Torn - Repost

TITLE: Torn
AUTHOR: Ravenkiss
STATUS/PART: 12/?
EMAIL: Ravenkiss2000@yahoo.com
RATING: NC17
PAIRING: SS/RL, SS/RH
SPOILERS: OOP
WARNINGS: AU, M/M Slash, Rape, Violence, Mpreg
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no money made.
SUMMARY: Hagrid and Severus talk.
BETA: The Goblet and Sylvadin

Part - 12

\"Not one of my better ideas,\" Severus said to himself snidely as he stopped near the edge of the lake. He hissed as his leg began to vigorously protest its perceived misuse.

He had stayed down in the dungeons for five days, being escorted to the Great Hall at least once daily for a meal at the staff table. Dumbledore and Poppy seemed to believe that this would be good for him. Severus wanted nothing more than to avoid everyone.


Being used to a mostly solitary existence, the many get-well cards he found tucked beneath his door, and sweets left in his office and classroom were more then a little unnerving to him.


He had awakened at sunrise, alone for a change. It had taken some persuasion, but he finally managed to convince Remus Lupin that he was able to take care of himself. Or at least that he could walk without the cane and consequentially get up to use the loo without aid. Since he promised to take Dreamless Sleep potion, the werewolf finally decided that he could sleep without someone watching.


Snape wanted to use the opportunity to get outside the castle where no one would find him. If anyone caught him outside his excuse would be that he just went out to gather potion ingredients which could be found in the shallows of the lake. He thought that he could do both. Get his much-needed supplies, and escape the attentions of the overabundance of well meaning inhabitants of the castle.


Even as had walked down the path, he found it strange that he felt that he needed an excuse to spend time alone.


When at last he reached the edge of the lake, all Severus wanted to do was collapse. He felt foolish for being too stubborn to admit that his leg, though better after a few days rest, was still weak. Now the injured leg had a burning, stabbing pain that threatened to bring him to tears. Severus dropped the basket and jars he had brought and found a large rock to sit on.

And, of course, his knew that his cane was propped in the corner of his sitting room, right where he had left it. Perhaps he could summon it?


No, the door to his chambers was locked and warded, as were the windows. If he tried a summoning charm, the cane would break the window. Someone would surely hear it and he would have to explain what had happened, and they would laugh at his foolishness, and...


\"Sev\'rus, I didn\' know yeh were comin\' down this way,\" said Hagrid with a large grin on his face as he approached the other man.

\"Hagrid,\" Severus noted with a nod. It took some effort, but he managed to keep a grimace of pain from his face. \"My intent was to gather some frogs eggs and milkweed pods from the lake\'s edge. Unfortunately, my leg seems to have other ideas.\"


\"Don\' yeh worry \'bout it, I can get that stuff fer yeh,\" assured the half giant. \"Besides, yeh don\' want to get them nice new robes all dirty,\" Severus looked down at himself. He had forgotten about them. It had only taken a few days for him to become completely comfortable wearing these new robes. He had put it on without thinking. The black silk robe would have been ruined in the mud. Severus felt a flush of shame. \'Stupid, stupid, stupid!\' Albus had gone to a lot of trouble and from what he saw in the catalog that he had managed to sneak a look at, no small expense to get the robes on short notice. \'Merlin, what an ungrateful prat I am!\'


\"Just sit an\' rest yer leg.\" Hagrid took up the basket that the Potions Master had dropped and walked down to the water\'s edge. He wanted to talk to Severus about their mutual interests such as the child the other man carried, but thought that perhaps he should ease into that conversation slowly. What better way was there for him to start then to prove how useful he could be?

Setting the basket down at the edge of the water he leaned over and quickly shed his heavy boots, scratchy looking socks, one was red the other dark brown, and rolled up his pants legs. He next let his shabby coat slip off his shoulders and took off his old faded red shirt.


\"There\'s plenty of eggs in the reeds. Yeh be wantin the green frog\'s eggs or them black \'ens?\" he asked, unwittingly catching Severus\' wide-eyes staring at his muscular back.

\"Ah, I actually need both, in separate jars if you do not mind,\" Snape said as he attempted to keep his eyes downcast, so that he did not look at Hagrid\'s torso.


This was wrong. He had known Hagrid since the day he had stepped off the Hogwart\'s express as a first year. The man had seemed especially enormous and frightening to the very small and frail eleven year old Severus Snape. He had looked so terribly intimidating until the gamekeeper had broken into his broad infectious grin as he ushered the nervous children into the enchanted boats. By the next morning, Snape had already felt comfortable in Hagrid\'s presence.


And now, after having known that man for almost twenty years, Severus was hard pressed not to tremble.


He had no idea what he had expected before the shirt came off. He knew from his talks with Dumbledore that Hagrid had actually gone to school with Voldemort while he still went by the name Tom Riddle. This meant that Hagrid had to be pushing seventy.


However, it seemed that those with the blood of giants did not decline physically as even a pureblood wizard would at that age.


A lifetime of manual labor had given the gamekeeper quite an impressive physique. It was not that Hagrid had the definition of a bodybuilder, certainly not a washboard stomach or anything of the sort. But neither was he soft or flabby by any stretch of the imagination. His belly stuck out, but the slight bulge was a layer of fat that stubbornly clung to rock hard muscles.


Snape\'s mouth went dry as he watched the huge man\'s biceps flex and bulge as he reached for the jars and stuffed them into the voluminous pockets of his shabby old trousers.


Hagrid was fairly hairy, his broad chest and forearms especially sported a covering of short thick black and gray hair. Though surprisingly, his broad back had little. The Slytherin knew that he must have looked like a deer caught in a coach lamp as the huge man turned to give Severus a jaunty wave before plunging into the water.


At least Hagrid did not seem to notice his confusion.


\'Stop staring,\' he chided himself, nervously hoping that the hot flush he felt in his cheeks did not mean that he was blushing. This was completely wrong! He should not be feeling the warmth of arousal spreading through his body. The cold fear that warred with it, that was what he should be feeling. Merlin, he had not even had a morning hard-on since the attack, and now this? One look at a shirtless male body and he was almost drooling?


This was Hagrid, the nice even-tempered old gamekeeper who doted incessantly on his menagerie of dangerous creatures.


The nice even-tempered gamekeeper who doted incessantly about his menagerie of dangerous creatures was not supposed be thought of in a sexual way!

He shivered at the strange, frightening and gods forbid even erotic thoughts that had begun to invade his mind. \'Stop it, Hagrid would never even think of touching me. I do not want to be touched! Do I? Why am I feeling these things?\'


He looked up again and watched as the groundskeeper waded into the shallow water and bent low to search for the eggs. \"Ha, got some!\" Hagrid called excitedly and took a jar from his pants pocket.


\"Green or black?\" ventured Severus; he had to make an effort to keep his voice steady. He had managed to suppress the confused thoughts that darted about his mind. They were still present, but now they hovered just below the surface.


\"Black,\" answered Hagrid.


\"Can you see the developing embryos yet?\"


\"M\'bros?\"


\"The baby frogs, can you see any details yet, or are they just dots?\" He could use them at any stage, but they worked best early on before the tadpoles were distinguishable as such.


\"Oh, no Sev\'rus. These are fresh laid. Nothin\' but little dots in \'em.\"


\"That is perfect.\"


Obviously pleased that his efforts were satisfactory Hagrid set about collecting the slimy eggs. \"Got three full jars of each,\" he announced proudly, with a covert glance in the direction of his audience. The blush that colored the smaller man\'s cheeks was intoxicating.


When the gamekeeper removed his shirt it had been simply to avoid getting it wet, but the Potions Master\'s shy, flushed and breathless reaction to the sight of his body was encouraging, not to mention flattering.

\"That will be sufficient, thank you,\" said Severus, concentrating on the far horizon, hoping that he sounded more confident then he felt. \"Be sure to seal the jars tightly.\" Like all of the containers he used for potion ingredients these were time suspending containers which, if sealed properly, would keep the eggs in their present undeveloped state indefinitely.

\"Are yeh needin\' milkweed pods too?\" The half-giant turned and deliberately flexed his muscles. It had been a while since he had done this sort of flirting with anyone of either sex, but he thought that he remembered how.

\"Yes,\" Severus nodded, then realized that he was staring again. \"The green pods that have not yet opened.\"


\"Sure thing, there\'s lots of \'em,\" assured the groundskeeper. \"How many yeh need?\"


\"Just fill up the basket. Pods only, the stems do not have any use to me.\"


\"Sure thing, Sev\'rus,\" Hagrid set the basket on a stump and took a small knife from his belt. Now he would show Severus just what he could do. His thick fingers moved with amazing dexterity as the half-giant took hold of the inch long, thin, delicate green pods and with a quick slice, separate them from the stem and toss them into the basket. A few moments later, the basket was brimming with the pods.


\"There, anythin\' else yeh\'re needin\'?\"


\"Well, uh, yes, if there is any of the white lichen or toad stools on those stumps?\"


\"No Sev\'rus, still a little cool fer \'em. \'Nother couple o\' weeks maybe,\" said Hagrid, a little disappointed that he did not have the chance to do more to try and impress his intended.


\"Then this is all that I require,\" Severus felt a little odd, he wanted to run and hide, but he also felt that he really should say more. The man had been such a help to him. \"Thank you Hagrid, you did in a few minutes, what would probably have taken me two hours.\"


\"It was no trouble, I just know where ter look,\" the big man said with a proud grin as he set the basket on the ground and moved to retrieve his shirt and boots. In a way he wished he could find an excuse to leave his shirt off, but he could see that the other wizard was nervous. He had been through a lot lately, best make him feel at ease.

\'Now all I have to do is make it back to the castle,\' thought Snape with a sigh. He managed to stand, but had to shift off the injured leg quickly.


\"Yer leg still hurtin\'?\" asked Hagrid as he read the other man\'s body language. He wished the Potions Master would let himself be carried back to the castle. There was no way that the other man would allow it, but the imagery that came with the thought would make an interesting fantasy for bedtime. He decided that he would have to settle for being helpful again. \"Would yeh like me ter carry yer stuff? I got time. Don\' have class for a while yet.\"


Severus automatically started to decline the offer. He really should say no and leave, but his leg hurt so terribly that he thought better of it. The Slytherin sighed as he realized that he was starting to get used to allowing people to help him. It was becoming easier. Admittedly, a lot of things became easier with Hagrid once again clothed. His inappropriate arousal and very appropriate fear were both calmed. In a way he felt foolish, as if he were a child playing peek-a-boo, since he could no longer see that very masculine body, he could block out his confused thoughts. \"If it is not too much trouble?\"


\"No trouble a\'tall,\" assured Hagrid. \"An\' yeh can lean on my arm if yeh need ter.\"


\"I do not believe that will be necessary,\" Severus said with a slight blush. The Potions Master shivered knowing that the last thing he should do is touch Hagrid. Even as a small heretofore-dormant part of his mind quite unexpectedly began to remember how those brawny arms felt wrapped around him.


Oddly enough these new thoughts were not sexual. In fact they were almost painfully childish. He had always seen the half-giant as a protector. More than once when he was a student Hagrid had chased away the Marauders before they could hurt him.


He recalled how safe he had felt in the other man\'s strong arms, even as part of him almost violently recoiled at the thought. The half-giant was no longer asexual, safe and non-threatening. Seeing the towering gamekeeper as a man was both disturbing and thrilling. Why was this all so confusing?



They walked slowly in silence up the winding path for a time until the half-giant began to make small noises in his throat. \"You have something that you would like to say Hagrid?\" Severus asked with a feeling of dread in his stomach.


\"Well, Sev\'rus, I\'ve been thinkin\', an\' I just thought...\" Severus looked up at his companion. The taller man had obviously been working on a speech, but it all had fled as he actually attempted to say it aloud.


Hagrid sighed, becoming frustrated as his tongue refused to say what was in his heart. He was just no good with words.


Severus leaned against a handy tree to rest his leg, which was starting to throb again. He surprised himself. No nasty or sarcastic remarks came readily to mind as his companion stood still to think.


Finally what the taller man wanted to say managed to escape his lips. \"Sev\'rus, I been wantin\' to talk ter yeh \'bout, well, \'bout the little one.\"


\"The, uh, \'little one\',\" confirmed Snape feeling a little nauseous. He should have known this was coming.


\"There\'s some people, they\'ve been tellin\' me that \'cause you an\' me, we didn\'.\" The half-giant blushed brightly but forced himself to finish. \"That \'cause o\' how yeh got this way was not my doin\', I don\' owe yeh nothin\'.\"


\"Someone said that to you?\" This was news to Snape.


\"Sev\'rus, it don\' matter ter me how it happened,\" Hagrid said looking down at him with large, very sincere beetle black eyes. \"Yeh won\' be alone. If the baby is mine, I want ter be her da.\" Severus\' eyebrow went up as the larger man continued. \"We don\' got ter rush into nothin\'. I knows that yeh been hurt bad, an\' yeh don\' want ter be touched right now. I just been wantin\' yeh ter know that, I like yeh a lot. Always have,\" Hagrid added hastily, his face flushed even more. He really did not want to frighten the younger man by moving too quickly. \"\'Sides, it ain\'t right ter leave yeh alone ter take care of the lil\' tyke.\"


\"Hagrid, are you saying that you would like to have some sort of relationship with me?\"


The gamekeeper looked down shyly. He wanted to shout, \'YES, I want yeh!\' Instead he found himself saying, \"I, uh, know I ain\'t much to look at...\"


\"According to some, neither am I.\" Snape shrugged.


\"Now, tha\'s silly, I always thought yeh be a real handsome bloke,\" assured Hagrid beaming at him.


\"Hagrid,\" Severus spoke softly, unable to hide a blush. He could not remember a time when he had blushed so much in one day. \"You do not have to do this to be involved with the foetus.\" Hagrid looked puzzled. \"The, uh, baby...\" He felt an odd shiver run up his spine as he said the word, \'baby\'. He had deliberately tried to refer to the tiny entity inside him by the most clinical of terms.

Calling it a baby made it real.


\"I know that Sev\'rus, an\' if I didn\' everybody in ter castle keeps tellin\' me so. But, I been wantin\' to get ter know yeh fer a long time. Long \'fore the little mite were there,\" declared Hagrid looking almost painfully sincere. \"Maybe yeh could have supper with me some time?\"

\"This is all very confusing to me,\" Severus was a little taken aback by the heartfelt offer. He had been content, or at least comfortable being alone for almost twenty years and now this! He had two men vying for his attentions.


But did he want either of them?


He bit his lip, still very unsure of his feelings, but unable to flatly refuse. \"I do not know what to say Hagrid. Right now, I cannot even think of being with anyone in that way.\"


\"Severus, I ain\'t askin\' yeh fer nothin\' like that,\" Hagrid assured softly. He could wish, and hope that some day soon that would change, but he knew that he had to be patient. \"I\'ve just been wantin\' a chance ter spend some time with yeh. Ter talk an\' such.\"

\"You must excuse me for being a little dense Hagrid. I did not even know that you were interested in men.\"


\"Never thought ter say nothin\' \'cause well, yeh was all closed off from everybody,\" admitted the half-giant.


\"And now?\"

\"We got us somethin\' ter talk \'bout. I just thought it were worth tryin\'.\"


\"I do not know what to say Hagrid.\" Before this, Snape had never felt both frightened and flattered at the same time except perhaps the day that he was introduced to Lord Voldemort.


Actually, he was more nervous now.


\"Well, I make a real nice roast chicken,\" said Hagrid hopefully, \"maybe Friday?\"


Severus had just opened his mouth to answer when Remus Lupin stormed up to them, red faced and out of breath, brown eyes flashing with anger. \"Severus Snape where on Earth have you been?\"


tbc