Always On My Mind

It had been three months since they’d brought Donovan home and between all the visits from friends and relatives, the couple had had very little time to talk. It was now six in the evening and for once, no one was coming over and they had no where to be. The two of them sat in the sitting room while Donovan fed from his mother, relaxed and quiet. As Draco watched his son nursing from Hermione he couldn’t help the tug of possessive pride that he felt. In his opinion, the bald, pink, mottle-faced being in his wife’s arms was the most beautiful and perfect child he’d ever seen. He loved the expression on Hermione’s face as she looked down at her baby, softly speaking to him as his sleepy grey eyes struggled to stay open, almost as if he was listening to what his mother was saying and finding it very important. Finally, he’d had enough and Hermione adjusted her clothing before picking him up and walking him to his nursery to put him down for a bit.

Draco followed her and the two of them kissed their son’s sleeping head before quietly exiting the room. As they entered the sitting room again, Draco saw a bitter sweet look on his wife’s features. “What are you thinking about?” he asked, softly.

She looked at him as if she might tell him, but instead she shhok her head. “It’s nothing,” she said sitting down on the lounge.

“No, tell me,” he urged. “I love you, you can tell me anything.”

“It’s just that sometimes I wonder what Rosalyn would have been like at this age. I know I lost her fairly early on and that it was a long time ago, but I still think about her and wonder what life would be like with her.”

“I can imagine. You were probably looking forward to her more than you were Donovan.”

“Of course not! How can you say that?”

“I don’t mean that you love Donovan less. I just mean that the circumstances surrounding your first pregnancy were much better. You were actually in love with the father and you didn’t have the pressing worry of having to either marry someone you don’t like or have your wand snapped in half. I’ve been thinking, Hermione, and the more I do, the more I know that you’re happy with our son, but you aren’t happy living here with me.”

She opened her mouth to say something and he stopped her. “I’d do anything to get you to stay, but I won’t stop you from leaving. I just want to see you smile like you used to and I know that I can’t make you do that anymore. I never should have taken you for granted or treated you so badly, but I never should have tried to force you to be with me. I have three more houses in England and one in Ireland. If you don’t want to live in one of the Malfoy properties, I’ll buy you another one. The only thing I ask is that you let me see Donovan for at least an hour everyday and for a whole day on weekends. The law doesn’t state that we are required to live together after the baby is born. You can go wherever you want and I’ll make sure that you can get there.”

Hermione just sat and stared at him a moment. She had tears in her eyes, but they didn’t fall to her flushed cheeks. His heart was breaking, but he knew he had to let her go. He didn’t want to listen to what she had to say, but he forced himself to stay. She had listened to his little speech all those years ago, he would afford her the same respect.

“Draco, there’s something you need to know,” she began. “I was never in love with Ron.”

“Don’t. Don’t lie to me, Hermione. I saw the pictures. You’ve never looked at anyone other than me like that and you haven’t looked at me like that since we last lived together.”

“Yes, I loved Ron, but I was never in love with him! What I’m about to tell you, not even Ginny and Harry know. Ron and I knew things weren’t going to work out between us and we decided to call it off. We didn’t tell anyone because it was right at Christmas and Mrs. Weasley was already heartbroken because Percy and Mr. Weasley had fought again and he wasn’t going to come home for Christmas. Mrs. Weasley kept saying how wonderful it was that the whole family was together and she kept including me in that and we didn’t feel like it was right to tell her and spoil her holiday. After all, we were still very best friends; we just couldn’t make a sexual relationship work. We pretended everything was fine and then that night, we both had too much to drink and ended up, well, you know. After that night, we quietly started boxing his things up and tried to figure out a way to tell his parents when one morning I started throwing up. I went to St. Mungo’s and they told me I was about to become a mummy. I was so happy. I knew that circumstances could have been better, but I just felt so happy. I went home to tell Ron and he didn’t even flinch. He thought it was the greatest news he’d ever heard. We decided to stick the relationship out until the baby was born and those next months were wonderful. He was so attentive and excited and wonderful. He couldn’t wait to meet his baby.

I know that this is awful to say, but I never even thought of you while I was pregnant. I did before. I mean, I’d been unhappy, but I did still love you. When I found out about the baby, it seemed like so many things that had been important before were meaningless. I didn’t think of a lot of things during those months. It was like my life before the pregnancy just wasn’t there. Even my relationship with Ron changed. I didn’t know how we were going to handle becoming parents without being a couple, but he was so dedicated to me as a friend and to the baby, that I knew it would work out. We both wanted families and had always known that we wanted them and our families thought we were ideal for one another, that I really did start to believe it could be perfect.”

Draco blinked his eyes as he felt his chest tighten. So she hadn’t been ‘in love’ with Ron, but they’d had something wonderful, pleasant and magical. He felt slightly better that he didn’t have to compete with a ghost for her affections. She was looking at him and he nodded his head that she could continue.

“You’re correct that I wasn’t happy here. However, I wasn’t unhappy. I just didn’t feel like I could trust you again. Then, went over my head and got rid of any other potential suitors and got the Minister of Magic to practically order me to marry you. I felt trapped. I also judged you unfairly. I still treated you as if you hadn’t changed because I kept expecting you to turn back to your old ways as soon as you got bored. The last few months were mainly hormones, but I was taking a lot of my anger at being abandoned out on you. I felt guilty for being so happy about being pregnant again because I felt like I was betraying them. I was also angry at Ron for dieing. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I was angry that he had been so brave because if he hadn’t, then maybe he and Rosalyn would still be here.

That brings me to your final thought. Even if Ron had lived, he and I would not have continued our relationship. I loved him as a dear friend, but my heart has always belonged to you. I forgot about it for awhile, but I can’t deny that I don’t want anyone but you. I wasn’t happy because I didn’t think that you loved me back. You’ve always been egotistical and self-centered and to a degree, you still are. I meant it though, when I said that you were worth the high maintenance. I’m touched by your offer, and to be honest, that’s all I ever needed to know. I needed to know that my happiness was a priority for you. I don’t want to live anyplace else but with you. I want to be a family with you and Donovan and I don’t want anything to change from these past three months. I love you, Draco and I think I always will.”

When she was done, Draco pulled her close and held her tight against him. He knew he was probably crushing her as the tears rolled from his eyes, but she didn’t complain and he needed to feel her against him. He never wanted to let go of her. She was petting his hair and pushing it back from his forehead, kissing him lightly on the top of his head as she perched on his lap. She was staying and she still loved him. He wanted to take a seven year long break from the world and just lie there with her in his arms.

“Draco,” she said softly, “let’s go to bed, love.” He let out a choked laugh at the simplicity of her statement and what it meant. They were going to their bed to sleep and she would be there in the morning when he woke up. He knew that even though it hadn’t worked out the way he saw his life going, he had everything he wanted and he appreciated it all the more because he knew what it was like to go without it. Picking his wife up, he carried her to their bed and lay down with her, gazing into her eyes. As he watched her fall asleep, he thought of how lucky it was that he’d seen her that day and how lucky it was that he had his son to thank for the woman asleep in his arms. Draco fell asleep, not knowing what the future was going to bring, but being sure that he would do absolutely anything to make sure that his wife and son were happy in it.

A/N- THANK YOU so much to everyone who left a review! This is my first try at writing an ending and I hope it is satisfactory. Thank you to everyone who has read my stories and said kind, encouraging things about them. I've truly enjoyed you all!