Secrets

He stared at the boy in wonderment. He\'d never been exposed to much music. His father had preferred silence, and his mother had bowed to her husband\'s desires. It fascinated him to hear lilting notes float through his living space. Harry looked calm, relaxed. The boy had talent. The potions master could have stood there for hours, listening to the boy play. So he did. Gently, he placed his bags down onto the floor, and then he stood in the hallway, watching the boy he secretly desired play. He let his eyes carefully examine the boy\'s face. Though Harry was thin due to mistreatment, his features were beautiful, as if sculpted in fine porcelain. His petite hands moved over the battered guitar with ease. Had his eyes not been obscured by shaggy, unruly black hair, Snape would have noticed that the green orbs were closed.

After what seemed like only a few minutes, Harry ceased playing and placed the guitar in the corner. Without seeing Snape, the boy collasped onto the sofa and stared into the fire. It was then that Snape entered the room. He was careful to make enough noise to alert the boy to his presense before actually entering. Placing his bags on the kitchen table, he looked over to Harry, who had turned to look at him. He smiled drowsily.

\"Where\'ve you been,\" Harry asked.

\"Out,\" replied Snape.

\"What\'d you do?\" Clearly, the boy was trying to make conversation.

\"I had some errands to run,\" replied Snape.

\"Oh.\"

A minute of awkward silence passed between the two, as Snape moved to put away his purchases. He shuffled items around in cupboards. He heard the shuffle of feet and knew that Harry had stepped into the kitchen as well.

\"You wouldn\'t want to play wizard\'s chess, would you,\" whispered Harry shyly. Snape\'s heart almost broke. He knew from the way that Harry asked that his offers of companionship were always rejected. He looked over to Harry, who was staring at his feet, looking like he would run if need be.

\"Sure, I just need to finish putting a few things away,\" Snape replied. He smiled as Harry excitedly trotted to the living room to set up the wizard\'s chess board. So excited for such a little bit of companionship.

Walking over to the chess set, Snape wanted to laugh at how Harry had set up the pieces. It was obvious that he hadn\'t played wizard\'s chess much. In fact, Snape was willing to bet that he was pretty terrible at the game.

\"You\'ve played wizard\'s chess before,\" asked Snape.

\"Occasionally. Ron normally wins though,\" said Harry.

\"Interesting,\" muttered Snape.

\"What\'s so interesting about that,\" asked Harry, ready to defend his friend\'s honor.

\"He just doesn\'t seem like the type who would like wizard\'s chess, that\'s all,\" replied Snape.

\"Well, he doesn\'t, not really.\"

The two began to play in silence, Snape allowing Harry the first move. He waited for the onslaught of taunts to emerge from the persnickity pieces.

\"Hey Snape,\" hollered the boisterous bishop, \"who\'s the cute boy? Another one of your boy toys, hmm?\" Snape glared at the bishop.

\"What,\" asked a queen, \"Snape has a boyfriend? Sure took him long enough.\"

\"I\'ll say,\" interjected the king.

\"No one asked you,\" scolded the queen.

\"Sorry.\"

Snape could hardly look Harry in the face from embarassment. He wanted to chuckle and murder the chess set at the same time. Finally, he got the courage to look at Harry, who had turned an interesting shade of crimson. Silently, the boy who lived moved a piece. Then, the other side of the chess board came to life.

\"Hey, who are you,\" asked one of Harry\'s pawns.

\"Yeah,\" chimed in one of the knights, \"we\'ve never seen you before.

\"I\'m telling you,\" said Snape\'s queen, \"he\'s the new fellow.\"

\"He\'s much skinnier than the other one,\" replied the knight.

\"Maybe we should just let them play,\" suggested Snape\'s king, noticing the embarassment on Snape\'s face.\"

\"No one cares what you think,\" yelled Harry\'s queen.

\"I think it\'s a good idea,\" said Harry\'s king, in a weak attempt at defending his fellow monarch.

\"No one cares what you think either,\" bellowed a knight.

Snape moved his bishop just so that it would take out one of the bickering queens.

\"Right, about time someone took her out,\" muttered her knight. \"So Snape, tell us about this new kid over here.\"

Harry attacked using a knight, which he would soon learn was a bad idea, at least according to the pieecs.

\"No, no, boy, you don\'t move a knight to attack a queen or a bishop, least not yet. Besides, if this is your first date, you should let Snape win. If he wins, he puts out.\" At that statement, Harry simply looked confused.

\"I follow you up through the \'let Snape win\' part. But what\'s this rubbish about \'putting out\',\" asked Harry.

\"Don\'t listen to them, Harry,\" spoke Snape abruptly, afraid that the pieces would upset the boy with their certain to be explicit explanation of \'putting out.\' Abruptly, he began gathering up the chess pieces.

\"Maybe we should play a game that doesn\'t talk back, hmm Harry,\" asked Snape.

\"Okay.\"

In silence, the pair sat. Snape was at a loss for a game to play. He looked at Harry, who seemed content to just sit on the soft sofa.

\"Harry, what happened with your relatives,\" asked Snape. Harry looked at him like a deer in the headlights.

\"Um...\"

\"I just ask because I think perhaps it would help you to talk about it. Maybe the past would seem less scary if it were talked about.\"

\"Well, I don\'t know where to start,\" whispered Harry. His personality seemed to shift instantly. Just moments before, he had joined Snape in laughing in embarassment at the chess pieces. He\'d seemed almost normal. Now, however, he seemed to be no more than a scared little boy.

\"Wherever you feel comfortable, Harry, is the place to start,\" replied Snape.

\"I was bad,\" he spoke quietly, \"I never did things right. I forgot to cook dinner right, or I didn\'t fold Dudley\'s shirts, or I broke a dish. I tried to do everything they wanted, but...\"

\"But what, Harry,\" coaxed Snape.

\"It was never right. All I wanted was to please them, so that they would love me. I never did enough,\" he said, his voice cracking.

\"What happened when it wasn\'t enough?\"

\"Then they hurt me,\" whispered Harry, tears in his eyes. \"I couldn\'t stop them. I did everything I could to make them happy, but I failed. I guess,\" he muttered, \"they just gave me what I deserved.\"

\"You didn\'t deserve it, Harry,\" sad Snape, reaching out to give Harry a hug. \"No person deserves that.\" He felt the boy curl into him, as if he were a puppy.

\"Then why did they do it,\" cried Harry. \"My cousin, he never got hurt, never had to go without food, never had to...\"

\"Had to what, Harry?\"

\"He never had to do things that hurt. He doesn\'t know what it\'s like to have someone tower over you like that, and you\'re so small, so helpless, so scared, and all they do is hurt you. You just want them to love you, and so you think that maybe this time, you\'ll behave just right, and it\'ll all just stop,\" rattled off Harry. He sobbed.

\"Harry, you didn\'t deserve what happened to you.\" Snape petted the boy\'s back, trying to pass calming energy to him through his hands.

\"Then why..\" began Harry.

\"I don\'t know, Harry, I don\'t know.\"