A New Beginning (DH -COMPLIANT)

Chapter 10 ~ Defining Moment (A Short Chapter)


A disillusioned Severus Snape walked across the grounds of Hogwarts, deep in thought. It had come down to it now. Mulciber had told him that the Dark Lord was willing to bring them in . . . all they had to do was take his Mark and they would become Death Eaters.

Now the wizard walked through the darkness toward a copse of trees, considering whether or not he would indeed join the Dark Lord. The promise of power was appealing. Voldemort was strong, more powerful than any wizard, possibly even stronger than Albus Dumbledore. His methods were harsh, but in a war things had to be done harshly, to prove a point, to break the morale of those who would challenge them.

His mind shifted to Lily. She hadn’t spoken to him or acknowledged him for months, turning her green eyes away any time he met them. Lily wouldn’t approve of this. Of his joining the fight with Voldemort. Why he should care, he didn’t know. He noticed James Potter around her more often, solicitous, charming, making the witch smile with his comments. How could she even talk to that arrogant bastard? She knew what he was capable of. How he targeted him.

Snape scowled as he entered the copse of trees. His cloak snagged on a bush and he pulled it away…

”James? James is that you?” a familiar female voice called out in a loud, worried whisper.

Snape knew that voice.

Lily.

What was she doing out here?

Snape ducked down into the bushes and peered out. Lily was standing under a tree, looking around nervously. His black eyes narrowed. James? She was out here alone in the dark waiting for James Potter?

Suddenly, from the right, James Potter appeared, striding up to Lily.

”You came,” he said, amazement in his voice as he stopped before the witch, “Oh Lily. You came.”

”Yes. I wanted to . . .” she said softly, stepping forward.

Snape watched, a hard knot forming in his belly as the couple embraced and kissed passionately.

”No. No, Lily,” he breathed as he watched James begin to caress her, turning her around and pressing her body up against the trunk of the tree.

Snape watched as the couple sank to the ground, watched the fluttering of discarded robes, the furious tangling of limbs, the flash of pale bodies moving rhythmically in the moonlight, Lily’s voice rising and falling in counterpoint to his hated nemesis’ passionate gasps . . .

If was as if Severus Snape’s very heart was torn from his chest as he watched James Potter claim what he himself had always desired but never had the nerve to openly admit. Lily. His beautiful Lily.

His eyes wet, Snape turned away, not wanting to see any more, blindly rushing through the brush, then running toward the castle, his disillusioned robes billowing, running toward solace . . . toward darkness.

Breathlessly he burst into the Slytherin common room. Avery and Mulciber were seated on a sofa, talking quietly to each other. No one else was about. It was after curfew. Both of them looked up at their comrade.

”Severus, we wondered where you went,” Avery said to the pale, stricken wizard.

”Yeah, what were you up to?” Mulciber asked him, frowning slightly.

He hadn’t liked the fact that Snape didn’t show much enthusiasm when told they were to be accepted into the Death Eater circle. He shouldn’t have hesitated. Hesitation was not good.

Snape swooped toward them, his black eyes hard, his face set like stone.

”I’ll take the Mark,” he breathed, “I wish to be in his service. Death to mudbloods! Long live the Dark Lord!”

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Snape awoke, gasping in the darkness and wishing he could have given Harry all of his memories. He didn’t dream of Lily often, but when he did, the pain was still there, sharp, hurtful and all too real. Some of the pain was lessened, the pain connected with the memories he gave Harry. He still remembered, but the ache was dulled since the essence had been passed on to another. But this, this memory retained its bite.

The wizard reached into his nightstand and pulled out a small bottle, uncapped it and took a swallow. It would help him have a dreamless sleep so he did not fall into that painful moment again. The wisest thing would be to remove all the remaining memories of Lily Potter to a Pensieve, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, not even after all these years. He still lived with his bitterness and guilt.

The dark wizard lay back down and waited for sleep to return and the ghost of Lily Potter to fade back into the recesses of his mind until her next haunting.

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A/N: Hermione isn’t the only one with memories. Thanks for reading.