TRYING TO REMEMBER

It was late afternoon when Remus woke up Sirius had laid his head on the mattress next to Remus’ legs still holding his hand.

“Hi.” Remus said very softly.

“Hey there.”

“What time is it?”

“About four o’clock.”

“Is it always this bad?”

“No babe and next time you’ll have the wolfsbane potion.”

“It hurts so bad.”

“I know. I’ll get someone to get you a pain potion.”

As Sirius was leaving, Harry walked in.

“Hey how are you feeling?”

“Horrible. Sirius went to get someone. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Sirius means more to me than he’s letting on.”

“Remus that something you and Sirius need to talk about.”

“What do we need to talk about?” asked Sirius hearing the end of the sentence.

“I’m going to head out. Remus I’m glad you’re feeling better. Good luck.”

Sirius smiled at Remus. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“Us.”

“Oh, do you remember?”

“No, but the way you touch me, the nicknames, you saying you love me, and that kiss.”

“I wasn’t sure if I’d see you again.”

“I don’t remember if I love you.”

Sirius looked down.

“But I know I feel something for you. Your eyes were the last thing I saw before I transformed. Whatever it is I want to take it slow understand what it is.”

“Whatever you want babe.”

“Come here.” Sirius came in closer. “Closer.” Sirius moved in closer and placed his arm above Remus’ head and leaned in their lips were close to brushing when there was a knock on the door and the mediwitch barged in.

“Remus, I hear you have some pain.”

“You could say that.”

Sirius moved away from Remus and let the mediwitch give him his potions. The mediwitch gave Remus the potion and started to change the dressings. Sirius winced as he watched the dressings being changed. There had been more cuts and gashes he had seen in years. Not since the ‘prank’. The mediwitch was finishing when Nymphadora Tonks walked in with Charlie Weasley.

“Remus, I would like you to meet my cousin Nymphadora Tonks and her fiancée Charlie Weasley.

“Glad to meet you Nymphadora. Another Weasley? How many more are there of you?”

Charlie looked down. “I lost three brothers and my father in the war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. What war?”

“I’ll explain later.”

Tonks looked at Sirius and Charlie. “Can I have a minute alone with my husband?”

Sirius eyes bulged out of his head. “What?”

Remus looked pleadingly at Sirius.

“I said may I be alone with my husband.”

Sirius grabbed Tonks by the arm and dragged her out “What the fuck is going on? What do you mean your husband? What about all that you said at my house.”


“What I said at your house was true. But he doesn’t remember it.”

“But he will. Dora he might not remember what we had but he does have feelings for me again.”

“That might not matter.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“What are you crazy having unprotected sex with a werewolf?”

“I was desperate Sirius. All he talked about was bringing you back and how great this and that would be.”

“This is love? Using his sense of responsibility against him? You know he’ll never be truly happy.”

“You don’t think raising a child will make him truly happy?”

“He and I can still live together and he can help you raise it.”

“If he’s not with me I’ll take it to Romania and be with Charlie. He already said he’ll raise it like his own.”

“What is it about you woman and Remus. Every time he fucks one of you. You decide that you want to have his baby. First Lily now you. What a bloody disaster that turned out to be. Thank Merlin she miscarried. Had Remus in a state too. He just didn’t love her that way nor does he love you.”

From out of nowhere came a voice, “You lied, you said it was nothing. You said my mum was crazy in love with my father.”

“Harry, what are you doing here?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Wait,” Sirius ran up the stairs to where Harry was. “This is what I didn’t tell you earlier. Your mother became infatuated with Remus; she wanted to be with him. She knew that he could only love me. One night when she was ripe to get pregnant she got him really drunk. As you could tell from before it’s no small feat. Being that drunk he forgot about the contraception charm. Remus is diligent about unprotected sex with a woman for a number of reasons. When she got pregnant the truth came out because there was no way that the baby was James’. Remus was distraught over everything but in time he accepted it and even was looking forward to it. Your father had broken up with her. When she was five months pregnant it was a full moon and the baby changed into a werewolf, ripped the placenta and she miscarried. There was blood all over the place; I contacted your father because I didn’t know who else to contact Remus was having problems of his own. He flooed over and took her to St. Mungo’s, they never questioned it or who the werewolf father might be. In that instant it was good to be a Black and Potter because the whole incident was kept under wraps. Your father stayed with her day and night. Under James’ direction Remus never went to the hospital not because James was mad or jealous it was because there was an auror waiting to catch, imprison and castrate the werewolf that did this. As you know werewolves aren’t allowed to reproduce. When your mother finally awoke James was in a chair sleeping next to her. She found out from the nurses what James had done and she realized how stupid she was. A few months later they got married and a year later had you. Remus forgave Lily for getting him drunk and getting him to impregnate her. He understood that she confused lust with love. Remus never wanted you to know because he never wanted you to think ill of your mother. I told you it was complicated. And now it looks like Tonks is pulling the same shit. He needs to keep away from women.

“What are you going to do about Tonks?”

“I don’t know. If the baby is his there is a very small chance it could be fully human and healthy. Honestly, I don’t think she knows who the father is. I think she also ran away because she was pregnant and ashamed that she cheated on Remus.”

“Why is she here now?”

“Because she thinks she can trick him into being with her. She’s desperate.”

“Do you think it will work?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I was so upset when you said he was with Tonks.

Sirius and Harry went down the stairs to where Tonks was waiting.

“I want you over at Grimmauld Place and explain this all. Say your goodbyes.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Remus just went through one of the worst transformations of his life and you spring this on him. Just to one up me.”

“It wasn’t? You could have said you wanted to talk to Remus. And I would have left. But no you had to say my husband as to prove a point. And poor Charlie what the fuck are you doing to that guy?”

Tonks turned on her heel and left to go to Remus’ room. She walked in to two men neither knowing what to say then Remus spoke. Sirius and Harry were right behind her.

“Leave, I don’t know who you are but I know I dislike you immensely. What you’re doing to Charlie is incomprehensible. Sirius, could you leave Harry and I alone?”

After Sirius left but not too far he wanted to hear what was said.

“Harry I have these two bickering over me, I need an honest third opinion. Am I married to this Tonks person?”

“Not that I know of you were engaged though.”

“So I did love her.”

“I guess as much as you could.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Almost three years earlier the war had taken Sirius from us. I imagine you never thought you would see him again I know I didn’t. The year after Albus Dumbledore was killed I never saw you so upset. I guess you needed someone to hold onto and Tonks was there she had fallen in love with you. I guess after that you realized that you could bring Sirius back if nothing but to help me the only thing stopping you was that Sirius ‘ name hadn’t been cleared.

“Cleared of what?”

“Murdering twelve muggles and a wizard. A wizard very much alive, a wizard who could clear his name. This wizard finally did and you were free to bring Sirius back.”

“From where?”

“Beyond the veil. When Tonks heard the news she left. Knowing she couldn’t compete with Sirius. At least that’s what we thought.”

“Harry I’m sorry for what happened between your mother and me.”

“You heard that?”

“Yeah. I’m glad some good came out of it. They got back together and had you. Sirius you can come back now.” Remus gave a huge yawn. “I feel like a truck hit me. Harry could you get the nurse or whatever they call them here to get me something for the pain?”

“You okay babe you’ve had a very trying day.”

“I’d feel better if we got to finish what we started before we were rudely interrupted.”

Sirius leaned in and gave Remus a slight kiss. Sirius backed off and was staring lovingly into Remus’ eyes.

“Is that all you got Black?”

Sirius smiled a devilish smiled and leaned in and gave him a passionate kiss before long they were exploring each other’s mouths with their tongues. Harry was walking in with the mediwitch then he stopped her. “Give them a few minutes.”

When they finally separated Sirius looked up at Remus. “I love you, never forget that.”

“I don’t know how I feel but I think I’m falling in love with you, my heart skips a beat just being near you and that kiss, well I’m glad I’m in a hospital, it stopped my heart completely.” Sirius just smiled as his lover fell asleep.