Leaving Behind

Chapter 12

Pairing: Harry/Severus

Rating: Strong R/NC-17

Beta: Paige you are the best really.

Spoilers: All Books if you have not read all of the books don’t read this.

Warning: Cussing, Slight Beatings, SLASH! Lemon later on.

Summary: Harry goes back to the Dursley’s after 5th year. He learns some new things and runs away from the Dursley’s. When goes back to school only to push the only friends he has ever known way. Can Severus being back the Harry they all once knew or is he lost forever.


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Last Chapter:

“Thank you sir. Goodnight.” Harry said quietly before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him. Severus just looked on after him thinking of how much the young man had changed in such a short amount of time. He sighed to himself before going to his room he had much to think about before sleep would come.

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The next morning found, Harry in his library pouring over the books he had piled up in front and around him as he wrote out the lists for Severus. So far he had three roles of parchment laid out in front of him that he was steadily adding to. One was just Spells and Charms, one was Potions, and the other was D.A.D.A., Dark Arts, and miscellaneous things that did not seem to fit anywhere else that he wanted to learn. He put the ones that he thought would be the most important to learn sooner at the top and then went down from there. Of course he had to add in some of the spells that he already knew because it would not be good to give away his secrets too soon to the other man. It would be easy to learn the other spells quickly anyways because he planed to practice them before meeting with Severus anyway. He still had days until this assignment was due, he just wanted to get as much of it done as he could now, so that later he would only have to look at it a put the finishing touches on it.

Harry had so much to do and learn that he was getting aggravated at the people around him. Ron and Hermione had started to ask him what was wrong whenever he happened to be around, which was not much at all, but Ron, being his normal loud mouth self, would yell after Harry as he walked away. ‘Doesn’t he ever grow up? I mean come on we are in the middle of a bloody war and all he can think about is if Hermione likes him or not, or who’s going to win the next Quidditch match,’ Harry told himself as his paused in his writing and reading. ‘He did not have to grow up as fast as you did. He never held the responsibility that you have had to no one has,’ Harry’s inter voice argued back. ‘I still don’t think that really matters. People are dying everyday and all he can think about is who’s going to win some stupid game,’ Harry said back to the voice. “Great now I am talking to myself… just what I need for me to go completely mental.” Harry sighed before stopping where he was in his list making and getting up from the table. These thoughts were not good to start dwelling on. He still had hours before breakfast. He only slept about 4 hour per night the rest was spent studying and training since he did not have that much time left to do that because of school.

Harry looked at his watch, it was nearly time for breakfast to be over. He would run down and grab a couple pieces of toast then head to Herbology. Herbology was the same that it always had been. Professor Sprout gave pretty much the same speech that all of the others had,

“This year, class, we will be working with far more dangerous and sometimes deadly plants. So pay close attention to what my instructions are and there should be no problem at all. Some of the class projects we will be doing will be to raise your own plants. I will give each of you a tray to take care of. Just see that they don’t died and you should pass, but for those of you would want to do well on this class they must not just live but flourish. If you want you could also start trying to see if you could cross breed them with another plant or simply multiply them and they live as well. You can pick the plant you want, so start thinking about the one you would like. I will bring parchment and ink to the next class so you can write it down.” Harry watched Neville who looked as if he was told Christmas had come early. Every one who knew the boy knew this was his favorite class. Harry suspected that Neville had to have had a better grade in this class then even Hermione did which, was saying something, but he had never asked.

Harry had been looking in Herbology books for of couple weeks now. Not any serious reading just basic information to see if he could possibly use plants when he had learned Earth Elemental Magic. If he could, he might just use it to get over with this project of his so he would not have to worry about it anymore. Though, that would have to wait until he got Fire Magic mastered. That was taking some time, but he planned to work on it the next day when he had double free period. But these thoughts where neither here nor there at this time and he shook them from his mind for the time being to catch the rest of what Sprout was giving them for homework. He would talk to Neville later to get what he had missed when he was off in his own head.

When class was over Harry, rushed to the DADA corridor and went into one of the empty rooms in that hall. He took his trunk out, quickly resizing it, and climbed down into the library where he took a piece of parchment, quill, and ink and penned a note to himself on what he had to get done, as well as made a quick list of all the homework he had so far that he had not finished, which was only Herbology since he had not had he other classes yet. He finished, looked at his watch and decided he would be a view minutes early to class. Stepped out of his trunk, re-shrunk it, and put it in his pocket.

He stepped out into the hall took the book he was reading that morning from his bag and walked the rest of the way to class where he stood outside the door, reading his book and waiting for the rest of his class. He knew he could have gone in and sat down, but that would just give more time for Remus to try and talk to him; something he did not want. So he stayed outside. A minute before class, Remus came out and opened the door.

“Oh.. Harry.. You can come in if you want,” Remus looked highly uncomfortable, talking to him as though Harry was going to start yelling at him any second. Harry just nodded his head, kept reading, and slid past Remus in the door way into the class sitting in the front, never looking up from his book. Remus sighed and gave a pained look in Harry direction before stopping the door and walking back to his desk to check over everything for class once again. Remus took quick glances at Harry, wondering what had happened to him that made him so withdrawn and isolated. ‘He just lost his Godfather, of course he is going to be upset. But enough to push the rest of his family and friends away? He’s all I have left of any of them. I’m the last Marauder, besides that little bastard Pettigrew, and if I ever get my hands on that man I will be the last one. Still, that part of thought can wait until a later time. I have to get him to talk to me, some how I feel like I am dying inside.’

Remus felt like his heart had been cut open or that Lily and James had been killed all over again. He wanted to cry and leave this school, get as far away from the pain as he could, but he could not run away, he was stuck there for the semester no matter what. He sighed and looked up. He almost let a surprised gasp when he saw the eyes of his class all focused on him as he stood there lost in his own thoughts. He blushed slightly and coughed into his hand before giving his beginning speech.

Harry tuned out the beginning speech. They had all been about the same so there was really no point in listening. Though he kept half an ear out in case he was called upon or asked a question. He was vaguely aware that Remus was starting to ask them all questions to find out what they had learned in the years that he had not been there. Most of the questions were somewhat answered as though the other teachers had only taught them half of the material on each subject. Which in Harry’s opinion was true, for Umbridge had refused to teach them anything practical, making them read in depth on what they were to be doing, and then sent them on their way, hoping that when it came time to defend themselves they could manage.

As he thought Remus asked him a question he answered it in a bored tone and went back to his thinking, making sure he never once made eye contact with the other man. Though he felt the other’s stares on him throughout the class, soon, though, most of the questions he asked were left unanswered, but just to make sure, Remus asked everyone in the class. On one question, even Hermione did not know the answer yet when it got to Harry, he answered it without thought. Harry then looked quite shocked at his slip of tongue and looked up at the rest of the class who where all staring back and forth between him and the Professor as Remus had not said one word of if that answer had in fact been correct or not. Remus looked a bit shocked at the answer that Harry seemed to give as though it was common knowledge to most of the world. Remus was not stupid in anyway shape or form but something was seriously up with Harry. This boy had to have had a frighteningly big change, since he could answer such an advanced question with not even a pause in thought. He would talk to Albus later on this little discovery.

‘Damn,’ Harry cursed himself for opening his mouth. It had been just a natural response but Harry knew Remus knew something was wrong. That was way more advanced then Hogwarts even taught their students. That sort of knowledge was given in Auror training and the jobs like that had to deal with dangerous and dark creatures. Though part of himself was congratulating himself on his superior knowledge and skill at remembering it like it was everyday knowledge.

Remus still stared at him throughout the rest of class. Remus gave them their homework for next time: a charm to practice that would keep some of the medium power dark creatures at bay for a time and an essay on it.. Harry, obviously, already knew it, was well beyond it, and could, now, keep even some of the most powerful creatures away from him for a time. This would be an easy essay and he would get it done at lunch.

Harry ate quickly, looking at no one, and left to find and empty classroom close to his next class, Transfiguration. Resizing his trunk, he climbed down into it. Walking over to his desk he pulled ink, quill, and parchment over to him and got to working on his DADA homework not even bothering to get out the text or look up any of the information as he quickly wrote out his essay in full detail. Soon he had more than the required amount and was done. He rolled it up and put it to the side where it would not get lost or mixed up with others. He looked at his watch and saw that he had three minutes until class, so he pulled out his notes for the Herbology essay and sat them aside for after he had talked to Neville to see what he had missed when he had been thinking.

Harry sighed to himself as he looked around his library full of books. He was going to have to send for more books soon; he was running low. He was still reading at least a book a day, and he read every night before bed, so even with as many books as he had in his library, which, to his own satisfaction, rivaled the Hogwarts own library, he needed more books. Harry wrote himself a quick note to send a letter to all of the book stores and even some of the darker ones about sending him a list of books that had in stock, since he needed to go through each one and cross the ones he had and ones that were completely pointless and stupid. He would send that right off with Sal once class was over.

Harry placed his already shrunken trunk in his pocket. Quickly exiting the room, he headed for class. He walked in, nodding to his Head of House that was sitting behind her desk and had looked up when he walked in. McGonagall nodded back but said nothing as Harry took his seat at the front of the class. He began to take out his things and place them on the desk in front of him where he opened a book and began to read before class started. McGonagall watched Harry as he read and she noticed at the book in his hands. She had seen that book somewhere before, though she was still too far to make out the title. She let it pass and went back to working on the papers on her desk. She looked up with Harry gave out a laugh and began to write in the margins of the book with what looked like a muggle pen. ‘When had he gotten that out?’ McGonagall asked herself it had not been there moments before. She looked back and the muggle pen was no where insight and Harry’s wand lay on his desk in front of him out of quick reach. So he could not have done any spells or transfiguration. She shook her heads and went back to working on the last bit of parchment she was working on.
The next time McGonagall looked up her class had all filed in and was waiting for her instruction. She gave a similar speech that the rest of the teachers had said the first class.

“This year is very important. You must stay on top of things, as NEWT’s are only a year away. This year will be starting Human Transfiguration. We will be starting small, with changing a part of a person and by the end of year you should be able to change the whole person. There will be two parts to every assignment. First being to change into a living thing, and then that harder changing into a non-living object. Each week we will be working on one part plus written assignments. You will be getting more written assignments if you fall behind, for I feel you need a better grasp on the basic principles and you will get that by studying and writing about it in assignments. If anyone feels as if they should not be here, please raise your hand and we will talk about it after class.” McGonagall paused and looked around the room. Neville who looked like he would be sick at any moment yet still kept his hands down. Finally after a long pause McGonagall spoke again, “Fine now, onto the lesson.” She tapped her wand on the board and the words wrote themselves out. Students started writing and turning their books to the pages that were instructed and began reading.

Harry, who had already read this book about ten times, waved his hand over the other book that he had been reading to make it look like the book for class. He began to read and make notes, stopping every once and awhile to look like he was thinking long and hard about what he was supposed to be reading. Twenty minutes later, McGonagall called a halt to their reading, giving a small quiz on what they had just read. They went directly into practicing. Harry, who could already do human transfiguration made sure to mess up his first couple of tries before he got it right. Making sure know one was really watching him he returned it back to normal with a flick of his wand then did it again but this time under McGonagall’s watchful eye. She nodded at him and told him he could go onto the next part. Transfiguration into a non-living object was rather tricky. It had to be done in just such away or you would hurt or injure the person you were Transfiguring. This class seemed to go by quickly soon they were all packing up and McGonagall telling them their homework due next class, though for some she made it longer and more in depth. From what Harry had seen, Ron was fuming about getting extra assigned to him as he complained that he still had that Care of Magical Creatures essay to do, and it was due first thing in the morning. Hermione was reprimanding him for putting it off to the last minute, in which he replied something about beating the slimy Slytherins in Quidditch was more important than homework. ‘How immature can you get?’ thought Harry as Ron continued to beg Hermione to help him with the essay so that he could go out tonight and practice for the up coming game.

Dinner padded by with no problems other than the normal: Malfoy glaring at him briefly and making some joke that his friends seemed to find funny; Hermione and Ron shot quick looks at him; most of the teachers’ eyes scanned the hall, though they seemed to stop on Harry longer as though they were trying to figure out a very difficult puzzle that was missing pieces and had other pieces from a different puzzle mixed in with them.

Harry smirked to himself, ‘Let them try,’ he thought before getting up to leave. Then he remembered he was going to talk to Neville about what he missed in Herbology. He felt the teachers’ eyes on him as he turned around and walked down the table. Ron and Hermione looked up as he walked closer, a look of almost hope in their eyes as he advanced.

“Neville is the only thing we have to work on in Herbology the project with cross breeding plants?” Harry asked as he looked at Neville who looked shocked that Harry was talking to him.

“Not all… we have to write down a lot of ideas for the project, too. Then tell the procedure we are going to use to get the results we want. Then a guess on how it will turn out before we actually start trying to cross breed then. She wants a list of Magical Properties and how they might affect each other when trying to cross breed them and how you might over come those obstacles.” Neville explained.

“Thanks, Neville. I missed all of that when she said it in class. Later.” Neville waved and Harry spun on his heels and walked off without a backwards glance to see Ron’s and Hermione’s hurt looks.

“I think he really meant what he said,” Hermione whispered to Ron.
“Naw, he’ll come around. Just goin’ though some changes that’s all,” Ron said in a voice that clearly said that he did not fully understand any of what Harry was doing.

“Get off it Ron! He means it,” Hermione said back. Ron just glared at her, his ears turning red, before he got up and stomped off the opposite direction. Ron would come around and see her point, he always did, it just took him awhile to see it.

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Once Harry was in his library, he penned a quick letter, which he duplicated into ten copies, to all of the book stores that he knew. He then called Sal to him and gave him all of the notes. Some of the letters jingled, since they had gold in them, for the darker stores would not send him the list without the gold. These also had a side note on the bottom of the page that told them that if he did not get the list, the coins would disappear. He sent Sal off with Hedwig, but not before putting her under a charm to make her look like a different bird. They were to shrink the list and put it in the bag she had around her foot.

Harry sat down at his desk and pulled all of his books in front him as started to write his Herbology paper quickly, though he stopped every once and awhile to look at his books before going back to writing. Since he had finished his Transfiguration essay, he had more time to work on his Herbology essay, which was far more involved as he actually had to do the research for it. Well, he had never been an Herbology wiz so he was doing the best he could, even with all of the books he had read. Herbology was one of the subjects you actually needed to do to get good at, which he had done a bit when he was at the manor, but not enough to make much difference. All too soon, though, he was done and he got up to go work out. Maybe he would turn in early tonight and get an extra early start in the morning.

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Harry woke very early the next morning and left to get his morning run in before he started sword training again. Beginning his training for the day, Harry dodged and struck out as the manikin moved and countered. The manikin didn’t have a sword, and Harry knew one wrong move and it would be cut by the blade. Their speed increased until they were moving about the room. He called a stop twenty minutes later so he could get ready for his day.

“Ah... Wednesday,” Harry sighed as he sank into the bath in his training room, ‘Got the double free period today.’ He stretched out his muscles under the water. ‘I wonder what dear Severus thinks about us spending a lot of time together. I have to admit we would make a very deadly combination. I am looking forward to it. Maybe I can trust him with my secrets.’ Harry sighed as he thought about it. In reality he did long for someone to share his pain and thoughts with as well as time and life. Longed for someone to love just because of who he was, not what he was, but just for Harry. Maybe Severus would. In time, their talking over the summer had brought them to become somewhat of friends, or at least Severus could stand to talk to him for a couple of hours without wanting to kill him on the spot.

Harry had grown up over the summer, maybe now people would quit treating him as the child that they seemed to all think him to be, and actually clue him into this war that was going on around him. Since Voldemort seemed to be staying around for awhile, the Bastard just would not stay dead, and no one seemed to want to help Harry in gaining the information to defeat the man. Of course, Severus was trying to help, but he had not before now. It had always been the Headmaster and his riddles, pointing him to clues at what was going on. Then Harry would go blundering in fool-heartily to save the day. Well not anymore. The Headmaster had another thing coming if he thought he was doing that this year.

Harry was also coming to realize that he could never truly be friends with someone his own age again. No matter how many time he ran over reuniting with Ron and Hermione once this was all over and done with, it still did not seem like a possibility. They seemed too young and childish. Even Hermione, who, up until this year, had been the mature one in their group, but who now seemed as if her limited view on the world was everything to her. S.P.E.W. and Hogwarts A History could not fight this war for her, yet still it seemed all she cares for. Then Ron, with his black and white view of everything! With him you were either good or a Death Eater, a Giffindor or a Slytherin, a pretty girl or a troll, or a game of Wizards Chess. Never anything to do with classes or real life, important issues. He just did not seem to care what went on around him, as long as it did not affect him. Plus, his bitter jealousy over Harry’s fame and money was beyond anything that he could understand. To Harry, Ron had everything, since he had a family who loved him. It made no sense to him, but since when did anything Ron did start to make any kind of sense? Honestly, Harry thought Hermione could do better, and a whole lot smarter. Then again, that was none of his business now, so he would just let them be.

Harry finished his shower and wrapped a towel around his waist as he took another one to dry his long hair as wet tendrils dripped water down his bear chest. Getting dressed into his pajama pants that hung that hung loosely off his hips, he walked into his library and picked up the book that he had been working on reading. Sitting down on the couch he began to read. He read for a couple of hours until his eyes dropped closed and he slept, book on his chest, as he dreamt about what his life could be like after the war was over and done with.

The next morning, his eternal clock woke him up with the sun. He got up and did his normal exercise routine before getting dressed and heading down to breakfast. Today was Wednesday, which he had been looking forward to all week because of his double free period, where he was going to work on his Fire Elemental Magic. Harry ate quietly before getting up and heading out to Hagrid’s hut, where Care of Magical Creatures was to be held. As Harry walked closer, he saw that a dome had been erected around a small area of ground and in the center was a fire. A fire the likes that Harry had never seen before. The flames seemed to be alive and moving, almost slithering over one another, then, looking closer, he realized that they were. He could make out about ten snake like creatures. ‘Ashwinders.’ He had read about them, but never thought he would ever see them in his life, for they were rare to come by, not to mention that they were very dangerous in the fact that whatever they touched burst into flames.

“Beauties, ain’t they?” Hagrid asked from behind Harry who just nodded his head in answer. “Dumbledore has a friend who raises them for their eggs and he let us borrow them for the lesson.” Harry nodded again before stepping closer to the barrier.

Their muffled hisses reached his ears as they talked to each other and he listened to them talk.

: The big man issss back. Maybe he will feed usss. :

: Are you hungry? : Harry asked them and they all looked over at him.

: You are a ssspeaker. No one hassss talked to ussss in yearssss. : Said an Ashwinder, who seemed to be the leader. : Yesss, young one, we are hungry. : Harry looked back at Hagrid who seemed to be look at Harry with a bit of fear and fascination.

“Hagrid they tell me they are hungry?”

“Oh yea.. I was goin’ to feed ‘em during class.”

“Oh…” Harry said then looked back to the snakes that were still watching him. : He isss going to feed you ssssoon. We are ssstudying you today, ssso he was going to feed you when we were all here. :

: That isss fine, young ssspeaker. We will wait. :

“They said they will wait until you feed them, but I think you should do it soon as you can.” Hagrid nodded and then mumbled something and walked off.

Class went off with out a hitch, and soon they were making their way back to the castle, their minds, or at least some of them, on their next essay and what they had learned in class. Break went quickly, and Harry finished the essay on Ashwinders. Charms was next; this would be the first time for this class and yet more of the same speech they had received in all of the other classes.

Harry sat down closest to the pile of books Flitwick stood on top of. Taking out his book, parchment, quill and ink he waited for class to start.

Charms had been his mother’s favorite subject, or at least that is what he had heard from the stories he has been told about her. He had not always been the best at it, but not horrid either. But now, since he had been working all summer, he could do charms flawlessly. This would be an easy class and he would be rather bored in it. Maybe he could test out of it. He would ask Severus when he saw him on Saturday for their class. He still had something to learn in his other classes, but in this, he really needed the next level class. Maybe he should talk to Flitwick instead, but Harry didn’t know how well he could trust the man since he had never held a conversation with him other then about class work or how to wave his wand to perform a charm. Maybe Harry would ask Severus about it on Thursday instead of Saturday. Yes that sounded like the right plan, since Severus could advise him and then he could talk to Flitwick the next day when they had Charms class.

Charms, as Harry predicted had been boring and rather a waist of time. Harry ended up reading the whole time, only looking up to answer a question and do the charm they were learning. He did the charm so well that Flitwick got excited and toppled backwards off the pile of books he had been standing on. Class was soon over and the homework for class given out so they all packed their bags and left.

At lunch Harry sat writing out his essay for Charms. Soon it was finished and he was putting it away. He ate his fill of the food, for who knew if he would be eating or not this night, since working with Fire Elementals was very draining, and normally he feel asleep right after. Harry got up and left the table, walking back to Gryffindor tower. Once he was in his rooms, he quickly pulled out his trunk, resized it, and stepped into it before any of the others could come up the stairs.

He walked into his closet to get on his training clothes. He tended to singe and some times just burn whatever he happened to be wearing at the time in this training and he had lost a lot of good training clothing. For true Elemental Magic would burn through about anything, even if you had a charm on your clothing against fire, it would not always work. This is how he ended up with quite a bit of burns at different times though they had all healed, thanks to a burn paste he had always on hand. He had ended up moving a small table into that room to put all the potions on, though he could only ever stay in the room for a couple of hours any more and it started to creep him out. He felt so small in such a large empty room that seemed to stretch in all directions forever, as though if he were to walk too far he would vanish and never be found. He was being silly, he knew it, but he still could not help these feelings come every time he walked into that room. Isolated and alone apart from the rest of the world, which in all reality he knew that being in the room made it seem like it was staring at him straight in the eyes.

Sometimes, it felt like he lost a bit of himself when he went in there, like he would always come out different than when he went in, but then, solitude had a way of doing that to a person. Being alone was not good for people but for Harry it was about the survival of the people around him that he cared more about than his own sanity, which, at times, he surely thought he was going insane from it, all the burdens that he carried. This guilt he still felt sometimes for Cedric, Sirius, and his parents, for the deaths that he at least had some part in, also for the many nameless bodies that had been killed in this war in which he was not strong enough to finish yet. Though he thought he was getting close to when he could start to fight back, he still had many things to learn fist. Education was key, for Voldemort knew a lot more and had a lot more time to study magic than he did, so he would have to work ten times harder, no, a hundred times harder, which he was and had been for months now. But he pushed himself harder and harder.

His thoughts were getting away from him again and he shook the rest of the flying thoughts out of his mind for the time being and began to concentrate on summoning fire to him. He gathered the fire in the palm of his hand. The flame started out no smaller than a marble as he pushed more Magic into it. It started to grow steadily until the ball of flames was now the size of a Bludger. He stopped and looked at the flame in his hand. He had gotten this far, now he was trying to see if he could keep it and split it into two balls. He moved his other hand over to the flame and began to force some of the fire to move in opposite directions from each other. The ball stretching into an oval before it slowly started to split in half like someone had taken and invisible knife and cut it. Soon he held two balls of flames one in each hand. Before he had began he had set up wooden targets to throw the fire balls at to see how much damage they would do and if they would be more effective in battle. He threw the ball in his right hand at the target the moment the fire touched the target it caught fire and burned right threw it. He waved his now empty hand towards the still burning ball of flame and wind wipped around it putting it out.

Harry looked at the rest of the wooden targets he had set out. These targets were different than the one he had just burned down, for these were painted black and white and spread out in random patterns around the area. They were to represent the battle. Black was bad and white was good. Cliché, he knew, but it was the easiest way to do it at the time. He would later charm them to move, but for now he needed to learn how to control the flame ball for longer then one strike and also only to hit the black targets and not white. He did not want to end up hurting anyone he knew in real battle. If he ever wanted to use this he would have to have total control to move and throw, all the while not hitting the good guys. He focused his Magical Energy around the ball of flame in his hand and levitated it over his palm as he drew back his hand and let it fly. The ball flew through the air towards a white target. He concentrated on his magic around it and it slowly started to move to the left it grassed the side of the target but it still kept going. Harry tried to focus his energy on moving it to where he needed it to be and hit what needed to be hit, though as he was finding it was physically and Magically draining. It had only been a couple of minutes and yet he was already panting under the strain of keeping the enchantment up. He quickly dropped the enchantment and sunk to the floor. He brushed the sweat off his face and pushed himself off the floor, staggering to the door and into the Library, sinking down onto a couch.

‘I will have to start working on my stamina. I thought I could go longer then that. Dammit! What have I been working towards for the last couple of months? But Fire Magic is so draining. And trying to control it all the way is even worse. That still is not an excuse!’ Harry yelled to himself, ‘But still, it is amazing to think that I even now, after I have built up some stamina over these last months. I just have to think of how much stamina I will have once I master this Element,’ Thought this inter-dialogue Harry’s eyes lids started to close and soon he was fast asleep.