One's True Nature

One’s True Nature


Chapter 12

Ginny had debated the moment in her mind over one hundred times. The only thing she did know was that is was an inevitable situation. Whether she did this now, or months from now, or even years, it had to be done. She had run the words through her head so many times, she felt numb to their seriousness. What they might do to Harry, good hearted, kind Harry, worried her more than the pain she might feel when this conversation reached it's final conclusion. Her resolve strengthened when she saw him in the hospital with Malfoy last night. She hadn't really intended to follow him, she had actually gone there because she was worried when he didn't come home from the ministry.

She had figured out the truth or guessed it six months ago. Harry always seemed to have an obsession with Draco Malfoy that seemed unhealthy. She kicked herself more and more for not seeing it before. All those times he seemed intent on getting under Malfoy's skin, all the name calling, the furious stares that they shot each other when they thought the other wasn't paying attention. Harry had the urge to mention him throughout the last twenty years in the most odd ways. It's like he needed to speak of him, like a person who needed to talk of a painful memory. However, six months ago is when Ginny became more and more suspicious. Malfoy's public run for minister of magic gave Harry a new outlet for his obsession. She tried her best to ignore him when he spoke of it.

At first she was jealous, but later, as she would explain to Ron, she knew Harry wasn't happy with her, or his life. It was so subtle that Ginny could have ignored it if she wished and kept Harry all to herself. The truth was, her selfish side wanted to do that more than anything, but the side that loved Harry so deeply knew she would never forgive herself for allowing him to imprison himself, simply because she wanted him. 'When you truly love someone Ron,' she had explained, 'you have to set them free from themselves.' She sighed as she went to their bedroom.

"Harry, it's almost night love," Ginny said softly. She watched as Harry's powerful body shifted in the bed and pushed his head off the pillow. "You were really tired dear." Ginny's voice was gentle, suspecting he had a nasty hangover. "I'll see you in the kitchen, I've made something light for your stomach." She turned and left the room as Harry breathed a sigh and tried not to throw up.

He'd grabbed a quick shower before joining her in the kitchen. Cursing his throbbing head as the light seemed to smash it like a brick. Ginny sensed his sickness and hooked him by the arm and sat him down in his chair. She kissed his head and he didn't really respond to it. She didn't say a word until she had placed a drink and some strong coffee in front of him.

"Thanks." Harry said absently as he looked over the eggs and toast. He sipped the coffee and winced at the heat.

"When you're done eating Harry, I'll be in the family room on the sofa. I would like you to join me." Ginny said softly, trying not to betray anything, she wanted Harry to be in a pliable state of mind, relaxed and non-defensive when he did come to speak with her. Harry nodded automatically. Ginny frowned and turned and walked out of the room. She wouldn't cry, she'd shed her tears months ago, as distant as Harry had gotten with her, physically and emotionally, even from the kids had made her so sad.

As she sat on the sofa she thought of how devastated she'd been when she'd talked with Ron about getting a divorce. She had remembered how she had to stop Ron from running out and smashing Harry apart with giant fists. By the time she had finished her conversation, he wasn't angry, he was just sadder for both Ginny and Harry. He'd volunteered to test her suspicious thoughts. He hadn't even cringed when she had said she thought Harry was in love with Malfoy. She'd cried again when Ron said he thought her suspicions were right. She had cast a memory charm on him at his request, he didn't want the responsibility of knowing that. He had asked her to break the charm only when she finally acted so he could properly support Harry, having not conspired to hurt him. And it was odd how it felt like she was hurting him more than letting him choose to be happy.

Harry wouldn't understand this now, but she hoped he would in time.

Draco lay patiently, waiting for his son to arrive. Hermione had promised to bring him, he would be here any moment and Draco was angry at circumstance creating the need for this conversation. He never wanted his son to be burdened with his family’s sins. He had failed him. He was wondering how much damage the things Blaise must have shown him might do, or had already done. He tried to stop the agony he felt as his body tensed with pain.

"Dad?" Draco let out a breath at the greeting.

"Come in son, I am awake." The boy obeyed. Draco watched as he pulled up a chair to sit at the side of the bed. "Why don't you just come here Scorpious?" Draco said warmly. "I have a lot to tell you, you should be comfortable and I wouldn't like to be interrupted if you get uncomfortable in those awful chairs." Draco was making an excuse to ask his son to lay with him in the bed, but he was not going to go all sappy. His son would never buy it.

Scorpious did as he was told and was not embarrassed. He was twelve yes, but his father had never been particularly warm and affectionate in any sense since he'd been very little, so whenever he offered it, Scorpious Malfoy was not afraid to grant the request, onlookers be damned. The boy scooted in, thankfully neither was very large and so they didn't have to lie on each other to fit, although Scorpious did put his head on his Dad's shoulder. Draco's arm moved slightly to hug the boy so he would not fall off of the bed.

"Comfortable?" Draco asked softly.

"Yes." The boy replied with equal softness.

"I want to talk to you about the things that Blaise showed you." Draco said in a parental tone.

"Dad, we don't need to-" The boy began to say.

"I wasn't asking your opinion Scorpious. I was telling you." Draco said sharply but in caring. When he knew that he had the boy's full attention, he took a deep and cleansing breath. "I love you son, I want you to know that right off. When I was your age, I didn't even know if my father cared if I was alive. When I was young Scorpious, I lived an expected life and everyone expected me to do great things, I tried my best to do what the wanted, only to always fall slightly short and it made me bitter. My father had been a servant of the Dark Lord, so when he came back, naturally, I wanted to follow my father."

He was swimming in his own painful memories before he spoke again. "At first, I wanted to do nothing more than be great and do amazing things, never mind if they were evil. But-" And he breathed a painful breath and Scorpious snuck a look at his father's eyes. "I found I hated hurting people, I couldn't stand people screaming and crying." Draco knew there was wetness in his eyes as he spoke. "I hated it, I didn't want to do the things I did. You must know that. I didn't want to."

"Why didn't you tell me before dad?" Scorpious' voice was trying to sound coaxing.

"Merlin son, you didn't need to know our past, it wasn't yours. I never wanted you to know, to have to deal with what people might do, I thought it would be easier." Draco tensed as pain moved through him. "I wanted you to feel loved, I wanted you to free to be what you wanted, I didn't-" He closed his eyes and swore silently. "I just didn't want you to hate me the way I hated my father so much." He was breathing trying to stop himself from crying. "I just wanted you to love me, I am so sorry you had to find out like that." He was crying now. "I never meant for that to happen."

"I don't hate you Daddy." Scorpious said gently and kissed him on the cheek.

"Even so, someday I want you to see my memories, you should know what happened from me. I just need the courage to face all of those things again." Draco turned and kissed his son's forehead and then closed his eyes. He didn't feel so alone anymore and he wasn't afraid that Scorpious would fear him. He'd seen the memories and still, he was here in Draco's arms.

Harry didn't know what to do or say. The only thing he could do was be angry or hurt. He was hurt, but more than that, he was absolutely shocked.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US-" Harry yelled. The thing that bothered him most was the fact that Ginny wasn't yelling back, she had the famed Weasley temper, but she sat on the sofa, unmoved and indifferent to her husband, who stood confused and angry over her.

"I'm not doing anything to us Harry, please, sit down." Her voice was annoyingly cool and Harry wanted to throttle her, make her mad so he felt on even ground, but he sat down and then, put his head in her lap and for only the third time since they'd been married, he cried. He was so natural at holding it in. She put her hand on his head and stroked it gently. Letting him cry, maintaining her stony control of her emotions.

"I love you Harry, I do. But sweetie, you aren't happy. You haven't been for a long time. And to tell the truth, neither have I." Harry sniffed in her lap.

"Have I been that poor of a husband to you?" It was an honest question.

"No Harry, you've been a good husband and a good man, but you're so distant. You're keeping too much to yourself. You get depressed, you aren't happy. I know you though love, you'd be content to live out your years with me and our children, never being happy, not truly happy Harry, I want you to be happy." Ginny was smiling as she stroked his head and remembered the way he smiled when the first got married, perhaps, he was too young, she thought.

"What the fuck is the difference between contented and happy?" Harry sniffled angrily, though not at his wife, more at his lack of control of his feelings.

"Harry, a lot is different. Content is when you could do the same thing over and over and it doesn't do anything good or bad for you. You essentially are numb." And a light bulb went on for her. Of course Harry wouldn't mind a content life over a happy one. He'd always lost the things that made him the happiest. This way, he needn't make any kind of investment. His sometimes indifferent treatment of the kids made more sense. Harry was still afraid that people would leave him or die. He may have been older, but he was still a boy when it came to who he loved. Sirius, Remus, Dumbledore, his parents. Ginny fought the knot in her heart as she spoke.

"Happy is when you would do anything to be where it was, people, things, trips, all of it, it makes your soul burn. You become reckless, you speak to the Wizengamot, you take them to the hospital, you plead with them not to leave you." And she knew in an instant that she had gone too far. Harry's head jerked from her lap. He took off his glasses and wiped the tears from them.

"You followed me?" Harry said bitterly as he placed his glasses back on. "You followed me?" He said again. Louder and angrier.

"Harry I didn't-"

"And now you're insinuating that I'm in love with Draco Malfoy?" He was staring at her, his face screwed up in fury and confusion.

"I never said that." Ginny corrected.

"You're wrong!"

"I'm not!"

"You are!"

"No!"

"Fuck you Ginny, you just wanted a divorce. You wanted to make this my fault so you could get out of this marriage." Harry barked and then he got real close to her face. "I hate you, I hate you. I gave my hopes up to be with you." And Harry turned and left the house, slamming the door behind him and leaving Ginny all alone.

She cried softly. "Harry, I love you."