It wasn't supposed to be like this

A/N:

I felt nice and well a little bit guilty for leaving you hanging for so long so I decided to post another chapter right away:D

About the depressing and weak Harry:
That will change in later chapters but it will take a while, I want to make this one of those stories when he gets almost really hurt but comes out of it stronger:)

And about to and too:
Those two are really confusing to me because they don't fit with the Swedish translations: för/till (too) and och/med (to) + some more rarely used translations, it all mixes up and my brain stops:( And I have a Beta but maybe she dosn't notice them either I don't know:S


Summary: Harry becomes pregnant, the father of the baby is far from who he would have wanted to be. Draco loves Harry, Harry loves Ron, even when Draco does all he can to help Harry during the pregnancy Harry still only have eyes for his best friend

Pairings:DM/HP mentions of HP/RW

Warnings: SLASH, MPREG, OOCness and bad language

Not you’re cup? Well bugger of then!

Disclaimer:

This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J K Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

End Disclaimer!

Please keep in mind that English is not my first language!

It Wasn't Supposed To Be Like This

Chapter 11: Promises and Friends

It was a feeling of loneliness that invaded Harry when he parted from Draco too go to the dorm and get changed the morning afterwards.

He walked slowly and sometimes he even stopped. He didn’t want to go to breakfast and get the letter from Mme Pomfrey; he didn’t want yesterday to have been real at all!

But he knew that pretending that it never happened wouldn’t do anyone any good. Denial only served to make things worse in the end after all.

The sound of his shoes echoed against the walls of the corridor but didn’t help to chase away the emptiness that seemed to fill the air around Harry. No instead it only seemed to increase with every step he took.

The rhythmic sound felt like it became louder and louder, fuelling the migraine he had awoken with. His eyes itched and his was throat sore, but worst of all was the worry and almost hysteric-like feelings that made his chest cramp.

He had had horrible nightmares about his child being born disfigured or even dead. In some of the dreams the child had no face or limbs and in others the baby that he gave birth to could easily have been mistaken for a skinned animal. The worst one had been when he had dreamt that the baby seemed to be healthy and strong at first only to die in Harry’s arms as soon as he got to hold the child.

He couldn’t shake of the thought that it was his entire fault, that he had done something to harm Draco’s and his miracle baby. Draco had tried to tell him otherwise, he had been there to hold him every time he woke up from another nightmare and there had been quite a few of them.

Sighing he tried to think about something else the last bit of the way too the Gryffindore tower, but trying as he might he couldn’t come up with anything else, every thought led straight back to the baby and its future.

He got a shock when he noticed that he was standing by his bed. When had he gotten here? Trying to remember was useless, he could only guess that his body had been on autopilot or something alike.

Looking inside his trunk he tried to busy himself with finding a somewhat clean set of clothes that wouldn’t be too uncomfortable around his middle. Only after throwing half of his clothes out on the floor did he remember that Hermione had charmed every item in his wardrobe to stretch to fit him during the whole pregnancy.

Quickly he decided on a pair of black jeans and a orange sweater that had seen the inside of a washing machine one too many times.

Laying the clothes on the bed he grabbed a red Gryffindore towel and stripped from his old clothes. He didn’t really need a shower, he was in a hurry if he didn’t want to miss breakfast and a cleaning charm would have worked fine but if he could postpone the inevitable just for a little while then so be it.

The warm water hitting him didn’t feel as nice as it used to, not as warm, nor nearly as soothing. Sure some of the tense feeling he had in his back disappeared but not nearly enough.

He shampooed his hair, two times just to be sure that he was absolutely clean, or just to have an excuse not to leave his safe heaven in the bathroom.

Covering his skin with soap Harry stopped when he reached the small bump at his stomach. He stood there for what seemed like seconds and hours all mixed into one just staring at his round tummy.

Caressing it he smiled slightly, a small smile but a smile none the less. Then and there, in the shower of the seventh year boys dorm he made a promise too his child, too himself; that he would never care or love his child any less than he would if baby was healthy, no matter how he or she looked like or how intelligent his child was. It didn’t matter, it was still his child, his miracle.

Nothing and no one would ever make him stop loving his child. What ever was wrong Harry hoped it could either be fixed and if not he could only pray that it wouldn’t cause his baby any sort of pain.

Smiling again he turned of the shower, had anyone else been there they would have noticed a new sort of determination in his stance when he walked out from the bathroom, but the only one seeing was a magical mirror who didn’t much care.

Harry entered the great hall with a strange sense of calm. In the corner of his eye he saw Draco watching him with a shine of worry in his eyes. I made him feel good to know that the blonde cared about him, and he wondered not for the first time if it would really be that bad to be with Draco, be more then friends.

“Harry! Where were you yesterday?” Hermione questioned him in a whisper as soon as he sat down. She looked both worried and slightly angry at him for his absence the previous day.

“Nowhere important.” He answered while loading a plate with bacon.

Hermione made grimace of disgust when she watched him dip the crisp bacon in honey before eating it with some toast. “But you were gone all day and didn’t come back too the dorm in the evening either, you had me worried!” She said in an accusing tone.

Harry just shrugged and tried to enjoy his delicious breakfast while she continued to rant about him being irresponsible and not being a good example in front of the younger students.

He was just about to decide whether to take some cream with his bacon or if cereal would be the better alternative when the flapping of more then hundred pairs of wings came from above. Trying to ignore the owls he decided to go with the cream together with the bacon and honey.

A small envelope landed right at his plate, getting sticky with cream, honey and grease. Sighing he wiped his hands and the letter on a napkin. It was somewhat harder to ignore your mail when it landed right in the middle of your food then what he had thought it would be, not that he expected it to land in his food in the first place.

Drawing deep breaths he gathered his courage and opened the envelope, a small piece of parchment fell out, and look at that, it landed in the middle on his food, again.

Sighing in frustration he grabbed another napkin and cleaned the note, today was not starting out all that good, but he refused to get depressed again, nothing was seriously wrong with the baby, everything would be fine.

Still while thinking that he could not completely ignore a voice in his head (that sounded strangely like Draco had during their first year at Hogwarts) saying ‘yeah keep telling yourself that!’.

He swallowed and turned the note, but he didn’t dare read it. Harry knew he was acting silly, the note would only contain the time of his appointment and nothing more. Yet he felt like he was holding a letter telling him that Voldermort had returned or some equally horrible news.

Shaking his head when he felt Hermione leaning over his shoulder to get a look at the note he got an idea. “Hermione, would you please read this out loud for me?” He tried his best puppy eyes and a small pout when he saw her frown in suspicion at him.

It seemed to work as she sighed and took the note that he held out for her. “Dear Harry. Your appointment at St. Mungo’s has been settled for March the fifteenth, this coming Saturday at ten o’clock. Be at the hospital wing at half past nine.”

Hermione frowned at the note and then looked up at Harry again with a confused expression. “Why are you going to St. Mungo’s?” She asked in a low voice after placing the note back in Harry’s hand.

Harry didn’t know how to answer; he didn’t want her to know because he knew she would stress herself and him with her worries and mothering, but he didn’t want to lie too her either.

Clearing his throat and blushing somewhat in guilt he tried not to show her how uncomfortable the question made him. “They have better and more advanced equipment.” He finally croaked out.

She must have mistaken his guilt for embarrassment because she smiled and nodded before returning to her oatmeal porridge. Harry almost let out a sigh of relief but held himself, it wouldn’t do to rise her suspicion once more.

He grabbed a slice of his sweet and creamy bacon and smiled a little in pleasure but choked on his treat when he felt a large hand on his shoulder. He started to cough to get free from the small piece of bacon that seemed intent on killing him.

“Oh blimey, sorry there mate! I didn’t mean to startle you!” A loud voice said above him and Harry then got three hard slaps on his back. Panting in relief when he was able to breath again he looked up at the tall redhead that was standing beside him.

Harry didn’t know whether to be shocked, angry or happy at that moment, he felt like someone had pushed a button somewhere that set all his feelings on stand-by mode. So he just blinked owlishly up at Ron who blushed a deep red in return.

Over at the other side of the hall he saw Draco rise from his chair watching them wearily, ready to intervene if something would happen. Harry shook his head a little, almost so little that Draco didn’t notice, but the message got thru and Draco sat back down, though he didn’t look all that happy about it.

“Harry mate, could we talk in private for a bit?” Ron was very flushed and rubbed his neck, Harry even thought he saw some sweat gracing his once best friend’s forehead.

He took a pair of bananas and filled one of his pockets with chocolate tasting cereal (he didn’t get a chance to eat up his breakfast after all) before nodding and rising from his seat.

Walking out from the great hall he couldn’t help wondering what Ron wanted. He guessed he should be angry but instead he was just curious. Ron had ignored him for so long that Harry had slowly thought about him less and less, he had been too preoccupied with his pregnancy, Draco and schoolwork to think about his crush and once best friend lately.

And now suddenly he wanted to have a private conversation with Harry after such a long time of pretending that Harry didn’t exist anymore, even going as far as revealing his secret too the Daily Prophet, it all seemed a little strange too Harry.

He just hoped that Ron wouldn’t cause him any more troubles, he had his fair share of those already and he was afraid that one more would be one to many in the pile that he was already dragging around at the moment. With the baby, the possibility that the baby was sick, Draco, studies and not to mention the mood swings, he really didn’t need Ron to give him more thing to worry about at the moment.

Ron led him to a deserted corridor where the draft of the cold air made it feel like they were actually standing outside in the snow. The cold made Harry shiver slightly but he didn’t say anything, instead he popped some of the cereal from his pocket into his mouth.

Ron cleared his throat, several times, and Harry couldn’t help but be amused when he noticed the red blush that was quickly spreading over other’s face and neck.

“Eh, Harry I don’t really know what to say, you know. I’m not all that good at this I guess.”

Harry raised his eyebrows; Ron didn’t know what to say? Ron always knew what to say even if it wasn’t the right thing to say, most often it was the wrong thing to say that came from the red head but he still always had something to say.

“How about you explain why you told the Daily Prophet about my baby?” Harry said after several minutes ticking by in extremely uncomfortable silence.

“What?” Ron seemed shocked with the question, it made Harry feel somewhat sad that Ron was trying to deny having said anything at all to the paper, that he was trying to lie and act like he had nothing to do with it.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t do it! The article in the prophet, you told them about my pregnancy!” His voice sounded more hurt than angry and with everything going on at the moment he really didn’t want to have this conversation right now.

His mood swings were catching up with him and he almost felt like crying al of a sudden but he told himself no, he could bawl his eyes out later when he was alone, or possibly in Draco’s arms, he would just have to come up with a really good excuse that both he and Draco would understand and believe.

“What do you mean? I didn’t tell anyone anything! Well I talked to Hanna about it but I didn’t say any names I swear!”

“Ron don’t even try lying okay? No one else knew back then besides me, Pomfrey, the father, Hermione and you!”

Ron looked confused and hurt but mostly angry, like people look when they are innocently accused of some horrible crime.

“I didn’t tell anyone! The only thing I say was that I was upset with one of my friends because they didn’t trust me! I may have said that my friend was pregnant but I didn’t say who! And the only one I even said those things to was my ex, Hanna Abbot!”

Ron seemed to be telling the truth, he was a horrible liar, Merlin knew that boy couldn’t lie to save his own life! Whenever he tried to lie he would gesture wildly with his hands and his eyes would flicker and look around like searching for a way to escape from the person he was talking too, he would also become very pale in the face but have a horrible blush on the neck.

Ron looked away from Harry and sighed, he pushed his hands down his pockets and sighed again.

“I wanted to talk to you because I wanted to apologise for ignoring you and for not being there for you. I’ve been acting like a prat and I just wanted you to know that I’m not disgusted with you or anything. I was just hurt that you don’t trust me, its not like I would have freaked if you had told me that you are gay, Percy is gay you know? And I have strong suspicions about Bill being not all that straight either.” Ron smiled a small smile. “I know its irrational think like that and feel hurt because you didn’t tell me, but as Luna told me yesterday, feelings always are irrational, she’s really smart sometimes you know?” Ron said looking up at Harry again.

Harry tried to take it in but he wasn’t quite grasping it all. It was all to much for him, he felt like a cup filled too the brim with water and still people kept trying to make him take in more, it was all to overwhelming.

“I can’t handle this right now Ron, I’m sorry but it’s just too much at the moment.” Harry drew a hand thru his hair while continuing to speak. “I’ll think about it all right? I just can’t handle it now.”

Ron looked hurt and disappointed but nodded before drawing Harry into an embrace.

Harry let himself melt in the redhead’s arms and drew in the sweet scent that was Ron, his crush and former maybe future best friend. All the feelings that had slowly started to die and disappear all flared up again, not as hard or strong as before but still very noticeable.

Ron then let go of him before walking away, leaving Harry standing there confused and sad in the middle of an empty and cold corridor somewhere in the big castle.

TBC