Carridwen

"Children wake up,
Hold your mistake up,
Before they turn the summer into dust.
If the children don't grow up,
Our bodies get bigger
But our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms
Turnin' every good thing to rust.
I guess we'll just have to adjust." - "Wake Up," by The Arcade Fire

His mind was a whirlwind. He was a whirlwind. He walked the streets from his flat, in a warehouse area of London, the old stone buildings long converted to galleries and cafes and posh boutiques. The path was lined with planted trees, with potted flowers.

Everything outside was so green. Wasn't it approaching winter?

The sky was eerily bright, his hands itched to scratch records. His steps were long, measured, he felt like he could run, and run, and run but never lose the energy he was feeling now.

He couldn't think straight, so he stopped trying.

He picked a still-blooming flower, a violet colored pansy perching precariously at the edge of a large pot overflowing with the plant. Twirling it in his fingers, he wondered how much Pansy liked her birthday – he saw her cry and laugh and dance, but she could be fickle, and he would make sure everything for her was perfect. After all, that's what friends are for.

He still felt disgruntled. He didn't know what had happened with Harry... Had the brunette left with his amorous italian friend? Draco cringed at the thought, Blaise had done that to too many of the men he tried to flirt with. The trick got old.

But, Harry was different. He just, was. He was strong and bright and calm in a way Draco didn't recall from grade school. He was confident, and he was beautiful, mesmerizing even. The blond's cheeks heated at the thought of Harry's powerful body pressed against his last night in the club, his hips grinding so close...

Draco physically pulled himself from his thoughts, grasping his wand too tightly as he apparated in a deserted street to Diagon Alley. This isn't the time or place to think about him like that...

He reached a tall, thin building in the few blocks between Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes and Flourish and Blott's, the large stone walls of the place were pale and pretty, trimmed with white and a silver so flashy it easily attracted passersby – without seeming self-imposing.

He stepped through elegant front doors and felt the effects of a Calming Charm – put in place by Pansy's genius, with the idea that comfort should be the main export of their charity, and that those seeking their help should feel "that the first step to comfort is stepping through our doors." He also felt a small wash of magic flow across his body as their wards registered his wand and magical imprint, a safety precaution found necessary after several pureblood patriarchs flew past their doors in rage and with retribution in mind.

Pansy's black bob of hair snapped up as Draco entered the small, yet spacious, office, settling the small pansy flower before her.

"What are you doing in so early? I thought you'd be sleeping off last night," her eyes were slightly wide, and Draco wondered if she was worrying about him.

"No, love, I couldn't stay asleep for the life of me. I'm equally surprised to see you so chipper after what I saw you up to last night," he teased.

Pansy smirked, "Pepper-Up potions work miracles when they're specially prepared by one Draco Malfoy."

Draco raised an eyebrow at her, I knew she took the last of my Pepper-Up...

He glanced around the airy room, hued in calming shades of powder blue and lilac, where Pansy sat behind a rounded white oak receptionist's desk. A beveled glass door behind and to the right of her darkened slightly as a figure moved behind it, coming into view and twisting at the pewter doorknob to walk through.

"Maman!" Draco all but leaped across the room to sweep up the petite form of Narcissa Malfoy.

Narcissa laughed, a sound like toasting champagne flutes, and let her son twirl her around the room. He put her down and she smoothed her silver robes with a fluid hand, kissing his cheek.

"You've waited far too long to visit me, my little Dragon," she smiled lightly at him, her eyes warm.

Pansy ducked her head to hide a smirk, "I told your 'little Dragon' so, but he never listens to me."

Draco mock glared at both of them and pouted, "I'll have you all know, I'm an adult dragon now, and can do as I wish."

Narcissa laughed once again, sliding her arm around his, "Come now, Dray, you know I've never stopped you from doing as you wish."

Draco gave in and smiled at his beautiful mother, placing a hand on hers.

"Far too true. Shall I fetch tea?" Draco beamed at his two favorite ladies – he often swore that if he ever found a creature as elegant and strong as Narcissa, yet as crude and silly as Pansy, he would never have had need for men. Yet he was acutely aware that perfect creature would never come to existence.

"Delightful, you know where the tea station is," Narcissa nodded to him, granting his leave, and she walked smoothly to Pansy's reception desk, a small gray folder forming in her hands.

She's gotten better at her office spells, Draco mused as he watched the two women exchange worried looks, yet he pushed through the bevelled door and meandered down the hall to fix hot tea.

Picking up the tea tray, laden with bergamot scented tea and three porcelain cups, he paused beside the door as the voices in the reception room raised.

"But how is that even possible? Our paperwork has always been pristine," Pansy's voice held the slightest tremor of panic.

"Yes," Narcissa said delicately, "And certainly it is an error, which we are not responsible for. However, the investigations through the ministry are spreading through their top charities – there are still many who would love to see the Malfoy name fail."

Narcissa's voice had hardened, almost slicing the words like a steel blade.

Pansy sighed, "This won't look good. There's a Ministry investigation into my family, and if my father kept up his illegal potions operations – which i know he has – this just... This just isn't going to look good. A.I.F.E. could suffer simply from that hitting the news circuits."

Narcissa paused, and Draco felt as if he saw the slight shake of her flowing blonde hair that she would condescend Pansy with, "No, I have no worries they would not be able to hold up such accusations in court, you need not fear. However, we must keep on our toes, and reorganize our paperwork. We'll find the missing documents, and the missing funds, and if we don't I shall file a formal request for help from the Auror department.

"Pansy, we have a responsibility to the women who look to our organization – we will keep our heads up and not be fearful of the silly threats from Chairman Pollis. I'll firecall the Minister as soon as Draco leaves."

Draco took this as his cue to bustle through the door, smile in place, pretending he hadn't heard their exchange.

"Earl Grey?" Draco questioned, setting the tray across the desk, as Narcissa brought a small smile to her lips, and Pansy shuffled away stacks of papers on her desk.

"Your voices got rather heated... Is this a subject I should concern myself with?" Draco looked between them, not letting the worry show on his face.

When he had left for europe, Narcissa had carried on by herself, and Pansy banded with her in this charity venture – he had no right to interfere with their business unless they needed him. In many ways, he wished he hadn't left, that he could be more a part of their life, but he recognized their need to have control over this – the lives of so many pureblood women were overshadowed by their male counterparts, they had little to no rights within the social structure, and running this organization both gave them the power to help other women and control over their own lives.

Narcissa smiled pleasantly at him, but seemed to gaze pointedly at Pansy, "No, Dragon, everything is in capable hands. We have no worries."

Pansy suddenly stood, "Actually, I think it's time for my lunch break! Care to escort me to Fortescue's?" The tiny girl looked to her pale counterpart, "You can handle everything, of course, Cissa?"

"Of course. You two run along," Narcissa gathered the files across Pansy's desk, slender fingers stroking the large pile into a thin briefcase that appeared at her silent command. "In fact, I had planned to close early today, it's a rather slow Saturday, and I planned to stop by the S.P.E.W. offices. Ms. Bellows had wished to hire one of their free-agent elves to help around her home, as her ex-husband freed all of her previous elves."

Draco bid his mother adieu, and watched as she walked back behind the bevelled glass door to her personal office, he assumed to give the impression of flooing directly to the S.P.E.W. Pansy tapped her wand across the broad sign that had said Come in, We're Open, so that it now read Sorry, We're Closed, and performed a complicated locking charm on the doors as they left into the breezy Alley.

Draco breathed in the air outside of the Calming Charm, and realized his heart was beating far too fast.

Last night caught up with him once more, his breath became short – though he smiled at Pansy and followed her steps to Florean Fortescue's, moving with no apparent difficulty – but the thoughts unloaded on him so suddenly after the charm fully released its hold.

Harry pressing against him, Harry shivering under his touch, the lost look in those emerald eyes as Blaise pulled him away... a slice of anger flared through him as Draco thought of Blaise.

"Pansy – " Draco realized he called her name a little too loudly, and lowered his tone as he sidled up to his friend, acting as casual as he could. "...You did enjoy your party, yes? How was Blaise? I wasn't able to see who he left with."

Pansy peered at him, he could see the thought passing through her eyes – Draco had never inquired after Blaise's rendezvous'.

"I'm not sure, Drake. I never watch Blaise." She stepped through the high doors to Fortescue's and requested a table on the upstairs patio, overlooking the bustling Alley. "But yes, I did have an excellent birthday party. And I thank you graciously, you prat."

Draco smiled, almost leaning forward to muss her hair just to hear her screech in annoyance at him. He hated the swelling feeling in his heart at knowing Blaise left unaccounted for.

They spoke amicably, Pansy gushing over the latest gossip she heard through her infinite social channels – apparently a prominent pureblood witch named Genevieve was having an illustrious affair with a well-known muggle actor; the woman had gone so far as to invite him to a wizarding event and tell him it was a "costume party" with very good "special effects."

But all Draco could focus on was his concern after Harry. He began feeling morose and attempted to careen his train of thought to his mother, but that disturbed him as well – she and Pansy were blatantly hiding their problems from him, and what could he realistically or rightfully do about it?

"Drake? Draco?" Pansy prodded his arm, where he leaned his chin staring off into space, "Drakeyyyyyyyyyyy..." She cooed his nickname, bringing him back to reality to glare balefully at her.

"Yes, madam?" Draco's voice was thick with sarcasm.

"You weren't listening to me." She regarded him speculatively, "What's on your mind, mon cher?"

"Nothing in particular, really," he said, pleading for the blush spreading across his high cheekbones to disappear. He scooped his large spoon into the simple white chocolate sundae he'd ordered, hoping Pansy would change the subject.

Pansy, of course, would do no such thing.

"Oooo... I bet I know what you're thinking of!" A devilish cheshire grin curved across her lips, she practically rubbed her hands together in an evil anticipation.

Draco sputtered, mouth full of ice cream, "Wh–what...?"

She began singing so softly to him, "Draco Malfoy, what's your problem? You're looking kind of mopey and forlorn this morning..."

He glared at her again, sticking a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth petulantly.

"Harry Potter what's your deal? Are you having trouble with the feelings that you feel?" She laughed at his panicked expression, Draco tried in vain to hush her and looked wildly around for any listeners.

Suddenly Draco recalled the tune she sang to, and groaned in annoyance – she had sung this about every speculative coupling across Hogwarts during their younger days.

"Draco Malfoy, what's your issue? Do you need a hug or maybe a tissue?" She continued singing as he quickly cast a privacy bubble around them, still attempting to hush her, but only making her sing louder.

"Harry Potter, give us a sign? Can't commit to Weasley, so what do you have in mind?" She grinned into her next line, "No, it's Draco and Harry, sitting in a tree, s-n-o-g-g-i-n-g, Draco and Harry, sitting in a tree, f-a-l-l-i-n-g in looveeeee!"

Draco's head was buried in his hands, all former notions of enjoying this outing pushed far from his mind.

Pansy simply patted his head and swished her wand, ridding them of the privacy bubble.

"Now that I am completely and utterly mortified," Draco ground out, "Care to tell me what the bloody hell that was all about?"

She practically simpered, "Because you're totally mooning over the green-eyed hero boy! Oo, oo, is that why you asked who Blaise left with?"

His blush and silence answered her question and she quickly opened her mouth before he could protest, "He left early with the Lovegood girl, Luna. He didn't leave with Blaise."

Draco almost hated himself for the obvious relief he felt.

"Do you think he and Lovegood...?" He quirked an eyebrow at Pansy, hoping her gossip skills were as adept as ever at knowing who was single and who wasn't.

Pansy raised her eyebrow at him in response, "Lovegood? Oh, no, no. She's a lesbian. I think they live together, though.

"Lovegood's a curator at the Brigit Museum of Modern Art – she's actually helping the A.I.F.E. put together our Fall Fundraiser. We're holding it at her museum... you are coming to that, right?"

Draco blinked at her, Who would have thought Loony Lovegood would turn out lezzy? Well, who would have thought I'd end up gay, either?

"Of course I'll be there. You know I never miss your events. It would give far too much chance for you and mère to be upset with me." Draco slowly let PAnsy handle the conversation once again, avoiding thoughts of The-Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Get-Out-Of-His-Mind.

They parted ways, Pansy promising to firecall him later that night, and he began the long walk back to his flat. He realized he could've flooed home from The Leaky Cauldron, or apparated directly home, but he'd discovered walking eased his thoughts, and the crisp air reminded him of his many long walks through the european countryside. He supposed it was another thing about himself that he realized since his backpacking journey.

So much really has changed, he thought, thinking back to Luna Lovegood. Harry Potter living with Luna Lovegood, it sounded so odd against his ears. But then, Draco Malfoy lived amongst muggles, so it must be true. It was still hard to shake the schoolboy thoughts he often faced, the social norms he'd accepted in school and the stereotypes he placed people in.

It was easy to overcome the idea that blood purity was a waste of breath, as it was a thought he'd never put much effort into anyway. But he found himself sorting everyone he knew into different Hogwarts houses, and those he knew sorted in school he let stay under their house stereotypes – sneaky, courageous, clever or gracious. And while blood purity was far from his mind, the social differences between purebloods and halfbloods was often very obvious. Just as much as he still thought the Weasley's were an unscrupulous group of ragamuffins; though he'd heard from Pansy that Ronald Weasley had become a polished Auror, one of the best in the Corps.

Maybe it wasn't about stereotypes, though he constantly fought to tear away his conservative values and appreciate all gestures of humanity; maybe it was about individuals.

He thought to his remaining Slytherin friends, and how Pansy was no longer a part of the stereotype, spending her life helping empower people; while Blaise still used his charms to get what he wanted. He thought of Gregory Goyle, mentally flinching – he still found it hard to face Greg without Vince around. Greg had taken to being a hermit shortly after the war. He'd seen him at a few events in the recent past, surprised to see he had a wife and a child along the way. But he supposed everyone had to make their path in life.

Draco wondered how it must feel to have been sorted into another house, without the stigma of dark magic surrounding each student, without the constant reminder that every action you made was being watched by a higher power, being judged on whether or not it was evil enough, or crude enough, or sarcastic enough.

He wondered what it'd have been like to be a Gryffindor. To have the world on your side, and feel the satisfaction that you were always good enough.

Draco shook his head, what was the point in regretting the past? He was who he was, and he could erase and eradicate the remaining Slythering attributes from his life as he came across them.


AN: sorrryyyyy for the long wait. writers block plus my new internship plus extra classwork equals a very busy chelbear.
CHAPTER NOW BETA'D. (i love you, cronikartist.)
ALSO, the song Pansy sings to Draco is actually from "In Which Draco and Harry Secretly Want to Make Out" by The Whomping Willows. thank the gods for wrock. :)

things to consider: i am terribly busy lately, i got an internship doing copyediting for a local art museum, they have weekly after hour events and i work with their music curator to do blurbs on their website, press releases, and the weekly even program. so, yeah, basically im busy. however, i will not leave you ficless, ever, so be confident that this will not be abandoned as it previously had been.

in the meantime: plotline going nicely? i finally made a long-term outline. oh mannn, the next chapter is going to screw with everyone's heads... harry does some characteristically stupid thinking. :) but, things will get righted... and chapter 14, there's a huge fight to look forward to lol.


anna_garney: thanks for the review! and the compliment! i like the characters ive spun pretty nicely... and no worries, draco will do something incredibly draco-like... i mean, you can't really change a slytherin... ;)

tiggator: you're adorable. you just are. and im glad you like this story! let me know of any expectations or concerns you might have, i'm happy to hear anything. :)

I.Drowned.My.Goldfish: omg i love your reviews. lovelovelove. :) i really do need to write some more smut, i have some oneshots all planned out, but when i try to write them i feel like im ignoring this story too much lol. i feel like you're going to hate me for holding out on you, but the smut wont happen in this stry for a few more chapters... however, next chapter there's a bit of sexiness, and ch12 will have a sexy fight... lots of sexual tension! i hope that can keep you satiated for the time being lol (check out the author Cheryl Dyson, she's got a lot of fluffy smutty goodness... thats where i get my fix lol)

thrnbrooke: got you chapter 12! hope you enjoyed! the mesmerization thing... well, i think their interaction only gets better! i hope you do too!

UPDATE!!! as of 3-18-10 i now have someone helping with the french dialogue used in this fic! many thanks to kry-chan for her amazing help in fixing up chapter two, and hopefully chapters to come!
if anyone finds themselves interested in helping with the spoken italian used in this fic, please let me know, via review or email! (fluent italian linguists would be most appreciated :D)

reviews are super appreciated! :)