Seeking the Star

Ch.13.

By Monday, Harry was coherent and fully awake as long as he was in direct contact with Severus. Whenever they broke contact, even if only so Severus could use the loo, Harry would thrash and moan. The first time, he had flung himself out of bed in an attempt to get back to Severus. It seemed that Dumbledore could calm him to some extent, but the Headmaster was simply not available to rush to their aid whenever Severus needed to relieve himself. Further, Severus felt extraordinarily uncomfortable whenever the boy wasn\'t touching him. Thus it came to be that the most feared teacher in Hogwarts placidly used a self-emptying bedpan behind a curtain that Madam Pomfrey had set up for that purpose. He was an intensely private man, and had no doubt that under normal circumstances the situation would be most embarrassing. Being so closely bonded was surprisingly comfortable, although Severus supposed that the comfort was a side effect of the bonding. It would be extremely negative for both parties if bonding was discomforting.

In a normal incidence of such temporary bonding, a talismen would have sufficed to balm the need for physical contact. However, Harry\'s rather unique mental condition made such a thing impossible. Harry needed Snape there, in his mental and physical entirety, for support. He drew from Severus\' strength of person and from the walls that the Potions Master had built between himself and the world. Without Severus, he had no walls of his own, and his mind verged again on collapse.

Once he was coherent again, the first thing Harry asked for were his schoolbooks. He was horrified when he learned what havoc his aura was causing. For hours, he had alternated between crying and shaking, leaving Severus helpless to do anything but hold the boy and rock him, murmuring comfort to the boy as he alternately relived his torture and realized the pain he was trying to cause others, a pain he was unable to fight or stop. Severus lived through everyute ute with him, and sometimes wept along with the boy. He knew intimately the pain, both physical and mental, that Harry had survived, but he was careful to keep his own painful memories locked away. Harry was suffering too much to notice. By Monday night, they had both been so exhausted and drained that they had fallen asleep together, entwined on the bed. Neither Albus nor Poppy wanted to separate them. It was the best either had slept since Harry\'s kidnapping, and they awoke Tuesday with Harry\'s feelings slightly more under control. He did not break down again, and their work on his repair began.

They shared many strange experiences together that day, the least of which was bathing. Harry had positively insisted that he wanted to be washed with water, that the Scourgify l wal was not enough. He wanted a soap and water bath, and Severus was inclined to agree with him. When Madam Pomfrey saw Harry\'s obstinance, she finally gave in.

She decided that they would bathe one at a time, Harry first. Harry, still too weak to stand on his own, let a spell of Poppy\'s support his weight and allowed the Witch to bathe him while his hand, peeking between the curtains, intertwined with Severus\'. Severus felt Harry\'s rush of pleasure as the water rolled down over him, washing away the last residues of the sins committed on his body. Memories flashed through his head of floating in his bath, resolving his thoughts while staring out the skylight at the stars.

\'Princess of Cups, more and more,\' Severus mused, feeling the water washing over Harry\'s body as if it was his own. The feeling was shockingly intimate.

\'Eh?\' Harry\'s confusion came to him only in his mind; the boy\'s hand still remained lightly holding his own.

It\'s a tarot card. Someday I\'ll show you.\'

\'All right.\' Harry\'s hand squeezed his, and the boy made a small sound of pleasure. Severus could feel Madam Pomfrey\'s fingers kneading shampoo into Harry\'s unruly hair. He rubbed his own hair, still greasy from the Potions labratory, to try and ease the eerieness of feeling exactly what Harry felt. The sensations had never been so strong, although their situations had not been so different before. Harry was again under the showerhead, the soap carefully being rinsed from his body. Poppy wrapped him in an enormous towel and rubbed him fairly dry. She levitated him out from behind the curtain and sat him in the chair that Severuscklyckly vacated.

He stepped behind the curtain, still holding Harry\'s hand, and spelled his clothes onto a chair waiting just behind the curtain. There was no sense in attempting to get undressed manually while still maintaining contact with Harry; it was simply too problematic. Truly, the whole idea of bathing while in contact seemed slightly problematic. He considered for a moment, and then asked Poppy to move Harry\'s chair closer to the bath. Taking a deep breath, he put Harry\'s hand on his hip. Long fingers hooked gently into the prominent hipbone, holding just enough not to slip. The hand remained utterly still while Severus bathed, moving with him as he needed to shift. It did not slide or change grip, or even tremble. Though it did prohibit the scrubbing of a hand-sized area of his body, he appreciated the boy\'s courtesy as much as he did the chance to wash himself.

The end of his shower presented another problem. He needed to dry himself and put on a dressing gown without losing contact with Harry. After a long pause for consideration, he latched onto the only solution he could figure. He lifted Harry\'s hand from his hip, held it while he stepped out of the tub, and then lifted it to the ends of his dripping hair. The long fingers gently twisted through the inky tendrils, holding firm, but not pulling. Harry whimpered softly; the contact was barely enough for him. He could feel the boy\'s thoughts getting more chaotic, but through some surpreme act of will Harry remained lucid. Severus dried himself thorougly, but as quickly as he could before slipping on the dressing gown. He took Harry\'s hand again as he emerged from behind the curtain. Before he had time for a coherent thought, Harry was clinging to most of his arm. Sinewy arms snaked up the sleeve of his robe, stopping just above his elbow. Fingers pressed softly into his flesh. He stroked the boy\'s wet, unruly hair until he stopped shaking and slid his arms back down until he held Severus\' hand loosely with both of his, the visions of Bellatrix and her knives fading slowly back into memory. He looked up at Severus and smiled. The basked in the warmth and satisfaction that came from a long-wished-for shower.

Poppy Pomfrey noted with satisfaction that both Wizards seemed to benefit from the shower. Harry\'s skin was rosy from the heat and her scrubbing, and he looked more awake and alive than he had in days. The change was mirrored in Severus, who looked more satisfied than she could ever remember. She assisted the pair in getting comfortably dressed and back into bed, and left them to care for the students in the makeshift Infirmary.

***

\"So, Severus, before I can leave, I have to get my aura under control?\" Severus was sitting on the bed with Harry, letting the boy recline onto his chest and shoulder so that Harry could face him. The fingers of their right hands entwined loosely, and Harry\'s left hand was idly twisting Severus\' long hair. He had been letting it grow since Harry\'s first year, and it hung halfway to his elbows. The ebon locks were surprisingly soft and silky, and not a bit greasy or stringy once the man had been out of the Potions laboratory for several days. In their conversations, Harry had learned that the \'grease\' was actually a protective salve, and that Severus was actually quite vain about his hair, though he would never admit that aloud. He was privately pleased that Harry enjoyed it so much.

\"That\'s the idea, Harry. Once you do that, the strength of our bonding will lessen to a level similar to your bond with Albus, and we can both go back to our normal lives.\" Severus\' words, though they may have seemed biting, lacked any venom, and his voice was actually very calm and reasonable. \"Some bonding will remain, but Albus tells me that our bond will be weaker than yours with him once you have rebuilt your mental walls entirely. Once you start the process, we\'ll be comfortable being separated from each other for periods of time, and I can go back to teaching my classhilehile you recover. In the meantime, Poppy, Hermione and I will tutor you in what you\'re missing, as no one else can come see you. Between the three of us, we should be able to cover everything.\" Severus gave Harry an appraising look. \"The fact that you didn\'t know any of that means that you\'re making some progress.\" Harry gave him a wry little smile. \"If we work hard, you should hopefully be able to go to the Hallowe\'en feast.\"

\"I\'ll dress as a vampire,\" Harry said, deadpan. \"Then we\'ll match.\" To his surprise, Severus actually let the amusement he felt at Harry\'s joke emerge in a chuckle. The sound of it brightened Harry\'s face into a real smile. It flooded Severus with warmth. Harry was probably the only student in the school who wholly discounted the vampire rumor. He enjoyed telling Severus that it probably wouldn\'t be so strongly believed if the man ever left the dungeons. Every time, Severus simply informed Harry that he was an insufferable prat. Harry never pointed out that Severus seemed to be suffering all right with him.

\"You laugh like water, Severus. It\'s lovely.\" Severus couldn\'t bring himself to voice the \'thank you\', but Harry felt it anyway.

***

Albus was almost sorry to interrupt the pair of Wizards who were dozing peacefully, the smaller lying lightly across the chest of the larger, but he woke them regardless. It was Harry who snapped awake first, clenching his arms around Severus in a gesture that was half giving protection and half begging it. Severus\' arms came up around Harry before he fully awoke, gently rubbing the knobby spine under his fingers. When his eyes opened, he glared up at Albus.

\"The boy is still skittish, Albus. You scared him.\" There was a shocking amount of venom in the statement. Skittish was an understatement; the fear that had coursed through Severus had nearly left him as paralyzed as Harry was.

Albus looked down at the pair seriously. Harry finally looked up at the Headmaster. His eyes were unfocused, as if he was looking inward instead of outward. Albus almost flinched; he had seen that look in those eyes many times before. \"My apologies. However, it is very important that I rouse you two from your nap. You need to make a new batch of my Protection Potionveruverus. The last dose has lost its effectiveness.\" He had not had his usual dose at the end of the previous week, and missing two doses was inadvisable. If the Headmaster was weak, Hogwarts would be weak.

\"And how are we to do that? I can\'t separate from Harry, and he can\'t leave the Infirmary.\" Severus was annoyed, and his annoyance only increased when the Headmaster\'s eyes started twinkling wickedly. Only Harry\'s abhorrence of his anger at anyone, especially the Headmaster, and the boy\'s fingers on his cheek stopped him from snapping at Albus.

\"Oh, Severus. Don\'t worry about such simple things. I\'m having all your necessary equipment brought up here. Harry can sit in a chair and assist you. It is, after all, essential that he provides his energy for the potion.\" Behind Albus, several house elves were arriving with all the ingredients and materials that they would need to brew the potion. \"Now, if you\'ll excuse me.\" Albus started toward the door, turning on the threshold to give them a cheery smile.

\"Temper, Severus,\" Harry said into his chest. He had not moved during the entire exchange. Severus sighed, defeated. \"Now, how are we to manage this? I can do my part as long as I\'m sitting, but we each need both our hands.\" He gave a wry little smile that pressed the muscle of his cheek into Severus. \"This seems to be the problem of the day.\"

\"Well, Mr. Potter, I suppose we\'re going to have to use our legs, then.\" Harry made a face at the use of his formal name.

\"Just because we\'re brewing this potion doesn\'t mean that you have to be ridiculous, Professor Snape.\" Severus was jolted at how incredibly odd those words sounded coming from the mouth of someone who was wrapped quite comfortably around him. Harry gave a mental laugh that prickled pleasingly through Severus.

From the bed, they set up their makeshift workspace, setting up the three necessary cauldrons and spelling Harry\'s chair to move at his command, enabling him to stay in contact with Severus. Severus then lifted Harry to the chair, and sat him in it. Harry kept his hand on Severus\' elbow until the Potions Master had found a comfortable position for both of them. He then looped his leg around the Professor\'s, his knee in front of Severus\' thigh and his foot holding around his calf. The arrangement was not ideal, but it insured that they would not be separated, and that they both hand their hands free and enough elbow room to work. Harry began preparing the ingredients for one half the potion, while Severus worked on the other. They worked in comfortable silence, used to each other\'s presence, accommodating to each other\'s needs. Harry finished brewing his portion of the potion first, as his was the less complex half. He slumped back in his chair, tired from even that much effort.

When Severus had finished his half of the potion, he turned to look at Harry. He was paler than he\'d been earlier in the day, but his eyes were clear and nothing in his mind indicated stress. It seemed that it was just Harry\'s body, recently subjected to so much stress, that was weakened.

Harry quirked his mouth at Severus. It wasn\'t quite a smile, but Severus caught his amusement. \"I\'m fine, Sev. No need to look at me like I\'m about to break. I\'m ready to do it.\" He sat up in his chair, squeezing Severus\' leg in the process of pulling his body forward. The chair moved, bumping Harry and Severus together. Harry looped an arm around the Potions Master\'s waist, gathering strength from the increased contact. Severus brought the third cauldron forward, and poured a ladle of each potion into it. They hissed softly as they combined, and turned blood red. Both Harry and Severus let out a small breath. It had worked. Each had separately been nervous. Harry dangled his hand into the cauldron, stopping his fingers inches above the steaming liquid.

Severus closed his eyes, and saw what Harry was seeing. He had never entirely understood exactly what Harry was doing to increase the protection on the potion, as the threads were not as clear to him as they were to Harry unless he was performing Sanos. What he saw surprised him.

Harry was not only weaving a Protection charm, which was a complicated bit of wandless magic, but he was laying in the threaf hif his own protective ties to Albus, strengthening the potion with the old Wizard\'s own magic. Of course, this was not all apparent from just the visual. All Severus could see was the crossing and braiding of threads, and then the binding of the charm to the potion. Most of the information came directly from Harry\'s own thoughts. Severus was shocked at the magic that Harry was performing, and the endless well of magical energy that seemed to exist within his small body.

By the time Harry finished, he was trembling. He leaned heavily against Severus, tightening his grip on the older man\'s hip to near pain. Severus stroked his hair, looking down in the cauldron. With the addition of Harry\'s magic, the sample of potion had turned a deep rust red. When Harry had recovered a bit, he leaned away, allowing Severus to add the rest of each cauldron into the third, finishing the potion. He bottled the necessary amount, Scourgified the cauldrons, and left the rest of the mess for someone else to clean up.

As he was laying Harry gently in the bed, Albus returned. He took the container of potion, smiled at Severus and Harry brightly, and disappeared again. Harry pulled Severus gently into bed beside him, curled up against him in what had become their normal sleeping position, and immediately dropped to sleep. Severus spent several minutes running his hands through Harry\'s surprisingly soft hair before he too succumbed to slumber.

***

Harry\'s recovery was difficult for all concerned. Severus was not able to return to his classes until the Tuesday before the Hallowe\'en feast, and he still spent every moment not teaching with Harry. The subsequent brewings of the Protection Potion were much easier than the first. Man and boy found their rhythm together; Severus was beginning to find that he really did enjoy Harry\'s company, and though he was grateful to get some of his life back, he figured that the bonding situation could have been far worse. He could have, for instance, been bonded to Longbottom. Harry laughed every time Severus thought it, and there was nothing to do but be warmed and lightened by the boy\'s laughter. Severus knew that, as much as he hated to be sentimental, Harry\'s laughter was going to be a rare and precious sound once Harry had rebuilt his walls.

Hermione spent as many of her free moments as possible tutoring Harry, earning him even more resentment from Ron. Harry exhausted himself every day between his studies and his attempts to rebuild the walls around his Schema. The task was daunting, but Harry\'s progress was quicker than everyone really expected. Severus had been extremely optimistic when he said that Harry should be able to attend the Hallowe\'en feast. Optimism or not, though, Harry lived up to his expectations and had his aura mostly under control by Hallowe\'en.

His ordeal had cost him greatly, but it seemed to Harry that there was always an ironic good somewhere in even this great evil. His control of the Schemata and his own Schema had grown greatly in his nearly two weeks of recovery. To protect others from the negative aspects of his aura, which he and Severus were slowly healing, he had drawn magic around himself. Harry\'s hair always waved in his magical wind, even in his sleep, and Severus and Albus were fairly sure that it always would. He had become even quieter than he was before, and usually seemed distant. He smiled rarely, and only Severus seemed to be able to coax him to laugh. More often, he was just quiet, as if he was always looking inward. When someone spoke to him, he looked at them with pure concentration that could be disconcerting. It seemed he was trying to fathom what was behind their eyes. His own were usually inscrutable now, betraying what was happening behind his guarded interior only in extremely rare moments. However, when he did display the smile that was even more rare now than before, it was a pure reward that thoroughly warmed its recipient. Harry and Hermione had become much closer over the week, though he never spoke to her of what happened to him in Malfoy Manor, and Severus found that even as his bond with Harry lessened, his wariness and dislike of the boy did not reappear. Harry was less clingy and revealed fewer thoughts to the Potions Master, but it was obvious that he still respected and felt comfortable with him.

Harry decided that he was going to attend the Hallowe\'en feast. Severus and Albus had both warned him that it would be stressful to be around so many people, but he was adamant. He agreed to stay with Hermione at all times, and to let her know if he wasn\'t feeling well. Hermione, separately, agreed to let the Headmaster and the Potions Professor know if Harry was inadvertedly making anyone else feel unwell. They had no idea how his walls would hold up against the onslaught of the entire student body. All that they knew was that Harry\'s terrifying aura had disappeared and that he could block both Albus\' and Severus\' attempts at Legilimency again. Severus was tempted to ask the Headmaster to let him stay close to Harry, but settled for keeping a close eye on him from the Head Table.

The Great Hall was decorated in true Hallowe\'en fashion, complete with bats and hovering jack o\' lanterns. Hermione had threatened Ron into swearing to behave, under penalty of repeated hexing. Harry sat on one side of her, Ron on the other. Harry still had an aura of strong magic, but it just felt like a gentle tingle, his fellow Gryffindors mostly ignored it. Ron threw him dirty looks, but Harry was polite to him. Being around so many people was indeed stressful and disconcerting, but the feast was wonderful and Harry was glad to be out of the hospital wing. He would glance up at Severus every once in a while, his green eyes seeking black ones. Each time, Severus met his gaze levelly, and Harry felt better afterwards.

By the time the Gryffindors were on their second plates of dessert, Harry was feeling dizzy and more than a little disoriented. His exchanges with Severus had ceased tlp glp ground him. The Great Hall was spinning slightly, and he felt unbearably hot and closed in. The press of the Schemas of every Hogwarts student was starting to overwhelm him.

\"Mione, I think I\'m going to go back to the Hospital wing. I\'m tired.\" His voice was soft, and had a ragged edge to it that Hermione almost missed. Her instincts activated, she eyed him sharply.

\"Do you want me to come with you?\" She was surprised at how motherly her voice sounded, even to her. It was nearly enough to make her blush. Ron growled beside her, and she saw Harry meet his gaze, then break it.

\"No, I\'ll make it on my own.\" As he walked away, Hermione watched the waving of his hair and robes. His magical wind had increased steadily throughout the night, and now it looked like he was walking in his own personal windstorm. To prevent another fight, she didn\'t mention anything to Ron. The Gryffindor table resumed their revelry without so much as a pause.

Halfway up the stairs to thepitapital wing, worried by Ron and disoriented by his long lack of contact with Severus, Harry felt as if the world lurched out from beneath his feet. He collapsed onto the stairs, momentarily grateful for their coolness against his head before he succumbed to unconsciousness. At the Head table, Severus\' head shot up, and he hurried out of the Great Hall without a word to anyone, leaving a moment of stunned silence in his wake. He had felt Harry\'s disorientation, but had left the boy to his own devices, reluctant to embarrass the Gryffindor by taking hold of him in public. He scooped Harry up from the stairs, feeling the boy regain consciousness with their contact.

\"Sev...too many sweets?\" Harry asked weakly. Severus snorted, but held Harry closer to him. He laid Harry tenderly on their bed, the only full sized bed in the Infirmary, carefully removing his clothes and tucking him in. He made to turn away, but found Harry\'s hand on his wrist. \"Don\'t leave, Sev. Come sleep--me. Long day--need rest. You too--here. Not done w\' me yet.\" Harry\'s ramblings s mad made sense to Severus, making him aware that he\'d either entirely taken leave of his senses or that their bond was still stronger than he thought and he could still read the boy\'s mind. Harry wiggled over, making room for Severus. He sighed, and removed his shoes, his robes, and his outer shirt. Then he climbed carefully into the bed with Harry. Harry curled against him, pressing their spines together in a comforting way. He no longer slept draped over Severus, as their waning bond had begun making the Potions Master slightly uncomfortable with the intimacy of it. Sleeping together, though, was still the most comforting and natural thing in the world.

Severus fell into the completely comfortable slumber that he always did when lying with Harry. These past two weeks were the best sleep he\'d had in years.

a/n-
three of staves-successful conclusion of a journey or project. leaping back into the mainstream of activity following a period of withdrawl or inactivity. inheritance; passing power, wealth, or wisdom to the next generation.

there is a good chance that i won\'t be able to post any more until after hallowe\'en. my beta and i are both going to be rather busy until november first, at very least. don\'t worry, i\'m not giving up. i\'m but a mortal, and a college student at that. truly, there\'s only so much a girl can do, especially when the girl is me, and i\'m in florida buried under a pile of texts, and my beta (who lives lots of timezones away) is on a business trip.
so i haven\'t stopped loving you, or sev, or harry. we\'ll be back after hallowe\'en.