Love Letters

All Love Letters are
from Draco to Harry.

Chapter Eleven

class=GramE>oOo

That went so much
better and so much worse than I ever imagined.
I thought, stupidly, that if I said it, if I gave you a chance to throw
it in my face like I threw it in yours, that you
would. But you’re not like me, are you?
You never were. You would never do
something just to hurt me. Not that
you’ve never hurt me, just, I don’t think it was intentional, which is
sometimes worse. I couldn’t let myself
hope that you loved me too, because I’m simply not strong enough to survive
having that hope crushed.

But something flickered to life in your eyes when I said it,
something that has been missing so long I had forgotten it had ever been there
to miss. You looked happy.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> No, it was more than that.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Perhaps it was joy.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I don’t know.
It was too many things: happiness, joy, glee, triumph, fire, passion,
lust, all at once and then you were so close to me you looked like you had only
one eye, and nothing, nothing, nothing mattered in that moment except that I
loved you and you loved me.

I might have cried, but I don’t do that, and besides there
was the lust which overrode my better judgement.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Suddenly I wasn’t afraid, because you would
never hurt me, you loved me, and it seemed like just the perfect time to have
you inside me for the first time. And
your hands on me, in me, over me felt so good, and
your mouth on my throat and I just wanted *more*.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I wanted it like a thirsty man in the desert
wants water.

And you gave it to me.
Just what I asked for.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> More.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I have always imagined it perfectly, how good
it would feel, how romantic it would be.
I knew it would steal my breath away, because it would be *you*.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> And it did.
But never in all the times I imagined it did I imagine it happening on a
dirty floor, or that it would hurt so much, that it would feel like I was
tearing inside, that it would burn like a poker hot from the fire had been
shoved up inside me. I was completely
incapable of breathing.

But you were so happy.
I didn’t want to take that away from you again, so I didn’t say
anything. I would be fine, and there was
no need for you to ever know. But I
buggered it all up, and when you touched me I flinched, just like before.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I would never have let you light up the room
if I had known that the glamour had flickered out while I tried to ward off the
pain. But it was too late when I finally
realized the bruises weren’t the only thing I had covered.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I never, *never* wanted you to see that, to
look at me that way.

class=GramE>oOo

I didn’t see you
today. I mean, I’m not a girl.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I didn’t expect you to send me flowers or
something. We don’t have any classes
together today, and we must have missed each other at dinner.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> There’s not a reason in the world that we’d
run into each other today just walking through the halls.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> We have been spending a lot of time
together. You probably just have work to
catch up on. Granger must have you
locked away in some little study room somewhere making sure you don’t flunk
your N.E.W.T.S.

But it would have been nice to see you, just hear your voice
or see you smile. I’ve been thinking
about you all day. I can’t quite seem to
focus on anything, and there is a horrible smile making itself at home on my
face. The Slytherins will all think I’ve
gone soft if I keep this up. I may have
to clean out Ron’s brothers and rain havoc on the first year class=SpellE>Gryffindors, and it’ll be all your
fault. You can make it up to me with my
birthday gift.

class=GramE>oOo

It’s been three
days. I am calm.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I am not freaking out.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I’ve been gone longer than that and you never
missed me. Maybe you haven’t
noticed. You’ve never been quick on the
uptake unless there was something reckless and ill advised involved, and being
in the same room with me for five fucking minutes wouldn’t be either right
about now. In fact an owl with a bloody
sonnet wouldn’t be ill advised right about now.

I’m still pretty. The
glamour is back on and my skin is pristine again.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> You needn’t worry about any *marks* lingering
underneath, as quite frankly, I don’t want any of them.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> As far as you or anyone else is concerned, my
neck and my chest and my belly and my arse and my
*arms* are quite as white as the day I was born.

I’m sore and tired and I haven’t slept.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I can’t sleep until I see you.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Where are you? I’ve come to you ten thousand
times, but I can’t this time. I need you
to come to me. I could find you, there
simply aren’t that many places you could be, but you know where I am and you
aren’t here with me.

I love you. I wasn’t
lying when I told you so. But I need to
know you love me, too, that this wasn’t all some charade to get you laid.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Your regret might tear my heart into ten
thousand pieces, one for every time I came to you, and yet I want it.

I want your regret, or your glee, your anger, or your
comfort. The burning in my class=SpellE>arse is nothing to the ache in my chest, the wild
palpitations of my heart in that moment just before I think I will see
you. I need you.

class=GramE>oOo

A/N: Thank you to
everyone who has reviewed. class=GramE>Makes me all happy.