Everything I Ever Wanted

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Chapter Eleven



Billie, after a ten minute breakdown, regained enough control to tell Rowena all about what had happened. The woman listened carefully, taking notes occasionally, until Billie stopped talking, feeling exhausted. ‘You’ve got yourself into a bit of a pickle, haven’t you?’ she said gently. ‘But we can work this out. First things first. Let’s work out how long you are able to carry this baby before we think about anything else.’



Half an hour later, Billie was staring at her in disbelief.

‘You’re joking?’ she said, unable to keep a smile off her face. ‘I could go nearly full term?’

‘I said ‘could‘, Billie,’ Rowena said cautiously. ‘If, towards the last 3 or 4 months, you have bed rest, no intercourse, no stress and careful monitoring - maybe. But your pelvis is stable for now, so I don’t see any reason you couldn’t go to around 30 or 32 weeks at least, and that should give the baby a fighting chance.’



‘No sex,’ she said, frowning.

‘I’m sure you can live without it for a couple of months,’ Rowena said with a smile. ‘Already have,’ grumbled Billie, but she wasn’t really upset, especially when Rowena added that she’d actually said no intercourse, not no sex.

‘You’ll just have to get a little more creative,’ she said with a smile which faded as she considered Billie’s next problem.



‘Did you know that I’ve met Remus before?’ she asked, and Billie frowned.

‘No,’ she said. Rowena sighed.

‘I talked to him when I began my work into lycanthropy,’ she said, beginning to pace. ‘All werewolves are supposed to be registered, and of course, Remus is. I contacted him for my research, but he refused to participate.’

She looked at Billie. ‘He was very adamant that lycanthropes should not breed.’

‘He still is,’ said Billie miserably, putting her head in her hands.



‘Well, that’s because he doesn’t have all the latest information,’ Rowena said. She went to her bookcase and pulled out the first folder.

She flicked through it, asking, ‘If I recall correctly, Remus was bitten, not a born werewolf?’

Billie nodded when she looked up, and saw Rowena smile. ‘And I assume he wasn’t transformed at the time of conception?’

She grinned at Billie, and the woman shook her head. ‘No,’ she agreed.

A few moments silence, then, ‘He takes the Wolfsbane potion?’

‘Religiously,’ Billie confirmed.



‘You’re about 14 weeks along: so conception was a bit before Christmas,’ she murmured, flicking through another book. ‘Full moon was a couple of weeks before that I think.’

She didn’t seem to be talking to Billie anymore, leafing through her books and muttering to herself. Finally she put the book aside and looked at Billie with a smile.

‘Listen, I’m not giving you a guarantee here,’ she warned. ‘But there is a good chance the lycanthropy won’t be passed on. There is only a 50% chance of it being passed on if one of the parents are a born werewolf; a fair bit less if a parent was bitten. The way the disease is metabolised is different depending on how the person was infected.’

Billie’s heart began to pound, for the first time thinking that this might actually be possible. She might be able to have this baby.



‘Remus was not transformed at the time of conception, so the odds go down again, and he was at the most human part of his cycle - after the transformation, before he started to feel the effects of the next one approaching,’ Rowena continued. ‘And the Wolfsbane potion can affect the potency of the disease; there’s a lot of hopeful research into the potion suppressing the disorder so it isn’t passed on.’



She stood up, smiling at Billie, who also stood. ‘I can do some tests to confirm whether the baby has lycanthropy or not, but not until you are nearly due; and I don’t know if I would take the chance conducting those tests on a high risk pregnancy,’ Rowena said, with a slight frown.

‘But the chances are very, very low already. You would be extraordinarily unlucky if it has been passed on, but developments are being made each day.’



‘How low?’ Billie asked. Rowena opened her mouth to argue with her, but she interrupted.

‘You’ve met Remus,’ she said. ‘You recalled how vehemently opposed he is to lycanthropes breeding. I have to go back and tell him that I blew it; I forgot the spells and now I’m pregnant, despite that fact I told him he wouldn’t have to worry about it. I need to be able to give him something to hang onto.’

She was nearly crying again when she finished speaking.

‘That’s if he even hangs around,’ she thought despairingly.



Rowena looked at her books, doing some calculations in her head. ‘Less than 5% I would guess,’ she said, surprising Billie.

‘That low?’ she said.

‘Maybe even less. Maybe no chance. I’ve seen patients with a parent who was a born lycanthrope, who didn’t take the potion, who had only just finished a transformation, or just before one. And the disease hasn’t been handed down. I told you, Billie,’ she said with a smile.

‘You and Remus would be the unluckiest people on earth to have passed this on.’





****



Billie returned to school before dinner, after promising to come back for weekly check ups. She was feeling a lot more positive, but was still apprehensive as she waited for Remus to appear that night. He finally arrived at ten o’clock, yawning and throwing himself down on the bed.

‘God, those kids are little shits sometimes,’ he said, with a groan. ‘Do you know what they did today?’



He moved to the shower, and she sat on the vanity, listening to him complain about his First year class. When he got out, he rubbed a towel over himself and grinned at her. ‘Thanks for listening to all that,’ he said with a smile. ‘I like having someone to whinge to.’

She smiled and when he put his arms around her, she leaned into him.

‘Hey, are you alright?’ he said, noticing her silence finally. ‘You feeling sick again?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘I’m fine, but….we need to talk about something. Get dressed.’

She walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed, crosslegged.

‘Ok,’ he said, walking to her a few minutes later, and sinking down opposite her on the bed. ‘You’ve sufficiently worried me. What’s wrong?’



‘How much do you know about how lycanthropy is passed on?’ she said, startling him.

‘I know that it can be, and that’s all I need to know,’ he said, his voice hard.

He stared at her. ‘Why?’

She looked at him, and saw that she didn’t need to tell him. ‘You’re pregnant?’ he whispered, frowning.

Billie nodded and he stood up abruptly.



‘I thought you did the spells?’ he asked quietly.

‘I forgot - once,’ she said, watching him carefully. ‘The day George was here; that my dad was here.’

She could see he remembered, and was happy to see his face soften a little.

‘You were so upset, Belle,’ he said, sinking back down onto the bed. ‘I’m not surprised it slipped your mind, but…’

He stopped and shook his head. ‘You know why I don’t want children, Belle. I thought you couldn’t carry a pregnancy…’



‘I didn’t think I could,’ she said. She took a deep breath.

‘Would you just listen for a while?’ she asked him softly. ‘With no interruptions? Please?’ He bit his lip and nodded.



She talked for nearly half an hour, telling him about her visit to Rowena, who she could see he remembered. She told him everything the woman had told her, and then waited for him to absorb it. He stood up, turning away from her, then turning back.

‘I…..’ He stopped, and ran a hand through his hair.

‘Less than 5% chance I’ve passed it on?’ he asked, with a frown. Billie nodded, watching him.



He swallowed hard, then turned away again. He walked over to the door and halted.

‘I just need to think; I need some time…’

Billie blinked, and nodded again. Remus looked at her, hesitating for a moment, then walking back to the bed quickly. He sat in front of her and put his arms around her, holding her tight. She hugged him back, and he kissed her neck.



‘I’m sorry, Belle,’ he whispered into her skin. ‘I just need to be alone for a while. I can’t give you what you need right now..’

‘It’s alright, Remus,’ she said, a little shakily. ‘I understand. I’ll see you when you’re ready.’ He nodded, and kissed her again, this time on the lips.

‘I love you, Bella,’ he said, grasping her face. ‘Don’t doubt that for a moment.’

She bit her lip. ‘I love you too,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m sorry, Remus.’

‘Shh!’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Don’t.’

He stood up again and this time left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.



Billie sat where she was for a while, then tried to get some sleep. After tossing and turning for an hour, she got out of bed and moved to her office, thinking she’d get some work done, and maybe get in a rest tomorrow.



Remus found her in the early hours of the morning asleep at her desk, head on her arms, glasses still on her nose. He smiled for a moment, watching her. He couldn’t stop himself wondering if their baby would look like him or her.

‘Her, I hope,’ he thought, stroking a finger over her cheek.



He’d done a lot of walking over the past few hours, catching quite a few teenagers sneaking around in the corridors.

‘No wonder the Seventh years have trouble concentrating in the afternoons,’ he’d thought to himself after catching two of them heading very rapidly beyond third base in a cupboard. ‘They’re up all night shagging.’



Eventually he went and sat on one of the highest towers, the one where a few years earlier Albus Dumbledore, former Headmaster, had been killed. He sat there, trying to communicate with the dead man, who was his mentor; his friend. The man had given him a chance, and allowed him to attend Hogwarts when he was younger. He had believed in him; trusted him. He also thought of his friends and what they would say to him right now.



Letting out a snort, he knew what his friends would say; what Albus would say.

‘Why the hell are you sitting up here when everything you’ve ever wanted is waiting in bed for you?’

He could almost hear Sirius saying the words, shaking his head, then offering to go and keep Belle company for him.



5%. Maybe less. That was a very tiny chance that his disease had been passed on to the baby.

Remus smiled. The baby. His baby. His and Belle’s baby.

The joy he’d been suppressing starting to crack through a little; but he tried to push it back down. There’s still a chance - it may be tiny, but it was still there. But Belle had given him hope, made him believe that this might be possible; that they could have a child together. Belle was right: he needed to talk to Rowena.



Crouching next to her now, he frowned. She looked pale. A realisation hit him, and he felt deeply ashamed of himself. He hadn’t once asked her how she felt about the unexpected pregnancy; how she felt about a pregnancy that was a risk to her health, and the baby’s.

‘Belle,’ he said, softly. She moved but didn’t wake.

‘Bella,’ he said louder, shaking her a little. She stirred, but still didn’t wake.



Remus hesitated a moment, then put his arm under her knees, the other behind her shoulders, lifting her against his chest and carrying her up to bed. She didn’t wake at all, but sighed when he climbed into bed and put his arms around her. He kissed her on the forehead and closed his eyes.



Billie woke up the next morning when her alarm went off. She reached over to turn it off, but Remus beat her to it, leaning across her to bring his hand down on the button. Billie looked at him stretched across her chest.

‘Hi’ he said, smiling down at her.

‘Hi,’ she echoed, a small smile flitting across her lips.

‘You must have been exhausted last night,’ he said, propping himself up on his elbow, moving his other hand to her head, stroking her hair.

‘I had to carry you up here. You fell asleep at your desk,’ he said, letting her hair run through his fingers. ‘You’re going to have to stop that now. It’s not good for you or the baby if you’re working until the early hours of the morning.’



She blinked several times, speechless.

‘Nothing to say for once?’ he teased, leaning forward and giving her a quick kiss. ‘Good. Maybe I can get a word in edgeways then.’

He looked at her, his face softening. ‘First, I want to say sorry. I was so worried about how I was feeling, I didn’t even ask how you were. It had to be a shock for you; and you had to be just as worried as I was. I’m a jerk, Belle, and I’m sorry.’



He kissed her again, and she nodded, still staring at him with wide eyes, as he continued, saying a little shakily, ‘I would like to go and see Rowena, to talk to her with you. I….I really want to be a father, Belle. I always have, and if there’s a way it might be possible….’

His eyes started to sting a little, and it was his turn to blink. Billie came to her senses now, and put her arms around him, holding him tightly to her.

‘Good thing you’re sleeping with the boss,’ she said quietly into his ear. ‘Play your cards right, and I might give you the day off.’



She heard his soft breath of laughter against her hair, and then he pulled back.

‘Am I too heavy?’ he asked, concerned that he was lying on her stomach.

‘No,’ she insisted, but he shifted anyway, lying next to her on his side.

He rested his head on her chest, and, after a slight hesitation, moved his hand to her stomach. He slid it lightly across her, feeling a soft curve there.



Billie felt an unbelievable feeling of euphoria flow over her. He was happy about this; he wanted this. She lifted up her shirt to reveal her belly, tugging the boxers (his) down a little to rest low on her hips. Remus lifted himself back up on his elbow and looked down at her, seeing the distinct curve where it was once almost flat. His hand shook a little as he ran it over her, marvelling that their baby was under his hand.



‘How far along are you?’ he asked, pretty sure she’d told him last night.

‘14 weeks, give or take a day,’ she said softly, her hand joining his.

He did some quick calculations. ‘So, you’re due in late September?’ he said, looking at her as she nodded.

‘And Rowena thinks you’ll be alright? That you can carry to term?’



Billie frowned, and Remus felt his heart stop. ‘Belle, you’ll be alright, won’t you?’ he said urgently.

She nodded. She hadn’t gone into this last night, knowing his most urgent concern was the lycanthropy issue.

‘I think so,’ she said. ‘She’s not sure I’ll carry to term, but she thinks I should get to 30 weeks or so, and apparently there’s a good chance the baby will be fine. We’ll try to get all the way - but it’ll mean bed rest, no work, no stress, no intercourse.’ He looked up at her.

‘No sex?’ he said, and she giggled.

‘That’s what I said,’ she told him with a smile. ‘But Rowena assures me if it comes to that, its actual sex I’ll be banned from, not….anything else.’

She grinned and so did Remus. ‘It wouldn’t matter anyway,’ he said, sliding his hand over her belly again. ‘Whatever we have to do, we’ll do.’



Billie looked at him and smiled. Remus moved, lowering his head to kiss her stomach, making Billie teary.

‘Do you want a boy or girl?’ he asked, his mouth still on her stomach.

‘I don’t care,’ she said, her voice cracking a little. ‘As long as it’s healthy.’

He looked up at her with a smile. ‘Do you have any idea how much I love you, Bella?’ he said, moving to lie next to her again, his hand shifting to her head again.

‘Maybe nearly as much as I love you?’ she suggested, before his lips came down on hers.



Rowena managed to convince Remus how little chance there was that their baby would be born a werewolf, and… ‘Even if it is Remus, the stigma is fading a little every day. There are exciting developments, and maybe one day, a cure.’

Remus knew that, until the baby was tested after birth, there would always be a little doubt in his mind; a concern. But, after talking to the midwife, he was more concerned about Billie.



He learnt more about her difficulties, and was disturbed to read in her medical records exactly how close she’d come to death when she lost her son. When Billie went to the bathroom, he pulled Rowena aside.

‘Exactly how serious is this problem for Belle?’ he asked, concerned. Rowena hesitated, and he said,’ Don’t sugar coat it. Please. I need to know how bad this could be for her.’



Rowena frowned. ‘She is certain to go into pre term labour, which is always dangerous for mother and baby,’ she said. ‘I know she wants to try to go as long as possible, but I don’t think she’ll get anywhere near full term.

She seemed to be thinking, then said,’ There is a chance that Belle could haemorrhage once the baby is larger. Actually, it’s more than likely that she will, which is why I‘m monitoring her carefully. I’m not going to lie to you - her body is unstable; this is dangerous for her. To be honest, if she makes it to our goal of 32 weeks, I’ll be surprised. I’d rather take the baby as soon as we possibly can.’

Remus was stunned. ‘It’s that bad?’ he said, hoarsely. ‘She never said…’



‘She doesn’t know,’ Rowena said quickly. ‘She knows what could happen, but I didn’t tell her how concerned I am. She should never have gotten pregnant, but now she is, I’m going to do my best to get her as far along as I can.’

She looked at Remus closely. ‘No stress,’ she said. ‘I don’t want her upset, so if you have any unresolved feelings about this, now is not the time to burden her with them. You are going to have to watch her, Remus.’



Remus was speechless for a moment, then asked the question he didn’t want to know the answer to.

‘Is…is there a chance……is there a chance that Belle could…’ He couldn’t even say it, but Rowena looked at him.

‘Yes,’ she said softly. ‘There is a chance, and not a insignificant one, that Billie may not survive this.’



Remus was quiet as they Flooed back to Hogwarts.

‘Are you still worried?’ she asked as they made their way to the Dining Hall for lunch. He looked at her quickly.

‘No,’ he said. ‘Well, not as much anyway.’

They made their way to the lunch table, the only two seats left at the staff table were together.

Sitting down, he smiled at her. ‘I think we’re probably beyond keeping it discreet now anyway, don’t you?’ he said quietly. ‘You’re going to be showing soon - it’ll be pretty obvious exactly what we’ve been up to.’

She smiled, then it faded. ‘More complaints I suppose,’ she said with a sigh, then reached for the potatoes.

‘I’m starving,’ she said.



As she loaded her plate up, he watched her. She was right. She’d be an unmarried pregnant Headmistress of a school full of hormone driven teenagers. Throw in the fact she was pregnant to him - a werewolf, and the parents would go crazy, and that meant extra stress for her. An idea struck him, and all of a sudden he wasn’t hungry.

‘Belle, I’ve forgotten to prepare something for class tomorrow,’ he said, standing and putting his hand on her shoulder. ‘I’ll see you later.’

He hesitated, then leaned down and kissed her on the head, hearing a few giggles from the eating students. Billie looked at him in surprise. He smiled and shrugged.

‘They all know anyway. Why not give them a thrill?’



She snorted with laughter and he chuckled as he left the room. He moved quickly to his bedroom and threw some Floo powder into the fire.

‘The Burrow,’ he shouted as he stepped into the green flames. He spun around in the fire and shot out onto the floor of the kitchen, causing Molly Weasley to gasp in surprise. ‘Remus,’ she said, pulling him to his feet. ‘What are you doing here?’

He brushed the soot off, and looked at her with a smile. ‘I need your help, Molly,’ he said.