Afraid to Live, Afraid to Die

**Please do not comment on how I write. It's simple. If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. If there are mistakes however, you are more than welcome to point those out. This is Harry/Snape and will get dirty at some point, so please be patient.**



For those of you who don't check my profile for updates, here's how the next month is going to go for updates



December 19, 2008 – Chapter 12 posted


January 9, 2009 – Chapter 13 posted



Hopefully by that time I'll have enough to continue posting once a week. Right now I only have these chapters done, and I'm now working on one shots for Harry/Draco special stories.



Italics - Harry's Writing

Bold - Mental Speaking


CHAPTER TWELVE: LIKE AN ANGEL YOU CAME


Dedicate everything I create

To my friends I would die for

But you’ll always be the one

Memories that you can’t overrun

Memories I could cry for


Back in the Picture ~ The Rasmus


There was now a new Minister of Magic to follow Cornelius Fudge’s resignation. Harry had known about it, of course. It seemed like everyday there was something to write about Voldemort, but he wasn’t surprised. On the other hand, he was surprised when Snape showed up leading a blonde Draco Malfoy. Most of the adults tried to keep this from him, and tried to lock him out while discussing what to do with the boy. Snape pointed out that if it hadn’t been for Harry in the first place, then this would all have gone wrong.


The room was filled with arguing, and Harry merely took it all in. When he stood, everyone went silent, eager to hear his opinion.


“I know you all are concerned about his loyalties, but believe me, he isn’t bad. I’ve seen his aura and it’s a pale silvery-blue. I’m going to assume that everything he’s done so far is out of sheer up-bringing. Now that he’s been given another choice he’s taking a different path. Malfoy doesn’t want to become like that. Now, I’m going to go talk to him,” Harry said, leaving the kitchen without a sound.


He found the blonde in the living room, staring blankly into the fire. The dark-haired boy sat down in one of the armchairs, opposite of Draco. The person who had fought with him all these years was gone; all that was left was a helpless, scared teen.


“All right, now I’m not going to lie to you, but most of the people in this house don’t trust you. It will take time and hard work to achieve that, but I’m sure that you already know that. If you’re willing to try, then I think that we can be friends. You may be a selfish, spoiled, rich prat but that doesn’t mean I want you to die. I’ve seen enough of that to last me two lifetimes. I trust in your heart, I know you aren’t anything like Voldemort and to prove that I trust you, I’ll let you take the extra bed in my room. Now, why don’t you go and unpack while I talk to Snape about getting you out of the Slytherin dorms,” Harry gave him a smile before wandering off to find the mentioned teacher.


It wasn’t unusual to find him in the basement, brewing a potion. Harry seated himself across from the teacher, waiting for a better time to speak up.


“I take it that Voldemort knows about Draco’s betrayal?” Harry questioned when Snape was stirring the potion.


“What makes you say that?” Black eyes watched Harry’s face.


He motioned to the scar on his forehead. “He was angry last night, I felt it.”


“Yes, he knows,” Snape replied, his attention turning back to his potion.


“Did Mrs. Malfoy ask you to do this for him?” Harry picked up an unused ingredient and sniffed it, his nose wrinkling at the disgusting smell.


“Yes she did. What are you getting at Potter?” Dark eyes narrowed dangerously.


“Would she do something for us in return? Perhaps go into a certain someone’s vault for a pretty little cup?” Harry smirked.


The shadowy eyes widened in shock before it was quickly covered. “I suppose she might. What’s your idea?”


“Well, since Bellatrix is still a wanted criminal, I’ll assume that the Malfoy’s have access to her vault. It will be a simple task of walking in and getting it,” Harry said, picking up another ingredient.


“Sometimes you have quite brilliant ideas. I just wish it happened more often,” Snape derided.


“Also, we need to get Malfoy out of the Slytherin dorms. They won’t take this betrayal easy,” Harry said.


“Dumbledore is already working on it,” Snape said. “What do you take him for, boy?”


“An interfering, sufferable fool.” Without letting Snape get in another word in, he left, letting his anger reach Snape as an added insult.


It was one week later when the Weasley’s showed up to stay at headquarters. Ron had come into the room, complaining about something to do with Fleur Delacour for a full ten minutes before he noticed Draco sitting at the desk. Uncomfortable silence filled the room until the yelling started minutes later, mainly from Ron, and the others soon came to investigate. It took two hours of arguing before things settled down. An uneasy tension filled the room and Harry could no longer stand it.


“I’m sick of this. Why is it that no one can trust my judgment? Malfoy’s been staying in the same room with me all week and he’s been trying damn hard to show me that he’s changed. Come on, Malfoy, let’s do our homework in a different room until these people remember that you’re a human being,” Harry wrote, standing and dragging the non-resistant blonde behind him.


They settled in the study, both deep in thought until the blonde broke it several minutes later.
“Thanks for standing up for me back there. I’ve never had anyone do that for me,” Draco admitted.
“It wasn’t a big deal. Gryffindor loyalty and all that. Besides, I didn’t say a single word that I didn’t mean. You have been working hard to get the others to trust you. I even have the evidence to prove it,” Harry smirked, holding up a moving photo of Draco doing the dishes.


“I’ll pay you to never show that picture to anyone,” Draco said, his cheeks tinting pink. “Has there been any word from Uncle Severus recently?”


“Uncle Severus? He’s your uncle?” Harry asked in disbelief.


“Actually he’s my godfather, but I’ve always called him that,” Draco said.


“Interesting, I’ll have to find an annoying nickname. I could contact him for you, I have a way that’s a lot faster than what the members use,” Harry stated, thinking about what he could call the older man.


A blonde eyebrow rose, obviously curious about Harry’s faster means of communication. Yet he had not pestered Harry into answering, as Ron often had. The youngest male Weasley had said something about a strange look on his face, which Harry apparently got when talking to the teacher. Although no one knew exactly what was going on, except perhaps Dumbledore.


First stretching out a curious feeling across their bond, knowing full well that Voldemort could be in Snape’s mind and therefore get in trouble, should Harry just haphazardly start talking.


“What do you want, Potter? I’m busy,” His tone was harsh.


“Aw…now Sev, that’s not very nice. Here I am all concerned for my bond-mate’s welfare and you’re so snippy,” Harry said innocently.


“Surely you did not contact me just to ask about the state of my person, Potter. It would be a waste of time,” Snape’s irritation came with his cruel words.


“I did, Sev. Actually your godson was worried about you,” Sweetness now seeped into his voice.


“Tell him that I am quite accomplished at taking care of my-… Did you just call me Sev?” The irritation was still there but there was also curiosity lying underneath it.


“Don’t you like it? I thought that’s what I could call you in bed while we’re rolling around,” Harry was enjoying himself, even smirking.


Snape was silent for a long time, his emotions rolling over Harry in waves: first anger, followed by a short burst of lust, embarrassment and finally annoyance.


“Refrain from speaking that way or I’ll deduct points from Gryffindor,” A snarl followed his words.


Harry snickered across the bond. “Is this any better?” It was then that he tried what he’d been working on ever since reading the book on bonding. An image of him and Snape in bed together, naked, made it across the invisible thread that connected them. Harry laughed as the older man began sputtering before claiming that he had something better to do than talk to him and an almost wall-like block went up between them.


Looking up, he saw the amused smirk on Draco’s face. “Find something funny, Potter? You were laughing, silently of course.”


“Quite funny, but I’m not going to share that just yet. Snape’s fine by the way,” Harry said, smiling.


“Well that’s good to know,” Draco went back to work.


Harry didn’t hear another word from Snape for the next two months. The monthly healing potions were given to him through Mrs. Weasley, who made sure he took them. At the end of July, he’d been surprised by his presents, not knowing what they were, unlike the Christmas presents. The boy suspected that Hermione had reminded everyone, but Draco of course, that he already knew what the presents would be. Even more surprising was that Draco had given him a leather-bound book of defensive spells. When questioned, the blonde merely shrugged and said that he was returning the favor of Harry getting him a present.


By the time September 1st arrived, Ron and Draco could stand to be in the same room without insults or injury for two hours. Hermione enjoyed his company as the only Malfoy heir seemed to be the studious type, unlike the two she’d known since first year. Even Ginny was polite around him, although she often didn’t go too far out of her way to talk to him.


When Harry sat down in the Great Hall for the first feast of the year, he noticed that Horace Slughorn was sitting at the table with the rest of the teachers. Mismatched green eyes moved to the previous potions teacher to find the smallest bit of a smirk there. Harry also smiled, happy for the man he’d grown attached to.


“Don’t be too happy, Potter. I’ve removed all of my old school books so you won’t be tempted to cheat.”


Snape’s voice was heavenly across his mind after two months of silence. Despite the hard man’s words, Harry’s smile did not falter.


“I figured you would. You have a penchant for remembering small details like that,” Harry said.


When Dumbledore stood, it made the young boy frown finally, as he made introductions about the new teachers and other changes in the staff. Snape must have felt his displeasure grow for a sense of calm soothed over his mind.


“You’ll be staying in my chambers once again this year. Take Draco up to the Gryffindor dorms; he’ll be staying there. Be sure to warn them no funny business or they’ll have detention with me for a week, and fifty points removed,” Snape threatened.


Merely nodding, Harry turned his attention back to the group surrounding him. The blonde in question sat between himself and Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Neville sat across from them. Other Gryffindors, however, gave them a wide berth. When the two of them reached the Common Room, everyone was assembled, compliments of their Prefects.


“Listen up, Gryffindors. As most of you may or may not know, Malfoy, here, has switched sides. There may have been some wrong doings in the past, but I ask you all to put that behind you. We all know that most Slytherins will be out to get him, so let’s show this school just how loyal we truly are. Protect him like he’s been one of us all along, after all, half of his points earned go to us. I’ve also been warned by the Head of Slytherin that should Malfoy encounter trouble from us, that whoever’s behind it, will spend a week of detention with him and our House will lose fifty points. I want three Gryffindors with him at all times, let’s show them that we can be forgiving and that they do have another choice. So be sneakier and more loyal than the snakes!” Even though no words were physically spoken, everyone still seemed pumped by Harry’s speech. Leaving them to welcome the newest member of the House, Harry made his way down to the rooms he shared with his infatuation.


Snape was sitting on the living room couch, and the younger boy flopped down beside him. Eyes weary and a headache pounding on his skull made Harry exhausted. They sat in silence, Snape with a book in hand, while the student was on the verge of sleep, only to be woken by a sharp pain just behind his eyes.


“What’s wrong, Potter? You’re unusually quiet,” Snape couldn’t hide the concern from him, even though he nonchalantly continued reading.


“It’s nothing, just a headache I’ve been getting recently. Perhaps Voldemort’s happy or something,” Harry let out a breathy sigh.


Cool fingers were suddenly cradling his chin, forcing his head to turn and green eyes opened to look into bottomless black ones. Being this close to the older man’s face had Harry’s heart pounding and his face red. Those deep eyes seemed to examine him intently.


“Does it hurt the most along here?” Snape’s fingers followed the scar from his eyebrow all the way back through his hair.


With his breath caught in his chest, it was all he could do just to nod. Another moment of stillness passed, while Snape’s fingers examined his skull.


“Perhaps it’s time to move onto the next stage of healing. I’ll get you the potion,” It almost seemed like the professor was fleeing, like he was afraid of what was growing between them.


Air returned to his burning lungs as Harry finally took a breath. Snape took his time collecting the potion and it was several minutes before he returned. Their hands met briefly as the glass vial changed hands. An electric shock where the skin touched had them both jumping back. After Harry took the medicine, a minute passed before Snape announced that he was going to bed.


Harry sat there for another hour, trying to decipher what had just happened. It almost seemed like the lust that had hung among them was not all Harry’s, but the boy couldn’t be sure. Deciding not to dwell on it too much, the confused student trudged off to sleep, laying awake, his mind too busy thinking to let himself drift off.



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Preview for Chapter Thirteen: Had A Chance That We Ignored

Out of all the stages, this was the one that had the younger companion the most worried. After all, if the emotional stage had hurt, just what would the physical side feel like? Harry almost expected to be out of it for the next two weeks of vacation. As soon as his watch rolled over to noon violent shiver began to tremble through his body. When the pain started to grow worse, Harry’s eyes caught Snape’s widened black ones.


The older man moved swiftly, catching Harry as he tumbled off of his stool. The instant he felt Snape’s cool hands on his warm arms, the pain dispersed; only leaving behind small twinges every now and then. Snape moved them over to the small full-sized bed that was his while visiting headquarters. Resting his back up against the headboard, his young bond-mate straddling his lap.


A black eyebrow rose when he felt something move against his chest. Looking down, the professor was surprised to see Harry undoing the buttons on his shirt. Curiosity won out over anger and the spy waited to see what the boy was going to do next. In all honesty, Snape hadn’t felt anything when the shorter man had, just a realization that it was starting. He wondered if perhaps Harry had felt something more.

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Harry and Snape start to get intimate, oh, whatever will the cold-hearted teacher do? Find out in the next chapter, which I'm sorry to say, won't be up til January 9th!! Look forward to it!!!