Journey to Somewhere

War of Hearts

A/N - Inspired by “War of Hearts” by Ruelle and “Lily’s Theme” by Alexandre Desplat (DH Soundtrack)

Harry and Severus had taken that weekend to process everything that Harry had found out.  Harry took a potion to become ill just to stay away from classes and the headmaster for about a week after that. He also needed dreamless sleep, because his nightmares were relentless without it.  He gave Severus a copy of the memory of their conversation and bade him tell Voldemort.  He could not face his lover right now.  So much inside of him was raging and breaking and falling.  He was a weapon designed to kill Voldemort… He was afraid that if he let the other power out that he would not be himself… He was afraid he would kill the man he loved.  No one knew what he would be capable of.  No one not even the insane headmaster.

When he looked in the mirror he saw the mask of a monster.  The images of the blood and bodies from the visions plagued his mind at night.  Nothing, not even when Voldemort shared his memories with Harry, had touched him so badly.  In his mind, once he had confessed, Voldemort was reborn.  Now Harry felt the blood was on his hands, he felt unworthy, dirty and revolting.  Silencing charms were on his bed so others would not hear the screams that shook him at night.  Again he was really the boy-who-lived.  That title was bought in the blood of innocents.  He could barely face Severus anymore knowing what had happened.

His own fathers had been forced to carry, they had been brutalized and there had been so much blood.  He couldn’t face them, the monster that he was had not true family.  Family was built on love, he had not been wanted, only needed for the plans of an evil sadistic bastard.  He stared at his hands and the face in the mirror more than he should, many times he had to vomit because of what he saw.

Harry withdrew so much that even Severus got worried.  Harry no longer visited and became stoic as a statue within the classes.  He talked to no one, acknowledged no one else.  Even the headmaster was beginning to notice Harry’s withdrawn state.  Severus told the old man it was only a phase because of a girl.  The Headmaster seemed appeased... for now. Severus knew it would not be long before the Headmaster would take things into his own hands.

Voldemort was even more worried than usual.  Something that made the man worrisome to his followers.  An agitated Dark Lord was something they feared. It was late into the fall that Voldemort, Lucius, Draco and Severus finally staged an intervention.

Harry felt hollow inside, he tried to forget his love, tried to push the pain of separation away.  The more he fought the need to run to Voldemort, the more he felt the pain of the separation.  He could barely look at food, and sleep only held more nightmares.  He had been casting glamors and using potions that he ordered, in order to appear normal. He was failing and hoped that soon he would fall into nothingness and just forget the monster inside.  He looked longingly at the knives at dinner, he wished for accidents that could take him out of the equation.  He wanted to slip away so the monster inside would die.  He planned to do something soon…

It was late on a friday before the christmas holidays that Draco finally got the chance to send Harry into a spell induced sleep so that they could get him back to the manor.  Harry had been out of bed and heading up towards the Astronomy tower.  Draco was surprised the normally alert Harry did not detect him before he cast.  He had a sneaking suspicion that if they had waited any longer, they would have been too late. Draco quietly made his way up to the seventh floor.  Draco used the Vanishing cabinet in the room of requirements to transport Harry.

Voldemort wanted this to go as well as possible and prepared everything as best as he could.  He had Harry in his arms lying on a bed.  He canceled all spells on Harry and was shocked to see just how much Harry had suffered.  The face was sallow, his eyes darkened around the edges and lines creased his lovely face.  He sighed and shifted Harry as best as he could.

Lucius and Severus sat on two armchairs next to the bed.  Voldemort erected a forcefield around the bed to protect the two men from any backlash.  He trusted his connection with Harry to protect himself.  He stroked Harry’s face softly, he had missed this man so much.  Even in sleep he could see the demons plaguing Harry.  He too had felt the urgency consuming Harry.  As much as Harry had tried to keep him out, he was just as much a part of Harry as the boy was to him.  He needed Harry to see, to understand how much they all needed him.  He needed Harry more than he needed air to breathe or blood in his veins. He whispered the spell to awaken Harry from sleep.

Harry was disoriented, inside he had felt so hollow over the last few months.  He shuddered feeling the arms around him and then stiffened as he caught the scent of his beloved.  He shut his eyes willing calm to overtake him, he could not put his love at risk from the monster he had become.

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