The Rules of the Game

The weeks passed and everyone got over the boy-who-lived being at the school and being a Slytherin. I continued to give the appearance of a polite boy who just wished to study alone and I heard the continuous comment that I should have been in Ravenclaw (which I may or may not have spurred on).

It wasn’t until Halloween and Quirrell came bursting in screaming about a troll that I became truly suspicious, his actions just didn’t fit with what I was reading off of him. Despite this my curiosity of seeing a troll was piqued and so I sent out my magic in search of where it was. Finding it far from the dungeons where Quirrell had claimed it to be added more suspicion (those things don’t really move fast), and another surprise was that it was very close to a student that was in the bathroom. I easily sneaked away from the crowed and turned a corner to see Ron Weasley and his two cronies Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan enter the very bathroom the troll was in. I snuck to the door and watched as they tried pitifully to stun the troll, all too stupid and scared to realize that their sad attempt at that spell wasn’t going to get through its skin. Hermione finally called for them to do it together and right after that failed I wanted to try so I sent some raw magic into the troll’s head, basically frying his brain, and killing him instantly. As the idiots all stared at the troll lying on the ground, blood pouring from his head where I had shattered his brain, I silently left the room. Before the door closed I heard Ron make a comment about them being so powerful that they managed to killing it; the idiot. As I heard footsteps approaching I quickly stepped into a shadowed alcove and watched as Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, Quirrell and Snape rushed by, Snape being the only one to see me in the alcove but he said nothing and continued.

*******

The next day in class he gave me some strange looks but still said nothing. I was beginning to respect the man, and if he could keep his mouth shut perhaps it wasn’t so bad that he knew something was off about me.

The new fantastic four took credit for the demise of the troll, whose height and appearance seemed to grow more frightening as the day went on, but I was more pleased that they were the ones getting everyone’s attention this time.

Meanwhile, I continued learning as much as I could, making sure that I knew the theory behind everything so I knew what was and wasn’t supposed to be possible in the wizarding world.

****

Quidditch practices were in full swing now and no one bothered me much since the first few seconds of the very first practice where everyone realized I actually did have talent. The practices themselves were tiring at first, but slowly my body began to get use to it, and despite myself I began to moderately enjoy my time in the air. The first less than joyful experience though was during my very first game.

We were playing against the Gryfindors, but I barely paid attention to the idiot that was their seeker. After loosing the snitch because of a bludger I had to dodge I was annoyed, wishing this foolish game could end already. It was about then that my broom lurched and I instinctively clasped the broom with both hands to steady myself, when it gave another larger jerk. When it happened again I switched my sight to be able to view magical energies and saw the red glow surrounding my broom. It took all my restraint not to just rip the magical energy off of the broom with my own, but with Dumbledore watching there was no way he would not be suspicious. The curse continued to attempt to throw me from my broom until I was hanging on by just one arm. I was about to throw caution to the wind and get rid of the curse myself when there was a commotion over at the teachers’ box and the broom suddenly stopped. Once I had swung back on I glanced over to see Hermione sneaking away, and would have laughed had I known how. The ridiculous idea that it was the gullible Gryffindor who rescued me kept me amused for the rest of the game, which we won. Bet she wishes she hadn’t saved me know.

Two days later I ran into the fantastic four and they went of on this speech about how it was Snape that was trying to kill me, and I realized something, they really are idiots.

Ever since the game I would sometimes leave at night, place an invisibility spell upon myself and go out to the pitch to think and fly. It helped me to clear my thoughts and get my plans in order, but not even that was helping me think now.

*****

In three days it would be the start of Winter vacation, and ever since people started talking about presents and going home, I’ve felt ice growing inside of me as my mind constantly wandered towards returning to Privet Drive. I hadn’t even realized how used to eating and not getting beaten I had become, but as the days past I slowly prepared my mind for the return, falling back into old habits. Draco made a few comments about me becoming almost non-responsive, I had never asked questions in class before, it just felt too wrong to speak unless spoken to, but now I spoke to no one and barely acknowledged Draco. With two days before we were to return to our families, I couldn’t concentrate, all I could think about was ‘the holidays.’ Hmph, what a horrible name, some vacation I’m sure it will be. Finally Draco resigned himself to my new quirk and no longer attempted to produce a response out of me.

When the day came and we all took the train back to Kings Cross he could barely get a coherent responses out of me, my mind consumed with replaying the last words that my uncle had said to me, and creating all sorts of scenarios of what had been going through his mind. It was only Persephone’s hissing in my ear that saved me from looking like a complete idiot. Finally the train arrived and Draco and I walked out to meet the throng of parents and family, looking happy to see their children again and I was once again struck with confusion as to why I was so different. I knew that I was worthless, and a disgusting freak, but I didn’t look so different. But within seconds we were approached by Draco’s father looking as regal as ever, and I tried to push my thoughts away.

“Mr. Potter, it is a pleasure to meet you after hearing so much about you in Draco’s letters.” He said offering his hand, which I took politely trying not to show how difficult voluntarily allowing someone to touch me was.

“Mr. Malfoy, I agree. Perhaps we can get together somewhere where we will have more time talk. As for now my family is waiting and I can’t keep them.” I gave them a nod and then headed over to where I could see my uncle looking at the other ‘freaks’ with disgust.

“Sir?”

“About time, let’s go. I’ve had to wait long enough.”

*****

I had had a feeling when Vernon had made that comment that he wasn’t talking about waiting for the train. The moment I had entered the house I went to my cupboard and hid the only things I had brought with me: Persephone (who I locked in the cage that I had created last summer), a single set of clothing, and my wand. The set of clothing being decent clothes and a school robe that I wore on the train and would be wearing back. For some reason I didn’t think I would need much else. Like I had expected the two weeks of ‘vacation’ consisted of Vernon making a valiant attempt to catch up on lost time.

The family, obviously excluding me, was invited to Aunt Marge’s for Christmas for three days. Up to that point besides the initial beating, nightly visits from Vernon and an endless supply of chores, nothing much had happened and I was looking for a break for my Christmas as well. But then the day before the planned visit Vernon played the sick card and Petunia and Dudley left, leaving Vernon and I alone. For those three days I never left the basement, barely even conscious for Vernon’s constant visits to either beat of fuck me, and even during those times I detached myself from my mind as much as possible. I lost track of time, unsure of the date let alone if it was night or day, the only thing I had was the constant pain, a dread of when he would return and my thoughts about the way things had to be. Despite the fact that my friends were happy with their families right now I had accepted that I was where I belong. I was a freak, trash, a whore, nothing, it’s just the way things were, and I don’t know what I would do if what I had based my beliefs and life on wasn’t true so I accepted the punishment, savoring it for the reality that it gave me. When Petunia and Dudley returned everything eased off enough to allow me to heal the worst of my injuries but it was almost weird not to have a constant pain inside of me. But when the last two days before I had to leave again neared Vernon gave me a nice long good-bye to remember him by, along with another wish to come home soon.

****

When I did return I was more cold and distant than before, and spent a week keeping everyone at least five feet away if possible. I sat in the back corners in classes so that no one could be behind me and I could see everyone. When Draco asked me what I got for Christmas I just froze for a moment, my brain almost having forgotten that it had been Christmas. After staring at him for a moment I mumbled clothes and he didn’t say any more about it. I had actually gotten something for once, besides some candy from Draco and a book on curses (I having given something similar to him), I had received an invisibility cloak from Dumbledore. It had been waiting on my bed for me when I had returned from Christmas vacation, the only note on it explaining that it had been my father’s. At first I had sneered at the idea of needing one when I could quite easily turn myself invisible, but realized it was just another way to fool Dumbledore and the others into underestimating my power.

Draco didn’t comment on any of my strange behaviors but a couple times I caught him glancing at me with concern. The first time it had shocked me so much that I just stared back at him as if he was crazy. I had never received that look before and seeing it threw me. I was sure that Snape noticed my strange behavior as well, no matter how much I tried to hide it, but as neither of them said anything, I didn’t either.

*****

After being back and healthy for three days I thought I was going insane. These sudden changes in me were too much and I had yet to shift fully back into my cold mask, I couldn’t get in control and all the talk of everyone’s great vacations and loving families wasn’t fucking helping. As I paced in my and Draco’s room alone, unable to remain still, it came to me… pain. Pain always made since, it was simple, there, and reminded me of all that I was… worthless, existing only for pain, it was my life, and I needed it. Without further hesitation I flicked one of the needles hidden upon me into my fingers and transfigured it into an elegant dagger. Slowly I pushed back the long sleeve of my left arm revealing flawless skin that was only an illusion hiding the white scars already covering that arm but not caused by me. Mesmerized I danced the flat of the blade across my skin, reveling in the coolness and the peace that it soon promised. With a calming breath a turned the blade slightly and brought the sharp edge across my arm and felt a tingle and then a cooling relaxation spread through me. All the tension inside of me began to melt away as I continued to slice into my flesh and watched the blood create intricate designs down my arm. A muffled voice from down the hall brought me out of my reverie as I recognized Draco’s voice, talking to Zabini and headed this way. Quickly I changed the dagger into bandages that wrapped around my arm. Hissing in pleasure at the stings that shot up my arm as it scrapped along my new cuts. With a quick flick of my right wrist I vanished any drops of blood that might have fallen to the floor, the door opening just as I pulled my sleeve down over the bandages.

“Hey Harry, how was vacation!” Zabini called.

“Fine.” I answered in my calm cold voice, once again the one in control of my life.

************

A/N: Harry has fixed the illusions covering him so that any injury caused after the illusions were set will be visible so as not to cause suspicion, just if you were wondering. Hope you enjoyed it and PLEASE review.