Salvation

I'm Not Gay

"No, you don't like me," Harry answered firmly when it had finally set in exactly what Draco had just declared to him. He didn't want another man to like him. Of course Harry realized that there was probably some guy in the middle of no where that was fan that liked him, but this was Draco. This was one of his best friends.

Draco's faced tightened and he seemed to ball his hands in to fists slightly like he was going to slug Harry right in his face. "Will you stop fucking telling me what I feel and what I don't feel? I'm telling you what I feel so you don't have to guess. Stop acting like I'm lying to you!" the blond roared. It was hard enough to admit these things; he didn't need someone telling him it wasn't true.

"I'm sorry, but how am I supposed to handle all this?" Harry asked Draco, genuinely wanting to know the answer.

"Like a man, you're supposed to handle it like a man. Just because you could be gay, and you might not even be gay, does not make you any less masculine. You tell me what you feel - what you honestly feel." Draco felt like he was talking to a child. Or not even a child because at least kids were honest and told the truth when it came to what they feel or what they want. How do you explain to someone that they are to tell you what is in their heart?

Harry paused for a long moment. He wanted to say the right thing because Draco seemed so upset with him and didn't want him any angrier. Then he also knew that he had to be sincere in his response or Draco would also be angry and the blond was so damn good at figuring out when he was lying that it hardly seemed worth while. That is when Harry realized he was in a lose-lose situation and decided to choose the lesser of the two evils. He would be honest.

"Okay, well, this is all just so strange to me," Harry finally said while running a hand through his hair. When Draco didn't attack him he sighed in relief. He was a little surprised though when Draco smiled at him.

"That was a good start. Now, what is so strange to you?" Draco asked in that psychiatrist voice Harry had heard before when he got him to admit what his nightmares were. He loathed and loved that voice at the same time.

Harry wanted to throw his hands in the air because he could not seem to put words together. He didn't realize that he really did throw his hands up until he was lowering them and Draco was looking at him with an eyebrow raised. "Because I'm not gay!" he finally shouted. He felt quite a bit better once that was out.

Draco took the pause Harry had taken before. The one that cleared his mind and he figured out what he was going to say. Harry watched this pause and knew that whatever Draco was about to say was going to be important and it might be a good idea to listen or he might get punched. Though, he really should have been thinking that he should listen because he might learn something valuable.

"I just, I really want you to get passed all this prejudice in your mind," Draco finally told Harry, looking him straight in the eye – piercing grey to piercing green.

"I don't have any prejudice! I'm not homophobic!" Harry screamed, highly offended that Draco would think so lowly of him.

"But there must be something in your mind that is holding you back from being open. You have something in your head telling you it's not right, it's not natural, because you are so upset that you were kissed by another man. It disgusts you."

"No, it doesn't," Harry whispered, but it clearly did.

"Once you get passed all that prejudice," Draco went on, "I want you to just listen to what your emotions are telling you. For once in your life shut off the part of your brain that is trying to please everyone and listen to your heart. When you can do that, then you can give me an honest answer. Until then I won't believe a word you say." Draco's face was so strong Harry could tell he meant business.

"Okay, I can do that," the brunette sighed when he had a moment to decide if Draco was right or not. When he figured out that the blond was correct, he knew he would have to finally be truthful.

"Good, I knew you could."

Harry leaned back in the couch they were still occupying and thought for a second. "I just can't tell if it's you that I liked that night or was it the alcohol or was it just the fact that I haven't done anything physical like that in so long." Harry then looked at Draco to see how he would react. Draco looked a little angry.

"You are so ready to argue that you're not gay!" Draco yelled.

"This is why I'm not honest with you – especially when it comes to all this! Because as soon as I tell you what I feel you tell me I'm wrong. I'm just trying to get you off my goddamn ass!" Harry felt like he could just not do anything properly.

Draco calmed down very quickly when he heard what Harry said, which was hard to ignore because Harry was screaming it. "You're right, I'm sorry. This is exactly what I wanted you to do and now I'm jumping at you. I'm sorry." It really humbled Draco to have to apologize. It was something that he really needed.

"Well thank you. And I'm not arguing. I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head," Harry told him.

"Then stop thinking so hard. It's obviously not your strong point," Draco told him with a wink. Harry was about to punch him in the face before he realized that Draco was just joking and trying to get a rise out of him.

Harry was now pissy and fidgety. It wasn't exactly Draco who was upsetting him. Well that's a lie. Draco was upsetting him; Harry just didn't want to think ill of his friend. He was pissed that nothing seemed to make him happy and everything he said was wrong. He was pissed that one of his best friends was slipping away from him right before his eyes. He was pissed that Draco wasn't taking in to consideration how hard all of this was for him.

Though, Harry was slightly upset with himself. He shouldn't have initiated all of that stuff with Draco and then there wouldn't be this issue. He shouldn't have run away and made them deal with it a week later when they had time to think about everything and over-analyze every moment. He also really shouldn't have lied to someone that seems to always know when someone was lying to him.

Harry was so deep in thought he almost had a heart attack when Draco grabbed his face and held it so he was looking him straight in the eye.

"I miss the Harry I was comfortable around no matter what I did or what I said," Draco whispered. He knew he didn't have to speak any louder because Harry was clearly listening to him – he didn't have any other choice.

Then Draco did something he didn't expect himself to do. He kissed Harry lightly on the lips. But after a moment it turned from a light butterfly kiss to a hard, passionate one that was meant to say everything the previous kiss didn't say.

When the blond pulled back and let go of Harry's face the brunette had so many emotions going through him he thought he was going to drown. He hated being manhandled like that but at the same time he was extremely turned on by it. No one had ever taken control of him like that before – or at least, when Draco did it he didn't get hurt in the end. He knew he liked the kiss, but he wasn't sure why.

Draco wanted to hyperventilate. He wasn't supposed to do that! He didn't mean to. It threw a wrench into the entire plan. He had worked so hard to calm Harry down and then he goes and does that. But he was okay with it after a second of thought. What had been done was done and now he had to work with it.

"What did you feel? Was there anything there? Or was it just a crazy man kissing you?" Draco asked. Harry could hear a bit of a desperate tone in his voice; a pleading that everything would be okay.

"It felt like a crazy man kissing me," Harry answered while looking at Draco so closely it seemed to penetrate him. The blonde's face quickly fell and he felt like his heart had just been shattered and then force fed to him. "And it was absolutely brilliant," Harry finished.

Draco looked up with a smile that seemed to brighten the room. Then, while laughing, he punched Harry hard in the arm. "You are such a little wanker. You aren't supposed to play with my emotions like that!"

Harry laughed. "I couldn't resist." Then he rubbed his arm because Draco had hit him pretty hard.

"So what does this mean?" Draco finally asked.

"I don't know you tell me."

"I think you know how I feel," Draco told him. "But I'm still not sure how you feel. This one is up to you."

"Well I think we could have a great time with each other. And I'm telling the truth, I swear," Harry answered while crossing his heart.

"You're so sexy when you tell the truth," Draco told him before grabbing him by the back of his neck and bringing him in for another kiss.

Reviews

wizli - Haha wow, are you in my head or something and figuring out everything I'm going to do in this story? Maybe that gree tea is really working for you.

Vex - Thank you! I'm always worried I'm not making the characters human enough. You've given me hope.

Cabbage - Could you imagine someone yelling that at you? How do you respond? haha

ZooArmy - Well of course I had to stop it there. I how else do I keep people coming back?

welcome_earthling - Haha as before, I needed to make sure you came back. ;-)

thrnbrooke - Draco does get quite shafted at first.