Burn me alive

Sometimes, Draco was with Harry constantly. Other times, Harry couldn't get him closer than several walls away.

Harry wrapped the millionth bandage around Draco's leg, thinking to himself that he was running out. Then pausing to soak up how ridiculous that was. His house was a battle field and Draco was using up more bandages than he ever did.

He had watched as Draco stared off into space, stood, slowly and calmly walked to the bathroom, and then moments later was shrieking.

Harry had turn the hot water heater down, but Draco was just charming the water now. As Harry had yanked him out of the shower and jerked the knife he had out of his hand, Draco flopped and flailed and screamed,

"I HAVE TO GET IT OFF. MOTHER WILL NEVER LOVE ME THIS WAY."

As soon as he fainted Harry dragged him into the room and put him on the bed, where he promptly crawled off and on to the floor.

All of these events led up to now, the lately ever familiar scene of Harry bandaging and Draco being bandaged.

"Those aren't supposed to be healed." Draco hissed pulling his leg back.

"They get angry when I'm healed. And you aren't allowed to heal them. Only him." Draco spat at Harry.

"…who is they, and he. They had someone healing you there?"

"Of course! Can't play with a broken toy." Draco snapped rolling his eyes and shifting them to the right, as if he was suddenly very distracted.

He pulled his knees to his chest.

"He was so nice… So gentle… But I wasn't. I was too dirty."

Harry got up and backed away from Draco, sensing that suddenly after a day or so of not wearing any clothes and showering practically on the hour, he was uncomfortable being naked in front of Harry. He sat on the bed, trying to be slow and quiet, realizing this might be his only chance to get information out of Draco. Or the part of Draco that even knew what happened.

"There was someone there who was nice to you? Did they have a name? What did they look like? We could find him and-"
"No" Draco snapped, as if telling a bad dog to get off the sofa.

He whimpered and hugged his knees closer, he began rocking, slowly.

"He said I was beautiful. Oh… but he's wrong." The rocking became slightly faster. Harry saw this going bad very fast.

"Sosososososososos…wrong" Draco dug his fingers into either shoulder, the rocking so hard it was making a thud now.

"He healed me, and he had soft hair and soft skin and dear god was he warm…" Draco shivered and looked down.

"So warm. So…"

"Insane" Harry interjected. Draco's head snapped up.

"You know nothing" He hissed.

"I know that you're saying he healed you yet you seem to know what his body felt like so he must've been-"
"You. Know. Nothing. He was too good for me. Everyone is too good for me"
"Now Draco don't you think you're being a bit severe."
"Malfoys." Draco gritted his teeth shaking his head no.

"Malfoys are perfect."
Harry laughed,

"Dear lord have you got that wrong."
"They're perfect and clean and beautiful and everything I'm NOT, anymore." He added the last part as somewhat of an afterthought.

"Let me… Get you something to calm you down." Harry stood and began towards the door.

"Whore" Draco muttered.

"Filthy nasty dirty little cum filled WHORE." Draco screamed. The rocking more of a slamming now. Back and forth and thump thump thump.

Harry turned around as Draco gripped his own hair.

"Draco you need to stop that, I can barely keep up with all the wounds you're inflicting on yourself."
"no one will love you now."
"…I'm sorry?"
"They will always know."
"Know what… what did I do?" Harry was beyond frazzled at this point. Should he just allow Draco to implode, as it nearly always ended in a fight?
"Everyone will know. No one will be able to love you. They'll always be able to smell them. Feel them. Taste them. Just like you."

He looked up at Harry.

"No one will love me because they all know how used I am. You can tell. You think I'm disgusting. Won't have anything to do with loving me."

And then Harry was gone. Out in space. Contemplating the old Draco. The tall blonde boy with every hair in place. The insanely expensive robes. Always something to say about those lesser than him. So high and mighty, so far out of reach. So perfect. So proud.

"Potter… Hello? What the bloody fuck are you staring at?"
And then Harry was back. He therw his eyes back into focus and looked at Draco, who was now standing.

"You've been staring at that spot on the floor for a good fifteen minutes. I'm starving, go make me food." Draco demanded as he rolled back the cuff of his button up long sleeve shirt.

Harry just stared.

"Well… Do you expect ME to cook for MYSELF? Draco looked mortified.

"No…" Harry mumbled.

"No… I don't…I'll do that now."

He knew he'd never be used to this. It was so clear Draco was deteriorating, more rapidly cycling, and when he was down… He was so very far down.

Harry shuffled into the kitchen at snail speed. Cracked eggs in a pan so slowly he could've sworn the yolks took a minute to hit the heat. The way things were before. Before he refused to answer any more owls after a howler about how he needed to get out of his house and come back to work. How he didn't owe Draco Malfoy 'of all people' anything at all.

There was, once upon a time, a place that Harry belonged with friends who he spoke to about everything. But all the things that had been happening lately seemed so utterly personal. Harry couldn't bring himself to tell anyone these things about Draco.

The door creaked.

"Draco?" Harry said, head jerking towards the living room. He sprinted out of the kitchen and down the hall.

"DRACO?"

As he reached the door he saw a shadow, a silhouette of someone standing in the doorway with their arm out.

"Draco what are you…"

"It's… very warm." Draco said. Hand outstretched touching the light from the sun. He turned his palm up as he rolled his sleeve back. The paleness of his skin reflecting the light to such a degree, every scar over his fingers and hand, down his wrist and forearm stuck out like they were shouting to the world that they were there. And they were angry.

Draco stepped out, just one foot, with his nose towards the sky. He closed his eyes and let the light slip up his face like a curtain.

"I made food…" Harry trailed off watching Draco slowly smile.

'Wow' He thought. 'Never seen that before.

Draco opened his eyes and turned them to Harry.

"god…" Harry whispered gulping hard. Who just took the oxygen out of the room?

"What?"
Harry cleared his throat.

"God, I am so hungry! Let's go inside."

Draco smirked,

"Right." He brushed past Harry, who could've sworn he felt an actual electric shock form between their pinkies when they touched.

They sat in awkward silence as Draco watched Harry like a vulture circling it's prey and Harry helplessly squirmed, trying to pretend he didn't see Draco.

Harry lifted his cup of tea to his lips for the thousand time trying to cover any part of his face,

"I think I love you." Draco stated between bites.

Harry spewed his tea clear across the table and all over Draco.

"Ok. Nevermind." Draco said. Standing to go take his fifth shower that day. But for logical reason, this time.