Angelica's Sorrow

A/N - Alexandra - Please, don\'t break your poor \'puter. It\'s not it\'s fault, honest! My personal muse will not allow me to hurry my version of the tale but I hope you continue to follow and comment. Reviews seem to help the words flow faster. ;)

Deb - Ah, wonderful Deb. I had only planned on updating with a chapter or two a week but your reviews have definately spurred my efforts. The rest of my life is going to the proverbial hell in a hand basket and it\'s all your fault! My beta just commented that I\'m a mean old lady, but she\'s known that for a long time. Shouldn\'t be a suprise at this late date.

Enjoy!


CHAPTER TWELVE

Severus watched Narcissa pull a child\'s shirt from a wardrobe and approach him. She surely didn\'t expect that to fit him, did she? Hands appeared at the end of the sleeves, but they weren\'t his. Her mouth started to open - he was suddenly flying over the Quiddich field at Hogwarts, cursing to himself. Bloody hell! Potter had done it again. He never had any problems beating the other seekers, only him. Darkness!! Ah, a pair of lips that were so soft, warm and inviting. A plump breast cradled in his palm.

\'Could get used to this,\' but the thought they belonged to Miss Weasley had him turning away to see Lucius. A furious Lucius using his cane to beat him because he had dared refuse the mark of Voldemort. He was afraid, terrified. He had to run, but instead awoke gasping for air.

Snape\'s breathing finally slowed. Well, that was an unexpected development. Severus assumed Draco\'s memories merely passed through his mind. Apparently they made an imprint as well. He\'d end up knowing every blasted detail of the little twerp\'s life if this went on long enough. Too agitated to go back to sleep, Severus got up, pulled on his robe and started around the screen.

\'Poppy snores!! Not loudly, but it\'s a definite snore. Yes! Now, when would be the best time to use this new knowledge to extract a bit of revenge? At some point when she\'s fussing. Several witnesses will be needed of course, can\'t waste the opportunity.\'

Severus\' outlook for the day brightened a bit as he made his way to the bathroom.

After dressing Severus sat at the desk to skim the diaries once again. He didn\'t recall Salazar mentioning anything about retaining Angelica\'s memories. Snape stopped to rub his eyes after flipping through three.

\'Bloody brain feels like it\'s swimming through honey.\'

Moving the diaries, he folded his arms on the desk and rested his head while his eyes closed. Just for a few moments. There was at least another six hours to get through before he could take another dose of the potion.

Diagon Alley, but why was everything at such an odd angle? There was a hand holding his - wait the other hand again, not his own. Now he was talking to Crabbe and Goyle in the Slytherin common room about the Chamber of Secrets, why were they acting so oddly? The gits had the nerve to run out on him!

\'Detention for sure.\'

Snape lived many days through Draco\'s eye while he slept, twisting and turning through different scenes. None disturbed him as much as the one with Lucius, but he was trapped. Aragog\'s web couldn\'t have done a better job holding him.

He was practicing spells with students in the Room of Requirement. That wasn\'t his wand. Oh, that was good! Someone had knocked Potter on his arse. Granger! She did it? Oh, now she was comforting the poor little thing. Didn\'t look all that bad to him, from the look on her face you\'d think she half killed the brat.

\'Wait,\' said the memory to Severus. It all makes perfect sense now. This was her love. What better person to talk it over with than Ginny! She\'d been through a crush on the boy wonder herself. Granger was probably afraid of ruining their friendship, that\'s why the hesitation when it came to letting her feelings be known. The dream Severus felt a great deal of satisfaction at this clever reasoning, but a soft \"No!\" of anguish came from the lips of the sleeping one and released him from the web.

Snape raised his head. \'This can\'t go on. I\'ll have to try some Dreamless Sleep potion and deal with the consequences later.\'

Reminders that she\'d never be his was something he didn\'t need. Severus had already come to that conclusion quite some time ago.

His own memories forced him to review painful scenes. Flashes of her face as she defended Draco in the hallway against Crabbe and Goyle. Draco, still bearing marks on his face, unable to defend himself since his wonderful father had also broken his wand.

Snape realized that had been the start of his downfall, for he had found true admiration for her in that moment. The snarly part of him had taken a week to recover from the shock.

Sunlight on that awful hair. Standing tall in Dumbledore\'s office when the fathers\' of Crabbe and Goyle protested their expulsions. Satisfaction when she heard Snape had witnessed the whole affair and it was no longer passed off as a prank. Laughter lighting her eyes while she joked with her friends in the great hall. Intense concentration stirring her cauldron.

Severus asked himself when admiration had turned to love and couldn\'t find an answer. It really didn\'t matter, he told himself. She deserved someone like Potter, not a damaged, twisted Potions Master. The tiny flicker of hope nursed by his heart died.

\"You are an honorable man. Why do you degrade yourself?\"

Angelica. Severus\' eyes flew to Poppy\'s cot. Good, still asleep.

\"Since I am such an honorable man, where better to start with honesty than myself?\" Self mockery rolled easily from his mouth. At the moment, he cared little if she stayed.

\"The others do not feel this way. You haven\'t tainted the boy\'s head with altered thoughts. I have decided to allow you to remain.\"

Severus frowned. \"What do you mean, allow us to remain?\" No answer. He should have held his tongue. \"Bloody hell.\" The old man would gloat forever if he turned out to be right about her ability to cause a problem. Only another hour to go.




\"It\'s been three full days, Albus. At this rate, I\'ll have to go through every blasted memory. I\'m quite tired of watching him stumble through life, not to mention seeing Lucius every damn time I go to sleep.\"

Severus and Dumbledore were alone, seated at the table used for meals. Poppy had gone to breakfast a short time ago and they were free to discuss the lack of results.

\"The dreamless sleep potion isn\'t helping?\" Snape had visibly deteriorated and Albus was greatly concerned.

\"It keeps the day to day harmless crap out of my dreams, but not the more intense moments. Lucius was always a bastard to others, but I never thought he would expose Draco to the things I\'ve seen. It\'s a wonder he refused the mark.\" Severus took another sip of tea.

\"I like to think Narcissa had a hand in that.\"

Snape merely nodded his head, sarcasm was too much work right now. He\'d missed the opportunity to twit Poppy about her snoring. Minerva and Irma Pince had been working at restoring strands to Draco yesterday afternoon. Perfect witnesses. She had been nagging about getting more sleep, eating more food but the needed spark hadn\'t been there. What difference did it make, who cared anymore?

\"Severus, are you listening to me?\"

\"Only gathering the proverbial wool. What did you say?\"

\"I asked if you had tried focusing on the type of memories you\'re trying to find.\"

\"Every time except the first.\"

The old man was lucky. On a good day that type of opening would have been worth at least five minutes.

\'Honestly, does he think I\'m a total idiot?\'


\"Please excuse me, Albus. It will be two hours before I can take a dose of the potion. I might be able to get some sleep without Lucius.\"

He cleared his dishes with a wave, Poppy would just have to fret.

\"I think I\'ll join the others for breakfast,\" Albus said.

The Headmaster rose and headed for the fireplace while Snape went behind the screen. He\'d lied. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep, but if he lay down no one would bother him.

\"You do yourself grave injury.\"

\'Bloody hell! Poppy must be giving her lessons.\' Snape turned over in an attempt to ignore her.

\"I know you can hear me. You should be flattered I chose to speak.\"

\"What do you want, Angelica? I\'m trying to rest.\"

\"It doesn\'t seem to help.\"

Anger was building where there had been emptiness. Why couldn\'t everyone just leave him alone?

\"Nothing helps.\"

\"I have seen you moving the strands. Why do you fret when progress is made?\"

\"I can\'t find the one we need. Salazar didn\'t bother to write down the methods he used on your memories and I\'m working in the dark. Except for the initial spell to remove them and the potion to handle them, the diaries are useless.\"

\"You ask a great deal of me, you know.\"

\"Have you been talking to Dumbledore? He also speaks in riddles.\" A bit of a bite escaped.

\"If you mean the older man with the long beard, no. I\'ve only spoken with you. You - interest me.\"

\"Indeed.\" For the first time in several days Snape\'s eyebrow rose.

\"You must promise me something.\"

\"What is that?\"

\"I would like to meet your obsession after she is healed.\"

\"If that were possible I would not hesitate, Angelica.\"

\"I may be able to offer some assistance.\" He sensed a tenseness in her.

\"What type of assistance? I wasn\'t aware you could physically affect anything.\"

\"I cannot. After my experiences with Salazar I have found it difficult to trust. You have gained a small measure, but I am reluctant to give you all my secrets.\"

\"You once told me you resent our presence. At the rate it\'s going, we\'ll be here a long time.\"

\"There is a diary that was not placed with the others.\"

Snape bellowed, \"Where?\" as he levitated to his feet.

\"There are conditions attached.\"

\"I don\'t care about the conditions! Whatever you want is yours.\"

\"What if I asked for you to remain down here with me for the rest of your life?\"

\"If that is what you want I will comply.\"

\"Ah, you surprise me. I never thought I would meet another like him.\"

\"Angelica, please.\"

\"Don\'t interrupt! I was speaking of my husband. Yes, nothing would please me more than to have you spend the rest of your days with me, but it would be a prison for you as well.\" Her voice sounded thoughtful.

\"If that\'s what you want, it doesn\'t matter.\"

\"No. You would grow to hate me as I hate Salazar. I will instead have you promise three things. You will bring her to me when you can, you will visit frequently and you will touch nothing but the diary.\"

\"What else is there besides the diary?\"

\"Nothing of any interest to anyone but me and my husband.\"

\"I promise you all three things quite freely, Angelica.\" Snape spoke from his badly bruised heart, hoping for once she was reading him clearly.

\"Very well. Go to the door that leads to the Chamber.\"

Severus flew to the entrance he\'d entered with Albus the first day.

\"On the left hand side, count up three rows of stones from the floor and five over from the door. Behind that stone is where the diary lies.\"

Snape quickly found the stone in question. Now, how to open it? A simple catch had been on the ones in Salazar\'s bedroom but that didn\'t appear to be the case here.

\"Angelica, did he do anything special to open it?\"

\"He pushed on the top of the stone.\"

Snape pressed and the top started to swing up and fold in on itself. He raised his hand to reach and grab. \'Caution!\' His gut whispered and he pulled his wand instead. A revealing spell showed a nasty surprise, most of his hand would have been lost.

\'Simple spell to undo, really beneath Salazar\'s talent. Hmm.\'

He remembered the spells Albus had missed on the diaries, but another wave revealed nothing more. The diary was his.

Severus spied the other items stored. A small cameo of a beautiful woman looked out at him. Her hair looked to be as dark as his own, but the eyes were amazing. A brilliant blue that seemed to look into your soul. It wasn\'t a magical portrait so it didn\'t move, but he was glad to finally see her face. Beside the cameo was a ring. A plain gold band that gleamed in the light. He felt unaccustomed tears gather with a realization, her wedding ring.

\'The bastard stole it from her body.\'

\"Do not weep for me, it was long ago. Please, close the stone before the others return. I do not want my things pawed.\"

Snape pulled on the bottom of the stone and watched it reseal as he rapidly blinked his eyes.

\"Don\'t be silly. I never cry.\" His voice was strangely rough. Severus cleared his throat on his way to the desk.

Gentle laughter trilled in his mind. \"Of course you don\'t. Men like you never do.\"

\"I make you another vow. Even if this doesn\'t help I will visit you as often as I can.\"

\"I will leave you now to read in peace.\"

\"Thank you, Angelica.\" No answer, she was gone.