In Essence Divided

Chapter 11

There was a heavy silence in the small room. Both twins had avoided this particular room since they returned home from the hospital. They slept here, but that was the extent of their time in it, and some nights, both had slipped off to sleep on the couch. Fred couldn’t get the image of his brother slumped over and lifeless out of his mind, and George didn’t want to think about the events of the attack. Both had stayed the night in here and as the sun made an appearance, they had both been silent as they looked about the room, as if seeing it for the first time in their new situation. The realness of what they were facing was starting to sink in.

“It just doesn’t seem real.” Fred said, dejectedly.

“I thought the same thing.” George responded.

Both were filled with their own conflicting emotions, and carefully tread where they knew their opposite would be in agreement. Never before in their lives had something come up that would force them to hold varying opinions. When speaking with Harry and Dumbledore, they had acted as a single person, as they were wont to do, but as they left, they both had given each other a harsh glare. And it had startled them both. Where had the discord between brothers come from? It was an alien feeling to both of them, and they felt the immediate need to distance themselves from it as much as possible. But it was something that they both knew they were going to have to face head on.

They were afraid to ask the other what they were angry about as they left their home, but this silence was worse than any answer either could have given. Something was not right with the twins, and just as they each knew when the other was hurt, they knew that something was not in balance between them. Something had shifted between them, and it left both of them feeling unbalanced and unsure of what to say and what to do.

Both started speaking at the same time. Abruptly they both stopped. Then they shared an identical laugh, and started again. Another laugh escaped them. It was not their normal jovial laugh, but a forced and hollow one. The situation was far from humorous.

“Are you mad?” Fred said, “At Harry, I mean.” He added the last part quickly, unsure of what he would feel if his twin said that he was indeed mad at him.

George didn’t answer right away. He was furious, but could understand why Harry had refused them. There were things of their own that they didn’t share with him, and maybe that was part of the problem. George figured that if he was in Harry’s situation, he might not have told them with no questions asked. On the other hand, if Harry knew what it was they could do to help and was made to understand that they were not the practical jokers they used to be before the attack, maybe he would open up and share his plans with them. It had been a long time, and still he was no closer to killing the Dark Lord than before. He needed help. George fully agreed with his twin in that respect.

Fred seemed to read his twin’s mind simply by watching the actions and emotions flicker across his face. A wave of frustration hit him. How could George try to understand Harry’s motives? It was clear that Harry didn’t want any help. He had even refused Dumbledore’s go ahead to tell them what he knew. The wizarding world was slowly losing faith in their Chosen One, and Harry knew it all too well. How many times had Dumbledore and their mother bailed him out of some trouble that he had gotten in? To what purpose? He never came back ready to crack the case, slay the bad man. He always returned more jaded than before. And Fred was angry to no end about the way he had dismissed them. Fred couldn’t help but think of what an arrogant prat Harry was becoming. It infuriated them that Harry could be so damn stubborn about something so important. Wizards were dying every day! And they had nearly been one of those statistics! And still the boy couldn’t understand that now they had a part to play in the game.

Neither twin said anything after that, they were too lost in their own thoughts. Each now knew where the other stood, and there seemed to be a growing chasm between them. Nothing was making sense to them, they had never been this conflicted before. But the fact remained that without Harry, they had no clue in what direction to start in. And as much as they both had their reasons for not wanting to associate with Harry, they knew that it wasn’t the last time they were going to see him. They had a feeling they would no doubt be forced to deal with him more and more as their own battle went on. It was a thought that made both of them uncomfortable.

+++++++

Arthur had just put his wife to bed after giving her a potent calming draught. There were so many more worry lines etched in her face than there used to be. Before he had considered them smile lines, but he knew that it just wasn’t true anymore. He frowned, not caring about the own deterioration of his face, his thoughts only on his wife, and the depression that she was sinking lower and lower into.

How much more could they take? He was sorely tempted to go to the twins’ flat and let them know how much they had hurt their mother tonight, but he realized that it wasn’t their fault. Something told him that they were not to blame in the matter, and he sorely wanted to speak to Dumbledore and find out what had happened. It was too much. How much more was his family going to have to take? He couldn’t make assumptions until he had spoken to Dumbledore, but he knew that something heavy was happening, something that was ultimately going to possibly break their family. It was something he wanted to avoid at all costs. Anything that he could do, he would, any task, he would take it. He just wanted things to be the way they used to be.

Arthur puttered down to the kitchen and sat at the table. There was a heavy silence in the room and he wondered who was even awake at this hour. He longed for someone to talk to about this whole mess that would see it clearly and from a detached point of view. He looked at the clock that Molly now kept right on the table, and his sighed heavily. Something had to give. Someone had to know what to do.

As if something divine was listening to him and decided to grant him a small favor, there was a light knock at the door. Arthur got to his feet and warily approached the door. Even though so much time had passed, there was still the need for caution, caution that had not dwindled since the Dark Lord’s return. He was still strictly following precautions.
“Who is it?” Arthur asked, his hand on the doorknob, the other one holding his wand.

“Remus Lupin.” Came the response.

“What’s your favorite ice cream?” He asked, raising his voice slightly.

Outside the door Remus rolled his eyes. “Butterscotch Pecan, but 3 days out of the month I like Red Velvet.” He said with a stifled laugh at his own joke.

Arthur nodded seriously and opened the door. Remus entered and looked around the kitchen. Arthur marveled at how much his friend had aged in the last few years as well. The scars on his face were like red welts that would never fade, and he had changed his hairstyle to cover the missing half of his right ear. When had they all become so old? Had he missed it?

After Remus had gone underground and Harry failed the first time, he was lucky to escape with his life. Remus knew that there was nothing Harry or anyone else could have done to prevent it, and he held no grudge against anyone in the Order, but the state that he returned in was horrible. His hair was now nearly all white, and his eyes were downcast and cloudy. He spoke to no one about how he managed to escape with his life, but the haunted look he often had when he though no one was looking, that look spoke volumes. It must have been something horrible. Arthur hated to trouble Remus with his problems, and he wondered what could have brought Remus here. Remus wasn’t a mind reader, there must have been another reason for his appearance. Normally he avoided this house and all the memories he had attached to it, and it was seldom that they saw him around. He had taken residency in Grimmauld place with Harry’s consent and rarely left. Molly did his shopping for him, and it was what little company the man allowed.

“How’s Molly?” Remus asked conversationally. He seemed to put aside his troubles and somewhat go back to his old self around the woman. Arthur rummaged through the fridge and got Remus a plate of leftovers. Remus ate enthusiastically, Arthur wondered if he even ate the food that Molly brought for him anymore.

“A little off today.” Arthur replied, understating the obvious agitated state he had found his wife in only a few short hours ago.

Remus asked no further, but the question was in his eyes. Remus worried more and more about the few people that he kept close to him, it bordered on paranoia. Arthur knew that if he needed to talk about it, which he did, Remus would listen and do what he could. It was rare to have that close a friend in times like this. It was an understanding between the few remaining Order members.

“What brings you here? Molly wishes you could make it out here more often, as it is.” Arthur said, skirting the subject that was sure to surface later.

“I have word from Severus.” Remus said between bites of food. “He showed up at Headquarters last night.”
Arthur cringed. Severus had seemingly deflected from the Order, and it had been a blow to them all. But being a member of the Order, he knew to get to Grimmauld Place. Severus had seemingly killed Dumbledore, and without the old man there to state that he hadn’t, no one had trusted Severus. The man had taken it badly, and due to all the negativity he received, he fled and housed himself amongst the Death Eaters for good. Despite the fact that it had been cleared up by Dumbledore later, the man had still not returned to the Order. He took it as a last personal insult that none had any faith in him, and no one believed that he had done what he had to do to save the life of Draco Malfoy.

“What did he have to say?” Arthur asked. Of all the members of the Order, it was only Remus who had not passed premature judgment on Severus. They all knew that they were guilty, and Dumbledore blamed none of them, but that was how things had happened. Severus recognized that Remus was fair in his analysis of the situation, and it must have been deeply ironic to the man to only be trusted by the man he had nursed almost a life long of hate for.

“He brought me the Wolfsbane Potion for the next moon. We ‘chatted’ for a while and he left.” Remus paused at the rueful look on Remus’s face. “I need that potion, and having Severus close enough to talk is best for the Order.” He didn’t interject his own thoughts about relying on the man for his own sanity. Those were thoughts better entertained elsewhere. He felt like a child waiting for a bit of milk, and it made him feel weak.

Arthur nodded and replied, “It’s just that after all the stories about the Marauders, the fact that he makes you a potion once a month, carried the Dark Mark, and chats over tea with you, well, it does seem a little odd.” Arthur gave the other man a small smile, hoping to break the uncomfortable strain the conversation was taking.

Remus almost laughed, but the situation was one that he had thought about for a long time. He wondered if Severus was using him to leech information to the Dark Lord, or did he come by to bring the potion and talk because he knew that Remus had faith in him through the murder? Was it Severus’s odd way of showing his appreciation? “Odd as it is, we seem to have an agreement. I don’t tell him things about the Order, and he tells me nothing of the Dark Lord. But last night he let some hints past. And gave me a few looks. He wasn’t in the position to talk about what he came to say, I think he told me as much as he could, but not enough that the Dark Lord would think anything out of the ordinary about our conversation. It was an odd conversation to say the least. I think he meant for me to glean what I could off the top, and that was something that Dumbledore was apparently waiting for.” Remus said, reflecting on the conversation that was decidedly one-sided.

Arthur nodded. He didn’t ask what the information was, he was sure that if it was something that concerned him or his family, he would hear it from Dumbledore in due time. Other than that, he didn’t care for anything that Severus had to say. It wasn’t fair for him to think that way, but there was something that rubbed him the wrong way about the man since the attack on his sons.

“Dumbledore isn’t here, he was earlier, but he and Harry have left. It’s just me and Molly here. Feel free to use the owl, they’re safe leaving here to Hogwarts.” Arthur said. He knew that Remus wasn’t able to use an owl at Grimmauld Place. They couldn’t risk it, the Dark Lord’s spies were looking high and low for that building.
Remus nodded and accepted the quill and parchment that Arthur handed him. Arthur looked away as he wrote, and fed the owl some treats before he tied the finished parchment to its leg. Arthur stood and let the owl out the window and watched it until it was just a speck in the night sky.

Remus spoke, “I think we have some time, I asked Dumbledore to floo back here, if you don’t mind. The information may interest you.” He waited for the shock that was due.

Arthur gave him a quizzical look. “Interest me?” He asked. His heart felt like lead in his chest. What news could Severus bring from the Death Eaters? That concerned him? “Should I wake Molly?” He asked.

“No. Let her rest. We can go over it again when she wakes up, I may even be wrong. Best not to disturb her until need be.” Remus said. Although he said the words to calm his friend, he knew that the chances were high that he was not mistaken. It did have something to do with the twins. He just needed Dumbledore there to interpret what exactly.