his anxious cooing all assailed Harry with the sweet heady bliss. He looked up into the tortured creature’s want stricken face and reached to touch it, to sooth the exquisite pain Snape was in. Eyes closed, mouth agape and trembling, hands clasping at Harry, Snape was a vision of unbidden passion. Perhaps no one had ever loved him like this. When Harry’s fingers reached Snape’s face the man quivered and moaned. His tongue flickered out to great the tender fingertips. “Please,” he whimpered, trying to suck them in, “Oh, Harry, please.” Harry rocked against Snape watching the pleasure ripple through the dark man’s body. Harry moaned, too. It was evident that his own aching need would force him to take Snape soon. He rubbed his chest against Snape’s engorged cock trapped between them pleading for contact. “Love you,” Harry muttered as he began to push upwards, dragging skin against skin. “Love you,” he repeated, crawling higher and higher on Snape’s shuddering form. “Love you,” he murmured into the man’s neck. He stopped there to look into his face. Looming over the larger man, his cock sliding along Snape’s Harry huskily whispered a fourth time “Love you.” Snape’s eyes opened to him slowly. The dark pools leaked warm rivulets of water. Hands grasped Harry’s arms firmly as his own eyes filled and overflowed onto Snape’s cheek.

“Love you,” Snape’s rich voice answered. They moved in silent precision; Harry setting himself in front of Snape; Snape twining his thick thighs up around Harry’s waist. Harry whispered spells that lead to slickly covered bodies. Snape gasped as fingers breached the ingress of his need and spread him open. Then, good God, Harry’s throbbing cock sank into its home!

Filled…. Needed…. Complete…. Wanted… Whole…. Loved…

Each slow, deep thrust told to Snape that which he longed to hear, that which he longed to feel, that which he longed to be. The very things that he thought just couldn’t be true. He clung to Harry and listened as their bodies spoke a divine language to each other. Beyond the realm of words and thought lived these unheard verses of touch and feel where there was no deception, no misunderstanding. It was real and it was true, because of Harry all of it was true!

Their bodies moved together so easily. Harry didn’t think about what could happen with Voldemort next month. He didn’t think about talking to Draco in the morning. He didn’t even think about what would happen in the next minute. Now was all he needed; his rock hard shaft pulsing in and out of its favorite place, so happy to be encased in the grip of the other man’s body; strong arms and legs wrapped around him granting him leverage to drive deep into his beloved home; the heart pounding excitedly below him. The pure joy of pumping his cock into Snape spread tendrils of bliss throughout him. Hot. Tight. Deep. The dark man welcomed him inside, embraced him, held him tight, begged him never to leave.

They moved, they loved, and they exploded …as one.

***

There was a gentle nudge at Harry’s shoulder and a soft voice calling his name. He opened his weary eyes to see Snape sitting on the bed fully dressed. Harry smiled at his … Lover? It didn’t seem right any more. Snape was more than a lover.

“I didn’t want you to wake up alone,” Snape whispered as he pushed sweat-matted hair away from Harry’s face.

“Thanks.” Harry reached up and kissed Snape on the cheek.

“I’ll be working straight though for the next 24 hours. If you need me…”

“Yes,” Harry cut Snape short and kissed him again. “Good luck.”

Snape slowly moved away and took to his lab. He had to push his worries about Harry to the side. He would need all of himself to make this elaborate potion.

Harry lay in bed committing last night to memory. He finally rolled off the bed, showered and dressed. He’d have to keep himself busy so his mind would not have time to wander. Just as he was leaving he caught sight of the pensive. Should he put the memory away? As he looked down into the swirling water, and the images flowed again, this time not so painful. Harry watched Draco for signs of a magical change. He didn’t see any evidence other than Draco’s mournful sobs and wails at not being able to control his body as he assaulted Harry. Harry dipped his hand into the liquid and gathered the silver threads on his fingers. He held them up to his temple and they slipped back into place. Perhaps it was best that Draco could not remember.

***

The medi-witch whose name was Poppy was unwinding his bandages and inspecting his wounds or lack there of. He had to keep saying her name over and over in his head to try to remember it. It was so odd knowing and yet not knowing her. She ‘felt’ familiar and safe but he had no memory of events to back it up and her name fell from his grasp from time to time. He was scared and uneasy even with her comforting presence. This place was sort of like a home but did he have another home somewhere else? Wasn’t there someone waiting for him somewhere? It was too disturbing to think about but how could he not? //Who am I? Where do I belong? What’s wrong with me? Am I sick? Why would someone want to hurt me? Did I do something bad? Am I bad? I don’t want to be bad. Will someone save me? I don’t want to think about it. Someone help. // Draco pushed the thoughts from his mind leaving himself empty and blank. The last of the bandages gone, ‘Poppy’ handed him a pajama top just as a tall dark-haired man came into the room. //Should I know him?// Draco hurriedly clothed his naked form.

Harry watched Draco meekly slide into the garment and sit up straight, his doe like eyes glued to Harry. “Hello,” said Harry and Poppy looked up at him.

“Oh, hello my dear, anything the matter?”

“No, I just came to visit for a while.” Harry nodded towards the patient behind her.

“Very good. Draco?” Poppy turned and the boy tore his eyes from Harry to address her apprehensively.

“Mum?” Draco asked.

//Does he not even know his own name?// Harry wondered. Harry watched the nervous young man who was a mere specter of the Draco he had known in school. His posture was passive and his eyes were lost in the vastness of his missing memeories.

“Do you remember him?” Poppy hopped beyond hope that maybe just maybe...

Draco reached in his mind for a name, a moment, a feeling regarding this person. All he felt was embarrassment and the need to get away but he had felt that long before this man appeared.

Draco’s empty eyes searched Harry. He could almost feel the boy desperately grasping for something he recognized. He looked so innocent and scared as he studied Harry’s face. The blond head looked down and shook ‘no’ his face growing a little pink.

Poppy patted his blanketed knee. “S’alright dear. This is Harry. You went to school here together.”

Draco glanced back up and gave Harry a quick uneasy smile as Poppy fussed on about getting the two boys breakfast. “I’ve got to get a fire lit under the house elves. Harry, I’ll leave Draco in your care.”

“Yes ma’m”

After Poppy left, Harry sat in the chair next to bed. Draco seamed to curl further and further inward. “How are you feeling, Draco?” he asked trying to keep him from hiding.

“Fine,” he mumbled politely looking up again as Harry addressed him. //His eyes haunt me. Something makes me uneasy, a little sad.// He stared at Harry a moment then back down at his lap. He wanted to cry. Why did he want to cry all of a sudden?

Watching Draco’s defeated posture, Harry prompted the boy, “Is something the matter?”

Draco shifted still trying to figure out if what he felt was because of the things he was missing or for some other reason, “I… I…can’t remember …th-things.”

“I know.” Harry said softly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Draco quickly shook his head ‘no’. Poppy and the old man had talked and talked and talked to him. Trying to understand his condition. Trying to see if the could trick his memory into returning. He didn’t want to do that anymore. It frustrated him and made him sad.

“Alright then we’ll just start here. Hi, my name is Harry.”

Draco looked at the slender hand reaching out to him. “Draco,” he said taking the proffered hand hesitantly.

They ate breakfast and Draco found Harry to be quite good at conversing about things that didn’t require him to use his non-existent memory. They discussed the food and the house elves, Poppy and the awful tasting potions she gave them. ‘Harry’ never mentioned his condition nor did he try to take him down memory lane. Draco began to relax.

“How about a game of chess?” Harry suggested as he conjured a set before them.

“Mmm.” Draco picked up the pieces and started putting them in place. “At least I think I remember how to play.” The small joke fell from Draco’s lips and a tiny glint sparked in his eye as he saw Harry smile brightly. Harry was very nice. They must have been good friends. As soon as the thought manifested in Draco’s mind several pangs of guilt reverberated through him endangering the comfort and rapport he had obtained with the man.

Harry had been surprised at how he was enjoying his time with Draco. The boy was polite and sensitive. A sudden darkness fell over the pale face. “Something wrong?”

The bond hair swished back and forth negatively as he moved the first white pawn and tried to pass off the look as though he was merely concentrating on the game. It was simply maddening to have these feelings and not know what they were connected to. Harry made his move on the board and with much effort Draco lost himself in the game.

As evening light fell through the infirmary windows, Poppy ushered Harry away with a promise to Draco that his new friend would be back tomorrow. Harry bid his goodbye and since it was still early went to check on Snape.

The lab was a flurry of activity with several caldrons bubbling away. Snape was engrossed in one of them. Harry watched unheeded for a while. He smiled at Snape’s concentrated scowl. Snape carefully eased a small wiggling item into the pot, stirred two times counter clockwise and waited. There was a grimace then he checked his instructions and nodded. Harry slipped away without interruption deciding it was enough just to see him.

His first day of Draco watching complete Harry returned to Snape’s rooms and flooed in his report to the Aurors. It took a quite a while to answer Abigail’s questions though most of his responses were that Draco had no memory. When he was finished he felt exhausted. Taking a book from Snape’s shelf he retired to the bedroom. He lit the fire, slid between the sheets and began to read.

***

Harry awoke late the next day after a night of tossing and turning. He’d gotten used to someone else being in bed with him. In his sleep he kept trying to find that familiar warmth Snape gave to him, but it wasn’t there. When Harry arrived at the infirmary, he found Draco sitting on the edge of his bed with his bruised legs just touching the floor as Poppy coaxed him to stand.

“Let’s just see if you can, love, ok? Go slowly and just ease yourself forward from the bed.” She held her arms out around him as he gently slid forward.

The blond boy tentatively shifted some weight to his legs then winced and sucked in the air harshly. “I can’t, no, I can’t… it hurts too much,” he exclaimed grabbing for Poppy to keep from plummeting to the floor.

Harry ran to help her the put the full grown 18 year old body back into bed.

“sorry, I’m sorry..” Draco muttered his agonizing apologies to Harry and Poppy.

“It’s alright, dear just lay back, now. Thank you, Harry,” she whispered as she felt around Draco’s legs. When she reached his right hip Draco shrieked. He convulsed on the bed shuddering in pain.

Harry could just reach the vial of pain reliever and pressed it to Draco’s lips. Draco reached around him for support to drink the potion. The feel of that embrace threw Harry into a pool of conflicting emotions. He remembered those hands touching him passionately and then cruelly. Harry fought to stay calm and take care of the man who was here now not the one in his memory.

Draco curled into Harry’s embrace. Despair washed over him. He was lost in a sea of feelings that he could not understand. Someone had hurt him badly. The thought that he deserved to be hurt like this dug into his unknowing heart. //What did I do? Does he know what I did? Maybe it was him I hurt?// He absently clutched at Harry trying to find something solid to steady his mind.

It wasn’t hard for Harry to comfort Draco. This young man was so unlike any Draco he’d ever known seemingly frightened and desperate for help. As the small man shook in his arms Harry wondered if there was more than just physical pain assaulting him now? Would he be able to get close enough to Draco to understand what was happening to him?

Draco finally succumbed to the draught and fell asleep. Poppy’s examination found the bones had not mended properly. She would have to undo the mend and try again. That was not easy and would be best done alone. “Thank you for your help Harry. I’ll take it from here. He probably won’t be a wake for a day or so.”

“Alright.” Free of his responsibilities for the moment Harry thought he might go out for a walk when he was suddenly aware that Severus’ location had changed. Harry followed his mental map and found he was being lead back to the man’s private rooms. As he entered the bedroom Harry was treated to the magnificent sight of Snape lying face down on the bed, naked. He stopped in the doorway to silently watch the subtlety of undulating muscles as Snape breathed in and out. The pattern of silver scars decorating the pale flesh was eerily beautiful. Harry’s eyes roamed further along his lover’s backside. It was wondrous how the sight of him stirred Harry. Those arms and legs resting placidly now were powerful and he longed to feel that power all around him. Harry’s hands yearned for the warmth of that skin to flow underneath them.

“Are you just going to stand and stare?” slowly drawled a tired, gravely voice.

“Thought you were sleeping,” Harry said as he slid down next to his lover and began stoking the fine limbs.

“Mmmm” Snape groaned appreciatively, “Was. Not now, soooo glad not now…” He murmured. His aching body was melting under Harry’s hands.

Harry increased the strength of his touch and began to work the knots out of the man’s body. “Oh yes…” the man moaned. “hhhmmmm.” Harry basked in the feel of the flesh in his hands. He worked to the sounds of Snape’s soft moans and hitching breath.

Harry stoked for a whole longer before Severus asked, “How is he?”

Harry considered Snape’s question as he worked his hands. “I don’t know. He’s nothing like the Draco I knew. He’s quiet, and unsure, childlike. We played chess all day yesterday. He doesn’t want to talk about his memory or lack there of. Can’s stand up much less walk right now. Poppy has to reset one of the mended bones….” Harry threw out random thoughts as they came to him. “I think he’s scared.” Harry fell silent but kept touching Snape.

Snape rolled over to look up at Harry. His love’s face was in deep contemplation. Perhaps Draco wasn’t the only one who was scared. He tugged at Harry’s arm. “Lie beside me.”

Harry gratefully sidled up to Snape. An arm draped over him and he could smell the man’s sweet breath. Fingers gently pulled through Harry’s hair. Soft lips brushed against his. They eased into the bed together and gazed into each other’s face, just being for a while. Snape’s eyes were drifting closed as Harry watched. Snape’s head bent down to nuzzle under Harry’s chin. Harry folded him in and held tight. The soft warm breath feathered lightly over his collar as his eyes closed, too.