Triumph Out of the Bitter Taste of Ashes

AN: I fought tooth and nail with this chapter, rewriting it several times. It refused to come out the way I wanted, and even now it ended the way it wanted to, not really the way I did. Hopefully it works.

A very BIG thank you to Magdelena! She caught a huge gaff on my part. Did you know Ron is capable of being two places at once? ::ducks head sheepishly:: Okay, official version Ron was at Hogwarts, *not* with Harry at the battle against Voldemort. I have to go back and edit that chapter, of course, writing Ron out of it. Too much of the story has evolved from Ron and Draco\'s interactions the night of the battle, and none from Ron being with Harry, hence my choice of where Ron was.


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Chapter Twelve
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Draco sagged as Professor Snape manhandled him on sto stool. Cold fingers circled the back of his neck, and he suddenly found himself being pushed forward until his head was between his knees.

**Oh! That helps.**

His mind wouldn\'t stop, though. He couldn\'t push out the unwanted thoughts, and the vile images that would flash through his brain as disgustingly vivid portraits. The one thing that wouldn\'t quit, that kept recycling over and over, bothered him the most.

**Why is Professor Snape so sure? How can I *believe* it?**

\"Stay put,\" Professor Snape snapped. \"If you feel the need to heave, however, at least *attempt* to make it through the door opposite the entrance.\"

Draco mumbled a, \'yes, Sir,\' which came out garbled but sounding vaguely affirmative, and heard the professor move away, to gather potion ingredients -- Draco assumed.

He didn\'t move. It was all too much. He couldn\'t sort through any of it, one thing after another coming without any time to process in between, jumbled it all in his mind. He wished he could just shut off his brain for a while, then maybe he could get his stomach to quit trying to twist itself outside his body.

He tried to think rationally, allowing the regular sounds of Professor Snape\'s movements about the room sooth him. There wasn\'t any proof, he reasoned. This was all assumptions. The fact that she\'d screamed as soon as she saw him only *hinted* that his father had *been* there, nothing else. There could have been any number of reasons she\'d reacted badly.

//Taking up lying to yourself now?//

Slowly raising his head, Draco stared at Professor Snape, confusion giving way to anger. He wished he dared scream and shout and demand answers. The desire grew inside him as the professor continued about his work, seemingly completely at ease, totally ignoring him.

\"You\'re sure, aren\'t you!\" he shouted, suddenly desperate to hear the professor deny it.

**Please say no!**

\"Yes.\"

Draco seethed. The bastard hadn\'t even lookp frp from his preparations as he\'d crushed Draco\'s hopes. **How long have you known?**

\"Is that why you killed him?\" Draco pushed, wanting, needing confirmation, a reaction, *anything* from Snape that wasn\'t the absolute calm the man was projecting. He needed to know that somebesibesides him was feeling out of control, that it was just *his* world falling apart.

Professor Snape\'s head snapped up, his eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched so tightly the muscles along the jawline twitched.

**Looks like I got my reaction!** Draco thought uneasily, wondering if maybe he shouldn\'t have pushed so hard.

\"No, Mr. Malfoy,\" Snape replied tightly, immediately returning his attention to his work. \"It was not.\"

**Look at me, you son-of-a-bitch!**

\"At the time, I was not even aware that Miss Granger was still alive.\"

**How do you know he did anything to her at all, then!?** Draco screamed silently, but didn\'t ask. \"Then why *did* you?\" he asked instead. \"Why didn\'t--\"

Professor Snape rounded on him then, startling him. Draco stumbled back in surprise -- a not a little fear -- not sure if he hadn\'t just crossed a very important line in his driving need to simply *know*.

\"Mr. Malfoy, I do not have time for this nonsense right now.\"

**It\'s not nonsense!**

\"If you want to know the whys and wherefors of every single blasted death I was witness to in this accursed war, I will be *happy* to pull out my entire supply of firewhiskey, force feed it to you, and discuss it with you until you pass out from alcohol poisoning -- *later*. Until then, I suggest you quit wasting my time and cut to the chase. Ask what you really want to know and be done with it!\"

Draco clenched his fists at his sides, white hot rage surging through him. \'Why are you so bloody sure it was him, then, damn it!? You weren\'t there!\" he shouted, his voice dropping to a hoarse whisper as he continued. \"Why am *I* so certain?\"

\"Draco,\" Professor Snape said, his voice firm, certain, but for a change it was not unkind. \"I do not have time to try and be comforting. If I answer the questions ysk, sk, you will not like the answers. Before you ask againsuggsuggest you consider that well.\"

Draco stood defiantly, waiting, watching as the professor\'s hands never stopped their work. **Well if that didn\'t just already answer anyway!** he thought sourly. Unfortunately, that didn\'t stop his insane urge to make sure. Hints weren\'t enough. If he didn\'t hear the words, he would never be sure. He\'d never *know* for sure that he wasn\'t believing totally vile slander.

\"I have to know,\" he whispered, inching forward until he stood across the work bench from the potions master.

Without so much as a nanosecond of hesitation, Professor Snape began to speak, his voice flat, monotone. \"I have ample evidence to believe your father raped--\" racoraco cringed, his stomach rebelling yet again.

\"Miss Granger. I--\"

\"Did she tell you that?\"

\"If you interrupt me, Mr. Malfoy, I will cease giving you the information you *say* you want. Understood?\"

Draco nodded reluctantly.

\"No, she did not. At the time of our meeting, she recalled absolutely nothing about her life.\"

\"Amnesia,\" Draco breathed, not really intending to interrupt, but unable to keep the word inside. The very idea was . . . repellent, like a memory charm gone bad.

Professor Snape glared at him, briefly glancing up from the final stages of brewing. \"Yes. And no, before you ask, I will not reveal my source. It is accurate. It has been confirmed by two other separate sources. Leave it at that.\"

Reluctantly, Draco nodded again.

\"The evidence I witnessed also suggests that the Order\'s attack took place *immediately* after, allowing Miss Granger to escape further injury during the confusion. And that, Mr. Malfoy, is the bald truth. You wanted it. You got it. Now, you must live with it.\"

**What evidence?** Draco thought, his mind whirling. Had someone been there, watching? Several someones? A sudden image flashed through his mind, a whole circle of death-eaters cheering like a bunch of school boys cheering on a schoolyard fight. Bile rose in his throat, and he swallowed convulsively. **I will *not* be sick!**

For long moments, Draco worked through his thoughts, desperate to reconcile what he used to know with what he now knew. He kept coming back around to one vital piece of information. It stuck in his craw and made it all seem so much more hideous than it already was. Granger was *his* age. How could his father--

Swallowing again, Draco forced his focus outward. Desperate to quiet his unwanted thoughts, he watched, focusing all his attention on Professor Snape as he put out the flame and carefully decanted the potion into a waiting vial. Draco continued watching, waiting, until the potion was safely stoppered, then spoke. This time, he kept his voice quiet and calm, afraid too much of anything and he would once again be lost. It was a frightening feeling, like he was holding onto the ledge of a cliff with just his fingertips to keep him from falling into an abyss.

\"Were yoingoing to tell me?\" he asked as Professor Snape began to move away.

Ahead of him, the professor\'s shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh. \"It wasn\'t my place, Draco. Who knows what, is Miss Granger\'s decision. Other than some of the staff, and that deeply stupid apprentice, you are the only one to know. If--\"

\"Weasley knows I think it was my father that hurt her,\" Draco said quickly, ignoring the glare he received for interrupting. \"We . . . talked.\"

\"Draco, I\'m glad you have someone to talk to, but this is *not* something you can share with him.\"

\"Professor, *please*. I\'m not slow. But, despite all appearances, neither is Weasley, as soon as it\'s obvious, he\'ll figure it out anyway.\"

Where this sudden calm was coming from, Draco didn\'t know, but he was thankful for it. Being so out of control was anethema to him. He wasn\'t naive enough to believe he was finished with his little flirtations with insanity, however. He just hoped he could have a little more privacy for the next one. Two in one day *with* witnesses was more than enough for him.

\"Professor?\" he asked trailing beside the older man.

\"What?!\" Professor Snape snarled.

\"Do you think she\'ll abort it?\"

**I sure as hell would!**

\"That, Mr. Malfoy, is none of your concern, and where I draw the line,\" Professor Snape said with a quelling glare. \"What *ever* gave you the idea that I would be willing to speculate with you about the actions of one of your fellow students?\"

**Not my concern!?** Draco thought rebelliously. **As little as anyone may like the idea -- myself included -- that *baby* is my--

The hallway spun around him, flashing to almost pitch black. Panic shooting through him, Draco heard a faint, \"oh, hell!\" as the world went away.

TBC
Kiristeen
Feedback: the source of inspiration and very muchly craved. : )
Kiristeen@kiristeen.com


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