Trials of Affliction and Light Sleeping

 

Chapter 12

 

Draco seriously felt like throwing up. 

There were just too many emotions twirling in his gut.

He was smitten, hurt and above all angry.  He was angry with Hermione and angry with
himself.  He hated when he wasn’t able to
get something he wanted.  It made him
pout like a toddler who didn’t get a lollypop. 
And that had never been a very flattering look on Draco. 

He supposed that he should feel somewhat relieved that this time it
actually was a girl he wanted, but somehow that thought wasn’t much of a
comfort.  In only a few hours, Hermione
Granger would get off the Hogwarts Express and walk out of his life and that
was a thought that made Draco’s stomach wrench.

The shit had hit the fan and had splattered all over him.

He had even resorted to apologising.

Draco suddenly had the urge to duck under the seats to start looking for
his pride, because it was clearly missing.

He had never apologised for anything in his life.  The least she could have done was to accept
his apology, but no.  He could still feel
his cheek throbbing from where she had slapped him.

What was it about this girl that made her able to get under his skin
like this?

She’s opinionated, a know-it-all, too smart for her own good, a
Gryffindor to the core, someone who refuses to recognise the superiority of
purebloods and has the appearance of a modern-day bohemian.

If Draco were to go looking for someone to have a long-term relationship
with, it would have been someone who was of pure blood, looked good on his arm,
was a wild cat in the sheets and had the amount of brains that made her able to
hold half a decent conversation yet emphasized that Draco was of superior
intelligence. 

Hermione was nothing he wanted. 

Yet, perhaps she was everything he needed.

“Draco?”

“What?”  Draco asked, suddenly
snapping out of his reverie.

“The papers” Hermione said pointedly. 

Draco sighed and handed her the papers, which were lying next to
him.  When was this damn meeting going to
be over?  They had been in that damn
compartment ever since they had boarded the train, to inform the fifth and 6^th
year prefects of what they needed to do at the start of next term.  To Draco, this was just torture; sitting
right next to Hermione, knowing that within a few hours she’ll be out of his
life and that there was nothing he could do about it.

 

*

“Alright, that was it” Hermione
said as she got up from her seat. 
“Thanks for your attention and have a good summer.”

The compartment filled itself with the sounds of amicable chatter and
Prefects getting up to go and rejoin their friends.  Hermione was rummaging all her stuff
together, while trying very hard to avoid looking at the pouting Head Boy next
to her.  Just when she was done, she felt
someone grabbing her by the arm.

“Can I see you for a second?” 
Ginny asked urgently. 

“Off course” Hermione said, grateful to be able to leave the compartment
in a hurry, without having it seem like she was doing it to get away Malfoy.

Ginny dragged Hermione out into the hall and into the first empty
compartment they came across.  By now
Hermione was quite curious what Ginny wanted to talk to her about in such a
rush.

“What’s going on?”  Ginny asked
pointedly when she had closed the door behind them.

         “What do you mean?”  Hermione asked.

         “You could cut the tension with a knife
in there” Ginny said.  “What did Malfoy
do this time?”

         “Nothing” Hermione denied speedily.

         “Are you sure?”  Ginny asked. 
“I’m just concerned about you. 
You seem a little off lately.  And
after what I’ve seen in the Prefects meeting, lets
just say that I’m drawing conclusions and they all point to Malfoy.”

Hermione sighed.  She had hoped
that she had been hiding her emotions rather well.  No such luck apparently.  She wasn’t sure if she should go and talk
about this, but this whole situation had been eating her up on the inside and
she needed to let it out.  This whole
boy-girl stuff was completely new to her and she could do with some good advice
for future reference. 

Hermione swallowed nervously.  It
still was very embarrassing to go and admit all this.  She was going to have to confess that she had
been weak, that she had been just another Hogwarts teen who had swooned over
Draco Malfoy’s handsome looks.  If it had
been anyone else opposite her, she would never spill her guts like she was
about to do.  But it was Ginny, her best
and only female friend.  Two years ago,
when Ginny had first come out of the closet, Hermione had been the first person
she had informed about her sexual preference. 
If Hermione couldn’t tell Ginny about this, who else could she tell?

“You swear that you won’t tell a soul!” 
Hermione said. 

“I swear.”

“We... I and Malfoy, I mean... we did something,” she whispered as she
sat herself down on a seat.

“What?”  Ginny asked, sitting down
opposite Hermione.

“Something... sexual” Hermione said embarrassedly, while suddenly
finding her feet very interesting.

“YOU HAD SEX WITH MALFOY?” Ginny shrieked in surprise.

“Shhht!” 
Hermione shushed.  “And no!  Just... something else. 
You know...  with his fingers.”

Ginny didn’t say anything.  She
just started at Hermione in what seemed to be utter shock.  Hermione reckoned that that must have been
the face she herself had made when Draco had told her she looked ‘cute’.

“I- When did you...  How- WHY-?”  Ginny stammered.

Hermione sighed.  She had known
Ginny would react like this.  Heck, she
could hardly believe it herself.

“I know that it must be difficult to understand, but over the last few
months I’ve grown to like him.”

         “Like him?”  Ginny asked unbelievingly.  “You fancy Malfoy?”

         “I suppose” Hermione sighed, although
she still couldn’t really comprehend why. 
Malfoy wasn’t nice.  He wasn’t
sweet.  For some reason she had always
imagined herself to fall for a man who was somewhat in touch with his feminine
side.  Someone who was
manly and courageous enough to show his emotions. 

Someone who was... just... nice.

         So why did she fall for an emotionally retarded
bloke like Malfoy?

“Why?  What do you see in
him?”  Ginny asked disbelievingly.  “I know he’s easy on the eyes and all, but
beyond that...”

         “I don’t know” Hermione
grunted.  “I realise that it doesn’t make
much sense.  All I know is that I turn
into a panting mush every time I see him. 
It’s unnerving!”

         “So, Malfoy is... a nice guy
underneath?” Ginny asked, clearly unconvinced.

         “Well...” Hermione started.  “Not really. 
He’s still as snarky and haughty as he ever was.  And a month ago, his Slytherin side popped up
again.”

         “How so?”  Ginny
asked.

         Hermione’s throat closed up a bit.  Retracing everything that had happened
brought back those nasty feelings of hurt. 
She preferred being angry.  She
hated being the ‘Sweet-Little-Innocent-Gryffindor-Virgin-Who-Got-Bagged-By-The-Devious-Good-Looking-Slytherin’.  She hated it, yet she couldn’t
convince herself of not being just that.

         “In a nutshell: I never told him I
fancied him but he found out anyway” she started explaining.  “Then he did the... thing with his
fingers so he could ‘feel like a man’, followed by not to talking to me for a
month.  Then at the senior dance he
starts wigging out and had said that he liked me and wanted to start over.”

         “Ouch” Ginny said with a sour
face.  “And what did you say?”

         “I said no, off course!”  Hermione said, not believing that Ginny would
even ask her that.  What else could she
have said?  ‘Draco I forgive you,
please take me and shag me rotten’?  Yeah,
right. 

“Ah.  And do you have any idea why he did those
things?”  Ginny asked.

         “Because he’s a scared little weasel,
that’s why!”  Hermione said.  “He’s scared of his and other peoples
feelings.  And the only way he knows how
to deal with them is to hurt people.”

         “And even though he did those things,
do you still fancy him?”  Ginny asked.

         “Yes I do” Hermione grunted.  “It’s not a switch I can just turn on and
off.”

Ginny was quiet in contemplation for a few moments.

         “Hermione, you know who you are don’t you?” Ginny asked.

         “Who?”  Hermione frowned.

         “You’re princess Leia” Ginny declared.

         “What?” 
Hermione asked in confusion.  She
caught the ‘Star Wars’-reference, but didn’t see the relevance in this
case. 

         “Your entire life you’ve been
surrounded by nice men who were like brothers to you,” Ginny explained.  “It’s only natural that you would be drawn to
the scowling, handsome rogue who challenges you and makes your tummy tingle.”

         “Great, my life is a cliché” Hermione
grunted.  Ginny’s analogy made sense...
except for the fact that right now Hermione rather wanted to drop said
‘handsome rogue’ in a container, fill it with Carbonite and leave him there;
instead of getting him out.

        

         “So basically...” Ginny said
thoughtfully, snapping Hermione out of her vengeful thoughts.  “If you peal off all the layers of the
preverbal union, I see two things: You fancy Malfoy and Malfoy fancies you.”

         “It’s not that simple” Hermione
retorted.

         “Isn’t it?”  Ginny asked. 
“He actually said that he fancied you, didn’t he.  There’s no denying that Malfoy handled it
extremely badly, but lets face it; the boy comes with
a huge amount of baggage.  Perhaps he
just needed this whole fiasco so he could get his feelings for you in order.”

        

         “I am not some teabag who can be used
and reused again,” Hermione argued.  She
wasn’t planning to become one of those women who just forgive and forget
everything that is done to them so their ‘hubby’ wouldn’t get disgruntled and
might leave them.  She wasn’t some
doormat!  Hermione wasn’t the kind of
person who would ‘turn the other cheek’. 
If someone slapped her, she’d slap back.

         “I’m not saying that “ Ginny said.  “Lord
knows that I’m not fond of Malfoy, so I would never push you into dating
him.  The thing that counts here is your
happiness.  I’m just saying... are you sure?  In a few hours, he might be gone out of your
life forever.  I’m sure I don’t know
everything that has happened, but is it worth losing him to salvage your
pride?”

Hermione thought about this.  She
so wished that she could forgive Malfoy to see what might come of it, but it
conflicted with everything inside of her. 
Hermione didn’t feel like talking to him, and even if she did; she
wouldn’t know what to say to him.  He had
done something really nasty to her, so if anyone was to speak up it should be
him. 

But then again, he had already done that.

Very clumsily.

         Yet she couldn’t help but have his
words ringing in her ears over and over again: ‘I like you, okay!  I want to start over.’

         Did he really?

         Hermione’s first reaction would be to
dismiss it as a lie, because it wouldn’t make any sense.  Why would he deliberately hurt her if he
fancied her?

         But it was Malfoy.

         It didn’t have to make any sense.

Lord only knew what was going on in that Slytherin head of his.

         “I- I- Merlin, I don’t know” Hermione
sighed, burying her head in her hands. 
“It’s just...  I’ve never felt so
stupid.”

         “I’m sure he’s thinking the same,
judging by the way he looked just now” Ginny said comfortingly.  “He was pouting so hard that his bottom lip
was practically reaching his toes.”

“There’s no way of knowing now is there?”  Hermione said helplessly.  “Hell will freeze over before he says what he
feels.  And even if he did, there’s no
reason why I should believe him.”

And just then Hermione had an idea.

A rather wicked idea. 

And idea that just might work.

And judging by Ginny’s facial expression, her light bulb had switched on
at the same time as Hermione’s. 

Hermione just hoped that she wasn’t mistaken and Ginny wasn’t
thinking of something involving a certain golden bikini and a leash.

*******

End of
chapter 12