Darkness Within

Hermione allowed Severus to persuade her to return with him to Spinners End. Not that he had needed to coerce her in any way. She had no intention of being too far away from him right now.



She couldn’t understand what had changed for her over the past few days, but something definitely had, and Severus had been the catalyst. If he hadn’t found her, if he hadn’t rescued her, well, Hermione didn’t want to think what might have happened. And she didn’t want to think about what might happen if he wasn’t there to catch her again if she fell.



She was perusing his bookshelf, running her fingers across the spines carefully. Some of his tomes were antique, and they looked as if they would fall apart if she tried to lift them. He had reassured her this wouldn’t happen, he had them all magically protected, but she was still feeling a little shaky so she stuck to what felt safest and lifted down a copy of Hogwarts, A History, a small smile playing around her lips in recognition. There something comforting about the familiar feel of the binding, the picture on the cover, and the familiar title her eyes started to skim over. She hugged the book to herself and walked over to one of the large armchairs beside the fire, curled herself into it and opened the book to the front page.



There was an inscription on the flyleaf and Hermione ran her fingers over the familiar writing gently, tears welling in her eyes. Albus Dumbledore had given this book to Severus. There was nothing special about the inscription, but the poignancy of the message touched Hermione and she brushed the tears away before they fell onto the page.



‘To my friend, Severus, with fondest regards, Albus’



It was so simple, and yet it spoke volumes.



Hermione didn’t see Severus watching her from the doorway, and she jumped as he walked over to the fireplace and sat down in the other armchair. He lifted a copy of the Daily Prophet, shook it out a little, crossed one leg over the other and bent his head to read. Hermione looked up at him, the top of his black hair just visible above the newspaper, his long legs clad in black jeans, his black leather boots accentuating his long, slim feet. A little flutter started in her stomach and she smirked to herself. He used to make her stomach flutter at Hogwarts too, although she had all but forgotten her teenage crush on him. It had been brief, fleeting, but quite intense, and the only time she had found it difficult to concentrate in Potions class. After three weeks it was over and her attentions had been diverted by the increased activity of Dolores Umbridge, and then the rise and subsequent fall of Voldermort.



But for three weeks of her life, Hermione had entertained some unspeakable fantasies about her Potions Master. The thought of them now was making her blush furiously, so she opened the book on her knee to one of her favourite chapters and started to read.



They sat together in companionable silence for over an hour, until Severus folded his paper and glanced up at the clock.



‘Are you hungry?’ he asked her quietly.



Hermione raised her eyes from the page, looking at him through a tumble of curls and smiling at him.



‘Starving, actually. It’s my turn to sort out the food though, I think,’ she said.



She closed the book over firmly and stood to put it back on the shelf. Severus stood at the same time and stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder, his eyes a mystery as he looked at her and met her gaze.



‘I’ll take it,’ he whispered softly. Hermione looked down at the book, and handed it to him with a slight nod.



As she walked into the kitchen, she paused and turned to look at him. Severus had opened the book and was reading the inscription on the flyleaf, one pale finger tracing the writing. His head dropped forward slightly and his hair fell in a shiny black curtain, covering his face. Hermione didn’t need to see him to know how he was feeling. His shoulders dropped and shuddered slightly and Hermione walked back over to him and wrapped a thin arm around his lower back gently.



‘You miss him,’ she stated simply.



‘Most of the time. I had forgotten about this,’ he whispered.



‘I miss him, too,’ Hermione squeezed her arm around Severus, then let go and walked into the kitchen.



She explored the kitchen cupboards thoroughly and sighed. There was nothing in them that made her mouth water and she smiled to herself. Walking back into the sitting room, she found Severus sitting in his chair again, his book closed on his lap, his hands folded over the top as he stared into the fire.



‘Are you okay, Severus?’ she asked him softly, not wanting to break his reverie.



‘Yes, although I am wondering why I cannot smell food cooking?’ he turned to her and smirked a little.



‘I had a better idea. Let’s go and get a curry,’ she smiled at him brightly, her eyes twinkling.



‘A curry?’ his face split into a smile as he registered the excitement on her face.



‘Please? I know a brilliant place,’ she smiled warmly at him and he nodded at her, standing.



‘Lead on, then’ he smiled indulgently at her, putting the book back in its slot on the shelf before following her out of the room.





******





There were ensconced in a small booth, in what seemed from the outside to be a basic ‘greasy spoon’ of a café. The chairs were orange plastic, moulded and fixed together onto simple Formica tables. Unlike usual Indian restaurants, there was no ornate decoration on the walls, flock wallpaper or fancy crockery with pink birds and gilt edging. Instead, the tables were set out in a row beside floor to ceiling plate glass windows that looked straight out onto the grimy street.



Hermione looked around herself and grinned at Severus.



‘Isn’t it awful?’ she giggled at him.



Severus raised an eyebrow; ‘It leaves something to the imagination, that is certain.’



‘Don’t worry, the food more than makes up for the lack of glitz. I love it in here. I haven’t been here in ages,’ she smiled at him, her hair bouncing around her face softly.



An Asian waiter walked over to them, and Hermione reeled off a list of dishes without looking at the menu and licked her lips in anticipation. Severus smirked at her, ordered a beef madras and pilau rice and handed his menu to the waiter.



‘Oh,’ Hermione smiled quickly as the waiter turned to leave, ‘I’ll have a large glass of lassi too, please.’



The waiter nodded and smiled at her and she turned her face back to Severus. He was looking at her incredulously and smiling a little.



‘What?’ Hermione asked him, leaning over the table a little.



‘You just look different. Happy, almost,’ he mused.



Hermione glanced down at the table a little before speaking.



‘I feel as if a weight has been lifted. It’s a good feeling,’ she smiled, ‘and it helps that you haven’t judged me. For a long time, I thought what had happened was my own fault.’



Hermione’s eyes clouded over and Severus sat back a little.



‘Your fault?’ he murmured, ‘how on earth could any of it have been your fault?’



Hermione shrugged at him, ‘I didn’t do enough to stop it happening. I thought like a daughter, not like a witch. It was stupid of me.’



‘You acted from the heart, Hermione,’ Severus said softly, ‘like you always did,’



Hermione looked at Severus for a moment and bit her lip gently.



‘I was a coward,’ she whispered, ‘I should have died with my parents, but I didn’t. Even though I know, deep down, they would want me to have a good life, it hasn’t stopped me feeling guilty.’



Hermione jumped a little as Severus reached out a hand and covered hers lightly. She looked up at him and saw pain etched across his face.



‘Guilt is very difficult to deal with, Hermione. I know this from personal experience. Tell me,’ he said softly and leaned forward, taking a firmer hold on her hand, ‘how did you survive?’



Hermione grimaced a little and her eyes fell on their hands resting on the Formica. She ran her thumb softly over Severus’s long fingers and marvelled at the softness of his skin.



‘I just lay there, lifeless, trying to work out a way of getting hold of a wand. I fully expected them to kill me and I’m sure they would have done, if the neighbour hadn’t disturbed them. It was thanks to her, really. She told me, afterwards, that she had a spare key to the house so she could feed my parents’ cat when they went away. She thought something must be wrong when she saw the blinds were down. Anyway, she hammered on the door for ages, and then she let herself in. The Death Eater’s apparated before she came into the room.’



Hermione sat back and let go of Severus’s hand as the waiter came back to their table with the food. She flashed a smile at Severus and attacked the food with gusto, insisting on sharing some of her food with him in exchange for a spoonful of his madras. She took a mouthful and tears sprang to her eyes at the heat of it burning her throat and she gasped, grabbing her lassi and gulping some down.



Severus chuckled at her and their eyes met. He laughed even more when Hermione stuck her tongue out at him and the evening proceeded in amused camaraderie, with Hermione reminding him of some of his most snarky moments in Potions class, and Severus pointing out just how annoying she had been in class.



When Hermione had eaten the last mouthful of mushroom bhaji, she licked her lips and rubbed her stomach in satisfaction.



I’m stuffed,’ she sighed, ‘that was excellent.’



‘It was very good,’ Severus nodded, pleased to see her eating so well.



Hermione smiled at him. ‘I feel sleepy now, I suppose we should go back.’



Severus glanced at her and coughed slightly. ‘Before we do, there was something I wanted to mention to you,’ he murmured.



Hermione sat forward, ‘ Go on,’ she said.



‘I have sorted out one of the spare rooms in the house for your use,’ he stated, not looking at her.



‘Have you?’ Hermione was slightly shocked, having assumed they would continue to share his own room.



‘I thought it would be more appropriate for you to have your own space, and now you are feeling better, I do not think there is reason for me to keep such a close eye on you, ‘ he murmured.



Hermione bit her lip and considered what he shad said. He didn’t think they needed to be in the same room any more, so he obviously trusted her. And he had sorted out a room for her. She had her own room, in his house. So he was expecting her to stay. She smiled softly at him.



‘Does that mean I can stay with you for a while?’ she asked him quietly.



‘If you find it agreeable. It is too soon to say how well you will cope alone, Hermione. I think you need someone around you, and as you are clearly not in contact with your old friends, it would seem that responsibility is now mine.’ Severus didn’t catch her eye and stood from the table, shrugging on his jacket.



Hermione got up from her seat and walked the short distance to where he was standing, took his hand in hers softly and squeezed it.



‘Thank you, Severus, ‘ she smiled up at him.



Severus squeezed her hand back and then dropped it quickly, smiling down at her briefly.



‘It is no problem,’ he murmured.



Hermione watched as he walked towards the door and held it open for her, then breathed a long sigh and smiled to herself.





*****



Sorry for the delay in updates. PLease r and r...thank.