Born in Frustration

~Chapter Twelve: And He Smells Nice Too~

Harry sat on the bed, his fingers repeatedly brushing lightly over his tingling lips.

‘Draco Malfoy just kissed me,’ he thought bemusedly. ‘Why would Draco Malfoy kiss me?’

Harry was startled as the door opened once again. His aunt walked in with yet another tray, this one loaded with tea and biscuits. Harry watched her set the tray down, retrieve the lunch things and leave the room. She did not speak a word, nor did she even look at Harry.

‘Draco,’ Harry thought, ‘Draco told her to bring me tea.’ He couldn’t help but smile.

Still rubbing his fingers over his lips, Harry got up and sat at the desk. He had never, ever had afternoon tea while at Privet Drive and he was looking forward to breaking that tradition. He tucked into biscuits and clotted cream happily, his thoughts still on Draco Malfoy.

Draco kissed him. Draco Malfoy kissed Harry Potter. Twice. How did Harry feel about this? Well, if he was honest with himself, he didn’t mind it. It wasn’t like it was a hugely romantic, all encompassing, passionate kiss. It could be considered a friendly sort of kiss.

‘Yes, that’s it,’ Harry told himself, ‘It was just a friendly sort of kiss.’

‘On the lips.’ Harry’s inner voice reminded him.

‘Forgot about that.’

‘Indeed. And you liked it.’

‘So?’

‘Better than kissing Cho.’

‘It was just a little kiss. No big deal.’

‘Then why is your heart beating faster?’

‘It’s not!’

‘Is to.’

‘Shut up!’

‘And what about that hug? Hmmm?’

‘Draco was just being nice.’

‘Yes, he was, but you liked that too.’

‘I don’t see where you’re going with this.’

‘You like Draco.’

‘Of course I like Draco, but not in that way…’

‘What way?’

‘That way!’

‘You mean, that way as in you want to see him again and soon? Or maybe you’d like to kiss him again? Or touch him?’

‘No, that’s not what I meant!’

‘…’

‘Well, yes, alright, yes. I’d like to see him… but, as a friend. I like him as a friend.’

‘Since when do you kiss your friends?’

‘I—err… I dunno, but that doesn’t mean…’

‘Do you ever kiss Ron?’

‘No – ewww – , but…’

‘Or Hermione?’

‘No, but…’

‘His lips were soft.’

“Yes.” Harry said out loud, a dreamy look in his eyes.

‘And he smells nice too.’

“Mmmm, yes, like sandalwood and cinnamon.” Harry sighed.

‘Yummy.’

“OH FUCK,” Harry cried. ‘Get a hold of your self, Potter,’ he admonished inwardly. ‘What, the fuck, is the matter with you? This is Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Prince. He’s not interested in you in that way.’

‘Are you sure about that?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘He IS the one who kissed you.’

‘Umm, well…’

‘He’s the one who’s helping you.’

‘Err…’

‘He’s the one who’s protecting you.’

‘Err…’

‘You don’t know that Draco doesn’t like boys.’

‘Well, no, but that doesn’t matter. Even if Draco does like boys, I don’t.’

‘Really?’

‘Definitely. I don’t like boys in that way.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Yes.’

‘Be honest.’

‘Umm… Well…. I… uh…’

‘See? You aren’t really positive you don’t like boys, Harry.’

‘No, I err…’

‘You’ve never actually thought about it.’

‘No.’

‘How do you know what your sexual preferences are then?’

‘I like girls. I know I do.’

‘So?’

‘So, that means I can’t like boys.’

‘That’s not true, Harry.’

‘Damn.’

‘You could like both.’

‘Right, but… I … uh…’

‘And his lips are so soft.’

‘Umm…’

‘And he smells nice too.’

“FUCK!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco was pacing the confines of his room, again. ‘I fucking kissed Harry Potter,’ he grimaced. ‘What, the fuck, is wrong with me?’

Draco had enjoyed his time with Harry. He liked him and he didn’t want to lose this tentative friendship over a silly kiss. Why had he acted so rashly? Why?

‘I fucking kissed Harry, what the hell was I thinking?’

‘Indeed, what were you thinking?’

‘I don’t know…’

‘Yes, you do.’

‘No, I DON’T!’

‘You were thinking how pretty Harry’s eyes were.’

‘NO!’

‘Liar.’

‘Am not.’

‘You were thinking: is Harry’s hair as soft as it looks?’

‘Wasn’t.’

‘You were thinking how Harry’s lips looked so soft and sweet.’

‘NO, I WAS NOT!’

‘Liar…’

‘Shut the fuck up.’

‘Harry’s lips are so pink, and full, and tempting…’

‘Shut the fuck up.’

‘And Harry needed you, so, very much.’

‘Yes! That’s it! Harry needed me.’

‘He still does.’

‘Absolutely, there’s nothing wrong with that. Harry needed me…’

‘So, you kissed him.’

“FUCK!”

‘And you liked it.’

‘Shut the fuck up.’

‘And you want to kiss him again.’

‘I do not! It was just a spur of the moment thing. He just looked like he needed a kiss, a nice, friendly, little kiss.’

‘Indeed.’

‘Yes, that’s it, just a friendly kiss.’

‘Right, big boy, you keep telling yourself that.’

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake, shut up!’

‘Harry has soft lips.’

“Yeah, so soft,” Draco murmured a dreamy look in his eyes.

‘And he smells nice too…”

“Mmmm, yeah, like sweet hay and vanilla…” Draco sighed.

‘Delicious.’

“FUCK!” Draco shouted. ‘Get a grip Malfoy! What, the fuck is wrong with you?’ he chastised himself. ’It’s Harry-Fucking-Potter, you know, the Golden Gryffindor bane of your existence? You cannot like him in that way.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because...’

‘Because why?’

‘Because, he’s Harry-Fucking-Potter, that’s why!’

‘We’ve had this discussion before.’

‘Shut the fuck up.’

‘You like boys. Why not Harry?’

‘Because, it’s… it’s not right.’

‘Why?’

‘Because… because Harry is… Harry for fuck’s sake!’

‘He is and he’s so cute.’

‘Ummm…’

‘He hugged you.’

‘So?’

‘So, you hugged him back.’

‘He needed a hug, he was upset. I was just being nice.’

‘You liked it.’

‘Uhhh…’

‘A lot.’

“FUCK!”

‘You’d like to touch him again, kiss him…’

‘NO!’

‘Liar.’

‘I AM NOT A LIAR!’

‘…’

‘Okay, you win I liked it. I liked kissing him.’

‘But…’

‘But, Harry’s not into boys.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Umm…’

‘See, you don’t.’

‘Uhh…’

‘And his lips are so soft…’

‘Err…’

‘And he smells nice too…’

“FUCK!”


~~~~~ Later that evening ~~~~~


Harry went to bed that night on a full tummy of roast beef and potato. Once again, he felt he should thank Draco for the blessing of a warm meal, though he ate in his room, alone, away from the Dursleys – not that this was much of a hardship. He was certain his currently satisfied belly was thanks to Draco. He had decided that he would not act on any unintentional actions and that whatever he was feeling was a result of Draco’s kindness and nothing more.

He liked Draco. He really liked the friendship that was developing and he did not want to ruin it with silly, romantic, unfounded feelings. So he went to sleep that night, determined to keep things only friendly. Yes, he liked Draco but NOT in that way….

~~~~~~~

Draco went to bed that night thinking about Harry. He decided that he would NOT act on his feelings. He did not know what Harry’s felt about him other than a very strong sense of camaraderie and friendship. He was not willing to risk this new relationship on his sudden desire of romance.

Yes, Draco liked boys. Yes, Draco could see himself kissing Harry senseless. But he also had a strong suspicion that Harry had no real experience in romance, and he did not want to risk the companionship that he had established with Harry.

Draco would put aside his romantic feelings for something he knew could be returned, something that would benefit both himself and Harry; friendship. And they would keep it between the two of them, a secret, they could share…

~~~~~~~~

Dreams are a funny thing. They lead you down paths you may not expect. They tell you things you are unwilling to admit. They see the truth and they make you examine it. However reluctant you may be to see the truth; a dream can make you see what is right in front of your face…

~~~~~~~~

Draco woke hard as he could ever remember being. Visions of green eyes and soft pink lips floating just outside his reach.

“Fuck!” He yelled. “Fucking, wankering, bloody fuck!”

He needed to get control of this. He HAD to return to Harry. He had promised, and it was not a promise he would go back on. Harry really did need him and Draco was determined to not let him down.

Draco would just need to get control first. He needed to stop thinking about Harry in a romantic way. His subconscious just needed to cooperate with him…

~~~~~~~~~

Harry woke, gasping. A vision of grey eyes flecked with blue, soft blond hair and a smile to die for, dancing, just out of reach, in his vision.

“What the fuck?” he grimaced. “Stop, Gods, please, stop,” he whined.

Harry had to stop thinking of Draco THAT way. He had to control his own emotions. He liked Draco and he didn’t want to risk this friendship. He needed Draco in his life right now even though he didn’t understand why. He just knew he did, and bringing romance into the mix would complicate things.

Besides Harry didn’t like boys…

~~~~~~~~

Draco attempted to go back to sleep. Unfortunately for him, his mind kept replaying images of Harry. Each time he closed his eyes, he saw a different picture…

Harry’s worried look in the kitchen…

Harry’s shocked face when Draco had pulled the boy onto his lap…

Harry’s flushed face when he had kissed his cheek….

Harry’s tears of joy and relief when he had realised he would be leaving on Friday…

Harry’s delicate eating habits, the way he savoured each bite he took…

Harry’s sweet expression when their lips had touched…

Draco groaned. He needed control. He needed to come to some sort of mental arrangement when it came to Harry. The only real question was how exactly he was to do that when his subconscious only seemed to enjoy tormenting him with reasons why he should pursue a romance with Harry.

Draco could argue with himself from now until doomsday with reasons for and against. The voice that argued for getting together with Harry always seemed the most reasonable, and this irked him. But right now, Draco had more pressing matters…

Reaching down, he grabbed hold of his aching appendage and wanked. Unfortunately for him, he wanked to visions of Harry’s lovely face as Harry’s body writhed underneath him…

~~~~~~

Harry looked down at his erection. “Damn,” he said out loud.

This wouldn’t do. He could not muddy the waters with romantic visions of Draco Malfoy. That just would not be a good thing. He needed to stop thinking about Draco…

Draco’s brilliant, blonde hair, that made him wonder if it felt as soft as it looked….

Draco’s sexy eyes, Gods, they were like looking into a frozen lake…

Draco’s red full lips, needy and wanting…

Draco’s smirk, so hot…

Draco’s touch as he pulled Harry onto his lap…

Draco’s thighs so firm and strong under his buttocks…

“FUCK!” Harry moaned.

He got up and quietly as he could and went across the hall to the toilet. He could not wank in his bed. As docile as the Dursley’s had been under Draco’s tutelage, he knew from experience it wouldn't last if they found stains on his sheets. No, he needed to take a cold shower.

Turning on the water, he stripped and got under the cold jets. He attempted to get a grip on his emotions. This was all just because Draco was there for him, helping him with problems no one else had even noticed. These desires had to be because he was superimposing feelings of gratefulness for romance…

‘Yes,’ he thought to himself, ‘this is all just a product of misplaced emotions.’ Harry was not used to being touched in any way and he tended to overreact to any form of physical affection and Draco had hugged him, comforted him, cared for him and kissed him…

“Damn, kissed me.”

Why did he have to do that? How was Harry going to resolve this?

‘No,’ he told himself, ‘I don’t need to resolve it I just need to get hold of my emotions. I need to come to some sort of mental arrangement.’

Looking down at his neglected and still very hard cock, Harry sighed. There was no use. He turned the water to warm and grabbed hold, wanking to visions of Draco Malfoy…

~~~~~~~~

Draco cast a cleansing charm, determined to put an end to these feelings. He set his jaw…

“I will be your friend and nothing more Harry,” he said out loud, “I won’t take advantage of you, no matter what.”

~~~~~~~~

Harry finished his shower, put Draco’s soft pyjamas back on, and went back to bed. He knew he just needed to put an end to these new and confusing feelings…

“I will just accept Draco’s friendship,” he said, getting back in bed. “I’ll control my stupid emotions and just be a friend to Draco.”