Flame of Existence

--> See Introduction for warnings/disclaimer.

FLAME OF EXISTENCE
/ by Bella


Chapter Ten

Snape didn’t even see the kiss coming, which would explain why he reacted the way he did. He pushed her away quickly, holding her at an arm’s length. His heartbeat was almost audible to the witch who was standing a mere two feet away, which was saying something.

The look on Snape’s face told Hermione two things – she had been right all along, and that he was pissed off. Now, exactly what he was pissed off at, she did not know. It could be that she kissed him in the first place, or it could be that hadn’t seen it coming and it surprised him.

Before Hermione knew it, Snape turned her around and pushed her out of the classroom and into the dungeon hallway. By the time she turned to protest, he had already warded the door with an intricate spell that she could not breath through. So, instead of standing outside of the door moping because he didn’t return her affection, she went back to her rooms, to attempt to think things through.

On the other side of the door, a very emotional Snape stood trying to gather his thoughts. No, the night definitely hadn’t gone as he had expected. The stack of essays to be graded were still in a pile on top of his desk, and he looked at it bitterly.

The chit had done it again. She had turned him into some foreign wizard that he couldn’t recognize.

And, he clearly despised that fact.

Straightening his robes, Severus Snape walked over to his desk and sat behind it. He was truly getting a headache now.

She had crossed the line this time, he thought. Her hugs had been one thing. They were strictly out of gratitude. But the kiss. What had she done that for? And bloody hell, why had he felt the urge to kiss her back?

He tried reminding himself that she was still a child, and a student at the school where he taught. But, the truth was, he knew that she wasn’t a child anymore. Any childishness in her had shriveled up and died the moment reality hit her in the face when Draco had raped her. She was a woman, a full grown witch, save for a few inches she would probably sprout as maturity fully set in.

But the fact that she was still a student was still relevant. He couldn’t overlook that, now could he?

And, why would he want to overlook that? For the past seven years he had seen her as nothing but as the Insufferable Know-It-All. Why, all of a sudden, had he looked for more?

She was intelligent, he’d give her that. Hell, she would probably earn more NEWTS than he had, which was saying something.

Snape rubbed his forehead and groaned lightly. This wasn’t right. He couldn’t let her continue to edge her way under his skin. It was wrong, and she most likely didn’t even know that she was playing with fire, or that she was barefoot and running around shards of glass.

She had just been raped, for Merlin’s sake He figured that she was just going through a stage where she suddenly felt the need to be truly loved.

But why the bloody hell him, and not one of her bone-headed friends, Weasley or Potter?
A part of him whispered that they weren’t good enough for her. She was too much of a prize to let go, yet he knew that he could never really have her. If she knew his past, then she wouldn’t even have thought about showing any kind of gratitude towards him. She wouldn’t have kissed him or accused him of having feelings for her.

She was getting cocky around him, wasn’t she? A little too cocky for her own good.

And, damn it, it was turning him on.

Snape shook his head quickly and stood from his seat. He had too push Hermione Granger out of his mind... he just had to It was immoral for him to even think of her as anything but a little annoying student of his.

But damn, it was hard.

{--------------------------------------------}

Hermione practically ran up the stairs to her rooms, and then slammed the doors behind her. She warded the entranceway and then leaned back against it, breathing hard from the running.

What had she done?

Snape was sure to tell Dumbledore now, she knew. She would get her Head Girl privileges taken away, and she would have to tell her parents that she had snogged her potion’s Professor.

Oh my gods, she thought as her heart leaped again. I’m a... whore.

Tears welled into her eyes. What was wrong with her? It was like she was schizophrenic or something. She had to remind herself that she had just been raped a little over a week ago, and there she had been snogging up on Snape.

She smacked her hand to her forehead and let out a cry. But oh, how she wanted him to kiss her back... but she knew he wouldn’t, no matter what. She was his student, and she knew that Snape had some strong self-will. He had been a Death Eater, hadn’t he?

Slowly dragging herself to the sofa, she tried to convince herself that there was nothing wrong with her. She plopped down onto the sofa, thinking, I can’t help what I feel.

Then, she had to question herself whether or not she would feel this way if he hadn’t helped her as much as he had. As she curled into a ball, she told herself that one doesn’t need to love one’s heroes.

However, as she drifted off to sleep, she couldn’t help but think of how soft his lips were against hers, despite the fact that he seemed like such a hard man.

{--------------------------------------------}

The morning sun lifted from over the horizon and shown down on Hogwarts and into the window of the tower room of the seventh-year Gryffindor boys’. Harry blinked a few times and opened his eyes, but then quickly shut them again because of the strong glare.

Shielding the sun with his hand, he slowly sat up and rolled out of bed. He had to talk to Hermione, and wanted to do so before breakfast was served in the Great Hall. Dressing quickly, Harry finished getting ready and quietly made his way out of Gryffindor tower and headed off to Hermione’s rooms.
Harry knocked twice before he heard a muffled, “Right there.” He took a step back when the door swung open quickly. Hermione stood in front of him, clad in her flannel pajamas and wild hair.

“Morning,” he said as her gaze narrowed on his face. “I need to talk to you.”

Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and raised her brows. “About what?”

“Come on, ‘Mione. We need to talk and you know it.” He was losing hope. “Can I come in?”

Hermione looked at him as if considering her options, then reluctantly stepped aside and allowed him to enter the room. When they were both seated on the couch in front of the empty fireplace, Hermione turned towards him.

“Something has been up with you these past few weeks,” Harry stated bravely. “I’m not sure what, and I’m not sure if you want to talk about them. But, if you do, I’m here, and I promise I will listen with an open ear.”

Hermione let the words fizzle in her mind before they dissolved, and she smiled a little at him. “Thanks, but what made you change your mind?”

“Excuse me?” He didn’t know what she was implying.

“Remember that night when I yelled at you and told you that I was just on my period?” Hermione asked, fingering the charm bracelet around her wrist.

Harry nodded. “Oh. I knew you were lying, but... Well, Hermione, Dumbledore told me to let it drop. He said that you would eventually come around in your own time and let the truth out. He said to give you some space.”

She knew Dumbledore did everything for a reason, but telling her friends to stay away in a time she needed them the most seemed a little mean. However, having trusted everything Dumbledore told her herself, she didn’t dwell on the fact that Harry did as well.

She nodded and looked out the window, sighing. “I- I was raped, Harry.”

Harry let it sink in for a moment before he jumped off of the couch and balled his fists. “By whom?”

Hermione palmed her forehead, scolding herself for being so blunt. She should have eased into it, knowing that her friend was sure to get upset. “Please sit down, Harry. There’s nothing you can do about it now, and I will not go on if you continue to act like a git.”

Harry realized that he was reacting a little irrational, so he sat down like she asked, and repeated his question.

Hermione looked away. “Malfoy.”

Harry grabbed her hands and squeezed them lightly. “Does his being kicked out of Hogwarts have to do with the fact that he, er, raped you?”

Hermione nodded. She was surprising herself at how well she was keeping herself composed. Truth was, she just wanted to completely put that night out of her mind.

“Yes. It was the night of the party. I was going back to my rooms when he took my wand and forced me... you know.” She looked away again, not wanting to see the disgust in her best friend’s eyes. “Snape has been helping me a lot, you know.”

She hadn’t meant to say that part, but being uncomfortable with having her friend knowing about what Draco had done had made her want to switch the angle on the subject a bit.

Harry’s lip curled. “How so?”

“He’s been secretly giving me potions to help me sleep.” She smiled a little, remembering.

Harry dropped her hands. “You told him before me?”

Hermione’s head snapped back and she glared at him, not believing her ears. “I tell you that I had been raped and you get mad that I told one of my professors before I told you?”

There was a long pause before Harry looked at her again.

“You’re right, Hermione. I’m sorry. I guess it’s just hard hearing of Snape helping you when I could have... and can.” He grabbed her hands again and rubbed his thumbs over each finger.

Hermione looked up at him, wondering what he meant. She saw him lean in a bit, his eyes glazed over. Before she could react, he leaned into her completely and placed a kiss on her mouth, and then leaned back to watch her reaction.

Oh shit, was her first thought before she snatched her hands out of his and ordered him out of her rooms. Harry had attempted to calm her down, but that was equivalent to making Snape crack a smile.

When he was gone, she went back to the couch and flung herself down, smacking her hands over her face.

She totally hadn’t seen that coming.

And then she laughed. It had been almost exactly like what she had done to Professor Snape, however the only real difference was that Snape hadn’t just finished telling her that he had been raped.

Hermione couldn’t decide whether Harry kissing her at that precise moment made him a rude jackass or a very caring friend. Under the circumstances, a hug would have sufficed. A kiss was too much, especially since she had just told him the news, which he seemed to have taken with stride.

It’s his ego, something inside of her whispered. He felt like #2, compared with Snape and what he had done for you.

She knew that was probably why. Harry couldn’t have feelings for her. That was just... wrong. They were like brother and sister – two peas in a pod.

As she stood to go get dressed, Hermione wondered if her liking her professor was just was wrong.

The only catch was that she really didn’t care.

The Great Hall was practically empty when Hermione entered it after she finished getting ready. Much to her relief, Harry wasn’t there. She didn’t know if she could look him in the eye after he had kissed her. So, not wanting to run into him, she grabbed a few pieces of toast and an apple and went back to her rooms to eat her breakfast there.

Nine o’clock rolled around, and Hermione found herself gathering up her supplies for her first class of the day – advanced potions. She slowly made her way down to the dungeons, wondering how Snape was going to act after the night before.

Hermione guessed that he would probably just act like himself – bitter and pissed off at the world. Sighing, she stepped into the back of the line behind Neville who was flipping through a Herbology magazine she frequently saw him with.

The familiar swish of robes sounded, signaling that the professor had arrived. Snape walked past the seventh-years and opened the door to his classroom, ushering them inside.

He didn’t look down at the particular Gryffindor Head-of-House who had sent his thoughts the night before into a tailspin. Instead, he looked past her at the quiet hallway. He could feel her eyes on him, though, and it did nothing but bother him.

Damn chit, he thought sourly as he closed the door loudly behind him. He watched his students, one in particular, as they (she) took their (her) seats. Shaking the thought that was residing in his mind out, Severus quickly made his way to the front of the class, where he ordered them to start brewing the potion that was spelled out step-by-step on the board.

“Bottle your potions when finished and bring them to me. Any errors will report in a clearing of your cauldron... Do you understand, Mr. Potter?” Snape sneered at the confused boy. “Or would you rather me repeat myself, seeing as you were too busy staring at your girlfriend?”

Hermione’s head shot up and she glared at him. The nerve he had sometimes. Biting down on her bottom lip, Hermione bit back a retort and looked over at Harry who was turning red.

“No, sir,” Harry said, squirming a little in his seat under his teacher’s heavy stare.

“Very well... Start now. You have forty minutes,” he said loudly to the class as he went to the seat behind his desk. Snape sat down and watched as they began to gather the ingredients they needed to successfully brew the potion.

For a moment, Hermione’s eyes connected with his and he looked away quickly, his gut clenching with a feeling of which he did not know.

Hermione grabbed her materials, a little angry that he refused to keep eye contact with her, and then rushed back to her seat to get started. She started the potion, adding the indicated ingredients and letting them simmer. Sitting down, she placed her chin in her open palm and looked down at the blue liquid swirling around in the cauldron.

Things weren’t going as she had planned. She didn’t know what she had expected from him. He was acting as if nothing had happened. He didn’t pay her any attention– didn’t even have the balls to look her in the face as she entered the classroom.

Hermione closed her eyes for a brief second, or what she imagined to be a brief second, and when she opened them again, her potion was smoking dark purple and Snape was standing over her.

“Miss Granger, you will receive a zero for today’s lesson.” He waved his wand and cleared her cauldron, sneering down at her. “My, oh, my. Miss Granger, you look thunderstruck.”

Hermione clenched her fists under the table top and turned red at the cheeks. She wanted to retort, “And so did you last night after I kissed you.” But she didn’t, knowing that it would only put her further into the hole she had already begun digging for herself.

Tears sprang into her eyes as she looked down at her lap. She had failed for a day – a first for Hermione Granger, and she was pissed at both herself and Snape. Herself mostly, for she was the one that started daydreaming and forgot to continue her potion; Then Snape, for being a pompous ass for embarrassing her like he did.

Snape sat back down at his seat, grinning to himself, sure that what he had just done would prevent the witch from any future advances she had been throwing around in her mind. What he didn’t know was that it had just raised the level of difficulty for Miss Granger to actually get what she wanted. He also didn’t know that Hermione liked to be challenged – being challenged will make her work hard and diligently at completing something. Being bored will make her restless, and more likely to make mistakes.

He didn’t know that now she would just try harder to drive him crazy.

When the bell signaling that class was over, Snape called after Hermione. “Miss Granger, please stay behind.”

Hermione threw daggers his way as she walked towards his desk. Not saying anything, she stood there under the heavy weight of her bag, waiting for him to speak.

When the last student left the room, Snape looked up at the pissed off Gryffindor. “Due to last night’s – incident – you will be continuing your detention sentence with Mr. Filch–“

“What? ” Hermione dropped her bag. “Professor Snape that’s unreasonable.”

Snape looked amused. “Unreasonable? Miss Granger–“ He picked up his wand and shut the doors to the classroom. “You snogged me in my own classroom.”

“Yes I did, and you pushed me away like a frightened little bastard.”

Snape could help his mouth gaping open for a moment before he regained his composure. “Miss Granger I will no longer tolerate your insolence Fifty–“

“Points from Gryffindor,” she finished for him. “I know, I know. Let me ask you something, Professor.”

When he didn’t say anything, Hermione continued. “Did you throw me out of the room because you were mad that I kissed you in the first place, or because you were mad that you didn’t see it coming and didn’t know whether or not you should return it?”

“You have been the core of my anxiety for the past few weeks, Miss Granger.” Snape said smoothly. There were beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead. “You will continue your detention tonight with Mr. Filch. Now, kindly escort yourself from my classroom.”

Hermione shook her head and grabbed her bag from the floor, biting her lip before dropping it again. She walked around to the back of his desk where he was attempting to stand, Hermione grabbed onto his shoulders and leaned in to kiss him once again.

Snape was too fast for her this time. He grabbed her forearms and pushed her away from him, his eyes disbelieving. He stood up completely, his tall form towering over her petite one.

“What is wrong with you, child?”

“I want to kiss you, sir.”

He couldn’t hold back. “What the bloody hell for? ”

“Because I am attracted to you, Professor.” Hermione took another step towards him, mentally shaking off the nervousness she felt rise in the back of her mind.

“Miss Granger, I am your professor. My job is to educate you in potions, their properties, and brewing them. I am not some fellow student of yours that you can release your hormones onto whenever you feel horny or angry or sad. Now, please do me a favor and drop whatever game you are playing and leave me alone.”

Hermione stopped before she took another step and tilted her head, analyzing his words. “You are more than a professor, sir,” she said wisely.

“Am I, Miss Granger?” His lip curled a bit.

“You are a wizard, sir... And a man. I am here, trying to kiss you, and you are turning me away. This is twice now. What is wrong with you?”

Snape looked away, not wanting to agree with the words she had so delicately spoken. “What isn’t wrong with me?” He paused and looked back at her. “You are not a child, as I have accused you of being before. I see that, but I cannot accept that, being as I am your teacher. I have a level of responsibility I must–“

Hermione waved her hand, dismissing the last sentence and stopping him midway. “All work and no play will put you in your grave before fifty, sir.”

When Hermione advanced the second time, Snape didn’t push her away. Her lips touched his, but he refused to kiss her back, telling himself that she needed to get him out of her system.

When she pulled away, Snape turned to leave, but she spoke. “Sir, about earlier... Harry will never be my boyfriend.”

Snape looked at her quizzically. “And why not?”

Hermione smiled. “Because he is not you.”

End of Chapter Ten / To Be Continued

A/N: Hope you liked Thanks for all the reviews – I don’t think I’ve gotten that many for one chapter before Thank you all so much. :D

Anyway, I would really appreciate your thoughts on this chapter as well. Realllllly. :)