How To Disappear Completely

How To Disappear Completely
Chapter 12: “The Lure Would Prove Too Much”

Sorry for taking so long to update. I’ve been very busy with school and work, so please do forgive me. This chapter was inspired by the Greg Dulli/The Twilight Singers song which shares the same name. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. It inspires me to keep going.

”I think I’m taking you home, so I can be broken in two…just like you."


Hermione shifted slightly, her eyes still closed, when she felt something grasped onto her hand. Panic rose quickly and her breaths became shorter. She was afraid to open her eyes, but as if sensing her panic, her hand was gently squeezed.

“It’s alright sweet girl.” She heard him whisper. Severus felt odd in her presence, uncomfortable almost, but he just remained next to her. Still sleeping, she leaned into him to a point where he wrapped his arm around her. He could smell her perfume, a soft, mature floral that melded somehow with her skin. She melted into him as if he were her home, and while the idea of it all scared him senseless, he wanted to be by her side. He wanted to help her heal. For the first time, he wanted everything that was pure, good, and selfless. All it took was her acceptance of him. He closed his eyes and gave into sleep knowing that finally, he was going to be happy.

Hermione woke with a start, somewhat shocked with the fact that she was using someone’s chest as a pillow. Realization soon dawned on her that it was her mentor. She rested her head on him again and listened as he took each breath. The last time someone that close to her breathed upon her it was during her assault. It was a comfort she never felt before, the sound of breathing in a way that wasn’t harsh or demented. There was an ebb and flow to it and she counted it with each rise and fall of his chest. She tried to fall back asleep, but couldn’t, enchanted with the thought that he was finally here…where he belonged.

“How long can we stay like this?” Hermione asked.

“Unfortunately, I have a class to prepare for.” Severus replied as he absent-mindedly ran his hand down her back.

“I wish to make this last forever.”

“That would be boring after a while, don’t you think?”

“No.” Hermione quickly stated as she picked up her head and looked at him. “I could do this all day.” Hermione rolled over to her side of the bed and faced him again.

“Where do we go from here?” Hermione asked.

“I don’t know.” Severus quickly replied in a tone soft tone Hermione never thought he could possess, pure honesty in his voice. For the first time he didn’t know the answer and while the thought would normally panic him, he knew that the two of them only had the choice of taking it day by day. He wouldn’t make her any promises. He would just let the natural course of things set the tone.

She simply smiled at him. Severus would never take credit for being the one who brought her back to life. She was the one who did it all herself.

The two remained silent for a while, just observing each other second by second. Hermione hating forcing a conversation, and Severus relished the quietness. While he knew that her inquisitive nature would return in full force, he knew that the know-it-all in her didn’t show up again ever since her return. Her return. It had been months, and while she was only gone for days, he was sure that to her every day was a year. There was still the shadow of death in those eyes, but the life in them fought hard to keep such dark times at bay. It was those same shadows of life that drew him closer and closer and closer to her until he kissed her.

Hermione had initiated the contact yesterday, now it was his turn. Once again, the two became lost in each other. He felt her acquiesce to him, her hands pulling his face ever closer. Was it possible for two people to get any closer? And while Severus knew he was treading on dangerous ground with each passing moment, he just couldn’t pull away from her. The soft groans of her approval egged him on. His growing arousal never touched her, but still, he knew that they should stop.

His hand cupped her cheek and slowly glided down to her neck as he continued to kiss her. He could feel the chain of her necklace, still never removed from her person ever since he put it back on her. It was only when one of his fingers glided across the concealed scar on her neck did she turn her face to the side and softly speak,

“No.”

Suddenly self-conscious about the line that would forever have such horrible memories tied to it, she began to retreat inside of herself. Severus looked at her looking away from him, staring into empty space.

Severus knew that honesty would get him everywhere in that moment.

“Hermione.”

She turned to look at him, on the verge of tears. He stared into her eyes, hoping that he wouldn’t ruin what the two of them were just starting, but if he could gain her piece by piece then he would be patient and wait. No promises, he thought. Piece by piece.

“Remove the charm.” Severus softly commanded, a tone of understanding in his voice, never used before with her. She didn’t remove it, but the look in her eyes was his permission slip. And then it was gone.

He was the first to see the real damage that was done when a death eater dragged the blade of a knife across the throat of Hermione Granger. The image came into his head as if she transferred it to him mentally. He could feel the terror in heat of her pulse, or was that her desire? He wasn’t sick enough to consider it an honor to see it, but after months of covering it up with charms and clothes, he stared at the line with intense interest.

She dared not look at him as he explored the main reminder of her time with Indra Karnstein and her death eaters. Hermione felt as if she were one of his specimens or ingredients being researched and while anger began to brew in her, it all dissipated when she felt him softly trace his finger along the line. Her breath hitched as his finger stopped.

“Look at me.” He spoke, his finger still on her scar. He continued to trace his finger when she turned her head and gave in to his request.

“With every scar there is a story, some of them are good and some of them are bad. Some we take pride in, and others we are ashamed of. You have nothing to be ashamed of. This line here,” he said as he went back and forth tracing it, in a spell almost as he focused his attention on it. Hermione watched his awe of the line across her neck as he continued speaking to her.

“This line here is not who you are. I wish I could have killed the man that did this to you. I knew I would have done it the moment I found you in that room. I would have slowly tortured and killed every one who laid a finger on you. You would want justice, but I would have done it for revenge. I would have wanted their blood on my hands. I would have been expelled from this world just to do it. I would have made Voldemort look like an angel.”

“Severus,” Hermione started before he placed his lips on hers in a silent kiss.

“I can’t promise you anything Hermione. I’m not as good a man as I would like to be. I don’t know what I can offer.” He said as his lips replaced his finger on her scar.

She found it hard to think as his lips covered every single inch of her scar. And when he finished trailing the line, he did it all over again. Hermione always knew that the man before her had such a rich passion, but she never felt it sway to her direction in this sense. It was always in anger when she was his student, but now, she felt him come to her in a new light. That angry passion was still there, but still, his devotions were only to her. It was all for her.

“Just be there ” was all she could say. She could of swore she felt a tear land on her neck, but she was too wrapped up in the moment to ask.

“Just be there.” He then desperately clung to her as he rested his head in the crook of her neck. She softly ran her hands up and down his back and kissed his head as she felt the breaths of two people merge into one. She felt as if they were slowly, but surely, molding themselves to one another, knowing that one day their two puzzles pieces would fit. It would take time, but she knew that he was more than willing to wait.

Severus heard her words and felt her hands, reminders that he too was a survivor. He knew that he was falling for her, and for the first time, he was content to just let things be. His tears slid slowly down his cheeks and while he was expecting her to inquire about them, he was ever the more happy that she never did. He held onto her as if she were the precious cargo on a life raft that was slowly sinking into an abyss he hadn’t allowed himself to feel in years. Yes, they would be together, and for the first time in a long time, it was a future that he was confident about.


The weeks had progressed into months. Their time at Hogwarts was spent researching and teaching. While Severus and Hemione grew closer with each passing day, the two never crossed the fine line of letting the world know of their relationship. However, it was an unspoken knowledge at Hogwart’s among the faculty. Dumbledore’s eyes would have that extra twinkle when he would see them at the dinner table. McGonnagall’s lips would purse with excitement when she would talk to Hermione about the apprenticeship. Draco and Ginny were the worse though.

“So, how are things heating up with you and Professor Snape?” Ginny asked.

There was an order meeting at Grimmauld Place, and Hermione was allowed to leave Hogwart’s under the direct protection of Severus.

“What makes you think there is anything going on?” Hermoine asked, a blush creeping to her face.

“A blind bat could see it. There aren’t any heavy rumors, but it’s nice to see you happy.”

“How many people do you think suspect it?”

“A few. Mum thinks it’s rather endearing.”

“YOUR MUM KNOWS!”

“Well, she saw when the two of you entered. According to her, ‘Severus Snape never places his hand on the small of anyone’s back!’” Ginny stated, trying her best to impersonate her mother. Hermione smiled to herself knowing that it was something he did just to let her know that he was there. If she made it to lunch before he did, he would lightly graze her shoulder or upper back before sitting down next to her. It was the same when she was in the lab. Sometimes if she went to bed before he did, he would do the same to her face. It was his way of saying goodnight.

The two laughed before Ginny continued. “She wants you to be happy Hermione. We all do. She’s known Professor Snape longer than us, so I think it’s safe to say that we can trust her opinion.”

“We haven’t done anything you know.” Hermoine continued. “I mean, we’ve tried, but it’s never gotten much further.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Draco and I are waiting until after I graduate. It’s difficult, but it’s going to be worth it.”

“Does your mom know?”

“Of course! She believes that we should wait until my schooling is over. She says that it’s a Daily Prophet cover story waiting to happen, so we have to keep things really quiet. Dumbledore is letting me take DADA through some correspondence course, so that makes things a bit easier. I suppose that’s the good thing about you not getting out of Hogwart’s so much. The public doesn’t see you, so they can’t write about you.”

“That’s a lovely way to put it Ginny.” Hermione proclaimed, a smile on her face.
“Well, look at this way. You’ve got good company with you.”


Hermione enjoyed their usual routine of things. It relied on timing and order, which she always adored. The two had been sharing a bed, and while they slept next to each other, there was never any pressure for the two of them to take it a step up. However, there were heated moments where she felt his desire brush against her, and while she knew that he was genuine in his lust for her, she thought of the scars and let them kill her confidence. She still concealed her scars, even from him, even though she knew he didn’t find them repulsive.

What worried her though were the occasional flashbacks she would have. There was one night where she wanted Severus desperately. Their hands were sliding into new areas, undiscovered with each other, his arousal pressing into her, their lips possessing each other, and it when she opened her eyes and saw Mr. Yorke snogging her, she quickly pushed Severus away with a force that almost threw him off her bed.

By the look on her face, Severus could tell she briefly relived a moment during her violation.

“I’m sorry.” Hermione stated, on the verge of tears.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Severus added, taking her into his arms.

“Is it always going to be like this?” She asked to no one in particular.

“Like what?”

“I’m going to push you away from me when we start to, you know.”

“I certainly hope not.” Severus replied with a touch of humor in his voice. “You’re not ready, and that is that.”

“Why do you stay with me?” Hermione said, tears now flowing down her cheeks. “I’m sure you could find a partner who wouldn’t freak out when a man tries to touch her breast. You don’t have to put up with me is what I’m saying.”

“Don’t be so daft Hermione. I’m not exactly heartthrob of the year you know, and I don’t care. You wanted me to be here for you, and I am.” He grabbed her face, softly wiping the tears away with his thumbs, “I…I’ve had…I dreamed of you when you were gone. I knew what room to find you in because you told me. These tears I wipe away were tears of blood, and your dress…I saw that dress.”

With the realization of what he was saying, Severus let her go and turned away from her.
“Dumbledore has always been a meddling old fool, but he knows when things are happening. Albus wanted me to find you and bring you back. He wanted me to offer you the apprenticeship.”

“Are you saying that Albus Dumbledore deliberately pushed us together?”

“Do you regret it?”

“No. Never. I’m so thankful. I’ve always admired you and what you sacrificed for us all. I am thankful for the apprenticeship, but even more thankful that I have you with me.” She moved directly behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, just the way she did months ago on the astronomy tower.

Severus wanted to tell her that he had indeed fallen for her, but he was too afraid to tell her. Admitting it out loud would be too much for him to bear, even if she did reciprocate every last one of his feelings. With that word came so many other expectations and requirements that he wasn’t quiet ready to live up to just yet. Or better yet, he was ready to live up to them; he just didn’t want her to feel any pressure. He would marry her tomorrow if she would have him, but he enjoyed their slow pace.

“Let’s just go to bed. Tomorrow will be a new day.” He smiled as he felt her kiss his cheek. He joined her in bed and while his desire for her was still there, he knew that she was worth the wait. Even if it killed him; she was worth the wait.