The Secret Diary of Severus Snape

Title: The Secret Diary of Severus Snape: Entries: 103-107
Author: Mimine (mimine101@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Snape/Lupin in this one
Disclaimer: Not mine, JKR’s. No money made, no infringement of rights intended.
Notes: My enormous gratitude to Roo for her excellent beta. Many thanks to Chaffongal and Fara foeir eir support.

3/5/1976
I dreamt that I was fucking Lupin. It was good. A very vague dream, though, I just knew that I was on top of him and even though I could only see his back I knew it was really him. I woke up just as I started coming. Nice way to start the day.

Only it was Lupin. What am I thinking?

4/5/1976
Transfiguration was even more awful than usual. McGonagall was… scary. She doesn’t let her hair down anymore (literally, I mean, that tight bun was in place, I get a headache just by looking at it). She insisted on me demonstrating how to transfigure a squirrel into a top hat. I did my best. The first hat was rather squirrel-shaped. The second one was better but it still had a tail. She had me do it again and again but the tail remained. In the end I complained that “I am trying, why can’t you see that” and that “I can’t think of any occasion in the future when I’ll need to turn a squirrel into a hat.” Some of the Slytherins laughed. She gave me detention. With Filch, of course. It won’t be a problem.

5/5/1976
There were quite a few surprises waiting for me in detention yesterday. Filch for one. He was very strange with me. He wouldn’t even come near me, he seemed honestly afraid of me. He mumbled something about how he’d have nowhere to go if Dumbledore kicked him out.

He sent me off to clean the Charms classroom without magic. It was an utter mess, fourth years had been practicing Exploding Charms yesterday. When I complained about the amount of work involved, he said he’d send the other one as well.

I had no idea what he meant but it all became quite clear when I saw Lupin. It was odd to see him in detention. I doubt he’s ever been in one before. Was all that trouble just to see me? Probably.

He kept looking at me as we were working. He smiled at me at times. It was very annoying. And then as I went to the broom cupboard to get a cleaning solution he came in right behind me.

He closed his arms around me, pressing his whole body against mine and planted a kiss on the nape of my neck. I shivered and tried to shake him off me.

“Come on, please let me,” he whispered, and I felt him grope at my groin over my robes. His breath was hot against my nape, teasing the short hairs there. My prick started to harden in his hand. I still wanted to stop him but it felt too good. It has been a while since I last had someone touch me and no amount of wanking seems to be enough. Not to mention that the last one to touch me that way had been Jigger and whatever good those memories held for me was tainted.

Lupin’s touch was different. Gentle and curious and I could almost feel his blush. He stenstened my robes and pulled out my erection. I wa for for him to touch me, my eyes closed… I felt something strange and looked at what he was doing. He was touching me but with the tip of his wand.

“What the hell?”

“Haven’t you ever done it? It feels good…” he whispered, and it did feel good… it was a sort of vibration and warmth down there. Within seconds I was rock hard.

I let him do it. Kissing and licking at my neck, pressing against me and doing that thing with his wand. So warm… I felt as though I wasn’t touching the ground anymore. He was hard as well, rubbing steadily against the back of my thigh.

It shouldn’t feel so good to let someone else take control. Especially him. But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t stop him. He had his arms around my waist to keep me upright. I needed it, it was all getting to be too much for me, the feeling was so intense it was almost painful. And he kept rubbing against me, hot and hard against my thigh. I just wanted him to stop before I did something embarrassing like lifting my robes and begging him to fuck me.

He let go of his wand and grabbed my prick to finish me off. A couple of strokes and I was gone. He made a strange sound against my nape and pressed even harder than before. I knew he had come as well.

And all was fine until it hit me again who it was. This wasn’t some nice wng sng session with Evan. I can’t trust Lupin.

He let go of me and I staggered to find my balance. I reached and touched on the wall in front of me. I didn’t want to turn around and face Lupin but I didn’t have much choice.

He smiled at me then knelt to find his wand. I could see the muscles in his back shifting under his robes, his arse sticking out in a rather tempting angle. I doubt that he was doing it on purpose.

I looked down and there was his wand, next to my foot. I kicked it to him. A wider kick and I would have gotten him in the face. I imagined it for a moment. Feeling something soft at the end of my boot, perhaps hearing a crack… his nose. Or a tooth. It would feel good.

He got up. He was staring at me, smiling, his cheeks reddening slightly. He obviously had no idea what I was thinking. I wonder what exactly he thought this thing we had just done made us.

Suddenly he kissed me. It was a much more confident kissn hin his first one. It didn’t last too long. I didn’t really respond but he didn’t seem to notice.

I straightened my robes, trying to gather the remains of my dignity. “Let’s get out before Filch catches us.” I was happy to discover that I sounded all right.

I tried to get past him but he grabbed my arm.

“When can I see you again?”

“You can’t.”

He pulled me closer. “Please!”

I pulled my arm from his grip. “Fine. Only if I get to fuck you.”

I thought he’d balk. I was sure he wouand and I was ready to sneer at him and leave. I was relieved at the thought.

“Fine,” he said simply.

I held his gaze. His eyelids fluttered a bit. Other than that there was no sign of him being nervous about this.

“Perhaps you didn’t understand me, Lupin. I said I want to fuck you. Stick my cock up your arse.”

A near flinch and then his voice, calm, matter of fact:

“How about the Prefects bathroom? Tomorrow at seven?”

Filch interrupted us. I’t l’t like the way he looks at me now. No special treatment anymore. I suspect I can no longer wander about at night without any consequences if I get caught.

Miles still likes me, though. He hissed at Lupin but he came and rubbed on my leg, nearly toppling me. Lupin was staring at me in part admiration, part disgust as I reached to tch tch Miles between his tattered ears.

“I’ll be there, anyway,” Lupin told me before leaving.

Right under Filch’s nose… The caretaker stared at me for a while and looked like he wanted to tell me something for a moment there. He didn’t, he just dismissed me.

What have I gotten myself into? I shouldn’t go. I’ll be walking straight into a trap.

6/5/1976
I did go. And I think it was a trap, juot tot the kind I thought.

He was waiting for me outside. He hadn’t dared give me the password. I lingered at the door, looking at him.

“Well, are you coming in?” he asked, glancing furtively past me. It could have been because he shouldn’t allow me in the Prefects bathroom. It is possible but I suspect he was really looking for his friends.

It occurred to me then that perhaps he was looking for Potter and the others to come and humiliate me in some way. I dismissed the thought. It would seem that should they suddenly make their appearance, Lupin would be in almost as much trouble as me.

He smiled in relief when the door closed behind me and started showing me around the bathroom. He stressed how there were wards that would not allow anyone to enter.

And there we were, looking at each other, suddenly very awkward… I couldn’t even look Lupin in the eye, noticing instead his shiny prefect’s badge on his frayed brown robes and his carefully combed hair, damp and parted to the side. It was a game that I had taken too far and he wasn’t backing out as I had expected.

Lupin started to undress slowly, looking away from me. He went on until he was completely naked. He carefully folded his clothes and left them on one of the benches that run the walls of the room.

His body was similar to Evan’s, pleasantly muscled and strong, his arse as round and perfect as it looked under his robes. There was an odd silvery scar on his back. A magical scar. It wasn’t the only one, there were several more, rather ordinary ones. Apparently his parents, like mine, hadn’t believed in cosmetic healing charms. I’ll have to guess that he had been a rather accident-prone child. Like me.

Lucius would lick my scars sometimes. I’d thought of hiding them somehow, convinced that they would repulse him. But Lucius had liked them, he’d said they were beautiful. It had been good to know that there was something about me he liked. Fuck! It hurts when I think of him.

Lupin noticed me staring and made to cover his chest with his hands. Rather pointless, of course. He already had a patch of hair on his chest, a lighter brown than on his head. I looked lower. That honey brown led to his groin in a narrow line and I realised right then that I wanted to follow it with my tongue and take his fat prick in my mouth to see how much larger it could get with a little teasing.

“You could try undressing as well, Severus,” he said with an embarrassed laugh.

I shook my head and told him to turn around.

“So what, I’m supposed to turn around and bend over? This is it?”

“Shutting up would also be nice.”

He laughed at that but I could tell he was scared. Who wouldn’t be? He knelt in front of the bench where he’d left his clothes and buried his face in his arms, sticking out his arse. Straight to business.

I knelt behind him. I reached and touched him, running my hand up his thigh and cupping his nuts. He let out a groan and pressed back to the touch. I moved my hand upward, pressing on the crinkled skin under his nuts and then further up, on his hole. He was warm and velvety soft. Too soft.

That’s how he is. Too soft, well-spoken, slippery… I never knew how to feel about him. I still don’t.

I was thinking of all that and nothing at all as I teased against his hole, careful not to scrape him with my nails. My prick was painfully hard inside my pants, already imagining his tightness sundiunding it.

I unfastened my robes and pulled down my pants. Lupin felt me shuffling and tried to turn around to see what I was doing. I told him to face the wall. He shivered and bent in submission. It was my turn to shiver. Lucius would have killed me for trying to order him around. Evan would have laughed at me. Remus simply obeyed.

I decided to test how far he would go. I shoved a finger in him. He thrashed under me. I asked him whether that had hurt.

“No,” he ground out.

I leaned over until my body was covering his. “Liar,” I whispered in his ear and wiggled my finger in him. He moaned. It was a low, pleasant sound. Very restrained. I wondered whether I could get something louder.

I gave the shell of his ear a lick. An old favourite with Lucius that apparently works on others as well.

I asked whether he was afraid.

He shook his head. I reached for him with my free hand and found him limp. “Liar,” I whispered again and sucked his earlobe in my mouth. I bit on the soft flesh and started licking on it. A promise of what I could do with my tongue elsewhere that had the prick in my hand quickly fill out. Warm and hard and living.

I wondered for a moment how it would feel if there was a stud piercing that earlobe. Cold and hard in my mouth. If the body under mine was taller and more muscled, unyielding. If the hair was black, not this gentle brown.

I’d wrench the stud out with my teeth. I’d shove my whole fucking hand inside his hole. The images in my mind were so vivid, I felt my stomach turn. I’m still not sure whether it was disgust or arousal I had felt. I guess my feelings for Black aren’t as clear-cut as I’d thought.

Lupin gave a soft yelp and I realised I was tugging at his prick rather painfully. I loosened my fist and he started pressing inside it, slowly, timidly at first, then picking up speed, working himself up, his thigh rubbing delightfully against my exposed prick with the movement.

And it was him. Just him. I let go of his earlobe and it was red, the imprint of my teeth clear on it. I licked on the side of his throat as I was pulling back, still working him back and front with both hands. I added a second finger up his arse and that distracted him for a moment. He lost his rhythm and I loosened my grip on his prick even more. I didn’t want him to come yet.

I kept it up for a while, scissoring my fingers inside him and sucking along his collarbone, leaving mark after mark that he’ll have to hide tomorrow.

He used language I never would have imagined coming from his pristine Gryffindor mouth.when I let go of him to grab my lubricant. I slathered some on my prick and carefully removed my fingers. He cried out and jerked forward. His fear was almost palpable and rather contagious, I have to admit.

He was so tight I thought I would die when I started entering him. From the sound he made it seems that he thought he would die as well. He clamped so hard around my prick I couldn’t move at all, to thrust deeper or pull out. But I had to pull out, the point was to make him like it, not hurt him so much he’d end up in the Infirmary.

I leaned and covered his upper body with mine again. I stroked his hair and whispered at him to relax or I would hurt him worse coming out than going in. He was crying. It couldn’t possibly hurt that much! I had done it. I remember it had been uncomfortable the first time but I had taken the bad to get to the good.

“Relax,” I whispered to him again stroking his lightly furred belly then down to his prick. Which had gone completely limp. A sudden thought passed through my mind: What of the security spells? There were some in ordinary showers and other private areas, the Prefects roomroom couldn’t be an exception. If Lupin kept wailing like that they would definitely give warning, if they hadn’t already.

I hated him so much at that moment! But I had to calm him somehow, it wouldn’t do to be found like this. And it would probably be McGonagall finding me trying to sodomise her beloved little Prefect. She’d kill me. I shushed him as best I could, still stroking him and inwardly moaning my rotten luck.

He did stop crying and just went very still under me. My knees were killing me even though I’d dropped a thick towel on the floor to cushion them. My prick was sending signals that were anything but pleasurable considering the vise it had found itself in. And all I wanted was to leave stupid half-virgin Lupin and just go back to fucking my fist for the rest of my life. And to hell with getting revenge on all Gryffindors through him. It wasn’t worth getting expelled.

And then Lupin spread his legs farther and actually did relax a little. It felt nice again, gripping warmth around my prick. I could see the point of it right then.

“Do it. Move.”

Permission. How sweet. I was tempted. He pushed back a little. That was a surprise.

“About time you remember you"’re a brave Gryffindor, Lupin.” I said it as coldly as I could. It still sounded a little breathy, the feel of him around me was just brilliant.

“Fuck you. Do it!”

“Fuck you? Nice choice of words,” I teased him.

And then… A mere whisper: “Do it before I lose my nerve again.”

In retrospect I still should have left. But he pressed back to me again, ever so slightly and he held me in, wet and snug like a perfect glove until I couldn’t focus enough to breathe properly, let alone come to my senses and leave him.

I was as much a virgin in this as him only he didn’t know it. And it wasn’t at all as I’d imagined it would be with Lucius who I’d thought would simply allow me to take a ride someday… I was in control with Lupin and I liked that as much as it scared me.

I tried to get a rhythm going but eventually it slipped away from me and I just shoved erratically. Lupin was making odd sounds, growling almost. The sounds were mostly good, I think, but with an occasional distressed yelp thrown in. I didn’t want to hurt him but I wasn’t planning on stopping either. And his prick was warm and hard in my hand, thrusting inside my palm as I pressed forward. I hadn’t thought to slick it with lubricant but Lupin was providing enough lubrication, leaking copiously as I played with him, cushioning him from the edge of the bench.

It was like an explosion when it happened, sweet and warm… I fancied I could feel every drop as it gushed out of me and into his arse. Lupin cried out and moved forward as though trying to escape. There was nowhere to go. I was all over him, practically on top of him, pressing him on the hard wood.

I was limp in every sense, still held in his hole, though not so tightly anymore. I was completely gone. Couldn’t think, couldn’t talk and definitely couldn’t move. In a very distant corner in my mind, what was left of it, at least, I knew that I was smothering him.

He gave out a whimper and jerked under me. Obviously his patience had limits. I still had my fist wrapped around his prick. It was still hard and it felt a bit odd at the moment, a bit like something I should be ashamed of. I let go as though he’d burned me and pulled out. He drew in a sharp breath. I tried to get up right away but I was forced to just sit back on my heels for a while until I could trust my legs to carry me. I was feeling all sorts of pains, my knees, my back, an elbow I had bashed as I was pushing forward.

Lupin climbed on the bench until he was lying sideways on it. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, almost embarrassed then took his prick in his hand and swiftly brought himself off. His come simply dribbled off his prick, landing on his hand and the shiny wood of the bench. He didn’t make a sound when he came but his breathing was laboured and tears had squeezed out of his eyes.

Release? Or just disappointment? I couldn’t look at him. If he was miserable and had already regretted this, I didn’t want to know. It had been good for me. Stupid fuck making such a fuss about it.

I grabbed my clothes and left. I had thought I’d enjoy a nice warm bath afterwards but I don’t know what I had been thinking.
I should be glad I hurt Lupin but did I really? And if I did hurt him why do I feel like this? Why do I want to do this again and feel so disappointed like I had my chance and fucked it up?