A Secret Worth Keeping

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, only those that I created myself. Please do not harm me in any way. I only do this for fun.

A Secret Worth Keeping


Chapter Twelve: Show Me the Way of My Heart


Giving Severus one more smile, Hermione left the Headmaster’s office to retrieve Sebastian from Poppy and Professor McGonagall. She had so much to think about now, so much to process with all the new revelations she had discovered within the last hour. She let her thoughts stray, not even noticing the headmaster’s silent pass or remembering exiting the gargoyle’s passage until she found herself at the hospital wing.

She stopped short as voices and laughter drifted through the heavy wood and she realised where she was. She felt silly wandering around the castle in a half-dazed trance, but as the affable laughter floated to her, she felt something pass over her. A calming, relief-like feeling of… what…. Contentment? No, perhaps safety, which would be more like it. She knew that whatever happened from now on, she never had to worry about her or Sebastian’s safety.

Severus would be there to care for and to protect them. Of that, she had no doubt. He was fiercely loyal and from what she knew of him, he didn't like things he loved being taken advantage of or destroyed. She smiled at that. Severus did have an honourable streak in him, albeit one that he preferred to hide from the rest of the world.

But could she love him in return?

She blinked at that thought just as an especially loud laugh came from beyond the hospital wing door and curiously, she opened the door to see the two witches cooing and laughing at the tiny antics of the newborn. The sight was amusing and she tried her best to hide the grin on her face as she entered.

“I hope he hasn’t been too much trouble,” Hermione said quietly.

Minerva noticed her first, and gently picked up the baby, avoiding his kicking legs as they flailed helpless in the air until he was settled in the crook of her arm.

“I take it things went well?” she asked noting the flushed look on the young woman’s face.

Hermione nodded. “Things have been… discussed. I think Severus and I have a new… perspective… on our relationship.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Poppy popped up with the familiar blue changing bag in hand.

“Only the future will tell, and don’t you dare go asking Professor Trelawney,” Hermione replied.

All three women chuckled at that; each understanding the other’s thoughts as to their beliefs of the Divination’s teacher’s true abilities to read the future.

Hermione took the bag from Poppy and reached for her son. With quick, yet heart-felt thanks for the both of them, she left the hospital wing with Sebastian gurgling happily.

Hermione reached their chambers and after feeding her hungry son, placed him in the cradle for his normal nap. She sang softly to him until his eyes drooped and his belly rose and fell in rhythmic repetition. She gently stroked his dark hair, smiling down at him, thinking about his future. He had a mother that loved him and a father that seemed to, from all outward appearances, love him, yet she know he loved her with such deep emotions that it almost scared her.

She had avoided thinking too deeply while she was feeding their baby, but now, as she sat by the enchanted window and gazed out into the day, the thoughts came unbidden into her mind.

It was barely noon, but she felt like a whole week had passed since learning everything a mere half-hour ago. She closed her eyes and allowed the emotions to come. As the tears began to fall once more, she felt the anguish and despair ride out with every sob. This was a different form of weeping, a different release of emotion, almost a cleansing proclamation that seemed to pull every negative aspect about her situation from her inner soul and pushed it to the front of her heart.

She remembered how his dark eyes had looked haunted when he thought that he had raped her on his own, a possibility that she had never even considered. Even through their worst times, she had never thought that he would have hurt her voluntarily. That made her shiver a bit.

The mere idea that he could have thought that chilled her to the bone. If he really had believed himself capable of raping her, what other things had crept through his mind, even if they had been instantly dismissed? Could he have really raped her if given the chance?

No.

She shook her head remembering the look in his eyes when he thought that he had actually committed such a horrific crime against her.

No, he couldn’t have and wouldn’t have. He loved her too much to do something so horrific as to destroy any chance of having her return that love.

But… then again…

Did she love him? Could she learn to love him?

She reached up and wiped the remaining tears away, her thoughts running in a multitude of different directions. His declaration of love confounded her. She had never even suspected he had any romantic feelings towards her at all during her earlier years. He had kept his feelings hidden very well.

It amazed her that he loved her at all, considering her stand in the wizarding world. She wasn't the most popular among the pure-blooded wizards, and if any of them found out about a child formed between a pure-blood and a Muggleborn, the shit would most definitely hit the fan. Not to mention that Severus would be in even more trouble with Voldemort. Moreover, their son would be ostracized as an abomination.

Damn you Malfoy.

She frowned slightly as the blond man ran through her thoughts. Why was it that Severus hadn’t mentioned Lucius Malfoy other than his presence that night? She wondered if Lucius had tried to throw that night into Severus’s face during any of the evil revels that Voldemort hosted. Did Malfoy sneer in pleasure just mentioning that night or did he just let it rest?

Judging by Severus’s reaction to the return of his memories, Malfoy must have never mentioned it or else Severus would have had some clue as to why she had just vanished. According to Harry, he didn't seem all that worried over her disappearance.

She furled her brows at that thought, surprised at the feeling of disappointment that fluttered in her heart. Why didn’t he try to find her? If he loved her as much as he said he did, why didn’t he ditch everything and search for her? Perhaps she would never know or, perhaps she should corner him and get the truth.

She didn’t disbelieve that he loved her but she did wonder as to the depth of his affections.

She sighed and leaned back into the chair, thinking. She had never had any romantic thoughts towards him in any way. Her overall past thoughts of him were of a mean, angry man who had no life outside of Hogwarts. He was cold and unyielding, a very hateful man who got off on extracting points and heaping hours of detentions on her Housemates.

However, looking at him now, she could see how wrong she was. This was a man who needed love. A man who had always had a hard life, and more than anything, needed someone to care for him for who he was, not what he showed on the outside.

But could she be that person?

She honestly did not know. She had never had any romantic feelings towards any man or boy. The wants and needs in normal teenage girls never affected her in the normal way. She had never felt the yearning for male companionship, or felt the need to kiss or have sex like the rest of her female friends did. Her yearning was always for one thing: learning.

Perhaps she was abnormal. Who knows?

She glanced at the cradle and smiled softly. One thing was for sure, though. If there was to be a possibility of them all being a family, a true family, they would have a lot to work through. However, she had a feeling that things would turn out all right in the end.

'Love is too precious to snuff out without an attempt to let it grow,’ she thought.

She smiled and closed her eyes. It seemed that her heart and her mind found a common ground and she allowed her thoughts to end as she drifted into slumber.

Let her dreams show her the way of her heart.