Second chance; Second life

Snape had watched Kay closely all through dinner. Well, that was what he told himself. His eyes kept drawing slightly left of her to a blonde haired boy. He shook himself. His favourite was undoubtedly Malfoy, but he’d never analysed the reason, and refused to think it was because Draco was a spitting image of his Father when he was that age. Snape’s heart thudded painfully at the thought of Lucius Malfoy. While many of his students assumed that Snape’s heart was a block of ice, they would mainly be right: except for the flame of Lucius Malfoy. Ever since they had become Voldemort’s Death Eater’s together, Snape’s heart had been his. The sight of Lucius in those black robes and mask, the mark protruding form his skin, Snape had fallen irretrievably in love with. Lucius had used this to his advantage, exploiting some of Snape’s talents to his own use. However, Snape had suffered one too many pains at his hands and switched sides. His feelings had never disappeared. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t suppress them into non-existence. Ever since Draco Malfoy had come to this school, they had reared their head again, every time he looked at him. However, now, he could see qualities that he’d never noticed in Draco before: strength, courage and inner peace. Somehow, they reminded him so distinctly of Lucius, he felt slightly sick. He could remember the first time Lucius had kissed him; the first time they’d slept together. The day had been magical for Snape, and he could call it up as clearly as if it was yesterday, but it had simply been a means to an end for Lucius. And ever since then, he had been completely addicted to Lucius’ touch. And now, as a full grown man, things were no different, as he had discovered the week before.


*Flashback*


‘Severus?’ Snape went weak at how sexy that man could make his name sound as it rolled of his tongue elegantly.

‘Lucius?’ he enquired, looking up, desperately trying to control his racing heart. Lucius stood before him, tall and proud. ‘I understand condolences are in order about your wife, Narcissa.’ Pain flashed across Lucius’ face, and he immediately regretted saying that.

‘Silence,’ Lucius hissed. ‘You do not get to say her name.’ he composed himself, and Snape raised an eyebrow.

‘I just did,’ he replied, stunned by the feeling of calm washing over him. Lucius looked murderous, so he returned to his papers, and motioned to the chair. ‘Take a seat,’ Lucius sat, and Snape set his quill down before turning back to him. ‘I am sure you did not come here for a chat about old times. What is it?’ he was blunt and to the point, wanting with all of his might to get Lucius out of his office or away from him. Lucius’ cool eyes washed over him, drinking in his sight like a lover. Snape felt himself respond to the gaze, and willed himself to calm.

‘Have you heard from Draco?’ Lucius seemed urgent and, for once, incredibly sincere. Snape frowned.

‘Should I have done?’ Lucius frowned more to himself, and Snape found himself staring like a schoolgirl. He was surprised eh wasn’t drooling.

‘You mean, you haven’t?’ Snape shook his head. ‘After Narcissa…’ Lucius struggled for the words, but could not find them. ‘He disappeared. He ran away somewhere. I can’t find him anywhere.’ Lucius looked quite emotional, before forcing himself under control. ‘Are you sure that you haven’t seen him Severus?’ Snape shook his head.

‘I’m sorry Lucius. He hasn’t come to me.’ Lucius bit his lip, and Snape clenched one hand into a fist to stop himself form reaching out and becoming the nibbler of the lip.

‘If he does, Severus, you will contact me immediately. He needs to come home, and deal with his grief.’ Snape nodded briskly.

‘I will, of course, contact you at once.’ He turned back to his paperwork as Lucius stood. He felt the hairs on his neck rising in apprehension.

‘Severus,’ Lucius said silkily. Snape shivered despite himself, and heard Lucius laugh lightly. He felt like a twenty year old again, being seduced by his first man. ‘You never told me how you are.’ Snape looked up, and met the silver eyes with his own. He’d always thought they looked like a spun mist. He swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

‘I am fine, Lucius. Apart form the fact I have a lot of paperwork to fill in.’

‘Would you like a hand?’ the innuendo was strong, and Snape felt himself growing weak.

‘Just once more,’ his heart said, when his brain firmly put his foot down.

‘No! we can’t be hurt again! I won’t allow it. Smile sardonically, and tell him exactly where he can put his hand.’ His brain revised the statement. ‘Back to his manor.’ Snape smiled sardonically, and shook his head slowly, his hair falling around it to frame it lightly.

‘No thank you Lucius. I wouldn’t want to take up any of your time.’

‘It would be no trouble,’ Lucius replied, taking a step forwards. Snape felt his resolve weaken at the sight of those haunting eyes.

‘No Lucius, I can manage. I’m sure you have more pressing things to attend to. Like finding your son, or your wife’s funeral. I will not withhold you from your duties any longer.’ He gestured to the door, and saw the fire in Lucius’ eyes. He found himself smashed against the wall, an extremely angry dark wizard holding him there.

‘Know your place Severus.’ Anger sparked in Snape and it uncurled like a poisonous plant.

‘I know exactly where my place is Lucius,’ he replied, his voice hard, cold and calculating. He pushed Lucius away hard, and straightened his robes. ‘But you seem to have forgotten.’ Lucius stepped back towards him.

‘Severus, we both know what it is you want. Me. Now that Narcissa,’ he shivered slightly saying the name, preventing the loss washing across his face. ‘Is no longer here, we may have some fun.’ Snape shook his head.

‘No Lucius. The fun ended fourteen years ago when I picked sides.’ He approached Lucius. ‘The other side.’ Lucius stepped forwards, closing the gap between them in an instant.

‘We’ll see about that Severus.’ His lips smashed against Snape’s and Snape crumbled, pressing into Lucius’ expert touch. His tongue invaded the cavern of Snape’s mouth roughly, asserting himself over Snape. Snape wanted to pull him closer, but could hear the hurt and pain of those years before running through his veins. He pushed Lucius away.

‘I do not think of you that way anymore Lucius,’ he said coldly. Lucius smiled, and leaned forward to lightly kiss Snape’s lips.

‘You will remember.’ He turned and left the room, his cloak whirling behind him. Snape fell to the floor, clutching his knees into his chest, gasping like he’d run a race.


*Flashback ends*


Snape shook himself, trying desperately to rid himself of these thoughts, his eyes travelling to Draco’s face once more. There were differences. Draco had been saved from his Father and Voldemort. Lucius had not. Draco looked so happy, and he could not bring himself to shatter that happiness tonight.

‘Maybe,’ he thought to himself. ‘I have a weakness for the Malfoy family?’ Draco’s eyes met his, and it ripped through him like a scar. He would have to choose soon, between the man he loved, and man he wanted to be. ‘Or maybe I am a fool.’