Ravenrin & Slytherclaw

Oh these next two post are written from the Weasley Twins point of view- just 'cos I love them!!! These next two were just a bit of fun myself and my very good friend AlabasterPrincess82 decided would add a bit of liht comedy to this naughty fan fic!!!! Please feel free to review me!! I hate to beg but I might need that kick in the butt to get me to write more and post sooner!!! :)

RAVENRIN & SLYTHERCLAW- Chapter 12

It was the day after Honeysuckle’s forfeit and now another weekend was upon Hogwarts once more. The Weasley Twins along with their good friend Lee Jordan and various students from the other Houses and visiting schools were all crowded on an unused classroom playing various wizarding games like Gobstones and wizard’s chess. They all had been playing since just after lunch and were soon interrupted by Argenta and Honeysuckle, dressed in their usual weekend clothes of jeans and tight tees, over which they were wearing what looked like a set of teacher’s robes, obviously stolen from the teacher’s lounge wardrobe.
“Good afternoon class. We are your Defence Against Boring Classes Professors. The two main subjects we will be covering are as follows. Professor Blonde here will be teaching you the delightful art of causing mayhem,” Argenta explained. At this news the Twins cheered loudly before Argenta could continue.
“And I will be teaching you the very subtle art of flirtation and seduction, so girlies from Beauxbatons, please be sure to take copious notes.” Both ‘Professors’ bowed to the ‘class’ and swiftly moved on.
“Now the best possible ways to create mayhem are as follows. Please make sure that you do take notes as I will only tell you all this once,” Honeysuckle said and with a flick of her wand produced parchment and quills to appear on every desk. The Twins snatched up their quills and hovered their hands over the parchment in readiness to take notes.
“As you know, you’re wands are a very useful magical tool, but it can also be used in other ways, such as picking your nose, drumming on your desk, playing snooker. I think you get the general idea. Now on to the better ideas for pranks. Providing Peeves with a case of Dungbombs is a very good prank, however socially irresponsible it is. Ok, next one. Here’s one for you Quidditch players. Next time you are playing Slytherin, putting the snitch down Malfoy’s pants is a delightful way to celebrate, especially when he runs around and screaming like a girl,” Honeysuckle laughed, nodding to Argenta who too was making notes of her own.
“Right, before I move on with more great prank ideas, I just want to get something off my chest. WARNING! DO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE OR SMEELS LIKE FOOD FROM THE TWINS!,” yelled Honeysuckle at the top of her voice, pointing to the now affronted Twins who were faining innocence.
“That’s quite an ample chest Professor Blonde. Sure you don’t want to ‘get’ anything else of it?,” said Lee Jordan, earning him a dig in the ribs from one off the Twins.
“One, Mr Jordan, you are not my type and Two, you are just far too young.”
“Awww, you could make it my birthday present,” he wished.
“When Hell freezes over Jordan,” Argenta said, adding,” We very much prefer the older gentleman. Oh yes, older men,” she continued dreamily.
“Erm, yes. Now on once more. For those of you taking Muggle Studies, here are some great ideas to not only elevate boredom but just might earn you extra credit too, so do take notes aplenty. One. Bring a Muggle to school day is such a great way to aid your coursework research and fun too! Two. Adding PlayBoy, PlayGirl and PlayWizard/Witch onto your reading list can bring plenty of joy and has been found to be a great distraction aid too. And finally, Three. For extra credit, dismantling a car and then re-building it in the middle of Professor Burbarge’s office will create quite a stir and well, just imagine his face when he sees it!! For instructions on how to dismantle a Muggle car, see the Weasley Twins. Ok now more entertaining ways to combat boredom in classes. Finding out your Professors’ old school nicknames is very much considered as research and fun to use against them when you want to get out of a detention.” Honeysuckle paused and saw many heads all bent over the parchments on the desks and grinned widely. Even the Weasley Twins were being very studious instead of being the boisterous centre of attention they usually were.
“Hey George, what you got so far?,” Fred whispered across the gap between their two desks.
“I think I’ve got everything so far. This is the best lesson EVER!!,” George hissed, hurriedly jotting down something he had just remembered.
“Righto students. The best pranks so far are yet to come. Now, giving the House-elves kazoos and teaching them tunes is very entertaining and such a great diversion to break a boring lesson. Ok, and this is the best one, well so I think any ways. When next in Potions, try brewing the lessons potion BACKWARDS and see what results you get. Oh, just remember to stand back from your cauldron! Also, breaking into song in any class is always fun- especially in Potions! Before I hand over to Professor Emmanuelle I will leave you with this last prank. And before you say anything boys, (looking at the Twins), this prank is taken and you will see it used at a later date.” Whispers filled the room with antitapation of what Honeysuckle was about to say.
“It is not advisable for yourself and a friend to brew Polyjuice and change into Harry and Ron and then kiss each other passionately in the corridor. Oh and NEVER call any of the Professors Mum- especially Snape. He just doesn’t like it!” The room filled with laughter and applause as Honeysuckle took a bow and stepped back to allow the perched Argenta her time in front of their ‘class’.
“Thank you Professor Blonde. Very enlightening. Now, my turn. Firstly, just a friendly warning boys and girls, Madam Pomfrey has never and does not hand out condoms- if you do have a need, come and find me instead,” Argenta said, adding a cheeky wink.
“Ok people, to the nitty and gritty. Starting every Potions lesson by asking if today’s potion is suitable for the use as a sexual lubricant will infuriate Professor Snape to no end. Now, revel fires are indeed for dancing around, but is also foe disposing of old love letters and sensitive documents, preferably done whilst sky clad.” Faces all around the class bore the signs of confusion.
“Sky clad, you know, naked!” This statement earned quite a few embarrassed faces to rush red and a hail of wolf-whistles filled the air, mingled with soft laughter. Argenta waved off the noise and carried on.
“Using the Engorgio charm on any part of the human body is great not only for entertainment purposes but is just such a great idea. May of you may not agree with my next tip, but here goes. The use of Vertiserum in classes is most defiantly allowed. There must be NO LIES in these hallowed halls of old and learning.” The girls of Beauxbatons were all scribbling down all they could, trying to prove that they too were able to pay attention, even if it’s just for tips on how to flirt.
“Oh, I’ve just thought of a fun one! Just to add a bit of fun to your day! Making certain parts of your uniform, well underwear, edible can be such good fun!” Just then the door opened and in entered Severus Snape. Argenta didn’t miss a beat.
“And here is our Care of Witch’s Underwear Professor,” she said whilst holding out her hand as if to present him to the ‘class’. Severus turned heel and marched away from the classroom like a man very much insulted.
“Well, I guess we must end our lesson for today. Now, before you all leave, just a few wise words from the pair of us. Remember, save a broomstick, ride a wizard!! Now run before he comes back with backup in the form of other teachers!” Quills and leaves of parchment were grabbed up from the desks and hurriedly stuffed into pockets as everyone piled out of the room.

During the next few hours, the girls that were in the ‘lesson’ sort out their ‘Professors’ for more tips.
“Now the easiest way to ensnare a lad is thus. Play the lesbian card. Having yourself unavailable to the lad is fine but to have a female partner will just make him want you more,” Argenta confirmed. Whispers surrounded the two friends.
“What about clothes? How should we dress to attract ze boys?,” one of the Beauxbatons girls asked, all leaning closer so they wouldn’t miss anything.
“The skimpier, the better. Always! Small skirts, tight tops, low-cut blouses, sexy underwear, anything you think will send the boy in question into a frenzy. Also, the amount of make-up used is important. Enhancing you best feature can work wonders. Whether it be your bright wide eyes or your pouty lips, make them up to your best advantage. Dressing like a tart but acting coy really confuses the poor deluded souls that are the other half of the human race,” Argenta explained once more. Looks of acceptance and final confirmation on the faces of the mixed school girls flitted away and to the various dorms to try out the tips the two 7th years had just given them.
“I can’t wait to see what those girls come up with dress wise. Especially the Beauxbatons girls. They should have some great tarty clothes and I bet they really don’t know it,” Honeysuckle said to Argenta as they made their way to the Great Hall for dinner. Once the two girls had eaten, they went their separate ways, Honeysuckle headed to her dorm and letter writing and Argenta decided to go for a wander in the labyrinth that was the castle corridors.