Secrets

Snape listened to the boy mutter for hours, silently growing angrier and angrier at the blasted
muggles. With every fragmented tale of neglect, he wanted to hurt them. Every time abuse was
mentioned, he wanted to slaughter them, torture them. All he could do, though, was hold Harry and
reassure him that it wasn\'t his fault. Finally, though, Snape looked down at the boy leaning into
him and realized that he had fallen into a fitful slumber. Gently, he lifted the boy and carried
him to the bedroom. Harry had taken to sleeping with Snape simply because it was easier to keep
tabs on him that way. The potions master was able to respond more quickly to the boy\'s nightmares,
more able to talk him through any cravings for drugs. Secretly, he knew, it allowed him to sleep
in the same bed as the person he had come to call \"his.\"

Yes, like it or not, Snape was becoming attached to Harry, although he didn\'t quite understand the
meaning of the feelings. He only knew that every time the boy cried, he wanted to take away his
pain, every time the boy laughed, he wanted to treasure.

Laying the boy who lived down on the bed, he whispered, \"Goodnight, my boy.\" Tentatively, he
brushed the boy\'s forehead with a light kiss. Silently, he walked out of the room, making certain
to cast bonding charms between him and Harry. He then began his christmas preparations. Carefully,
he wrapped up the clothes and music books he had purchased for the boy. Although it was against
his nature to be decorative, he tied bows on each box. He sat back and admired his handiwork,
smiling at the penguins adorning the wrapping paper. Then, he began the task of erecting the tree.
Part of the professor wanted to taunt himself, for here he was, getting ready to decorate a
christmas tree. Instead, he decorated the tree with sparkling lights, glittering ornaments, and
tinsel. Taking a step back, he admired the way that the lights shone through the pine needles. He
placed the parcels under the tree.

Like a small child, Snape was now inexplicably too excited to feel tired. He couldn\'t wait to see
Harry\'s face, to hear what he had to say about the whole thing. The little voice inside his head
snidely reminded him that James and Lily Potter had been jewish, but the rational Snape knew that
the muggles hadn\'t raised Harry with any semblance of tradition. Harry probably didn\'t even know
what a synagoge was. No, the boy didn\'t even know what it was to be loved, something that was far
more basic and essential than any religion. Religion was near useless, in Snape\'s opinion, unless
accompanied by love. The question was, though, if Harry would ever be able to trust someone enough
to love and be loved. Snape hoped that the muggles hadn\'t broken him so badly as that.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Harry woke up the next morning, he could smell someone cooking. Scents of ginger, cloves, and
cinnamon had wafted into the bedroom. The distinct aroma of coffee cut through the sweeter smells.
Stretching, Harry was not surprised to find himself in Snape\'s bed. He had become used to this
occurrence, although he still panicked occasionally. The noise and smells from the kitchen were
too much for him to ignore. He knew that, unlike the Dursleys, when Snape cooked, he generally
shared with Harry. Related to this, Harry had gained some weight since residing with Snape,
although Harry hadn\'t noticed. The professor took pride in Harry\'s no longer emaciated appearance.
Still in his borrowed pajamas, Harry wandered out into the kitchen. His eyes went wide at the
scene.

In the living room was an enormous christmas tree, covered in lights and colorful ornaments. The
scent of pine now invaded his nostrils, competing with the smells of cooking also present in the
room. A fire roared in the fireplace. The table was covered in goodies. Apparently, Snape had been
busy. There were ginger bread cookies, pumpkin pie, and even a small ginger bread house. Harry
noted with amusement that Snape\'s talents did not lie in the artistic realm. Wide eyed, he looked
at Severus, expecting some sort of explanation.

\"Merry Christmas, Harry,\" said Snape, smiling. \"Would you like a cookie.?\"

Nervously, Harry took a cookie, expecting this to be some sort of weird trick, or better yet, some
kind of malicious dream. The cookie tasted real, but it couldn\'t possibly be. Snape noticed the
boy\'s silence. He had expected this. Since no one had ever been openly nice to the boy, he was
expecting it all to come crashing down around him.

\"I figured that since there are two of us here this year, we ought to have a real christmas.
Normally, I just join the other teachers for dinner and games, but this year...\" he trailed off,
his eyes on Harry. The boy had just discovered that there were presents under the tree. He watched
as, for the first time, Harry experienced finding a present with his name on it on christmas.
There was, of course, the parcel he always received from Mrs. Weasely. Snape knew, though, that
this was different. These presents were all under a tree, in a warm, safe home. Gently, Harry
picked up one of the gifts and traced the design of the wrapping paper.

\"You can open them, you know,\" Snape prodded.

\"It\'s just I don\'t have anything for you,\" the boy whispered, looking at Snape with wide eyes.

\"Yes, well, that doesn\'t matter,\" replied Snape, not wanting to speak the truth. In reality, the
boy had given him a gift already. Even if Harry was never able to reciprocate any emotion, the boy
had given Snape the ability to care about someone again. He realized then and there that he loved
Harry Potter.

\"Go on, Harry, open them.\"

Harry didn\'t need any more coaxing. He tore the paper off of one parcel, revealing the new clothes
that Snape had purchased.

\"I...wow...never had new clothes before,\" Harry stammered.

\"Well, there\'s a first time for everything, isn\'t there?\" Harry nodded, and excitedly put on the
sweater that Snape had purchased. The ladies had been right. Harry looked wonderful in burgundy.

Harry reached for another parcel and opened it, revealing new music books. Snape had suspected
that the boy had never actually had any musical training.

\"Thanks,\" he whispered, thumbing through the books. Looking up at Snape, he spoke again, his eyes
wet with potential tears. \"Thanks...Sev...\"

\"I\'m happy to do it for you, Harry,\" said Snape, secretly thrilled to have the boy use his first
name. He walked over to Harry and set a cup of cocoa by him. Severus was content to watch the boy
enjoy his new clothes, his books, the day. He was sitting on the couch, listening to the boy
attempt to play a song out of his new book when the music suddenly stopped, and there was a warm
body sitting next to him.

\"Um,\" said a small voice, \"I was wondering...\"

\"Yes,\" spoke Snape.

\"Um...could I...could I...\" the voice stopped abruptly, and Snape could tell that it was because
the boy was scared of something.

\"What is it, Harry?\"

\"I just...I don\'t know why, exactly, but I was wondering if maybe I could hug you,\" whispered
Harry. Shyly, he looked at his feet, suddenly interested in the movement of his toes. To answer
his question, Snape gently placed one arm around Harry. The boy started for a second, but then
move to hug Snape. Severus\' heart nearly burst with joy when he felt the thin arms wrap around
him. Snape softly stroked Harry\'s messy hair. He knew that this could be all that he\'d ever get
out of Harry, but he didn\'t care.

\"Sev,\" spoke Harry.

\"Yes?\"

\"Can we play wizard\'s chess again?\"

Snape laughed. \"Of course, but only if you can put up with the heckling pieces. They tend to
be...inappropriate at times.\"

As an answer, Harry shrugged, and began to set up the chess pieces.

\"Hey, look who\'s back,\" hollered a knight.

\"Didn\'t get enough, hey kid,\" questioned a wiley bishop.

\"Well that\'s obvious, Oliver,\" scolded the white queen, \"he\'s still here, isn\'t he?\"

\"Your name is Oliver,\" asked an incredulous Harry, picking up the bishop.

\"Yes, and if you\'ll kindly put me down, maybe I\'ll be nice to you.\" Hurriedly, Harry placed the
bishop down on a square.

\"Do they all have names,\"he inquired of Snape.

\"Probably.\"

\"We bloody well do all have names, thank you very much,\" spoke the indignant black queen. \"I\'m
Elizabeth.\"

\"Well, don\'t be rude, boy,\" chided a knight, \"introduce yourself to us. We already know the slimy
git,\" he said, indicating Snape.

\"I\'m..um...Harry...,\" answered the boy.

\"Oh, a real eloquent one this is,\" chimed in a pawn, \"where\'d you find him, Sev?\"

\"That is none of your business,\" he replied, purposfully using the pawn in a move that he knew
would get the pawn \'killed.\' Looking at Harry, he said, \"I suggest you do the same.\"
When Harry picked up a pawn, he was assaulted with a barrage of questions.

\"Are you his boyfriend, because if you are, you\'re pretty cute,\" said the pawn. \"Are you going to
stay? Sev never uses us when no one is here. We\'re forced to just stay in that blasted small box,
waiting for someone to play with us.\"

\"You\'re chess pieces,\" scolded Severus. \"That\'s what you do, waiting for people to play with you.\"

\"That\'s all well and good for you to say,\" retorted the pawn. \"You\'ve obviously never seen our
living quarters.\"

\"Actually, I have,\" sneered Snape. \"I picked them out myself. You\'ll notice the utilization of
furniture to make them more comfortable.\" He immediately took out the pawn when Harry placed it on
the board. The boy was terrible at wizard\'s chess. Snape suspected that the boy hadn\'t really
wanted to play chess so much as listen to the pieces bicker. He then got up to refill his cup of
coffee. It was then that the black queen leaned, as much as a chess piece can lean, anyway, and
whispered to Harry.

\"He loves you, you know,\" she said to a very surprised Harry.

\"What,\" asked an incredulous Harry.

\"He loves you,\" she repeated.

\"Is this what it feels like, then,\" pondered a very confused Harry.

\"Is this what what feels like,\" asked Snape, returning to the table.

\"Oh, the queen and I, we were just talking is all,\" said a blushing Harry. \"I...um...have to go to
the bathroom.\" Snape followed the boy with his eyes, and then picked up the queen.

\"What did you tell him,\" he threatened.

\"Oh, just the truth, that\'s all,\" she answered mysteriously.

\"What does that even mean,\" he asked.

\"You know what it means, Sev. You know that I only do what I\'m good at,\" she said provocatively.

\"He told him,\" helped a king.

\"Damn it, Edward,\" yelled the queen, \"why did you have to go and ruin my fun?\"

\"You were making him suffer,\" replied a sheepish king.

\"You know I don\'t care about that, you idiot,\" she retorted. Chided, the king returned to his
square. The queen turned her attention to Snape. \"I merely told him that you had feelings for
him.\"

\"You didn\'t.\"

\"Yup,\" she said, flicking her hair flirtatiously.

\"You\'ve probably scared the poor boy,\" he said.

\"Oh, I wouldn\'t have told him had I thought it would do any harm,\" alluded the queen.

\"What, exactly, are you talking about,\" said Snape, furrowing his brow.

\"He has similar feelings,\" she stated simply.

\"How do you know?\"

\"I have my ways. He\'s been hurt, though,\" she worried.

\"That\'s an understatement,\" replied Snape, bitterly.

\"He doesn\'t understand his feelings,\" she continued.

Snape sighed, not sure that he understood his feelings either. He was, after all, talking to a
chess piece. That had to be a sign of madness.

\"You must help him understand his feelings,\" instructed the queen.

\"But how do I do so without scaring him away,\" asked Snape.

\"Take your time, it\'s that simple,\" she replied.

\"You better not be fucking with me,\" he warned.