TRYING TO REMEMBER

Remus read as much as he could that day at times bringing tears to his eyes. Surely this was not his lot in life he had friends or at least people who came by to visit him. He was scared about the transformation itself.

“Sirius, these scars, I did them?”

“Yeah all except the ones in the middle of your chest. Fenrir Greyback did those. Do you recognize the name?”

“Should I?”

“He’s the werewolf that infected you.”

“Where is he now?”

“You killed him.”

“Good.”

“Sirius you spend an awful lot of time here with me? Don’t you have a job or something?”

“I came from a very wealthy family and right now my only job is taking care of you.” Sirius bit his bottom lip he wanted to tell him right then and there how much he loved him. But Remus had way too much on his plate to deal with this too. Time passed and it was fast approaching eight o’clock Remus was barely keeping awake knowing the moon was starting to really have it’s effect on him.

“Hey, I’m going to leave, go to sleep.” Sirius leaned down and gave him a kiss on the top of his head like he did every night when he left.

Soon sleep overcame Remus until the next morning the mediwitch came in and gave him two potions. One would keep him from getting flu like symptoms which might not happed because his body was use to the invasion that would happen later that day. The second was a calming potion, this would calm his emotions before leading up to the transformation. Prior to the accident Remus could keep his emotions in check however since he has no recollection of how he needed to take the potion. The stuff was nasty tasting. An hour later Sirius was there and they gathered his things and moved him to a private room, closer to the room where he would be transforming. They showed them the room and Sirius was heartbroken. The basement at 12 Grimmauld was spacious or better yet the forest near Remus’ cottage was perfect. They would have run around as they did before they left for Grimmauld Place. He hated for Remus to go through this alone.

The hours went by too quickly and this would be his longest transformation of the year. Why couldn’t it be summer when the transformations were much shorter. He could tell Remus was a wreck about the whole thing. Sirius was in the bed next him just holding him and stroking his head every now and then planting a soft kiss on top of his head, as he did on many a full moon. Remus was feeling jittery yet comfortable in Sirius arms. A mediwizard came in and invaded their little world.

“It’s time Remus, please undress and put this robe on.”

“Can I come to the containment area?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Black no one’s allowed back there. Too dangerous.”

Remus came out from the curtain looking very much like a person going to his death. Sirius gathered him into his arms and kissed him on the lips.

“I love you, babe.”

There was no way he was letting Remus die not knowing how he felt.

“You’re a good friend Sirius.”

As they took him away Sirius had a tear in his eye and whispered “Bye love”, then apparated home, took out a bottle of firewhiskey and cried. All of the sudden he felt arms around him they were slender and a woman’s. It was his cousin Tonks.

“How am I going to get through this night?”

“The same way he got through every night without you.”

“But I might lose him forever tonight.”

“And he thought he lost you forever. There were many nights I knew he stayed up just looking at your picture. He thought I was sleeping but I could hear his sobs, his proclamations of love and if things were different.”

“It must have been hard for you.”

“How could I be jealous of a ghost? Or so we thought. The day he found the book that contained the means to bring you back. I’d never seen him so happy. I knew then it was over. I knew then he could never love me a tenth as much as he loved you. And it killed Sirius. I still love him you know that will never change. I just love Charlie more he’s a good man and he loves only me.”

“You deserve that. I just wish Remus would remember that he loved me.”

At the containment center Remus could feel the first pains of his transformation. It hurt far worse than he could have ever thought. He thought he was going to die right then and there the last coherent thought was those stormy grey eyes of Sirius’ and how he longed to be with him.

After the last howl the healers ran in and retrieved Remus broken body. He was totally mutilated and as every other month for the past six his chest was ripped wide open. They were still trying to figure out the curse that did this. The healers were amazed that he was still alive it seemed that shear will was the only reason. It took hours to fully treat and bandage his wounds, but in the end he was alive though barely.

Sirius never went to sleep as a matter of fact he was still very drunk when he left twelve Grimmauld Place. He decided that apparating was out of the question, he would take the tube to St. Mungo’s. Meanwhile back at the house Harry decided it might be best to meet his godfather there.

The tube was crowded as it was the beginning of the morning commute. Everyone gave strange looks to the unkempt man that was talking strange things to himself. He reeked of alcohol and it was decided that he was a vagrant needing somewhere to sleep it off. Sirius finally got off the tube to the relief of the other passengers. Sirius finally made it to the under renovation store front that hid the wizarding hospital. Outside was Harry waiting for his godfather.

“Here to make sure ole Sirius don make a fool of hisself?”

“No. Here to be there for my godfather no matter what they tell you. Let me clean you up a bit. Scourgify.”

Now that Sirius clothes were clean Harry uttered spells to straighten out his clothes and get rid of the alcohol on his breath. He took out a potion that would sober him up.

They got to the front desk Sirius braced himself for ‘someone will be right here to see you’.

“Remus Lupin.”

“They’re still working on him it might be another couple of hours before anyone can see him. Including you Mr. Potter,” she looked right past Sirius and right to Harry and gave him a big smile. Then turning to Sirius, “You look awfully familiar. I know you’re Sirius Black you were accused of killing all those muggles and that wizard.”

“Yes who ended up being a follower of Voldemort.”

The pretty information assistant winced at the name. “Anyhow it says here that Remus won’t be done for awhile. Which is weird because he’s usually done by now. I hope he’s okay. He’s such a nice guy. Gorgeous too once you get past all that facial hair. He has the most beautiful eyes. Yours are pretty nice too. I guess you old guys can be nice looking too.”

“That old guy is my..”

Harry tugged on his arm and whispered. “If you say anything it will be all over the hospital before Remus will get to know and that’s the last way you want him to find out. There’s already whispers.”

“Best friend. Let’s go out for breakfast, Harry.”

“Where to, the Leaky Cauldron?”

“Nah I hate getting stared at.”

“Try being ‘The boy who lived or the chosen one’. Remus use to tease me about that name. So where are we going?”

“There’s a muggle diner that served the greasiest breakfasts and the best coffee. Remus and I loved it after a late morning shag.”

Harry blushed.

Sirius put his arm around his godson’s shoulder “C’mon let’s go.”

They walked for about ten minutes and found the diner. Sirius grabbed the last window booth carved in the table were SB/RL. Sirius ran his finger over the cut marks. They were made over seventeen years old and the memory was fresh in his mind.

“What’s that there.”

Sirius removed his hand and showed Harry. “We did it the last time we were here. It all got messy after that. I suspected him as the spy. Instead of confronting him with the truth , I accused of all sorts of things. I came home one day and he and all his belongings were gone. That night your parents died. You see Peter was dropping all these hints that Remus wasn’t really on secret missions for Dumbledore but Voldemort. I followed him one night it was set up beautifully, it made sure that there was no doubt in my mind who was the spy.”

Just then a pretty older woman came to the table. “Don’t I know you?”

“Sirius gave a smile.”

“I remember you now you were in with that boy that had the scars on his face. I don’t remember his name but do remember his order. Eggs over easy, a side of bangers, four slices of toast and a coffee. And you had a ham and cheese omelet side of bacon and coffee. Except when your friend was feeling under the weather then he had the steak and pepper omelet. I never knew how a skinny little thing could eat so much.” Looking at Harry, “I guess you don’t see him anymore.”

“Actually I do. You think I’m robbing the cradle? This is my godson Harry Potter.”

“Oh my goodness I should have known, he looks just like him and has her eyes. Well at least we know who the father is.” Harry’s mouth dropped.

“Rose enough.”

“When she used to leave your flat with your friend that kiss said it all.”

Harry stormed out of the diner. He couldn’t believe it his former professor and his mother were having an affair. They were supposed to all be friends.

“Harry wait.”

“I TRUSTED HIM!! DID YOU KNOW?? HOW LONG??”

“We never wanted you to find out.”

“I’m sure Remus didn’t.”

“It’s so much more complicated than that.”

“Uncomplicate it.”

“After school on a mission we were on for auror training I told your father how Remus had never been with a girl. James told me how he missed being with me, so the four of us got together. During long missions away from home James allowed Lily and I allowed Remus to take care of each other’s needs. It meant nothing your mother and father still were crazy in love with each other, and so were Remus and I. End of story.”

Harry felt there was a more to the story but wasn’t about to push it. “So you and my father?”

“Actually there was a me your father before there was a me and Remus. It stopped when I realized I was in love with Remus. Then it was the four of us on long missions Remus had your mother I had your father. Until your parents decided to have you then it all stopped.”

“Did you have my mother too?”

“Yes and Remus had your father.”

“You have to understand the Remus is an exceptional lover. Even when he’s taking he’s giving not many people can do that. We all did love each other but in different ways." Sirius was feeling very uncomfortable with the subject. There definitely more to this story. "I want to head back to the hospital; maybe they’re done with him.”

“Do you think he’ll be okay?”

“Well it’s always encouraging when they say that they’re working on him. It means he’s alive.”

They walked back to the hospital and went back to the desk.

“Remus, right. They’re finishing up with him you can go. You know where Harry," and she winked at him.

“Lead the way.”

They got to the door Harry opened it and stood there stunned. He had seen bad transformations before but nothing like this. Remus was covered head to toe almost in bandages and there were a fair few that he was bleeding through. Harry forgot all the talk about affairs and who was sleeping with whom when he saw his former professor lying there. Sirius gently pushed Harry aside and went straight for his lover, ex-lover whatever and took his hand.

“I love you babe,” and gave him a slight kiss on the lips.

Harry saw a different transformation going on here in his mind his crass, smart mouthed, sexually deviant godfather was a kind caring loving partner who wanted nothing but to hold his lover’s hand.