Never Piss Off a House-Elf

"Freeze, turkey."


Severus looked coldly into the eyes of his rival house's Head of House. Minerva McGonagall had her wand out and trained on the wizard's heart. Her face was white, and set; Severus glared at her.


"Watch it, Minerva. A trained Transfigurations Mistress should know better than to point a wand while speaking as such," Severus said, smirking. "Perhaps you should give up on the foolish wand waving until she can remember that."


"What have you done to Miss Granger?" Minerva said, dropping her wand to a low-ready position [AN: when your weapon is not clearly drawn, but by your side, ready to be drawn and used]. "If this is a joke, Severus, I do not appreciate it. In fact, I think you should call it off and apologize."


"I would if I could, Minerva. This is not anything I would have planned," Severus said, his eyes scanning the room. The kitchen was large, and many adults from the Order were scattered around it. Nymphadora Tonks was on the arm of Remus Lupin, Charlie Weasley hovering nearby. Kingsley Shacklebolt was speaking in a low voice to Mad-Eye Moody and Madam Rosmerta. Sirius Black was leaning against a counter, his eyes trained on Severus. "Black. I see you've had your flea bath in the interim. Nasty buggers, aren't they?"


"So, Snivellus, found a way into a witch's bed, have you? Or did you just take stock in paper bags. Must be hard cutting in a breathing hole for that schnozz of yours," Sirius said, pushing off the counter. He was dressed in better clothes than usual, and he preened as he walked across the short space that separated him from Severus. He was not as tall as Severus, so he had to turn his head upwards to get in the taller man's face. "Bet its been a long time. Still know how to use it?"


"What's wrong, Black? Need to fuck vicariously since you were neutered?" Severus said, ignoring the others in the room. It had always been like that; if Sirius or James started in on Severus, he completely forgot about anyone else in the vicinity.


"Fuck you, Snivellus. If you hurt her, I'll kill you. She's like family to me."


"Shame. Soon she'll be my family," Severus hissed. He had won that one.


"Roz, let's get out of here for a bit," Sirius said, backing away from the Potions Master. Rosmerta ended her conversation with Shacklebolt and followed her lover out of the kitchen and up the back stairs.


"Severus," Minerva said, trying to calm herself. "You can't do this. She was your student, for Merlin's sake!"


"I have no choice. Ask Albus; according to him, this kind of thing is starting to happen everywhere, thanks to the new law. Unfortunately, this means Black will most likely reproduce," Severus said, pulling a chair out and slumping into it. His posture was typically impeccable, but he felt as if he'd been awake for weeks. "Luckily there are still laws keeping the animals from whelping."


Tonks stared at Severus, her hair flaring red before dropping to a mousy brown. She turned on her heel and left, Remus trotting after her.


"Since that one time, I've done nothing, Severus, nothing. You had no right," Remus said as he left. Doors slammed all over the house, and Severus felt strangely empty, even though the Marauder-baiting he'd been doing typically made him quite happy.


"All it takes is doing nothing," Severus said bitterly. "What?"


Minerva and Albus sniggered, covering their mouths. Severus glared at them harder, and they tried not to laugh, but it didn't work.


"What?"


"Severus, you still act like the petulant teenager we raised," Minerva said, laughing. "And now I think that I need to stop worrying. I thought Hermione would have her hands full with you. Now I think you'll have your hands full with her. But you need to put your own last year of schooling behind you, and help her with hers. If you don't, there will be hell to pay, Severus. And I'm the Gryffindor reaper."


Things settled down for the day after that, but Severus still didn't know what to make of the situation. He hadn't been so insecure since. . . well, since his little story happened. He looked at the clock and sighed. Soon, Molly Weasley would be descending to feed all of them. Albus and Minerva had left him, and the kitchen emptied. No-one wanted to be around Severus when he was in a funk, and he was rarely in the thoughtful funk he was in then.


"This summer. . . no, this year will be hell," he said, folding his arms on the table and dropping head down on them.


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It seemed like hours that Hermione sat alone in the sitting room after her friends left her. She heard the commotion in the kitchen, but she was in no mood to deal with the rivalry between her fiancée and Sirius Black. Her fiancée. What a cruel trick of fate. But then her thoughts turned to what she'd said, and how her friends had left her all alone.


"He would have been miserable with me," Hermione said softly, to no-one in particular. Children were her future now, but they hadn't been before. Before, she would have put it off and put it off until Ron came around, too. Now, she would be forced to have children, and she wouldn't even be with him.


"My child, I think that you would have been miserable with him, at least for a time," Minerva McGonagall said, stepping into the sitting room. "And I know that you hate that you'll never know. But you are strong, the epitome of Gryffindor courage and loyalty. And if nothing else, Severus will stimulate your mind. Be careful with him, Hermione. He can be dangerous in his anger, and he has his own issues."


"So I heard," Hermione said, pulling a hair tie out of her pocket. She reached behind her head and pulled her hair into low ponytail. Minerva looked at her and Hermione shook her head. "Don't ask. It's not my story to tell. I noticed Molly isn't here. Are she and Arthur out?"


"They went grocery shopping."


"O-kay. I didn't know there was a decent wizards' market in the area."


"There isn't. Arthur took her to a muggle supermarket. Bill and Fleur went with them," Minerva said, smiling.


"Oh, my. I would pay good galleons to see that," Hermione said, laughing. Suddenly she stopped. "She doesn't know yet. And she doesn't know what I said to Ron and Ginny."


"Not every woman wants what Molly has, Hermione. I never chose it for myself. But I ask you to consider the situation again before you decide that being a mother will be a sentence and not a gift," Minerva said, taking a seat next to her favorite student. She put an arm around Hermione, gathering her close. "For me, teaching filled that space. And I consider you, and Harry, and Ron and Ginny to be the children I never bore."


Hermione looked at her mentor and smiled. Yes, it was sappy, but the words had to be said.


Rustling came from the back door into the kitchen. Molly Weasley could be heard bellowing to her children for them to come and help with the food, at the same time chiding her husband for taking her to the muggle market. Suddenly, Molly must have run into Severus.


"Severus! What a surprise. Staying for dinner? Have you seen the children? Why are you here ~-- you usually stay far away," Molly's voice carried well through the house. There was a silence, then a scream.


"HERMIONE JANE GRANGER!!"


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AN: Oh, dear, Molly's mothering everyone now. How can Hermione and Severus deal with spending the summer at Grimmauld Place. Seems as if it will be hell. I know that I wouldn't be able to stay there and take it 24/ 7. I wonder if Hermione and Severus could deal with it?