Sing for Me, Cry for Me

11. Midnight Encounter.


After he left the Potions class that he spent so close to Harry in euphoric state Lucius needed time to think. Now he was sure that Harry was indeed his true mate and he didn’t even had to cast a spell now to verify the fact because the feeling of a knot around his heart and Harry’s reaction was more than enough of a proof.

What nagged at his mind was the fact that it effected Harry not in a month time, but in two days. As far as Lucius knew this never happened before. But from what he could see and feel of Harry it effected him strongly and Lucius presumed that now Harry was fighting not with his memories of a Friday’s night but with his feelings for Lucius.

He wanted him closer and at the same time he was pushing him away and Lucius could understand that. For Harry it wasn’t simple to come from hate to love in two days with no apparent reason because Lucius was sure that Harry didn’t know that Lucius was a part Veela and that he found his mate in Harry.

No matter what his actions were Lucius knew that he felt very strongly for Harry, this feeling was akin to love with tenderness and passion and protectiveness and extreme possessiveness and jealousy combined. He wanted him near every moment, every minute. He wanted Harry in his arms, in his bed, in his life forever and for always.

But now he knew that he had to give Harry time. He couldn’t rush things now. He more than understood that he forced upon Harry too much for the time being and now would be the best time to step aside and to wait until Harry would be ready. Because Harry wasn’t a kind of person to give in easily, to just choke back all his truths and beliefs and to submit. No, he was a kind of person who fought for his truths and beliefs, who fought for his life, for his decisions, for his choices. And Lucius understood that once more the choice of whom to love and with whom to spend his life was taken away from Harry. And this time it was he who did it. And now the only way he could at least partly make amends was to give Harry the choice to decide when and how to proceed with his growing feelings for Lucius.

So Lucius decided that he wouldn’t force him into anything tonight no matter how much he wants his mate but will treat Harry with respect that he deserved. He decided to be patient and he was sure that he would be rewarded in full in the end. But he needed Harry to find on his own all the answers to his questions the most important one being why Lucius did it in the first place and why Harry couldn’t hate him enough.

When he came back to the Manor Lucius perused hundreds of books to find some explanations as to Harry’s reaction. But there was none. The shortest it took for the bond to start forming was a month and month only and not two days. It was incredible. But Lucius believed that it had something to do with Harry himself, with his inner power, with his magical power and with his voice which wasn’t an ordinary one. As Harry’s mate Lucius could feel Harry’s feelings with his senses of a mate, but he was sure that Harry’s voice could effect other people’s feelings too. He wondered if Harry’s voice was the one that an ancient legend told about.


***
The tired day was slowly growing into the night. The navy blue sky was slowly changing colors putting on its glittering cover made of stars and a young moon was on its way. Everything was calm and peaceful so unlike the day that Harry had to live through. He was tightly held in the arms of sleep reveling in the unknown world of love. He was still fast asleep when the clock struck midnight and he was transported into the Malfoy Manor.

Lucius was sitting on a huge leather sofa in a candle-lit room when a sleeping form of one Harry Potter fell into his lap. “Well,” thought Lucius with a smirk, “it’s not exactly how planned it but I must admit that it’s even better. I don’t think Harry would allow me to even approach him if he was in a more conscious state. He’s got quite a temper and though I know for sure that he needs my presence near I know as well that he would deny it vehemently. Well, as long as my mate is near me even asleep which is a sight to behold I am more than happy.” mused Lucius smoothing fallen hair out of Harry’s face.

The days that passed since Friday though not very numerous brought very much stress and trials to both of them. While Harry was fighting with his memory of a rape, his friends and his growing feelings for Lucius which funnily didn’t consist of hatred or fear Lucius was fighting battles of his own. He found his mate in a very unexpected person, the person that was now cradled in his welcoming arms, he violated his mate and though he understood that he made him suffer he couldn’t stop and he certainly didn’t want to forget that it brought him pure bliss and satisfaction. He knew perfectly well as well as he was sure Harry knew that he wasn’t a nice man and he could take the greatest pleasure in pain. And he would never forget how Harry looked and how he felt when Lucius was taking him and all that was his. But he made a promise to himself that he would never do anything against his mate’s will ever again and today would be the final day. He was sure that with time Harry would understand the necessity of it all and wouldn’t blame Lucius too much not withstanding the pain and hurt and distress and uncertainty and no doubt humiliation that Lucius inflicted upon him that fateful night. The night Lucius heard him singing, the night Harry’s voice merged with Lucius’ soul and started weaving a deep eternal bond between the two of them.

Sitting like this Lucius thought that he never shared his peaceful moments with anyone before and no one ever made those moments so perfect, so calm, so still, though he was already preparing himself for a storm in a form of Harry who would be more than unhappy with the fact that he spend the night in Lucius’ lap. Harry’s brow suddenly furrowed and he grimaced which made Lucius wonder what could penetrate his dream and interrupt its peaceful course. Than he saw Harry subconsciously reaching for the ring he had put on his finger earlier this day and how Harry turned it a few times. The motion seemed to calm him down and he smiled. The sweetest, the most innocent and overwhelmingly childish smile. Though Lucius knew that the ring served not only as a Portkey but also as an engagement ring, not that Harry would know it, he was astonished at the power of his own feelings towards Harry. He indeed woven some magic of his when he made a Portkey of it but it must have been extremely strong if it had the power to calm Harry down when he was in distress or in any kind of pain. It was good reasoned Lucius because for a long time he won’t be able to be near Harry and the ring would be his guard. The thought that Harry would wear a part of his soul with him made Lucius feel incredibly good inside so good that if there was a house-elf nearby he would free the poor creature without a second thought.

Harry’s eyelids fluttered and he tried to open his eyes.

“Shh, kitten, sleep. You had a long day.” whispered Lucius leaning closer and caressing Harry’s hair.

Harry nodded his head turning so that it now rested on Lucius chest. Lucius couldn’t help but smile: “If only he knew…” sailing through his mind.

For Harry it was the best thing ever. He was very agitated when he fell asleep. First the semi-fight with Hermione during classes, then the Potions class with Lucius beside, the unexplainable feelings of anticipation and happiness and calm that filled Harry when he saw him, the knot around his heart that felt now like something totally natural, like it has been part of Harry all through his life, which made Harry wonder that it might very well have been. Like it has always been a part of Harry that was in a dormant state and now something activated it making it vibrant and alive. Than came the explosion and Lucius’ ring on his finger. The ring that calmed him and made him happy as much as Lucius himself though the real person did so much better. But Harry banished this thought out of the borders of his mind reminding it that the real person raped him not so long ago. But his heart had its own opinion not blaming Lucius for anything but accepting him as he was. Which Harry thought to himself wasn’t such a bad thing at all. And that thought was banished as well. Harry wondered if his mind would soon adopt a law concerning thoughts and feelings about Lucius which can be allowed and which must be banned on pain of death. And in Harry’s personal opinion it was a right thing to do, though his heart was protesting violently. Than broke out the huge fight with Hermione that crashed him down under the force of accusations and pain her words caused him. Harry was dearly disappointed and sweared not to trust another soul ever again. But his own soul reminded him that she was rather stupid in this respect and that she would advise him to find a better reference than his own judgements. The revelations about Hermione thus hurt him to the core and he could hardly breathe with them in his heart. Than he found back his other friend who considerably grew in his estimation and who helped him through the tough moment. Harry honestly liked that semi-old semi-new Ron who could make him feel better and who made him laugh again. Because that’s what friends were for and Harry hoped that Ron discovered and remembered it as well. Now it was important to maintain their newfound realizations and foundations of their relationships. And now after an absolutely exhaustingly tiring day Harry finally was granted the deserved right to sleep. He fell asleep fully clothed just taking off his cloak and his tie. And immediately he was engulfed in the warm embrace of sleep though before it took full possession over him he had enough time to wonder what it would be like to fall asleep in the warm embrace of Lucius Malfoy, but that thought was ruthlessly banished from his mind and he was lost to conscious life.

He didn’t know how long he was asleep and what time it was now but he felt that there was something he forgot. He tried to open his eyes but they wouldn’t move and then he heard:

“Shh, kitten, sleep. You had a long day.” it sounded so soft and tender and still commanding that nodding he fell back into slumber though a certain thought was now bugging him mercilessly. The voice sounded vaguely familiar. And there was definitely only one person who called him that, the only person who effected him like that. Lucius Malfoy. And if it was indeed Lucius Malfoy it meant that Harry was securely ensconced in his very arms, which were indeed warm. Lucius Malfoy. He started recalling: “ The ring I placed on your finger is a Portkey. Today at midnight you will be transported to Malfoy Manor.” Oh, fuck, I forgot. Does it mean that I’m at Malfoy Manor now? Idiot of course it does. It was a Portkey on your finger after all. I’m not an idiot, well, maybe I am but I know that it was a Portkey I just don’t want to believe it. Can I stay here not opening my eyes? No, you are an idiot, a deaf one, haven’t you heard him telling you to sleep? Am I talking to myself in my sleep lying in the arms of Lucius Malfoy in Malfoy Manor? Yes! I wasn’t talking to you. Than who were you talking to? To myself! And who do you think I am? Oh, shut up! As you wish. Oh, please someone tell me I am dreaming. And not you! Someone more valid. Oh, what am I going to do now? What if I will pretend to be asleep surely he won’t do anything to me while I’m asleep. Even Lucius Malfoy is above such barbaric actions. Why did I fell asleep! What am I going to do? What am I going to do? And why does it feel so damn right? Ain’t he comfortable? I can get used to it. No, you can’t! He raped you, remember? Or have all this comfortable softness and warmth melted your brain? I didn’t forget! But he makes me forget. I know he did it! But why? He said it had to be done. But why? And why does he make me feel like that? Does he know what he makes me feel? Of course he does! I bet anything he’s just beyond happy playing with me like that. Making me vulnerable and helpless. I hate him. Hate him. Hate him. Right and when we hate someone we bathe in the warmth of their embrace. Hey, don’t be sarcastic! Maybe I should just ask him? Will he answer? Well, I think there’s only one way to find out.

All of a sudden to Lucius Harry rolled out of his lap and said:

“Mr. Malfoy, don’t you think we need to talk?”

Lucius smirked:

“Sleep well, kitten?”

Harry narrowed his eyes and scowled:

“Oh, shut up!”

“Tut, tut, tut, Harry. Manners. Haven’t anyone taught you to watch your tongue and to behave with those older than you and higher than you in social rank?”

“Well, excuse me, sir,” added Harry after a moment, “but I was raised in the cupboard under the stairs and it’s hardly a place were good manners are cultivated.”

Lucius raised an eyebrow.

Harry waved away the unasked question with his hand:

“I am not here to talk to you about my childhood. I need answers to my questions. And you are the only one who can give them judging by how it was you who put me in this place.”

“What place, Harry?” asked Lucius crossing his hands on his chest.

Harry growled. And Lucius hearing that sound coming from his mate could hardly contain himself from growling back.

“You know only too well! Why are you doing this to me? Why did you do it to me in the first place? Why did you rape me? I don’t understand! I don’t understand why after all you’ve done I can’t hate you enough! By all the rights! I can’t hate you at all!”

“That’s very nice to hear, my little one. I really wouldn’t want you to hate me.” said Lucius calmly with the sly smile playing on his lips.

“Mr. Malfoy,” pleaded Harry putting his hands in front of himself in a prayer like manner, “is it so hard for you to give me some answers. It’s so not fair what you’re doing to me. It’s not fair that you know and I don’t!”

“My dear Harry, first of all, could you do that motion with your hands again? You look absolutely edible like that, and secondly, I am not doing anything to you at the moment. Unless you consider admiring you from afar an offence. And as for unfairness of it all, well, you still too young to know the answers to all the questions.”

Harry involuntarily blushed. Don’t blush idiot! Lucius was ecstatic. He did love Harry but he couldn’t keep himself from making fun of him. The result it produced was priceless. Harry’s breathing became quicker. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. He took a deep breath and came closer to the sofa that Lucius occupied.

“Mr. Malfoy,” he was standing in front of him looking Lucius full in the eyes, “Why did you do it?”

“I already told you, Harry. It had to be done.”

“But why?”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to find the answer on your own.”

“Why do you make me feel this way?”

“The same goes for this question.”

“Why do you want me?”

“The same. But why wouldn’t I want you in the first place? Everyone wants you.”

“Why don’t you tell me why you want me? I know why others want me but with you its’ a totally different story.”

“I do hope so and as for your question – the same”

“What are your intentions towards me?”

“You’ll have to find it on your own, love. The only thing I can tell you is that I am not going to hurt you…”

“You already did!”

“And I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“Why? Why do you always call me love or kitten or your little one?”

“Harry I deemed you intelligent enough.”

“Don’t laugh at me! People usually use such names when they love the person. You don’t love me!”

“Why are you so sure?”

“Because you can’t!”

“I’m a Malfoy, I can do anything.”

“I don’t believe you just said that.”

“You’d better believe it because I did.”

“Is it against your will?”

“No, but it seems to be against your will.”

“You wonder why?”

Lucius smiled:

“Not really.”

“I’m tired.”

“I can see that.”

“Why did you bring me here today?”

“To satisfy my aesthetic needs, to let my soul feed at your beauty, to let my heart rest and to indulge my body’s necessities.”

“I didn’t need to know that.” muttered Harry.

Lucius smirked:

“You wanted your answers. But that’s not the only reasons.”

“There are more?” asked Harry eyes widening in what Lucius perceived was undisguised horror which made this conversation still more fun.

“Indeed there are.”

Harry closed his eyes expecting the Friday’s night repetition.

He heard Lucius stand up and move towards him. He felt him coming from behind, circling him like a prey and whispering in his ear:

“Sing for me.”

Startled Harry turned around.

“What?”

“Sing for me.”

“You, “ said Harry incredulously pointing his finger at Lucius, “brought me hear in the middle of the night to ask me to sing for you?”

“It looks like that.”

Lucius pointed his hand in front of him and what turned out to be huge heavy dark green curtains embroidered with snakelike figures at the bottom moved aside presenting a stage.

Harry was looking in total fascination at the stage when he felt Lucius’ hand wrapping around his waist stirring him towards it.

He helped him up and went back to sit on the sofa. Harry stood there in the middle of the stage with lights of thousands of flowing candles illuminating his flaming features. Now standing here Harry recalled Ron warning him never to sing to the one he would fall in love. But I’m not in love with Lucius Malfoy, right? And by the looks of it he’s not going to leave me alone any time soon. Oh, god, it’s ridiculous, it’s just a legend. He won’t take away my voice. I should never let Ron talk for more than a minute ever again or I’ll become paranoid.

Lucius couldn’t help staring covered in the shadows on the sofa at his young mate surrounded by candles that made prominent his every trace caressing it with their light. He needed to hear Harry sing again. If he couldn’t touch and kiss him hearing him singing was the next best thing and that was something Harry truly liked and wouldn’t protest to even if the audience was Lucius Malfoy.

Harry desperately wanted to see Lucius’ face while he was singing. He noticed that if he waved his hand towards the candle it would flow the way he pointed. Harry decided to try it sometime soon. Gathering his wits and courage he opened his heart and soul to none other than Lucius Malfoy.

Everything you are
Everything you'll be
Touches the current of love
So deep in me
Every sigh in the night
Every tear that you cry
Seduces me

All that I am
All that I'll be
Means nothing at all
If you can't be with me
Your most innocent kiss
Or your sweetest caress
Seduces me

I don't care about tomorrow
I've given up on yesterday
Here and now is all that matters
Right here with you is where I'll stay

Everything in this world
Every voice in the night
Every little thing of beauty
Comes shining through in your eyes
And all that is you becomes part of me too
'Cause all you do seduces me

And if I should die tomorrow
I'd go down with a smile on my face
I thank God I've ever known you
I fall down on my knees
For all the love we've made

Every sigh in the night
Every tear that you cry
Seduces me seduces me
All that you do . . . . Seduces me

This time Lucius Malfoy did cry. Just one tear, just one drop, but it was enough to undo him. He didn’t notice the way Harry manipulated candles because he closed his eyes trying to calm down his breathing. Harry, his voice and the song combined seemed to overwhelm him, seem to throw him over the edge. He couldn’t be sure if it were his own feelings he felt or Harry’s that filled his heart but it was the strongest sensation ever. Did Harry feel this way about him? Harry meanwhile was silently approaching him. Softly, smoothly, stealthily, catlike. Lucius shivered when Harry’s finger touched his cheek taking away his tear. Lucius watched in awe and amazement as Harry put the drop to his lips and then guided it to his slowly opening mouth, tasting it, sucking on his finger as if trying to absorb all of it inside, to dissolve it within himself. It was bewitching, it was pure magic, it was intense.

“Salty.” said Harry after feasting on the tear long enough, “Was it your first tear, Lucius?” he asked in a tender whisper.

Lucius just nodded. Harry smiled.

“You’re a human after all. I’m glad.”

He was holding his finger at his eye level when Lucius grabbed it and started sucking it too.

Harry tried to take it away saying:

“There’s nothing left.”

“There’s plenty left. There’s you.”

With his finger still in Lucius’ mouth Harry managed to place himself behind the sofa snaking his free hand around Lucius’ neck. He pressed his forehead to Lucius cheek and whispered:

“I want to forget for tonight who you are. I want to forget for tonight who I am. I want to forget for tonight what you did. I want to forget for tonight that there is tomorrow. I want to forget for tonight that I can’t be with you. I want to forget. And I want to forget tomorrow that I’m going to kiss you right now.”

But before Harry could reach for Lucius’ lips Lucius stood up turning around with the sofa still between them and taking Harry’s hands in his own said:

“We can’t.”

“What? What do you mean we can’t? I thought that’s what you wanted!” yelled Harry with indignation.

“Oh, kitten, I want that and so much more.”

“Than why can’t we kiss? You haven’t brushed your teeth or something? Well, you can use the spell!”

Lucius laughed.

“Oh, no kitten, it’s not as simple as that.”

“Well, d’you mind explaining why can’t we kiss?”

“Because I don’t want this night to end.”

“I don’t see how a kiss can end the night. It’s not like you haven’t done it before. And without my permission, I might add. And skies haven’t fallen down!” Harry was saying still in a right state.

“The night will end for the two of us. If we kiss the Portkey will be activated and you will be transported back to Hogwarts.”

Harry looked at him in disbelief.

“You made the Portkey activate with the kiss? Why?”

“I thought that would be the only way I would get a kiss out of you. If nothing else you would always want to go back to Hogwarts.”

“And what about intimidating tactics and jumping from behind, taking me off guard, forcing me into submission. I got used to those, you know.” Harry stopped for a moment and then: “Tut, Tut, Tut, Lucius,” said Harry smirking and shaking his finger at him, “You disappoint me.”

Lucius groaned:

“And you amaze me as always. How was I supposed to know the work of that twisted mind of yours? How was I supposed to know that you would be so compliant?” said Lucius angry at himself, “You, Gryffindors are so…”

“Unpredictable?”

“Reckless and insufferable and you never know what is best for you.”

“But as long as we have around those that have our best interests at heart we are safe, aren’t we.” asked Harry wiggling his eyebrows

“Are you mocking me, Potter?”

“Oh, so it’s Potter now? And I so got used to being your kitten, Lucius” purred Harry reaching up to the man’s ear nibbling it lightly.

“Anyway, I just wanted to take a night off.” said Harry standing aside leaving Lucius in heavenly hellish sensation, “You, know, just to forget. Today wasn’t the best day of my life. Well, I don’t remember feeling well at all since the Friday’s night. And you don’t seem to be one bit upset or remorseful about it.”

“I regret only the fact that I inflicted pain upon you but nothing else. I’m sorry if it hurts you even more, but I don’t want to lie to you. I loved every minute of it, every hitched breath you exhaled, every tear that you cried, every sigh that you made, every sob that you let out, every tremor of your body, every piece of pain you felt. I loved every bit of it, because it was perfect. You were perfect. And I loved it. And I loved you.”

Harry stood in total shock while Lucius was circling him again.

“And as for today, yes, Draco has told me about it…”

“Draco?” it seemed to snap Harry out of his mute state, “You told your son to spy after me? I can’t believe it!”

Lucius raised an eyebrow:

“Can’t you?”

“No, I can! But I can’t! He followed my every step? He told you all about me?”

Harry started shaking his head as if in protest.

“Well, at least he had backed off and now I have only one Malfoy to deal with. Again one Malfoy to deal with. What about your wife?”

“My wife is quite irrelevant factor that has got nothing to do with you.”

“Factor? You call your wife a factor? I think I need to sit down.”

“Be my guest. The sofa is all yours. And mine.” smirked Lucius while Harry smiled feebly.


***
Harry sat down with Lucius by his side. They sat in silence for some time until Harry broke it:

“You know, Mr. Malfoy, I still want to forget, I need to forget, even if it is just for one night.”

“I know, love, I know.”

“Could you hold me, please?”

Lucius smiled:

“I could.”

He took Harry in his arms as if he was the most precious the most fragile thing ever on the planet, which in Lucius’ estimation he was. He heard Harry speak softly:

“You say you love me, but you keep hurting me. You say you had to do it, but you don’t say why it had to be me. You say I have to find all the answers to my questions on my own but you don’t say where to look. I feel scared and alone but you make me feel safe and warm inside. I thought you were cold but you’re almost kind. It’s good to be in your arms. I feel like I’m betraying something and saving something at the same time. You make me feel such different emotions that should never be combined together and all you say is “I know, love”. I know I don’t make sense. I know tomorrow I will regret, but I will pretend that tonight never existed. It was just a dream, all a dream…”

Lucius kissed the top of Harry’s head making Harry giggle:

“That felt nice.”

He pressed his face to Lucius’ neck and silent tears started rolling down while Harry started singing making Lucius’ heart bleed as if thousands of swords pierced it through:

And in your eyes I see ribbons of color
I see us inside of each other
I feel my unconscious merge with yours
And I hear a voice say, "What's mine is yours"

I'm falling into you
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

I was afraid to let you in here
Now I have learned love can't be made in fear
The walls begin to tumble down
And I can't even see the ground

I'm falling into you
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

Falling like a leaf, falling like a star
Finding a belief, falling where you are

Catch me, don't let me drop!
Love me, don't ever stop!

So close your eyes and let me kiss you
And while you sleep I will miss you

I'm falling into you
This dream could come true
And it feels so good falling into you

Falling like a leaf, falling like a star
Finding a belief, falling where you are

Falling into you
Falling into you
Falling into you


Lucius raised Harry’s tear stained face kissing every tear away. They looked each other deep in the eyes.

“It’s late.” whispered Lucius

Harry tiredly smiled:

“It was late from the start.”

Lucius smiled in return and kissed him lovingly and passionately full on the lips.

Still being kissed Harry fell in the middle of his bed with a thud.

“Where have you been?” asked a voice moving the curtains away.