Healing

Authors Note: We are fast approaching the end here. Only 2 more chapters to go after this... For anyone who hasn't already noticed, I have started new fics called Alluring Lullaby & History Repeats Itself, please check it out and tell me what you think!

Chapter 11 All’s fair

Harry paced in front of Draco’s bedroom door, trying to decide how to go about his request.

He needed to get Draco out of his system. The man was like a toxic cancer, eating away at everything Harry had once wanted his life to be and replacing it with desire. His entire life was now consumed with the burning need to be with Draco, to have him, to hold him, to take anything the Slytherin would give, but it was a one sided yearning.

Harry alone felt the need to be with Draco, while Malfoy felt nothing for him, nothing but mild annoyance and a sense of duty. Harry needed to break away before it was too late.

Taking a deep breath, Harry slipped the note he had written under Draco’s door and turned to leave. He hadn’t even made it down the hall before the door clicked open and Harry turned to find Draco in the doorway holding up Harry’s envelope.

“What’s this,” he asked tersely.

“Payment for your services,” Harry replied, trying to remain calm.

Draco looked down at the thick envelope and nodded. “You’re leaving then?” he asked, seemingly hopeful.

“I am,” Harry replied. “Thanks for your help these last weeks,” he added, the urge to run to Draco barely held in check.

“So, I won’t be seeing you again?” Draco asked.

“Do you want to?” Harry prodded.

“I didn’t say that,” Draco replied.

“Right,” Harry sighed. “Well, then yes. I suppose this is good bye.”

“Good bye,” Draco said roughly and shut his bedroom door.

Harry sagged against the wall for a moment, wistfully imagining Draco opening the door and telling him not to go, and that he wanted him. He could see Draco’s brilliant gray eyes clearly as they sparkled with tears, tears from his grief at the idea of Harry leaving.

But the door didn’t open, Draco never emerged form his room, and Harry was certain the man wasn’t crying over his departure. So he left, apparating back to his own flat.

The minute his feet hit the wooden floors, the grief returned. The burning pit of despair swallowed him whole and he passed out into a fit of nightmares, worse than any he had ever experienced before, but this time, there was no one he could run to.

--

“He left,” Draco said into the receiver.

“I’m sorry,” Lexi’s voice replied through the little black cell phone he was holding.

Draco shrugged, realizing instantly that Lexi couldn’t see him. They rarely spoke on the phone. Even though Draco had bought one years before, he never got used to the small contraption. “I knew it was coming. It just came sooner than I had expected,” Draco replied.

“How does that make you feel?” she asked lightly.

Draco laughed. “I didn’t call to be analyzed.”

“Then why did you call?” she asked.

“I wanted to see if my job was still available,” he replied.

“Draco, you know that you’ll always be welcome here,” she said. “Do you need some time to…”

Draco laughed again. “Grieve? Hardly. He was just a patient.”

There was silence on the other line and Draco had thought for a moment that Lexi had hung up. “I’ll see you tomorrow then? Giaus has infuriated several of your clients in your absence.”

“I’ll be there,” he said.

“Draco?” Silence again. “I’m glad your back. I was worried.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, I’m too clever to fall so easily,” he said

“Still, there was something about Potter. I could see it when you were together. I’m sorry it turned out this way, part of me was hoping he was the one,” she replied sadly.

“Harry was too good for me,” Draco muttered. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lexi. Have a nice evening,” he said quickly before hanging up.

He stared at the small black phone for what seemed like hours before setting it down and going to the kitchen to make tea. It had been several hours since Harry left his flat and he wondered what the Gryffindor was up to.

Draco shook his head. “Nothing good will come of thinking about him,” Draco mumbled to himself. Even though he had seen it coming, Harry’s leaving still stung. He knew it would be painful, which was why he never allowed himself to get closer.

A deep ache welled up inside his gut and he dropped his teacup. It was as if he could feel Harry’s agony, like he could experience the twisted daydreams the man must be having at the moment.

He reached out, as if he would grab him, hold him, and he touched the part of Harry’s mind that would sometimes seem to be intertwined with his own. The thoughts calmed at once and he could breathe again.

Draco tried to shake free of the nonsensical thoughts pushing into his mind. Harry wasn’t joined to him; he was across the city, far away, and probably already making nice with a new and more worthy bloke than Draco.

Harry didn’t need him anymore.

--

A piercing scream echoed through the flat and it was moments later that Harry realized the sound had come from his own mouth. He had been having a vivid nightmare where Snape was burning alive in front of him, and there was, as usual, nothing Harry could do to stop it.

But he felt better now, calmer, and he didn’t know why.

He felt as though a warm body was wrapped around his own, keeping him safe. But as quickly as the calmness came over him, it was gone again, lost in the deepening despair that his life had turned into.

The nightmare weren’t really worse, Harry decided. In fact, most of them were identical to nightmares he had experienced before. What made them worse was the fact that Harry now knew what peace really was. He could feel the calm that being with Draco provided him like a palpable presence, and now it was gone.

The prospect of having that calm never return was maddening.

Harry would be strong though, and eventually the ache would subside, and he would forget what it was like to be with Draco.

Draco had done enough, and he didn’t need Harry as a permanent pain in his arse. He didn’t want him and Harry couldn’t blame Draco for that. Harry was damaged goods, damned to forever relive his mistakes and yearn for any kind of release. What could he offer Draco?

Draco, who was like a perfect beam of moonlight, soft, beautiful and willing to temporarily light to way for a wayward traveler. Draco, who was so clever and gorgeous he could have his pick of any man or woman alive.

What could Harry offer him besides the broken pieces of his heart and soul? Nothing so shattered would be sufficient to hold him.

Harry sank back onto his bed with a groan and willed himself not to fall asleep, not to let the nightmares take him again.

--

Draco stared across his desk at the portly young woman in his office.

She had been whining for what felt like hours about her husband leaving her and how she had suspected him of cheating and how miserable her life was now.

“Then go get him back,” Draco said simply, and now she was staring at him as if he had three heads.

“It’s not that easy,” she said at last.

“Why not?” he replied in a bored tone. “Do you love him?” She nodded. “Can you live without him?” She shook her head. “Then go to him and tell him so.”

She got up and looked at the door. “Mr. Mal-“ she started, but Draco promptly cut her off.

“Just go,” he said.

She nodded and practically ran for the door, not looking back again. Draco sagged into his chair and sighed. That had been his third appointment that had involved some form of lost love and he was starting to get suspicious.

Just then Lexi walked in and sat elegantly on the edge of his desk, confirming his suspicions. He crossed his arms over his chest defensively and scowled. “I’m fine,” he answered before she got a chance to ask.

She smiled sweetly and crossed her legs. “How was that last appointment?”

“I’m assuming you listened in,” he replied.

She nodded. “Of course. This is a new probationary period. I can’t have you messing up or else I’ll have to fire you immediately,” she said casually.

“What? That’s ridiculous! I’ve been doing this for years, I’m-“ he began, but was cut off at once by Lexi.

“Not familiar with the definition of sarcasm,” she said, finishing his sentence in an entirely different way than he had intended.

“Right,” he muttered. “I guess I’m a little on edge.”

“A little?” she asked, her dark brown eyebrow raised in question. “Draco, you have snapped at every employee today, and barely given the clients your full attention.”

Draco sighed and sank further into his chair, trying to melt into it. “I know, I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Harry?” she asked carefully.

Draco nodded. “I just keep expecting him to walk through the door any minute and tell me that he still needs me.”

“Needs you, or wants you?” she asked.

Draco rolled his eyes. “My, someone had a large dose of observation this morning,” he teased.

Lexi shrugged. “I’m still worried about you, Draco. You’re not the same, you’re heart hasn’t been in this lately. It’s been two weeks since Harry walked out on you and you’re still pining. Maybe you should take your own advice and go to him. Maybe he really does want you and he was just too afraid to say it.”

“Right, the great Harry bloody Potter, in love with me?” Draco scoffed.

“He’s not so high and mighty, and you’re a catch Draco,” she added.

Draco rolled his eyes. “I appreciate the pep-talk, but can I just get to my next patient now?”

“Ingrid was your last for the day, you’re free to go home,” she replied, hopping delicately from his desk.

He flinched at her words. Home. That was where he was forced to think on his life and his loss. Everything was fine and cozy until Harry stepped back into his life, now he knew what his world had been lacking and he wanted desperately to fill the hole.

But only Harry seemed capable of that, and he didn’t want Draco.

He followed Lexi from the office and listened to the sound of her sharp heels clicking on the marble floors as he trailed behind her.

Maybe tomorrow he would go to Harry; maybe tomorrow he would ask if there was anyway the Gryffindor would see Draco as more.

Draco shook his head. No, there would be no confessions of love, no discussions of need. Harry left, just as Draco had known he would do, expected him to do, and it was time for Draco to move on.

Those were his thoughts in the lift leading up to his flat, and down the corridor and even when he opened the door and placed his keys on the kitchen table. Those were his thoughts right up until he saw Harry’s sleek gray eagle owl waiting for him on the windowsill.

He practically ran to the window and flung it open to get to the beautiful bird. There was nothing but a small scrap of parchment tied to its leg, waiting for Draco to take it.

The bird waited patiently for Draco to untie the scroll and flew off the moment he was done. With shaking hands he unfurled it and stared at the words, reading them over and over again. It was just a few tiny scribbled words and an address.

I need your help.

4563 Saint Blvd

HJP

Draco balled up the paper, instantly memorizing the address and concentrated on it as he apparated to Harry’s flat.

--

Authors Note: Oh no? What's happened to Harry?? Review lol