The Secret Diary of Severus Snape

Title: The Secret Diary of Severus Snape: Entries: 108-113
Author: Mimine (mimine101@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Snape/Lupin in this one
Disclaimer: Not mine, JKR’s. No money made, no infringement of rights intended.
Notes: My enormous gratitude to Roo for her excellent beta. Dedicated to kaysha who deserves much more for being such a sweetheart but that’s the best I can do at the moment. (I still get your body, right?)


8/5/1976
“Tomorrow, same time, same place?”

His neat, round script appeared over my Defence notes. I looked up. He didn’t even raise his eyes. He put his wand back in his sleeve smoothly and hid his notes from Black, who was sitting right next to him.

His words erased themselves, leaving room for my answer. I could sense Slinkhard’s gaze on me. I wasn’t about to take my wand out and join in Lupin’s stupid games. I searched his eyes again and this time he did turn to face me.

Did I get it all wrong? He does want more? I felt a tightness in my stomach and my heartbeat quickened. I nodded to him slightly and then turned my attention back to the lesson.

I’m not sure I will go.

9/5/1976
The prefects have it good… I’d forgotten how good it feels to take a bath. I don’t fit in the bathtub at home anymore. I have to let my legs dangle outside, not to mention that father never allows me to remain in it for as long as I want.

To be honest, not only the bath was good. I had a great time with Lupin. It’s so strange when I think about it. I honestly forgot who he was and he seemed to do the same.

We met at the door. He whispered the password quickly and looked around before letting me in. Once we were inside he gave me a smile and pulled me down to kiss me. I was so surprised my mouth opened easily under his and he stole my breath.

I like his lips. They are fleshy and soft and look as though he’s constantly pouting. I can almost imagine what it would be like to kiss a girl when I kiss him. I never thought I wanted to kiss a girl but there you have it. But still, as pink and pretty as his lips are, his erection poked me when he pressed against me and that was nice, too.

We broke apart and he just stood there, staring at me for a while. Measuring me up. Then he looked away again and started taking off his clothes. As casual as he tried to make it appear, though, his hands were trembling. It took him two tries to unfastes ros robes.

He asked whether I would take off my clothes as well.

I did want to take a bath, so I undressed. I had bent to leave my clothes on the bench when I felt his hand on my naked back. I jumped up and he pulled back, apologetic.

I know what my back looks like. Father wouldn’t take the belt to me unless he had good reason and I was a very curious child, always exploring his laboratory and trying to get a taste of his mixtures. Mum would try to keep an eye on me but most of the time she wasn’t well gh pgh physically or emotionally to deal with me.

I turned to face Lupin and in his eyes I could see the conclusions he’d drawn. I could feel him ready to ask me about my home situation and who had done all this damage, Pomfrey’s questions back in first year that I had refused to answer. I’ve told Lucius some of it, unasked, an nod nodded, not really understanding (how could he understand? He’s been raised like a prince), not really that concerned but accepting me as I am. Lupin was just curious and ready with his pity.

I could ask back so he kept quiet. That magical scar could be anything. I’ve heard of people who think nothing of beating their children with their wand.

I don’t know. It all remained unsaid and my mounting gloom and unease was dispersed when a sudden push from Lupin threw me in the bath.

I wasn’t expecting that. The foamy water stung my eyes and a sharp taste filled my mouth. I wanted to yell at Lupin what the fuck he thought he was doing but I would only get more water in my mouth, more sharp pain and fear. But my feet had touched the bottom and my panic subsided. I was still not amused but the water was warm on my body and felt suspiciously relaxing. Bathing salts, I think. I wonder whether they were a standard or if Lupin had taken special trouble with me

He jumped in right next to me and it was just too hard to yell at him in the warm and fragrant water, not as he stared at me with wonder, awe almost.

“What are you looking at?” I snapped at him but he just smiled and made to grab me.

I think I disappointed him when I didn’t try to get away from him.

“Caught you!” he said anyway and pulled me to a kiss.

It went on like that for a while, kissing, rubbing against each other. He was timid at first but I pressed against him hard and eventually he started following my lead. A regular fencing match, prick to prick, hard and slippery in the tepid water.

It was good but it got tiresome after a while, both of us rock hard and neither showing any signs of being close to coming. I decided to do something about that.

He was light in the water and it was easy to lift him from it and sit him on the edge of the tub. The swimming pool, rather. He cried out in surprise and tried to fight me but not for long. I spread his thighs and settled his legs over my shoulders.

I took his prick in with one go, warm and satisfying in my mouth, just as I knew it would be. Others may view sucking cock as demeaning, somehow. I don’t know. I like it. I like doing it as much as I like receiving it, perhaps more.

Lupin’s prick is fatter than any other I’ve sucked but not very long so it wasn’t that difficult to handle. And he was clean and tasty (I had to pull out for a moment and spit the bitter taste of the soap. Caught him on his thigh... soft and lightly furred... trembling). He tried to get away but I didn’t let him. I took his prick in again and soon it was just warm flesh and salt. And oh so tasty…

He was speaking. He was cursing me with one breath and calling me a god with the other. It was distracting so I tried to tune him out, focusing instead on the taste of him, the feel of his arse and his thighs under my hands. I had raised my body on my elbows. The stone floor was hard but I could hardly notice.

I love sucking cock. I shouldn’t like it so much but I do. I felt cheated when he came as quickly as he did. I wanted to keep him in my mouth and I did even as he softened. He gave out a low cry and tried to push me off. I know he had to be sensitive after coming, too much sensation adding up to almost pain.

I did pull back. I gave his nuts a lick. Then the inside of his thigh. And then I just let go of the edge of the pool and sank inside the water before doing something stupid like turning him around and licking him down there. Perhaps I would find that tasty as well.

In the water I felt so good, weightless, safe... I could get used to that and really shouldn’t. Could that be what it feels like to swim in the lake as well? Except for the water being warm, of course. Hagrid has offered to teach me to swim. Perhaps I should take him up on that offer after all.

I heard Lupin fall in the water as well. And then he grabbed my arm harshly and pulled me out. Once out, I held onto the edge of the pool with one hand and glared at him after I’d managed to get my wet hair off my face. I asked why the fuck he did that.

He blushed. “I’m sorry. You just scared me.”

And then pounding on the door scared both of us and McGonagall’s voice took care of my hard-on in no time.

Lupin lied to her easily and convinced her not to go in. We’d lost track of time. Oddly it had taken me far less time to bugger Lupin the other day than to fool around in the water kissing each other today. I won’t even count the blowjob, he came ridiculously quickly.

I slipped on my clothes, heart beating fast as I wondered how the fuck I would just slip outside without McGonagall seeing me.

Lupin had a solution to that. “I’ll go outside to calm McGonagall. You stay here and I’ll come and get you when it’s safe.”

And it would imply me trusting him to come back for me. And I had to hide somewhere in case McGonagall decided to take a look inside. I had to trust him. He’d be in trouble for letting me in the bathroom. He had to make sure I wouldn’t be caught.

I hid in the broom closet, a very tiny and crowded broom closet since that is house elrisdrisdiction. Lupin came back for me around fifteen minutes later but I yelled at him anyway, it had felt much longer. Even worse, I had been sharing the space with a house elf that had decided to apparate directly into the closet while McGonagall was still outside. I’d grabbed it and put a hand over its mouth to keep it quiet. Once McGonagall left I told it it could get out but the stupid creature was too afraid to move.

Lupin gently coaxed it out and then did the same with me. He said nothing as I dressed him down for leaving me in there.

I hate that! It’s nearly impossible to get him to lose his temper. I am willing to try, though. There must be something.

I think I was fooling no one when I told him to fuck off as he asked me when he would see me again.

“I owe you!” he insisted. “You didn’t come.”

“There are plenty of boys in Slytherin who can take care of that,” I sneered. I lied. I can’t think of any Slytherin slag other than myself who would be willing to touch me.

Still not much of a reaction. He could have very well asked me why I was with him and not one of them now. “I should get you to your House before anyone finds you here,” he said simply. I wanted to yell at him that I didn’t need his help and leave in a huff but the truth is that I did need it up to a certain point. It was late, it wouldn’t do to be found out and about at this part of the Castle.

He was hesitating as he led me to the Dungeons, probably revealing a route that I really shouldn’t know. Gryffindor secrets… He shouldn’t worry. I doubt I’ll be able to find any of the passages he took me on again. I have absolutely no sense of direction. It took me years to learn to find my way around in the Dungeons and I still get lost sometimes.

When we finally reached an area that I recognised, I told him to leave. He did without asking again when he would see me.

I tried studying but I couldn’t. I kept thinking of him. I don’t understand it. It isn’t infatuation, not the way it was (is?) with Lucius where it hurt to even think of him, his perfect beauty and casual cruelty. Lupin isn’t even much to look at. He’s plain. Just perfectly ordinary, I can’t think of a single remarkable thing about him. Average Lupin with his average height, average face, average marks. What is it about him? Why? And why do Black and Potter bother with him? It’s not like with Pettigrew whom they tolerate because he worships Potter.

Pettigrew. It’s sad to look at him. They call him Worm and he just takes it. They tell him to bugger off and then a minute later to come back again and he just takes it all, he always goes back for more. Potter even has him carry his books and Pettigrew doesn’t object. So much for brave Gryffindors…

Perhaps that is also the reason Potter and Black are friends with Lupin. He isn’t as obvious as Pettigrew but he’s just another one of their followers.

Would they care to know I’m fucking their pet ect?ect? Perhaps they’d simply drop him, they’ve made no secret of their feelings about queers if their insults to me are any indication.

Fuck them! Why do I have to think of them all the time and ruin everything? And fuck Lupin! He’s just like them, he just hides it better.

I’m tired. I hate this choking feeling I get in my chest whenever I think of them. It’s 2 a.m. and I really should try to get some sleep. I don’t feel like sleeping at all, not with that useless adrenaline coursing through me. I hate them!

11/5/1976
Perhaps I wouldn’t have followed him if I hadn’t been studying History of Magic. I’d have welcomed any distraction. The course itself i tha that bad but I kept hearing Binn’s voice whenever I looked at my notes.

This time Lupin let me close enough to hear the password. “Splish Splash”. For fuck’s sake! I tried to imagine Rabastan saying that in his posh accent, all serious and a broke into a coughing fit trying to stifle laughter.

Lupin pulled me in and shut the door behind me staring at me curiously. When he realised I was laughing his eyes widened in surprise.

I assured him I was fine as I was wiping my eyes, trying to hold back new bouts of laughter.

He charmed his wristwatch to announce what time it was every ten minutes. Had to be cautious after what happened the last time.

He didn’t let me go near him in the water, not even for a kiss. He knew I had to keep to the edge of pool, it gets deep near the middle. I didn’t like that, how aloof he was, trying to be in control of things but I wasn’t going to risk drowning just to catch him and kiss him.

I got out first and went for a towel. I was drying myself when I heard him hurriedly getting out as well. He grabbed me from behind. He pushed my hair aside and his lips found my nape, kissing and biting softly. He’s careful with the marks he leaves and perhaps he would like me to do the same. Where’s the fun in that?

He tightened his arms around me and I held on to my towel. I needed the barrier. I could feel him hot and hard against my arse. My prick had slapped against my belly, stiff, aching for that pounding from behind. With my fingers it’s just not the same and Rosier hasn’t been willing to give me his fake prick even now that he’s been getting a regular fucking from Dolohov’s very real prick. Some things are just not to be shared, I suppose, unless the two of them have found a use for it as well. My timid little Evan has become a sex fiend.

Lupin squeezed even harder. I liked the feeling but it also scared me a bit. I struggled. We ended up rolling on the floor. I started fighting dirty. Bit, clawed at him, tried to knee him in the groin. It excited him even more. He had turned me around so so I was facing him. I didn’t have a chance. He pressed against me, his thigh sliding on my hard prick, his own prick leaking on my belly.

He kissed me. I sucked his tongue in and he rubbed and rubbed against me, letting out soft cries in my mouth. I could have come from that, even though my prick wasn’t touching his skin, even though it would have been if I saved my come for his pretty mouth or his tight little arse.

It was too late. He made a mess on my belly and then the bastard just threw aside the towel, took a hold of me and stroked me with his come. The pressure was just right, a thumb flick exactly when I wanted but what really did it for me was when the sneaky fuck bit my neck. Still restrained, still not leaving a mark but I was completely gone. I started shooting and I thought I’d never stop.

He practically carried me to the pool again and dumped me in. He insisted on washing me. His hands felt good in my hair, on my chest and back. They felt more than good when he reached my arse but I didn’t let him touch me much there. I didn’t want to get hard again.

“Next time I want to suck you off,” he told me. He announced, rather.

I laughed. “I don’t think so.” I rubbed on my neck and informed him that his teeth are sharp.

“So are yours but I trusted you,” he whined.

“I’ve had practice.”

“So have I.” A lie, no doubt but it bothered me. I pictured him on his knees in front of his friends. Not that shithead Pettigrew, that could never happen. But Potter… Potter pushing him lower on his prick and Black next to them, his prick in his hand, waiting for his turn…

“You’re lying. You hadn’t even kissed anyone before.” I tried to sound unconcerned but doubt gnawed at me and I’m sure he sensed it.

Then he explained. He has done it before but to himself. As hard as I found that to believe that erection I’d been trying to hold back came again just at the thought of it. I told him I had to see him. He blushed and said he couldn’t do it in front of someone else, he’d be uncomfortable. I replied that the only way for me to let him suck me would be if I saw proof that he wasn’t lying about this.

He opened his mouth to speak but the stupid watch called out just at the moment and we knew we had less than fifteen minutes to get out, get dressed and walk to our respective dormitories.

We parted ways in front of the door. I sort of wished he could come with me or I with him. I wondered what it might be like to lie together in a bed.

12/5/1976
He snuck behind me in the library and ran his fingers through my hair. I had already turned, wand at the ready. He had scared me half to death. He said he couldn’t believe it was already so greasy even though he knows I only washed it yesterday. I think he expected me to take this lightly. I pushed past him. He made to come after me but right at that moment his friends showed up. Potter was holding a schoolbag suspended just out of reach of a Hufflepuff third year who wumpiumping like a dog to catch it. Eventually Potter would tire of it and turn the bag completely upside down, emptying the contents. That’s how it usually ended except for that time I struck him with bat shite but unfortunately didn’t miss my bag. I didn’t stay to see what would happen.

13/5/1976
I could never imagine that someone could be this flexible without resorting to some spell. I had a very interesting Care of Magical Creatures class. Kettleburn always forces Slytherins and Gryffindors to work together. Usually the closest Gryffindor to the closest Slytherin. Which worked in our favour for once. Lupin made his way towards me, pretending not to notice where he was leading his idiotic friends. Evan ended up with bloody Potter, Lestrange with Black, and I’m not sure who got Pettigrew but I don’t envy them.

We wandered off and soon it became obvious that Lupin couldn’t care less about finding a bundinum The moment we were out of sight he jumped on me with such force that I ended up sprawled on the ground with him on top of me. He pinned my wrists on the ground, both held in one hand and used his other hand to lift my robes. The black cloth covered my face. It was almost scary. I don’t think he did it on purpose. He leaned to kiss my belly. His hair tickled me before I felt his lips kissing a trail to my prick. I struggled to get my face out of the folds of my robes and reminded him that he had promised to prove to me that he can suck himself.

He froze. He tried to reason with me, saying it was stupid. I wouldn’t budge. Then he simply refused. He tried to kiss my belly again. I lay completely still under him and told him to stop. He rolled on his side giving out a heavy sigh. He lay on the ground next to me and tried to explain that it was a very private thing for him and he was embarrassed. I laughed. “I just want to see it,” I told him, stroking on his thigh. “Trust me, I’ll get off on it.”

He undid his robes. He was already hard inside his pants and pulled his prick out without pulling them down. What I could see of his underwear looked str/ Bl. Black smalsmall, fitting to his waist without a string but a wide elastic band. Utterly indecent, his nuts bulging in the soft looking material.

His prick filled nicely in his hand and he played with it for a little while. Then he started bending, rounding his shoulders and curving his spine. I was about to stop him, certain his back would snap in two. None of that happened, not even when his lips were right over the rosy head. He gave it a quick lick and then simply took it in. I forced my mouth to shut with a snap.

He had his eyes closed, his face scrunched up in concentration. Not a very flattering look, but his mouth… That mouth made all the difference, the stretch of his lips, his tongue sticking out to lick lower.

I was on my knees, looking at him, mesmerised. The next thing I knew my body moved closer to him of its own accord and I gave him a small lick lower than he could reach himself. He pulled back, giving out a strangled cry. I think he had forgotten I was there, it really was a very private thing to him.

I took over. He held onto my hair, half trying to push me lower, half trying to get me to stop.

“Please, I want to suck you too, please!” he whispered and the truth is that my prick rather liked the idea. I turned around, somehow managing not to let go of my mouthful. I just had to pull back a little. I wasn’t used to this angle and it managed to remind me that I’ve still got something of a gag reflex.

Lupin took me in slowly, holding onto my thighs to position me. Scared fingers grabbed too tight and his mouth closed over the head. He sucked gently at first. Too gently, minimal pressure that didn’t do much for me. I was sucking hard and had managed to take him all the way back again, avoiding the little spot on my tongue where my gag reflex was tr to to kick in. I could already feel him leaking in my mouth. I got carried away, sensing that he was close, and I pushed inside his mouth a bit further than he wakingking me. He coughed and his nails dug in my buttocks as he pushed me back.

And there we were, I had him pressing practically against my tonsils and he didn’t even dare take in the head anymore. He wasn’t that hopeless however. He pushed my foreskin back and started licking around the crown. He soon had me gurgling happily around his prick.

He came without warning. I think it surprised even him. I didn’t need warning. His mouth slackened around me and I took advantage of tho tho thrust into it. Small, shallow thrusts, picking up speed. I was so close!

“Mr Lupin? Mr Snape?” Kettleburn’s voice was like ice cold water. There was shuffling in the bushes. For a moment there I though he had already discovered us but he hadn’t been that close. We jumped up and started putting underwear back on and straightening our robes, acting as each other’s mirror. Lupin spat on the ground, making a face, then turned back to me, apologetic as I was wiping a drop of his come from the side of my mouth.

I was uncomfortable for the rest of the class, the mind-numbing theory that came after the practical part. At least no one had managed to find a bundinum so we weren’t in any trouble about that. Lupin was still sitting next to me. I could feel his hand stroking on my thigh under the desk. I stopped him before he would move further. I don’t allow that sort of thing in class anymore. Lucius could get away with it but that was Lucius.
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