To Love Again

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Potterverse or the song used herein, which is "Patience" by Guns N'Roses.

As Harry angrily stalked away from the Room of Requirement, Draco's last words echoed in his head: ...my father's a Death Eater, and I'm in love with The Chosen One!

Right then, realization dawned on the Gryffindor and he stopped in his tracks, half way to the stairs. Wait a minute, did Draco just say he's in love with me? He turned around and stood there for a long moment, just staring at the door and debating whether or not to go back in there and tell Draco that he loved him, too. Then with a sigh, he reluctantly walked away and reminded himself that it was better this way, that he was honoring Ginny's memory...but if he was doing the right thing, then why didn't it feel right?

As the Gryffindor descended the stairs, he thought about what he was leaving behind; the intimate conversations, the sweet cuddle sessions...not to mention Draco's kisses. Harry shivered in the drafty darkness of the castle and hugged himself for warmth. He always felt so warm in Draco's arms. A single tear trickled down his cheek; he'd never feel that warmth--that love--ever again.

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
...I think about you every day now
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Draco stood cemented to his place in the Room of Requirement, still staring at the spot where Harry had been standing just a few moments ago. "How could Harry just up and walk out after everything we've been through together?," Draco whispered to himself, torn between anger and grief. Now the Slytherin really did have nothing.

"How could he!" Draco kicked the nearest wall as hard as he could, then grabbed a couch pillow and threw it at the room's entrance. His handsome features crumpled up as he plopped down on the couch and started sobbing uncontrollably. The heartache he felt at this very moment made last year's Puter Pectus affliction seem like heartburn in comparison. He'd never felt like this before, never experienced the heart-wrenching emotions that came from losing the only man he'd ever loved; the only one he could ever love.

And then he cried even harder, because the heart hurting wasn't even his. Then his head snapped up. If the heart beating within his chest couldn't bear pain for him , then what was this pain? Whose was it? Next thing Draco knew, his mind flew to the idea that maybe his other feelings weren't his. His body slid down the edge of the couch, leaving him and his defeated thoughts on the stone cold floor, after the room having changed to his emotions, leaving him in a room void of anything but a sobbing blonde that had just lost the first thing he had won on his own.

Draco was in no shape to return to his living quarters tonight. He didn't want the other Slytherins to see his tear-stained face--or his swollen, puffy eyes--so he remained in the Room of Requirement, where he could be alone and cry himself to sleep.

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"Well, well, well. Look who's decided to spend the evening with us for a change," Ron commented with a sarcastic laugh as Harry joined his two best friends under a shady tree on the school grounds a few days later.

Harry glared at the red-haired boy. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? But I'm done spending every evening in the Room of--er, library--so you don't have to worry about me anymore."

"Eloise finally gave you the slip, eh, Harry?," Ron teased. Upon seeing the threatening look on his friend's face, Ron's mocking smile faded and he cleared his throat. "Uh, sorry mate. It's just that we...er..."

"We missed you," Hermione finished. "Welcome back, Harry. Um, we were about to study for the N.E.W.T.s if you'd like to go over your books with us."

Harry pretended to pay attention as Hermione quizzed them on the magical properties of Mandrake root, but found himself lost in his own thoughts instead. He loved Draco so much, but the Slytherin deserved to be with someone who could give him the undivided love and attention he so richly deserved. And Harry wanted to be that person. If only he wasn't still grieving for another love...

Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now

As Harry's mind drifted, he was completely unaware of the handsome blond boy who watched him from a window in a nearby tower...loving him...missing him... Draco turned away from the window briefly to wipe the pending tears from his eyes, the tears that marred his ability to admire Harry from afar. It wasn't fair that he should be in love with someone who didn't seem to love him back, who couldn't love him back. But there wasn't a damn thing the Slytherin could do to stop himself from feeling this way.

He stood there in front of the window, watching the gorgeous Gryffindor until the Golden Trio finally got up and came back inside the castle. Once Harry was out of sight, Draco sat down on the abandoned staircase in the tower. He'd started to make a habit of spending his free time just sitting on the steps of this particular part of the castle. Nobody ever disturbed him here, and he preferred to be alone with his thoughts of Harry until he could finally be with his love again--if that could ever happen.

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear

The Slytherin sat in this tower until he was entirely engulfed in darkness, then he got up to walk through the school corridors alone; another nightly ritual of his. Not only did walking through the darkened halls of Hogwarts give him a bit of solace, but it provided a chance to reflect on what had gone so wrong the last time he spoke to his Gryffindor, and what he might be able to do to set things right again. The problem was that every time he saw Harry, it was in a crowd, and usually from a distance. How could he try to make amends if he couldn't get Harry by himself? Sure, he could send an owl, but he was afraid to do that; frightened of getting rejected all over again.

I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd

As Draco walked, the echo of his hard-soled shoes on the stone floor reminded him of the emptiness he'd been feeling inside since his fight with Harry. He couldn't erase the sweet memories they'd shared together in the Room of Requirement. A small smile played upon the corners of his lips as he remembered all those mind-blowing snog sessions; the way Harry looked, felt, and tasted. Even if he could delete those memories from his mind, he wouldn't. "Oh, Harry," his shaky voice was barely audible. Because nobody was around to see him, he allowed his tears to fall freely now, his pale, wet cheeks glistening in the dim torch light. If only Harry knew how much Draco missed him, and how sorry the Slytherin was for losing his temper.

"Such an easy target, such a perfect target," the madman gleefully mumbled to himself as he watched Draco from behind a statue. His thin mouth twisted into a demented smile, wand poised and ready to strike as soon as Draco came closer. The madman derived a sick pleasure from seeing the filthy blood traitor so miserable and weeping like the little wimp he was. "Not to worry, dear boy, you'll be with your weak, pathetic mother soon enough..." Disguised by his Invisibility Cloak, the madman pointed his wand and waited for the perfect moment to strike. Right when the boy was just a few meters away, the madman aimed his wand tip at Draco's chest and hissed "Avada Kedavra" in a barely audible whisper.

Draco gave a startled cry when a blinding green light, the light that could only result from the Killing Curse, came at him seemingly out of nowhere, and suddenly he was surrounded by a red ball that floated him up into the air and beamed him ten feet from where he had been standing. A sensation that mirrored the aftermaths of port keys filled him before another took over.

His senses still sharp from training with Harry, Draco immediately drew his and and conjured a protective shield, which he maintained as he darted through the corridor and away from his unseen attacker. Why would anybody want to attack me?, the Slytherin wondered as he dashed through the castle, drawing curious looks from the paintings lining the hallways. He didn't stop running until he reached the entrance to the Slytherin commons. Once inside the common room, he leaned up against a wall and tried to catch his breath.

Bloody hell, someone tried to kill me...but why didn't it work? Draco pondered this question as he went upstairs to change into his bedclothes. Upon peeling off his shirt and seeing his reflection in the mirror, his eyes fell upon the area where the curse had bounced off of him. It was the exact place where his beloved dragon amulet--Harry's gift to him--lay against his fair skin. He reached up to gingerly touch the front of the amulet, where the curse had hit, and found it was hot to the touch.

Draco quickly pulled his burnt fingertips away from the hot silver, dumbstruck. The amulet seemed to have protected him from the Killing Curse...but how was that possible? He'd always been told that nothing could stop the curse once it hit you. He remembered Christmas night, when he'd asked Harry about the Latin words on the back of the dragon. Harry had told him that it was "old magic". Whatever this "old magic" was, it was powerful enough to save his life.
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As the days passed, Harry was simply going through the motions of living his life but not really living. The Gryffindor caught a glimpse of himself in his bedroom mirror one evening and sighed. His reflection used to be so happy and full of life; not anymore. His green eyes were bloodshot and clouded over, his skin sallow from eating next to nothing and getting minimal sleep. He remembered his last meeting with Draco, anger and grief duking it out in the pit of his stomach. All he wanted to do was be honest with his new love, about Ginny and about what he was feeling inside. Instead of understanding, the blond let his Slytherin colors come shining through.

How could I expect to have a lasting relationship with a Slytherin, anyway?, Harry mused, still trying to convince himself that he and Draco were better off without each other. As he changed into his pajamas, he caught a glimpse of Draco's book of folk tales, which was peeking out of the top drawer of his night stand. Funny, he didn't recall leaving that drawer open. After seven years of rooming with Ron, Seamus and Neville, he knew that he could trust his mates not to go through his things...so why was his gift from Draco sticking out of the drawer, demanding his attention?

He cautiously walked across the room and pulled the book out of his drawer, tears welling up in his eyes as he stroked the leather binding and remembered the night Draco gave it to him. That was the night he realized that Draco really cared, and that he cared for Draco. Of course, we had been in denial about it at the time, Harry laughed to himself.

He looked back at the sad, lonely boy in the full length mirror. Who was he kidding? Harry's time alone made him come to grips with what he really wanted...and that something was Draco. Slytherin or not, Harry loved Draco and wanted him just the way he was...but could he really leave the past behind and start afresh without Ginny?

Harry did his usual ritual of tossing and turning that night; confusion, guilt and love battling in his heart and mind until he finally drifted off to sleep...

Harry found himself standing alone atop the astronomy tower on a clear, starry night much like the fateful night of Ginny's death. He looked around puzzled, wondering why he was there, when a voice he hadn't heard in ages spoke his name.

"Harry?"

The dark-haired boy turned to find Ginny floating in place before him, aglow and transparent as though she were fabricated from the moon beams that shone down upon the tower. He reached out to touch his lost love, but his hand went through her ghostly form, his fingers feeling nothing but cold air. Withdrawing his hand and gaping at Ginny, he whispered "I'm sorry, Gin."

Ginny smiled sadly and shook her head. "You have nothing to feel sorry about, Harry."

"Yes, I do." Tears clouded his vision as he debated once again whether to cling to the past or let go. He gazed upon the spirit of his former love and took a deep breath. "I don't know how else to say this. Ginny, I-"
"-fell in love?" Ginny giggled when Harry blinked at her with surprise. She gave him a knowing look. "Harry, that's why I'm here; to give you my blessing."

Taken aback, Harry's eyes widened and he was speechless for a long moment. Finding his voice again, he gasped, "How did you know?"

The spectral girl sighed and laughed softly. "You know, Harry, just because I'm dead doesn't mean that I don't know what's going on in your life. Do you remember what you said to me the night I passed, when we were standing on this very tower?"

Harry wracked his brain unsuccessfully, then shook his head.
"You told me that if you died in the war, you wanted me to find love again. Didn't you?"

It was all coming back to him now. He nodded glumly.
Ginny continued, "Well, of course I want you to do the same."

"But-"

"No buts, Harry!" The pretty ghost put her hands on her hips, her jaw set. She looked every bit as stubborn now as she did when she was still alive. Harry remembered this particular stance and knew that she meant business. "I want you to be happy again, even if that means being with Draco Malfoy."

"Um...how did you know about that?" Harry flushed, hoping to Merlin that Ginny didn't watch him snog the blond Slytherin.

As if she were practicing Legilimency on him, Ginny groaned, "Oh, please, Harry. Surely you know I have more class than to do something like that! Anyway, about Draco-"

"-it's over," Harry practically choked on his words.
To his surprise, Ginny didn't look happy or relieved at this news. She looked...disappointed. "But you love Draco, don't you?"

After a moment of hesitation, the guilt-ridden young man met Ginny's gaze. "I'm so sorry, Ginny. I never should've-"

"-let Draco get away?," Ginny finished his sentence for him.

Confused, Harry muttered, "Um, that's not what I was about to say."

She floated a bit closer and put a transparent hand on his cheek. "I know I always used to hate Draco, but I've seen the way he looks at you. And I've seen how happy he makes you. If you really want to honor my memory, you need to love again."

"You mean you don't hate me for being with Draco?"
Ginny smiled softly and shook her head. "Of course not, Harry. I'll always love you...and if you love me, you'll find Draco and love him with every fiber of your being."
With that, Ginny was gone, leaving Harry alone once again. Strangely enough, Harry didn't feel sad or mournful after speaking to Ginny one last time; he felt a comforting sense of closure. Looking up at the silvery moon and stars, he smiled and whispered, "Thank you, Gin."

Harry woke up that next morning in his comfy bed, experiencing a sense of comfort and peace. He couldn't remember ever feeling this good since...never. Eyes still closed, his back arched as he stretched lazily underneath the red and gold covers and smiled. The tightness in his chest was gone, as was the inner turmoil that had turned him inside out for so long. Ginny had given her blessing; he was free to give Draco all the love he had to offer. Yes, he was going to honor Ginny's wishes and love Draco completely...

Draco! Harry's eyes snapped open with a start. Panic took him by storm as he thought about the way he walked out on his love when they last spoke. Oh no! What have I done? He jumped out of bed and dressed as quickly as he could, hoping to Merlin that he wasn't too late.

I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you
Yeah, yeah well I need you

Rummaging through his things, he found his well-hidden Marauder's map. The map indicated that Draco was walking down an empty hallway near the Great Hall, the same hall where Ron and Hermione were shown to be in an empty classroom together. Assuming that his two childhood friends went snogging, he pocketed his map and rushed out of the common room in search of Draco.
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Draco strolled cautiously down an empty corridor before breakfast, wand in hand, poised to defend himself from any unseen attackers that may be lurking about. The Slytherin no longer felt safe wandering the halls of Hogwarts alone, but for him, this was the quickest shortcut to the Great Hall from his living quarters.

As his eyes darted back and forth suspiciously, he could feel the cool metal of the amulet that lay beneath his shirt. I'd feel so much better if Harry was here with me, Draco mused to himself. One thing was for sure, he needed to tell the Gryffindor what had happened the other night, and find out how the amulet was able to effortlessly fend off the Killing Curse.

As Draco thought longingly of Harry, he wished to Merlin that he could have another chance with the Gryffindor. The Slytherin could hear a couple of students having a conversation in a room up ahead, so he quickly paused and wiped the telltale tears from his eyes and cheeks in case they saw him. He was about to keep walking past the slightly open door when he heard one of the students mention Harry's name. Draco flattened himself against the wall, hiding behind the door as he listened.

"I was hoping Harry would start acting normal again, now that he's not running off to Merlin-knows-where every bloody night," grumbled the male voice. "If anything, he's as loony as ever."

"Give him a break, Ron," sighed the female voice. "Harry's our friend. He needs our support, not our judgment."

Draco's eyes widened with surprise, an broad smile spreading across his face. How often would he get a golden opportunity such as this one? Now he could find out about Harry from Weasley and Granger. Maybe the gods were smiling down on him, after all!

Granger continued, "I don't know why Harry's been so secretive about his whereabouts over the past several months, but one thing's for sure; he seemed so much happier when he was sneaking off every night."

"I know," Weasley muttered with annoyance. "But where was he going? What was he doing? And why is he so bloody depressed now?"

"I don't know, Ron, but whatever he was doing every night, it must've been something he cared about very deeply. Harry wouldn't sulk like this over nothing."

Draco, who still hid behind the door as Weasley and Granger left the room, felt much better from overhearing their little chat. Harry cared about him? Deeply? Maybe there was a chance of reconciling.

You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it

Then the Slytherin thought about all the terrible things he'd said to Harry that night. With a heavy heart, he emerged from behind the door and entered the empty room that had contained Granger and Weasley mere moments ago. He sat down at a desk in the room, his back to the door, as his own hateful words haunted him: Well what's the proper time for bereavement, Harry?...It's not so easy when you finally have to start thinking for yourself, is it?...You're wasting your life on a dead girlfriend!...

You and I've got what it takes to make it

Out of breath after running all the way from the Gryffindor side of the castle, Harry found the room that contained the Slytherin. The door was wide open, and Draco sat with his back facing the door as he cried and mumbled something about "I never should've said those things..."

We won't fake it

Harry ventured into the room, closing the door softly as not to startle Draco. He felt like a new man; a man ready to love. The Gryffindor was half way across the large room when Draco heard his footsteps and looked over his shoulder at him.

Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it


The blond boy was shocked to see his love standing there before him; his dark and beautiful angel. He stood and faced the Gryffindor, his grey eyes murky as their fight replayed itself in his mind. The Slytherin knew he shouldn't have been so spiteful that evening. Draco had never been one to apologize or admit when he was wrong, but Harry deserved a heartfelt apology, and nothing less.

Draco knew he had a choice: He could hold onto his arrogant Slytherin pride and let the love of his life slip through his fingers, or he could swallow that pride and hope to Merlin that Harry would take him back.

As Draco stepped closer to Harry, he took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves and his shaky voice. "I want to apologize...for the way I acted."

Harry raised his hands signaling for Draco to stop talking, and replied, "Draco, you don't have to-"

"I'm sorry, Harry," Draco's voice trembled with genuine grief. "I-I miss you...and I don't want to lose you."

There was a sorrow and urgency in Draco's voice that Harry had never heard before. He missed the Slytherin and was ready to take him back with no questions asked, but something told the Gryffindor to just be quiet and hear him out. He turned towards the window, running his finger along the dusty window sill as he listened to Draco's jagged breath.

The Slytherin's quivering voice cracked from crying as he continued, "Harry, you taught me so much more than magical self-defense this term...You taught me how to love."

Harry paused and turned to Draco, hardly believing his ears.
"I understand if you never want to speak to me again. You were trying to be honest with me...about everything...and I acted like a pompous ass. But, I...I love you, Harry...and I hope that, one day, you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."

A look of surprise and delight lit up Harry's face as he asked, "Would you mind repeating that?"

With a heart full of love for Harry, Draco took the Gryffindor's hands in his and looked into those gorgeous jade orbs. Merlin, how he'd missed those eyes! "I said, I hope someday you can forgive me."

Harry laughed and shook his head, tears of joy glistening in his eyes, "No, not that part. The other part!"

Draco smiled, "I love you, Harry!"

The Gryffindor wrapped his arms around Draco's neck and gave him a long, soft kiss. "I love you, too, Draco!"

Holding Harry close for the first time in days, Draco felt a wave of euphoria wash over him as he showered the Gryffindor with passionate kiss after passionate kiss.
Harry had trouble breathing because of all the excited kisses Draco was planting all over his face, but he was too happy to care. He laughed and cupped Draco's face in his hands, causing the Slytherin to pause and gaze adoringly into his eyes.

A wicked gleam lit the Gryffindor's eyes, his voice was a husky whisper as he said, "So, Draco, what would you say to a little make up snog before breakfast?"