Gaelic Blessing

“I can’t do this.”
Those four little words were still ringing in Severus’ brain hours after Harry had uttered them. He couldn’t believe just how badly things had ended when the evening had started out so well. He had known that something was going on when Minerva had insisted that, if at all possible, Harry should attend the Ministry ball but he had been so blissfully happy that he had ignored the instincts that were screaming at him.
Harry had frozen completely when it was announced that both he and Severus would be receiving the Order of Merlin but he had somehow managed to pull himself together, and make a short but effective speech. Severus had done the same but he had been less gracious and not as nice as Harry. From there, the two of them had stayed as long as courtesy required them to and then they had left, removing and shrinking their robes so that they would fit in in Muggle London. Now that their relationship was out in the open, however controversial, Severus didn’t hesitate before reaching out and taking Harry’s hand in his. Harry’s body had literally been vibrating with tension but when Severus had spoken to him Harry had just brushed off his concerns.
Their dinner had been awkward to say the least. Severus had taken Harry to an upper-class French bistro that he had visited several times with Lucius and Narcissa between Voldemort’s death and rebirth. They had both bypassed a starter and simply ordered a main course and Severus ordered a bottle of rich cabernet sauvignon. When their food arrived both men simply pushed their food around their plates and while Harry had fiddled with his cutlery Severus had relied more and more on the alcohol. Eventually, Harry had muttered those fateful words.
“I can’t do this.”

Severus simply stared at him, unable to comprehend what he was hearing. “What?”

Harry wouldn’t even look at him, simply staring at his plate. “I’m sorry Severus. I can’t do this. I’m really sorry. I’ve got to go.”

Harry had pushed his chair back and fled the restaurant before Severus could even respond. He had simply sat in shock as he watched Harry flee the restaurant, waving off the waiter as he asked some question or other. He couldn’t face sitting in the restaurant by himself and so he paid the bill, and left, finding a small alley to apparate from. He couldn’t face going back to Hogwarts, where his quarters reminded him too much of Harry, and Heathmore was no longer an option. So, he went to the only other place he could think of; Malfoy Manor.

Following Lucius’ death, Narcissa Malfoy had fled to the continent and hadn’t been heard from since. As a result, Malfoy Manor had passed to Draco, who lived there with his girlfriend, a pretty pure-blooded witch by the name of Astoria. Due to his role as Draco’s godfather, and due to being Lucius’ friend for such a long time, Severus knew the Malfoy Manor very well and while it wasn’t sanctuary like Heathmore or Hogwarts it was more than satisfactory with both of those options being closed to him. He knew that Draco and Astoria would still be at the Ministry so he had no qualms about apparating directly in the Manor. Once inside he made his way directly into Lucius’ old study and made a beeline for the well-matured bottle of Ogden’s Finest that was kept hidden. After the evening that he’d had he was in desperate need of hard liquor. Disregarding the burn of the alcohol, he didn’t bother with a glass and simply set the bottle to his lips. This was what he needed; something to take the pain away, something to make him forget. Oblivion in the bottom of a bottle.

It was the next morning before he was found, slumped in a chair before the fireplace, the empty bottle of Ogden’s clutched in the hand lying over the arm rest and the other hand clenching what appeared to be a small, black velvet jewellery box. The house-elf’s eyes widened at the sight and he immediately scurried for Master Malfoy. The Master would know what to do.

To say that Draco was not best pleased at being woken by a house-elf before nine am was an understatement. In fact he was furious. The only thing that stopped him from hexing the poor creature was its frantic babbling.

“Missy is sorry Master Malfoy but Missy is not knowing what to do. Master Snape is in old Master’s study. Master Snape drank old Master Malfoy’s firewhisky. Missy thinks Master Snape has been crying.”

It was this that caused Draco to sit up straight and completely forget about hexing the house-elf.

“Okay Missy. I’ll go and see what’s going on.” He paused for a minute as though he was thinking. “Go back to what you were doing; you don’t have to punish yourself.”

The elf’s eyes widened and she looked as though she were going to say something but thought better of it and simply disappeared with a pop.

Draco got out of bed, taking care not to wake Astoria, and didn’t bother to get dressed, simply pulling a sleep robe over his pyjama trousers. Grabbing his wand from under his pillow he made his way downstairs and into his father’s old study.

There, in front of the fireplace, just as the elf had said was Severus. Draco peered closer and saw that while the man was still asleep it wasn’t a restful sleep; he was moving restlessly, frowning and mumbling. The house-elf was also right that at some point Severus had been crying. Draco’s eyes widened as he caught sight of the jewellery box clenched in Severus’ hand. He was the only person that had know Severus was intending on proposing last night. Oh shit. Had Harry turned him down? Moving closer, Draco raised his wand so that he was thoroughly prepared. Even drunk Severus was a force to be reckoned with and due to his former profession his senses and reflexes were honed to razor-sharp precision. Warily, he reached out and shook the man’s shoulder. Immediately, Severus’ eyes sprang open, although they were slightly fuzzy, and his wand had materialised in his hand from somewhere. Upon seeing that it was Draco who had disturbed him he relaxed somewhat.

“Draco.” He looked around in confusion. “What am I doing at the Manor?”

Draco sighed and sat down in the other chair. “You tell me Uncle Sev. I was woken up by one of the house-elves saying you were here and that something was wrong. What happened last night? You and Harry left the Ministry well before the rest of us. I thought you were going to propose to him last night? What went wrong Uncle Sev?”

Severus smiled bitterly. “I have no idea Draco. I honestly don’t know.” He shook his head and looked at the empty Ogden’s bottle in disappointment. “I should have known better. After everything I’ve done what right do I have to someone as good and as pure as Harry. I should have never got this involved; I should have known that something like this would happen. I just assumed that Harry would never do something like this.” Here he frowned before shaking his head resolutely. “No, there must be another reason. My Harry would never be so callous. Something must be wrong.”

“Merlin’s balls Uncle Sev!” Draco exploded. “Will you tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Harry and I have split up. Possibly. Maybe. I’m not entirely sure.”

Draco was incredulous. “What do you mean you’re not sure whether or not you’ve split up? What happened last night? Did Harry turn down your proposal?”

“I didn’t even get as far as proposing Draco. I’m sorry; if we’re going to be discussing this can you at least order me some coffee? My head is pounding.”

Draco smirked but called for a house-elf, gave it some orders and took the requested items seconds later when the house-elf reappeared. He handed a large steaming mug of coffee to his godfather along with a potions vial. Severus quirked an eyebrow at his godson as he thumbed the lid off the vial. Draco smirked, knowing how paranoid the potions master was.

“It’s hangover cure. You made it yourself so it’s perfectly safe.”

He gave the older man several minutes to down the potion and for the caffeine to kick in before he leaned forward, looking serious. “Right, you need to tell me everything that’s happened. From the beginning. Now. I know you; if you don’t talk now then you’ll just let it all fester. It’s just us; Astoria won’t be up for hours. Start talking godfather of mine.”

Severus smiled ruefully. “Where to start?! I’m aware that you and Harry have become friends over the last month but I don’t think Harry’s explained to you where he’s been for the last four years.” He paused as Draco shook his head, the blonde completely unaware of where this was going. “Harry completely retreated from the wizarding world to the extent that I was the only person who knew where he was. He took guardianship of the children and retreated to one of the Black family properties in Ireland. I’ve spent the majority of my holidays there since he left. He had no desire to be further controlled or manipulated and he felt that his only option was to leave. I’ve been in love with Harry for a long time, since he was sixteen in fact, but I never believed that I would have a chance. Things changed this Christmas. I was due to stay at Heathmore with Harry for the whole of the Christmas holidays. I had stayed at Hogwarts a bit later once the Express had left when Holly, the oldest of Harry’s wards appeared. Harry was ill, to the point that he was unconscious. He was delirious with fever and rambling most of the time. He nearly died once as his temperature rose so high. Things were said on both sides and revelations were made. We admitted that we were in love with each other and agreed that we would enter a relationship. At the same time I asked Harry to consider taking the posts of head of Gryffindor and Defence professor. Shortly after the New Year he agreed and accepted the posts formally. He was to move into the dungeons with me. Everything was going so well, hence why I was going to propose.”

Draco was now thoroughly confused. “But I don’t understand. If everything was going so well, what went wrong last night?”

Severus poured himself another mug of coffee. “I don’t know. I can only think that the events of last night must have put pressure on him. He must have felt threatened and panicked. It’s not like Harry to be so thoughtless and do something like that. No doubt he was trying to be the noble self-sacrificing Gryffindor and protect me.”

Draco gave an undignified snort. “Protection? What would you need protection from?”

The blonde then proceeded to squirm like a first year as Severus pinned him with a particular look. “Please tell me that you were actually aware of your surroundings Draco. That you weren’t so engrossed in Astoria and the free alcohol that you didn’t hear anything people were saying.”

Draco simply blushed, feeling like a recalcitrant child again, being scolded by his godfather. Severus rolled his eyes in exasperation as he proceeded to explain what he had missed.

“There weren’t very many people there last night who were too happy with my presence. Too many people still believe me to be a Death-Eater. Regardless of both Harry and Albus testifying for me in my trial, people’s opinions are never going to change. There was a massive outcry when I retained both my positions at Hogwarts at the end of the war. Add to that my being honoured with the Order of Merlin First Class and the announcement of my relationship with Harry. Well....”

Draco’s eyes widened as understanding dawned. “You think Harry might have left because he didn’t want things to affect you? Of course! In his own twisted Gryffindor brain it would make perfect sense; leave you to protect you.”

Severus nodded his agreement but the haunted look hadn’t left his eyes yet. He was still too insecure in the relationship and in himself to believe that Harry would be returning. Draco, however, had no such qualms. He leapt up, a grin spreading across his face.

“This is brilliant. All you have to do is find Harry. Tell him that you don’t care about the public etc and then he’ll agree, you’ll get back together and you can propose. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“I wish they were Draco. It’s not that easy and things aren’t that simple. I wish they were.”

In fact things definitely weren’t fine and they were far from simple.


At the same time that Draco was awoken by Missy, Poppy Pomfrey was woken up by Dobby. The medi-witch had agreed to look after the younger children at Heathmore for the night while Harry attended the Ministry ball with Severus. The young man had agreed that he would be back by the morning so that she could return to the hospital wing. However, the appointed time of Harry’s arrival came and went with no sign of the expected wizard.
Concerned, Dobby checked Harry’s room and then Severus’ chamber and labs at Hogwarts as well as Grimmauld Place where he saw no sign of Master Harry or indeed of Master Snape. It was at this point that Dobby woke Poppy. The medi-witch understood Dobby’s concerns and immediately floo-called The Burrow. When her head appeared in the fireplace both Molly and Arthur were seated at the kitchen table eating breakfast and they both looked surprised to see her.

“Poppy! Is everything okay at Heathmore?” Molly immediately assumed that something was wrong with the children.

Poppy looked as though she wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Actually, I think there is. Would it be okay if I stepped through?”

“Of course, of course. Come in.”

Poppy withdrew to tell Dobby to take care of the children and then stepped through into the homely kitchen. She sat down and accepted a cup of tea from Arthur.

Molly spoke almost immediately, unable to contain herself. “Are the children ok? Is one of them ill?”

The medi-witch shook her head. “No, the children are fine. I’ve left Dobby in charge of them. No, the problem is Harry. He was supposed to have returned several hours ago but he hasn’t. It’s most unlike Harry. There’s no sign of Severus either; he’s nowhere to be found at Hogwarts. Did something happen last night?”

The silent gazes that Molly and Arthur shared told her everything.

“Something did happen. Come on then, let’s hear it.”

It was Arthur Weasley who spoke. “Minerva failed to inform Severus and Harry that last nights ball was being held in their honour, ostensibly to present them both with the Order of Merlin First Class. Needless to say, neither of them was too impressed. Harry looked as though he was barely holding things together. Severus just resorted to his old favourite of glaring and sneering at everybody. They stayed for as little time as courtesy required and then left, together, as early as possible. You’re right though – it’s not like Harry to go back on his word. Whereabouts have you checked?”

“Heathmore, Severus quarters, the potions labs and the staff room at Hogwarts. Grimmauld Place. They’re obviously not here. I can’t think of where else to look.”

“I can think of one place.” Molly smiled grimly. “Do you need to get back to Hogwarts Poppy? Yes? In that case, you get back to the school. Arthur will go over to Heathmore to look after the children and I’ll go and get Harry. I have a good feeling that I know where he is.”

The red-haired witch waited until both her husband and her friend had left before she collected her wand and travelling cloak before she apparated to the only conceivable place Harry could be; Godric’s Hollow.

Sure enough, hunched by the graves of James and Lily Potter and Sirius Black was the desolate figure of Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, Order of Merlin first class. What concerned Molly was the fact that there was no sign of Severus. Not wanting to waste another minute, Molly made her way over to the hunched, shivering figure, transfiguring a handkerchief into a warm woollen cloak. Upon reaching Harry she flung the cloak around his shoulders before tilting his face up. She gasped at the sight of the red-rimmed, blood-shot eyes, running nose and silvery tear-tracks running down the cheeks.

“Molly?”

“Oh Harry! Let’s get you home and cleaned up love.”

Harry hesitated and then flung himself at the witch, sobbing once more. “Oh gods Molly. I’ve screwed up so badly. Sev’s never going to forgive me. I didn’t want to do it.”

“Hush love. Let’s get you warm and cleaned up, then you can tell me all about it.”

With a little coaxing she got Harry to stand and, wrapping her arms around him, apparated them both to The Burrow. Once there she ushered him into the kitchen and summarily stripped him of his clothing without a hint of embarrassment. Within no time Harry found himself sat in front of the fire wearing one of Charlie’s winter-thick robes and a mug of hot tea doctored with firewhiskey in his hands. On a table next to him Molly placed bread, butter and fruit cake as well as the pot of tea before she sat down herself.

“Now then dear, drink your tea and tell me everything. What won’t Severus forgive you for? What happened last night?”

A shiver ran through Harry; he couldn’t help it. “What happened last night? What didn’t happen last night? I screwed up so badly....Severus is never going to take me back. I’ve lost him and it’s all my fault.”

Molly was now thoroughly confused. “I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t Severus take you back? What wouldn’t he forgive? You’re going to have to explain things a bit more clearly.”

“Neither of us realised that we were getting the Order of Merlin. All we knew was that for some reason Minerva insisted that both of us attend. Damn cat must have known before hand and just kept quiet. Sev’s refused every invitation for the last four years and they’ve never been able to find me to even deliver an invitation. I panicked. You may have noticed that I was barely holding it together. Sev just reverted to his usual charming personality. I don’t know, maybe I could have coped had I just been there as Severus’ lover. Even though people would have been staring at me and talking about me I wouldn’t have had to make a speech. Add to that the fact that people were talking; I could hear them. About how Sev was a Death-Eater, that he was only with me to somehow bring back Voldemort. That he’d bewitched me using the Dark Arts to make me fall in love with him. That he was only with me to make himself look good and that he didn’t truly love me. How he shouldn’t be allowed to teach at Hogwarts, that he could corrupt his students. That he’d corrupted me. That I should marry a nice witch and settle down in a big house and have lots of children. I simply couldn’t cope. I hated that they were talking about us. That’s why we left. Severus took us to a small French bistro but I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t eat. All I could think was that Severus was giving up so much to be with me; his respect, his privacy, his quiet life. I couldn’t do that to him. As much as I hated to do it, I love him too much to ruin his life. I told him that I couldn’t do it and then I fled. I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”

Molly clucked in sympathy before cuffing him lightly around the head. “Oh Harry, you silly boy. That isn’t your decision to make. Only Severus can decide what he’s willing to give up in order to be with you. You cannot make the decision for him. You need to talk to him dearie, get this mess sorted out. I’m sure it’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”

Harry nodded, his eyes flashing with grim determination. “You’re right. I need to talk to him. I need to get to Hogwarts.”

“No, what you should do is shower and get changed. Then you can find Severus. He’s not at Hogwarts, Heathmore or Grimmauld Place. We can’t think of anywhere else to look.”

“Malfoy Manor. He’ll be there.”

Half an hour later, Harry stepped out of the fireplace in Draco’s study only to come face to face with a distinctly more sober Severus. Ignoring the nerves dancing in his stomach Harry looked the Slytherin straight in the eyes.

“We need to talk.”