The Tempest

The Tempest


By: Max

[Disclaimer: see chapter 1]

Chapter 12: Winter time20042004 - 2005

Narcissa Dumbledore’s journal
Hogwarts, Scotland,
September 13, 2004

Even if I’d become as old as Merlin - I’d never understand this man!

The last days in Yorkshire we’ve found a kind of routine: I spent as much time as possible with Raven and Albus joined us for walks on the river side and sometimes for playing in the garden. Besides he was mostly in his study, preparing for the new term and working with Arthur Weasley or Severus’ fiancé (Hermione Granger is Arthur’s assistant and from what I see and hear from Draco, she’s doing outstandingly well). So except the times we were with Raven and the meals - often in the company of Draco annny nny or Severus and Miss Granger - I hardly saw my husband. And the only time he spoke in private to me was last Monday when he came to my room in the evening.

He didn’t really enter. He just made one step over the threshold, closed the door, overheard that I was offering him a chair and asked if I’d mind looking after Raven for a few hours on the next day because he would have to go. “I try to be back for her bedtime …”

“Of course I look after her,” I answered - and thought by it, almost a bit angry: “What else should I do?” I don’t have any friends left in England; I don’t have a social life - not that I would complain about. But I can’t help to find it odd how my husband treats me as if I have a schedule as full as any society queen.

I must admit: I’d have liked to know where he spent the day. And I must admit that I imagined Albus meeting a woman - and the thought of him kissing another one made me jealous. I know, I shouldn’t. It’s his right t wit with whomever he choices. He’s only my husband in name, but he’s not my lover. Yet I don’t have to like that, do I?

Only: My dislike of it isn’t of much interest to anyone. I’m afraid even Draco would say: “I’m sorry, Mother, but it was you who left him.” I made this bed myself. Now I have to lay in it. And it feels like a fakir’s bed - that’s my fault and my fault only.

But now it should become easier because I know that Albus still cares for me - only his way of showing it is quite strange.

Yesterday was not only the first day of the new term in Hogwarts, but at Raven’s kindergarten too. Normally Lipsy - the elf Albus ordered from the hall to Hogwarts for looking after Raven when he’s on duty - brings her there, but Raven asked me if I’d walk with her to Hogsmeade. She is too young to know that her mother is someone who’s looked with distrust and dismay at and I didn’t want to tell her. She’ll learn soon enough. So yesterday I walked with her down the path which leads from the school to Hogsmeade, her always a bit too hot, sweaty little hand in mine. She was happily chatting - Severus maintains Raven would even talk more than his Hermione and I think he’s right. I hope at least he is in so far, as that his fiancé stops talking when he kisses her - about her friends in kindergarten and the games she likes to play there and her favourite toys while I enjoyed the morning air and the sight of the mountains. I missed Hogwarts. It was the only place where I ever felt at home.

Half down the path we saw another mother-child couple: Hogwarts Herbology teacher Dee Sprout who lives with her family near the greenhouses in a really enchanting cottage was with Aubrey, her five year old yowv,est, on her way to Hogsmeade too.

Raven called for them - Aubrey is her best friend - and ran to her while Dee Sprout waited for me. We actually knew each other a long time - Dee, who’s two years my junior, was at Hogwarts too and we even did once a Herbology project together. Nevertheless I couldn’t say I would have been keen to meet her. She is probably the kindest soul among the Hogwarts staff - with the exception of Hagrid of course, who’s got a heart of pure gold - and she tries to be nice to me. But even she can’t hide her suspicions about me. As the devoted mother of four and one of the much “aunts” of Raven she probably can’t understand how I could give up my children. And hurting Albus who’s held in the highest esteem by all his staff - that’s probably a sin no one (including myself) at Hogwarts will ever forgive me.

So my conversation with Dee Sprout was kind of “tensed” as we walked to the gates. We talked about the children looking forward to kindergarten, about the Sprout family’s holidays at the sea and Raven’s kitten who’d make quite an entrance on her first day at school, chasing the caretaker’s rather ugly cat down the stairs and through the great hall just as Albus wanted to start his usual speech. Severus rescued our kitten because Filch came down the aisle, swinging his cane and shouting: “I&#;ll ;ll kill her!” And Severus with our kitten - it’s a female one and she’s totally smitten with his voice - slobbering all over him probably made the student’s day.

On our way back Hagrid approached us - and this I liked because he’s the only person in Hogwarts who doesn’t seem to have any reservations against me. He adores Albus - and if Albus would decide to marry Tom Riddle’s big sister, Hagrid would accept her because for him everything which Albus does is well done.

Nevertheless Hagrid’s smile did me good. He greeted me as friendly as always and then he said: “Just spoke with the headmaster. He tells me you’d know lots ‘bout horses and would surely help me. I’m just goin’ to get two new ones - they’re at the farm down the road. The headmaster said you’d perhaps lend me a hand …”

“Of course!” I was delighted. I knew Hogwarts kept not only a herd of Thestrals - rather ugly creatures - but a few horses too (I’ve learned to ride during my time at Hogwarts) and I had already thought about asking Albus if I could probably do sometimes lend one of them. I missed Inschallah and the sweet chestnut mare I had worked with very much.

As we came to the farm I heard a horse weigh - aong,ong, demanding sound. It reminded me very much of Inschallah. He was, as the Colonel often laughingly said, the “greatest show maker” in the entire lot, the stallion who always had to tell loudly that he thought of himself as the master of the land. And he never let a chance slip to weigh at a mare, he even did once so during a show. He’s kind of a loudmouth … and, as funny as it may sound, he always reminded me of Albus. Not that I would say that Albus is a loudmouth - but he likes a good show and he always claims master ship too. Besides … there’s an alikeness in appearance: Albus has white hair - and Inschallah’s a white horse. And both of them radiate strength and elegance and pride and self-confidence.

The next thing I heard was a mare’s whinny. It sounded like a teenage girl’s giggle and I had to swallow. Just so like my little chestnut used to answer to Inschallah! And actually Reni - her official name is “Renaissance Fleur̶but but that’s quite a mouthful and therefore everyone in the stall only called her “Reni” - is not more then a teenager because she’s only four years old. She had just half a year before I left the Cadre joined the lot - the first young horse I would have had to educate from the first steps under the saddle to the great dressage lessons.

Hagrid, who’s much taller then me, saw the horses on the paddock first. “Nice little animals,” he said, sounding almost a bit disappointed - he probably would have liked more if we had have to pick up two dragons.

I didn’t answer to him. I’d just saw the mare - and for a few seconds I thought my imagination would fail me. The chestnut mare with the blonde mane which just trotted over the meadow, moving her bottom coquettish - it couldn’t be Reni! The Cadre never sell horses out of the show stable. So it couldn’t be Reni. And this big grey who followed her - and how beautiful he was with his silver mane flowing in the wind and his tail like a flag - couldn’t be Inschallah. The Colonel would never sell Inschallah. He’s too talented, he’s too important for the show and he is supposed to go back to the stud farm after he’s done at the Cadre. So it couldn’t be Inschallah.

Hagrid chuckled. He obviously liked how totally flabbergasted I looked. “They’re yours, aren’t they? They came yesterday with an air …” he searched for the word.

“Aircraft?” I heard myself say, but I still didn’t look at the half giant next to me, but to the horses.

“Yes, such a muggle thing. They came from France. The farmer - he’s a muggle, but married to a witch - picked them up in Edinburgh …”

I was already on my way to the meadows, running and screaming: “Inschallah! Reni!”

The stallion turned around - and then he weighed on the top of his lung and fell in gallop. Just as I reached the fence, he was there too, calling for me and I hugged his neck and cried in his silken fur.

Hagrid came and affectionately patted Reni’s back. “The headmaster hopes …,” he looked concentrated as if he’d try to remember the exact words, “…you’ll like your wedding gift.”

“It’s the most wonderful gift I’ve ever received!” I gave back, still crying on Inschallah’s neck.

With my “wedding gifts” came a note from the Colonel. It said:

“Dear Nella, I hope for France, your charming husband isn’t an English politician because he could easily persuade our prime minister for France becoming a British colony. As he announced his visit to me I was determined to tell him that nicking my best rider away would have been enough and that I wouldn’t get him one of our best horses too. Yet he can be very convincing - as you certainly know. Admittedly I managed to make at least one condition as I gave him “your” horses: The first filly of Renaissance r anr and Inschallah I want to get back for the Cadre. And I’d like to hear from time to time how you and the horses are doing in England. Give my regards to Monsieur Dumbledore! Your friend - Colonel Henry de la Vallions


My “charming husband” - the man I really don’t understand. After Hagrid and I had got my horses in the stable I went to see Albus. He was - as mostly at this time - in his office, but I had at least the luck that he was alone there. He came towards me as I entered, politely smiling: “Narcissa - what can I do for you?” he asked me as he would ask every stranger walking in.

I felt awkward as always when speaking to him, but I tried a brave smile. “I think you’ve already done enough, Albus. And I wanted to thank you. Having the horses here makes me very happy.”

He bowed slightly - and I must say: I dislike this gesture. It makes me always feel how distant he is. And so did his polite smile: “You’re welcome, Narcissa. I hope your horses will like it at Hogwarts.”

“I’m sure they’ll like it very much. You know, horses understand magic. They even have some of their own,” I said.

“I unfortunately never was any good with horses. But Raven likes horses very much. She wants to have a pony of her own and I promised her she’d get one when she’s a bit older,” he answered. “Probably you can look after this now? She certainly would love you even more for it.”

“Even more?” I looked at him and wished once again he would allow me to come close to him. The deep wrinkles on his forehead - I’d love to stroke them away. And I’d like to know how his shaven chin feels under kissing lips.

His smile was a bit ironic. “Fishing for compliments, Narcissa? You know, Raven’s completely taken by you. She loves to have her mother and she thinks she’s got the most beautiful one.” He pulled his wizard’s watch out of his blue robe. Looking at it, he said: “I’m sorry, but I have an appointment. Will you come down to lunch in the hall?”

I swallowed. The idea of sitting next to him in the great hall with not only the students, but the stuff watching really didn’t appeal to me. I think the less the school sees from me, the better. Therefore I shook my head. “Thank you, Albus, but no - I don’t think so.”

“Very well. Then we’ll see each other in the evening.” He turned back to his desk. I was dismissed.


Letter from Severus Snape, Potion master
To Hermione Granger-Snape,
Hogwarts, October 11, 2004

Dearest spouse,

why don’t I live in times where wives were obedient, devoted and never leaving their husbands, especially not with letting a tomcat back which obviously tries to finish what the dark lord couldn’t succeed? This beast you call a “pet” will get me to an early and untimely end. It’s only not clear how he’ll manage. In the moment the run is open between my dying from the heart attack your familiar gives me in chasing Mr Norris II through my lab or from my dying from loss of blood after being dismembered. You may find it “cute” when the black devil jumps on you every morning. I can’t agree with you because getting 10 pounds of tomcat on my delicate private parts every morning - and your “cute” pet has by now developed a new habit: He first climbs on the closet, and then he jumps down on me! - isn’t to improve my liking of the bloody beast. So I actually think you should try to shorten your time with our dear minister and come back as soon as possible if you don’t want to risk findeitheither a death cat or an impotent husband by your return.

You’ve asked in your owl how matters are at Hogwarts. Besides the car trouble it’s the usual: Most of my student’s don’t let slip an opportunity to show themselves as dunderheads, the Gryffindor Fourth years (a real especially talented bunch of morons) succeeded today in not only melting one, but two cauldrons; a Hufflepuff second year who looks suspiciously alike to your former classmate Longbottom obviously thought I’d need some exercises, so he made me jump over two desks to keep his potion from exploding; one of my Slytherins is in the hospital wing because he didn’t want to believe me that powdered boomslang skin shouldn’t be throw in an injection from boiling asphodel - but despite the “dear innocent souls”, as Mrs Fenton uses to call them, are all alive and getting on my nerves.

My dear colleagues are - as always - in league with our students. Minerva ranted today to me through the entire lunch because I was “mean” enough to take points from her lions for the melted cauldron. By dinner I was bothered by Sinistra - she wants to do a “joined project”, but knowing her I know what that means: I’m to do the work and she’s to earn the praise. So thank her very much, but I’m only newly wedded, but not suffering with atrophy of brain.

Yet I think our new DADA teacher is - and by this subject I find myself for once in agreement with Minerva: Our DADA jinx seems to be back. We thought that after the five years Tonks was doing the job - and even I have to admit that she did rather well - the curse of Hogwarts DADA teachers not lasting longer then one year would be gone. We were wrong. Mister Jury “just call me yummy” Dashakov even seems to work on a new record in getting sacked. And sweet Merlin, he found a brilliant method for giving the headmaster a reason. He doesn’t get enough by drooling over every female student older then 14 years, but seems to think he’s what the healer ordered to get our favourite ice cube defrosted. And by doing so he develops an impudence which makes even Minerva speechless. As she told him only the other day that the headmaster certainly wouldn’t approve any “inappropriate behaviour” with a student, Yummy-boy dared to er: er: “The old man should rather look after this sexy wife of his.”

You know, Minerva is the leader of the “Narcissa isn’t good enough for Albus”-club and would probably celebrate if our ice cub would get herself back to the Antarctica as soon as possible, but Min Min kno knows that Narcissa’s got too much style to cheat on Albus with a prick like Dashakov. Besides I think Minerva and Narcissa could actually form a club - the “frigid hags of Hogwarts”.

For Dashakov I have to say: We\'re waiting - who\'ll get him first: Narcissa with hexing him back under the stone he crawled up from or Albus providing him with a lasting deflating charm. In the moment I\'d put my money on Narcissa. She can hardly show her nose outside the main tower without Yummy-boy putting up what he think is his \"charming smile\" - I\'d say it\'s rather his \'making to vomit\"-smile - and running after her. Yesterday he was loitering for almost two hours at the stables, watching Narcissa train her horses. And in the contrast to me who only saw her from distance, he didn\'t seem to notice that she became with every comment he gave more furious. She didn\'t show it (when does she ever? In comparison with her Minerva looks like a drama queen!), but her white stallion did. Every time he passed Dashakov he took his ears back, showed a set of big, yellow teeth and kicked threading with his rear legs. It was quite a sight: The stamping, furious beast and our ice queen in perfect composure with back erect, chin up and not a strand of hair daring to fall out of her bun. You know, I\'m certainly not in her fan club, but even I had to admit: She\'s a beauty - for one who likes statues.

As far as I am concerned: I like living, breathing, nerve-shattering, talking, grumbling, ranting, bushy-haired, bossy, adorable Hermiones better. And I hope very much to get one in my arms (and my bed) rather soon.

Yours (more as it is good for him)
Severus



Diary of Albus Dumbledore,
Hogwarts, October 25, 2004

To live with muggles for almost four years seemed to have rub off on Narcissa. Yet I should be grateful for it. If she wouldn\'t have reacted the muggle way, I\'d probably have to complain about more as an aching cheek and jaw. And for Mister Dashakov who by now should have left I wouldn\'t give any guarantees either. Yet to find myself in league with this git makes for my pride hurting even more as my jaw.

At least Severus won\'t pity me any longer for being married to a \"walking ice cube\". Watching her today should have made clear to him that under the ice a volcano is hidden. Its explosion showed that I really become old - at least in contrast to Severus. Or is he only better trained in ducking and keeping his mouth shut? Being married to Hermione Granger could make for that.

Anyway. I behaved like an idiot (congratulations, Albus: Making an utter fool out of yourself seems to become your new speciality). I knew that Dashakov was after Narcissa - and not only because everybody (except Narcissa, that is) told me so, but because one would have had to be blind and deaf and completely daft for overseeing it.

Am I to become a cynic? I first was amused. I saw how the man looked at Narcissa and thought: \"Oh boy - you\'re so out of your league!\" I didn\'t flatter myself with that. I\'m always aware that I\'m out of her league too. But I know that Narcissa was never interested in muscles. To win her attention a man should show brain instead of biceps. Dashakov playing the biggest ape in the jungle - it was kind of fun, especially well, I\'m only a man too and a pretty vain one and yes, the most fun about it was that Dashakov, by all his muscles and all his showing them, is actually a dwarf. I\'m at least one head taller as he and even in feeling old and weary - towering over him was fun and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it even so much that Severus - sometimes I hate how much he sees through me - already felt a need to tell me that Dashakov isn\'t a real challenge.

And I know Narcissa saw that too. And even if she\'d have liked to help him in crawling up the evolutions ladder - she is a lady. However matters between us are, she promised discretion. So I am actually sure she wouldn\'t start an affair right under my nose with everybody in Hogwarts talking about.

Actually - that\'s the word I have to thank my still aching jaw too. Actually I know … but fool I am when it comes to Narcissa the situation got out of hand. Whenever I saw her on the grounds - Dashakov wasn\'t far away. He hung around the ridding pitch whenever she trained one of her horses, he was with her when she went to Hogsmeade, he accompanied her through the school, he managed to get a chair next to her whenever she came to the great hall for a meal (and was it only my imagination or did she show herself more often in the hall in the last days?). And yes, I became jealous. I wondered why she trained on the pitch every day instead of riding in the mountains or around the lake. There he couldn\'t have followed her. And I wondered why she didn\'t change her training schedule. She could have worked with her horses in the times he was teaching. Foolish as it may sound and unfair as it is against her, I asked myself if she perhaps enjoys his attention and - could I have blamed her? She\'s 45 years old and that means, she\'s still a young witch. She\'s beautiful, she\'s healthy, she is probably still very passionate - and she\'s married to an old man who doesn\'t sleep with her. Yet this idiotic, utterly silly old man started to remember the nights with her and that she - Merlin\'s balls, I actually should get another slap for that! I really would deserve it - was rather \"needy\" in the short time we have had together.

So I did a pretty good Othello. Shakespeare\'s famous \"green-eyed monster\" became my pet. I took it to bed with me every night for a rather detailed cuddle. I dwelled in my misery and in the pain of having lost her. It was hell and I actually thought it couldn\'t become worse as yesterday, in the night, as I heard Narcissa\'s steps on the stairs. She sneaked down while outside a thunderstorm roared.

For the next two hours I waited. Laying in bed almost motionless, starring in the dark, I fought against the pictures in my head. But it didn\'t help much. I saw Narcissa how she once had straddled me, her head thrown back, her hair tangled, the beautiful body glistering with sweat, her breasts swinging in the rhythm of our love making, a creature out of a dream, my wild, passionate fairy queen, my wonderful mistress, my perfect lover. I remembered her screams during climax and how she\'d fallen down on me, pan and and clinging to my body. I still know, how her skin felt against mine, I remember her smell, her taste, her lips on my flesh, the touch of her small, but strong hands. And to think that she was now with Dashakov, that he kissed her, that he stroked her breast, that he …

I\'ve given her freedom. I\'ve said that I only demand discretion. I meant it. I still do. A part of me - and I think it\'s the better part of me - knows that she has every right to receive and to spend pleasure. But another part of mine is jealous and furious and in pain and can\'t stand the thought of her with another man.

Obviously I let this (stupid, idiotic, foolish) part of me take over today. As Narcissa - my always controlled, well mannered wife, the perfect lady - busted in my office, her eyes blazing and her fists balled, I was more as a little surprised. I was flabbergasted and I probably looked at her as if she\'d just grown an entire set of new heads.

Minerva was quicker then me - she mostly is, yet I actually didn\'t know she\'s so keen on hen picking. Crisply she said: \"We\'re just discussing important school\'s business, Mistress Dumbledore. Perhaps you could come back later?\"

Narcissa looked at her as if she\'d just like to hex her. Then she proved her talent in being poisonous: \"I\'m aware that I\'m in the office of Hogwarts headmaster and I wouldn\'t have dared to present myself here if it wouldn\'t have been for school business.\" Looking at me - and her Veela eyes were as cold as ice! - she proceeded, her voice firm and determined: \"Headmaster, I have to inform you that I just slapped a member of your staff in the hall and in front of students. Professor Dashakov harassed me as I was on my way up the stairs and because he obviously doesn\'t understand the meaning of the word \'no\' I had to make it clear to him.\"

What the hell did I think? Probably nothing - my brain was still fogged with jealousy and with the memory of the last night. So I only raised an eye brow. Narcissa saw it - and then the volcano exploded. \"Albus Dumbledore on a loss for words?\" she asked and I saw how she balled her fists even more, her knuckles becoming white with it. \"That\'s probably worth an entry in the \"History of Hogwarts\'. But I understand.\" She turned around and though she didn\'t wear a robe, but boots and trousers, the swung of it reminded me of Severus and his billowing robe (I really must ask him if this turns are something Slytherins learn already in kindergarten). Themockmock bow to Minerva. \"I apologize for the interruption. I becoming harassed for weeks by a teacher of this noble institution obviously doesn’t count as \'school\'s business\'.\"

At last I found my voice again - but only for a rather weak: \"Narcissa \"

She was already on her way to the door. Looking back to me over her shoulder, she said cold: \"Don\'t bother, Headmaster. You didn\'t do before, why should you do now?\" Then she was out, running up the stairs Wit With a \"sorry\" to Severus and Minerva - who dared to look disgusted! - I followed Narcissa up to her room and, of course, stood there in front of a closed door.

I knocked. \"Narcissa, we have to talk.\" No answer. I tried to open the door - it was not only closed, but warded with a rather nasty charm which made the doorknob bite. Cursing and licking on a bleeding finger, I became angry: \"Narcissa, that\'s childish! Open the door!\"

This time I got an answer - a furious scream: \"Go to hell, Albus Dumbledore!\"

My patience has limits - especially after a night like the last. I pulled my wand out and blew up the door.

It was not a real good idea. By entering I found myself in front of a hell cat. \"How dare you! Out - or I forget myself! What do you think I am? Your doormat?\" I\'m sure Minerva and Severus heard that too - and probably every one around a five mile radius of the main tower. Narcissa was in the form of her life. \"You arrogant bastard! Do you really think you can tramp over me just as you like? I warn you, Albus Dumbledore: I won\'t stand one insuore ore from you. So go out if you want to come away uninjured!\"

I should have obeyed her. Only I don\'t like to be shouted at. \"For heaven\'s sake, Narcissa, stop yelling! Can\'t we talk like sensible people?\" I was rather loud too.

\"Sensible people?\" Her eyes were dark with rage. \"Well, let\'s try: Do I have to accept becoming harassed?\"

\"Of course not!\" I gave back.

\"So why didn\'t you do something against? Don\'t tell me you didn\'t notice. Even if I would believe you\'re blind I wouldn\'t believe McGonagall didn\'t tell you - in epic length and on a daily base! But probably she said I would deserve it and you agree with her.\"

I remembered the last night - and thinking of it made me acting like a bull seeing red. \"Minerva couldn\'t have told me the juicy bits - like you sneaking down to meet Dashakov in the middle of a night!\"

\"What?\" She paled, backing away from me.

\"Where were you last night, Narcissa? Between one and three? Did you think I wouldn\'t hear you during the thunderstorm?\" I heard myself - sounding like the Othello of a rather lousy amateur theatre. I was in the moment I screamed already ashamed of myself - but also I was furious with Narcissa because she made me lose control so totally.

She stood there, in the middle of her beautiful room, only one step away from me, a small figure in black, looking suddenly very young and lost and she looked at me as if she couldn\'t believe what she\'d just heard. For a moment she didn\'t move, she even didn\'t breathe. Then she raised her hand - and before I had an idea what would come, I got the slap of my life.

Considered that Narcissa is much too thin in the moment, I never would have thought she\'s got so much strength. I really felt as if I would have to take stock of my teeth and I wouldn\'t have wondered to find my jaw broken.

She didn\'t scream anymore as she opened her mouth again. Her voice instead was a deadly whisper, laden with ice cold rage and almost hatred: \"I don\'t think I owe you an explanation - not after the performance you just gave. But I\'m just in such a generous mood and therefore I\'ll provide with you an information: I was in the stable. Renaissance Fleur is afraid of thunderstorms and last time she injured herself during one by kicking against the wall. Therefore I went down to calm her. Luckily I met Hagrid. He looked after his thestrals. So if you don\'t believe me, just ask him. And please, don\'t bother if and how you blame me with doing so. I start to come in use with being treated like a whore. Nevertheless I\'d be glad if you would remove yourself now from my presence. And restore the door - from the outside. My opening time is over for today.\"

\"Narcissa, I\'m sorry \" I tried.

\"Leave me alone, Albus!\" She pronounced every word and she made me feel like a monster.

\"I really am …\" I tried again - for learning that the hellcat was still there.

\"For heaven\'s sake, Albus - I want to be alone! I won\'t run away if it\'s that what you fear. I promised to stay and I will stay - as hard as it is.\"

What could I have done otherwise as leaving? I restored her door, I went down in my office, told Minerva I\'d bite her head off if she\'d dare to give a comment, provided Severus with a \"Don\'t say a single word\"-gaze and proceeded with discussing our \"important school\'s business\". Afterward I sent for Dashakov and sacked him (there was something I enjoyed about: His cheek looked even redder as mine! He bears the sign of Narcissa\'s fingers). Since then - 10 hours ago - I hope to get a chance to apology to my wife, but I haven\'t seen her since then. And considered that my jaw is still aching, I don\'t think I should try to visit her in her room again. Perhaps I get a chance when she\'ll come down for dinner.

Diary of Albus Dumbledore,
Hogwarts, October 26, 2004


I can\'t say I\'d feel much better as I did yesterday. Narcissa accepted my apology - or better said: She said, she\'d do. More as that I could hardly expect, but - looking at her made me feel like a monster again. She obviously had cried. Her voice was hoarse and her eyes swollen and red. But even so she was beautiful and I wished I could take her in my arms. But she asked me to leave - and so I did. I went down to my bedroom and sat on the chair in front of the fire, feeling entirely miserable. I\'ve always known that I\'m not cut to become a good husband. But that I\'d be such a complete failure I hadn\'t expected.

Thinking about our marriage made me think of the reason for it and I suddenly longed to see Raven. I had only seen her for a few minutes in my office before Narcissa put her in bed and under these circumstances I had stood away. I didn\'t want to bother Narcissa with my presence.

But now I rose and marched up to Raven\'s room. Obviously I wasn\'t the only one who\'d got this idea. Narcissa was already there. She stood next to the bed our child slept in, looking down at Raven with a tender smile. And it was her love for Raven - for this I\'m sure - what made her smile at me. It was only a tiny smile, not lasting longer then three or four seconds. Then she bent down, blew a kiss on Raven\'s hand - our girl always sleeps with open hands, something what never fails to touch me - and came on tiptoes to the door where I stood.
She\She\'s fine … \" she whispered. Closing the door quietly she looked up to me. \"That\'s what counts, doesn\'t it, Albus?\"

I could only nod. I didn\'t trust my voice and so we were for a moment both silent, before she said: \"You should try to get some rest too. You look tired.\"

\"So do you …\" I felt tired, tired to the bones.

\"Yes,\" she only answered. And then - for a moment I thought she\'d raise her hand to stroke my cheek. Probably it was wishful thinking because she didn\'t - of course she didn\'t. Yet she asked me: \"Does your jaw still hurt?\"

It did, but not too bad. \"I\'ll survive.\" I tried a smile. \"Though I must say you\'re very strong …\"

Narcissa smiled a little smile. \"What did you expect? Being a professional rider is not only about cuddling horses. Mostly it\'s hard work …\"

\"Do you miss it?\" I heard myself asking - and thought that I\'ve just put a foot in my mouth again. But I wanted to talk with her; I wanted to get myself at least an illusion about us having a chance to become friends again.

\"I would - but you\'ve got me my horses.\" She yawned, her hand in front of her mouth. \"I really am tired. And you should get some rest too. Good night, Albus.\"


Although I had been so weary, I tossed for hours in my bed and so I slept in the morning and was knocked up by Raven. She jumped in my bed, cheerfully crying: \"Pop, you\'re a sleepy head. Mummy and I have already ordered breakfast. What do you want?\"

I yawned. \"More sleep would be nice.\"

\"Bah!\" Raven is not very patient. She didn\'t want a sleeping father, but one to play with. So she tugged at my blanket. \"Mummy says she\'d take me on Inschallah today. And she promised we\'ll do a gallop. Will you come down and watch?\"

\"Of course, darling.\" I tried to catch the young lady for a little cuddle, but hadn\'t much luck with that. Laying her cheek for a moment against mine - she smells wonderful in the morning, just out of her bath - she grumbled: \"Yuck! You\'re scraping. Mummy
never scraps. Why do you always in the morning?\"

\"Because I\'m a man. And men get beards.\" I sometimes miss mine, so I tried to convince Raven about growing a bit of a beard again. \"You know: I have had once a rather long beard \"

Raven made a face. \"I know. You showed me pictures. It was not nice. You looked ghastly.\"

\"But I never scraped then. The beard was soft.\" Climbing out of bed, I slipped in my dressing gown.

Raven raised her arms. Although she always tells rather firmly, that she isn\'t \"a little baby\" anymore, she still likes sometimes to be carried by me. Clinging on me she came back to the beard. \"Why was your beard in former times soft? Today it always scraps.\"

\"It only does as long as the hair is so short. As soon as it is longer, it\'s soft,\" I explained.

\"I don\'t believe you!\" My daughter is a very sceptical young lady. \"Draco always wants to grow a beard too, but Ginny says he only wants because he\'s bad with shaving charms.\"

\"I\'m actually pretty good with them. I would like to have a beard again because it\'s warmer.\" I said.

\"But then I\'d never kiss you again. You\'d scrape!\" Raven was firm as always.

\"I wouldn\'t!\" When it comes to stubbornness I\'m a match for my daughter.

\"You would!\"

We were down at the dinning room, the table was already laid and Narcissa sat there and drank tea. Raven climbed on her chair next to Narcissa.

\"Good morning, Narcissa,\" I said.

\"Good morning, Albus.\" She sounded as formal as I did.

\"Mummy, Pops wants to grow a beard, but I told him I\'d never kiss him again because I don\'t like when he scraps but he said he wouldn\'t because his beard would be soft but I don\'t believe him because Uncle Augustus\' got a beard and it scrapes and often he\'s having crumpets in his beard and that\'s so yuck and I don\'t like …\" Raven told and I wondered again how long she can talk without
breathing.

\"Your father is right, Raven. His beard didn\'t scrape,\" Narcissa said calm.

\"How do you know?\" Raven demanded to learn. \"You never kiss him.\"

Narcissa blushed and stirred her tea.

I tried to change the subject. \"Raven told me, you\'d take her up on your horse today. Would you mind if I\'d come down for a look?\"

\"Of course not. I\'d even be glad. You could watch and cast a charm if she\'d fall \" Narcissa still looked in her tea cup and not at me.

\"I won\'t fall!\" Raven insisted. \"I\'m not a baby anymore!\"

Narcissa smiled at her. \"Of course you are a big girl. But even I fall sometimes. It\'s part of being a rider, you know?\"

I poured myself tea and buttered toast for Raven. She took her slice and started to eat - and for a moment she fell silent by it. But her mind was working and with the talent she\'s got in drilling she came back to the subject Narcissa and I wanted last to discuss. \"Mummy, why do you never kiss Pop?\"

\"Oh … \" Narcissa almost chocked.

\"Probably your mother rather likes kissing you …\" I thought an attempt to distract Raven couldn\'t hurt. But I should have known: To get Raven away from a subject she is interested in, needs more as such a lame try.

\"Draco likes kissing me and kissing Ginny. And Aunt Molly kisses me and Arthur all the time. And she said kissing is what married people like to do and I said Aunt Minerva never kisses Uncle Augustus and Aunt Molly said that\'s not true and I should ask and I did and then Aunt Minerva said all married people like kissing and then she gave Uncle Augustus a kiss and he said his Minerva would kiss so sweet and he …\"

I smiled at Narcissa and whispered: \"She\'ll stop for breathing before she\'s blue in the face, don\'t you think?\"

\"I think she\'s already mastered breathing and talking in one …\" Narcissa gave back, a little grin playing around her mouth.

Raven didn\'t feel bothered. She was just in full swing: \"… and Uncle Severus said a lady wouldn\'t ask other people for their kissing ha… \" she searched for the word.

\"Habits,\" I said. \"And he was right.\"

\"Aunt Hermione said he shouldn\'t behave like a prudish Vic-things and then she kissed him on the tip of his nose and he grumbled, but later I saw that he kissed her at the lake and they did so long I thought they\'d eat each other and why do you never kiss?\"HereHere we were again - and this time Narcissa tried to save the day. \"As you said yourself, Darling: Your father scrapes.\"

\"Yes, but only because he isn\'t shaved. When he is, he feels nice. And he smells nice. And if you kiss him on his nose, he never grumbles, but purrs.\"

Narcissa looked at me as if she wouldn\'t know if to laugh or to cry. Then she said: \"You know what, Raven? I\'ll try later when he\'s shaved.\"

Probably she hoped Raven would forget about. She doesn\'t know our daughter as well as I do. Raven has a memory like an elephant. She never forgets something she\'d set her mind to.


Narcissa still doesn\'t like to eat in the great hall though we have - at least for normal days - loosened our seating. The long house tables and the high table are gone, we have now round tables spread through the hall and everybody seats down where he wants or finds a place what means: Students, teachers and teachers families are mixed now. I find it rather nice, the students, after first feeling shy, are now in use with and Raven loves it. She comes around through the entire hall during the day. For lunch she often seats with Severus - \"chewing his ears up\" as he always complains (yet he never tries to avoid her and even if he\'d rather die as to admit it: He likes her babbling), for dinner she\'s often with Dee Sprout or Hagrid. But often she doesn\'t look for a teacher, but for students she likes especially - and she is liked by a lot of students too. I think some of them are very nice with her because they know that making her laugh and smile is the easy road to get me, but most are nice with Raven because she\'s such a wonderful child. Besides: A lot of our students have younger siblings at home and miss them sometimes. For them Raven is a cure against homesickness - and if only because her never resting mouth reminds them how tiresome little girls can be (so Severus always says).

I actually don\'t understand hwy Narcissa is so reluctant about coming down for the meals. Of course, the \"Hogwarts Spinster Club\" (as Severus names them) Minerva, Irma Pince, Rolanda Hooch and Xiomara Sinistra mostly look with dismay at Narcissa, but she\'s got a lot of admirers by the students - and I don\'t mean only the boys who gape at her like fishes out of their pond, but a lot of girls too. And they admire not only her beauty, but her talent with horses. What reminds me: I should talk wiarciarcissa about the school horses. Her former superior said she\'s a \"formidable\" teacher and I\'d actually like her to teach our students who are interested in horses, of course.

Today Narcissa didn\'t come down for lunch. But Raven was there and choose to seat with me for reminding me in her sternest tone, that I promised her to come down to the stables later.

\"Did I ever let you down when I\'ve promised something?\" I asked her.

She thought about for a moment. \"No,\" she said then. \"But you\'re often late!\"

Miss Clarence, the charming Slytherin prefect who sat next to Raven, laughed. \"Raven, your father is always very busy because we students make so much nonsense he must correct.\"

Raven wrinkled her forehead. \"I don\'t think so,\" she said then. \"I think he likes seating in his office, talking all day.\"

I laughed. \"Of course I do, Darling. Talking is part of my job.\"

Raven looked sceptical. \"It\'s not as hard as what Hagrid does,\" she stated.

\"No, it isn\'t. But it\'s sometimes tiresome too.\"

\"Ah - therefore you sleep in every mng?\ng?\"

For my luck the dishes filled with chicken - and Raven likes chicken very much, so she started eating without doing further damage to my reputation. But she wasn\'t ready with me. As Minerva approached me after lunch, bending down and starting to whisper in my ear - she doesn\'t like our seating arrangements and always complains it would only make it more difficult for her to get hold of me - Raven made a face and gripped my sleeve. She knows she isn\'t allowed to disturb when I talk with other people, but that doesn\'t stop her from making clear her claim when she thinks she should come first.

With Minerva it was ourseurse school\'s business - but she actually made me angry with. First: I know myself that we need another DADA teacher. I mean, I\'ve sacked at least 10 of them, so Minerva should know that I\'m aware about the connection between sacking and hiring one. Second: My deputy owns a very selective memory. She obviously has already managed to forget that she was the one who recommended Dashakov. Now she sounds as if I had been the one who picked him up in a rather dark corner. But maybe I\'m becoming touchy by this subject - I\'m, so much I have to admit, still vain enough to take assaults against my wife personally. So my answer to Minerva was probably a bit harsh. In any case it made her look insulted and sweeping away what means: I can now choice between apologizing to her or bearing her \"my superior is an ungrateful prick who doesn\'t appreciate what I do\"-look for at least three days.

Honestly: On same days I think I\'d love to live in a monastery. Or, to quote Severus: \"The word \'woman\' is just a synonym for \'trouble ahead\'.\"

And this goes for every member of the kind - even if it\'s only four year old. I shudder by thinking what this four year old will do to the male part of mankind once - after she\'d driven her father to madness, of course.

What will do the trick is probably her brilliant tactic of always leading the enemy to a sense of security. And then, when he is relaxed and defenceless, she attacks. So she did today. She provided me with a really nice hour in seating on the bench next to the riding pitch, first watching with Raven on my lap how Narcissa rode her stallion - and yes, even some one so ignorant with horses as I am can\'t fail to notice how elegant and graceful the both move. It is like dancing and it is like human and animal becoming an item - and then I enjoyed how Raven sat in front of Narcissa in the saddle, beaming in joy and pride. The little one shows courage on a horse - though Narcissa\'s stallion is damn huge, Raven obviously doesn\'t mind the height. Walk, trot, even trot side wards over the place, gallop - Raven loves it. Her sweet little face was all delight and as she was allowed to hold the rains herself, she seemed to grow a few inches.

Narcissa is a talented teacher - but who wonders about that? She\'s got all what it needs: Patience, sensitivity, a clear mind, natural authority and in this case, enthusiasm for her subject. Holding the child with both hands, she ordered her: \"Close your eyes for a moment, Raven and concentrate on your hands. You must feel more as the rains in it - you must feel Inschallah and your connection to him.\"

Raven became all concentration. \"I think I do …\"

\"Well, then let\'s move. I will give him a little pressure with my legs and you will give him a little space with the rains,\" Narcissa said - and her stallion started to walk again.

Raven was happy. \"Look, Daddy!\" she cried.

\"Darling!\" Narcissa\'s voice was friendly, but firm. \"You\'re just behindchalchallah\'s ears - would you like some one shouts in your ears? A rider never shouts. If you want to tellr far father something, you have to move over to him.\"

\"How can I?\"

\"Simple: Look at the direction you want to go to. Then press with the leg which is in that direction against your horses body. Your weight is then on the butt on the leg\'s side. Now you pull - but only the tiniest bit - on the rain in this direction.\"

\"That doesn\'t sound simple to me,\" Raven said - and I found she was right. Riding a broom obviously is easier as riding a horse.

\"That\'s why riding isn\'t a sport, but an art,\" Narcissa said and helped Raven to direct the stallion towards me.

I rose as they arrived and praised Raven of course. \"You\'re doing great - as far as I can judge about.\"

\"I\'d like so much to try without Mummy,\" she immediately said.

\"Hmm …\" Narcissa was sceptical. \"Cushion charm?\" she asked me. \"Or better levitating? You know, 's t's too small for using her legs properly.\"

\"Cushion charm!\" I pulled my wand out.

Narcissa climbed up from her horse. \"Well, Raven - Inschallah is all yours now. What do you want to do?\"

\"Walk!\" decided Raven - and the stallion started to walk.

Obviously I looked a bit worried. Narcissa smiled at me. \"Don\'t worry, Albus. Inschallah is a gentleman. He\'ll look after her.\"

\"I hope so. But I\'d feel better if he were not so huge. What do you think? Shouldn\'t we get her a pony soon?\" I asked.

\"She\'d love it. And yes, I think she\'s ready for it.\"

\"Then would you look for one?\" I asked.

Another smile was my reward. \"I\'ll love to! You know, in mrst rst year at the Cadre I educated a pony - a pretty, cheeky stallion. I liked it very much. He was such a challenge. But for Raven I\'ll of course get an elder and calmer pony.\"

\"I trust you to get the right one.\" Looking to Raven who still let Inschallah walk around the pitch, I saw on the opposite rail a group of third year girls - Inschallah\'s very own fan club. \"Raven isn\'t the only girl at Hogwarts who\'d like to get riding lessons. I wondered if you perhaps could bring yourself to teaching a little - I mean, you wouldn\'t have to do much. Only two or three hours a week \"

Narcissa looked at our daughter. \"I don\'t think Professor McGonagall would like that. She doesn\'t think me fit for becoming an influence to the students, I\'m afraid.\"

I sighed inwardly. Narcissa was of course right, but sulking certainly wasn\'t the way to handle this problem. \"As far as I\'m informed I\'m the headmaster,\" I said. \"Therefore I decide who teaches at this school.\"

\"And you think it would be wise to make me teaching?\" Narcissa asked rather cool.

\"I\'d like it.\"

Another sceptical gaze, then a sigh: \"It would be you who\'d receive the howlers of the infuriated parents …\"

\"Since I\'m headmaster of this school I\'ve hardly had a week without getting at least two or three howlers. I\'ve developed a pretty good destruction charm for howlers …\"

\"Well, then …\" A short break while she fumbled at her bun. \"I\'ll think about. But now I\'ll get Raven …\"


Ten minutes later I actually wanted to take my fair well - I really had to look after a new DADA teacher. But Raven, watching how Narcissa led her horses to the paddock, held my robe. \"Pop,\" she asked sweetly, \"did Mummy already kiss you?\"

\"Oh …\" She really had me caught with the defences down. And for a second I thought about lying to her, but then I tried a rather weak: \"Actually - one mustn\'t kiss …\"

\"Mummy!\" Raven was infuriated. \"Why didn\'t you kiss Pop? You said you would as soon as he is shaved.\"

Narcissa, closing the gates of the paddock, blushed - and I was only glad, Inschallah\'s fan club was on the other site of the paddock. \"I must have forgotten,\" Narcissa said.

\"Why don\'t you do now?\" Our daughter is really stubborn.

\"Raven \" I started with fatherly authority. \"Kissing - at least kissing betwaduladults - is a rather private affair, therefore one shouldn\'t do it in public.\"

\"But we\'re not in public!\" Raven protested.

I pointed with my chin to the three Hufflepuffs who just cuddled Inschallah. \"Public means: In front of students \"

\"Oh …\" Raven wrinkled her forehead. At this moment Narcissa made a mistake. She went in the stable to get Inschallah\'s saddle cleared up. Raven immediately saw her chance. \"Mummy isn\'t in publihe\'he\'s in the stable and there\'s no student to see her. So she can kiss you …\"

I gave up. Knowing our daughter I marched in the stable. \"Let\'s get over with it, Narcissa. Raven won\'t stop before we kiss.\" Bending down, I kissed Narcissa\'s cheek. \"Satisfied, you little pest?\" I asked Raven who of course had followed me.

She made a face. \"This wasn\'t a right kiss,\" she stated then. \"You didn\'t hug and it was only on the cheek. Just do it right!\"

I sighed.

Narcissa ouslyusly understood this wrong - what seems to be a speciality of her. She looked at me with cold eyes and said: \"Raven, don\'t pester your father. If he doesn\'t want, you shouldn\'t make him.\"

Merlin, sweet Merlin! I really should search for a nice, quiet monastery! I\'m obviously an absolute failure as husband. But actually I wasn\'t in the mood for taking the blame for this alone. Our daughter is able to tell all the school that I do not want to kiss my wife I caI can imagine what I would get from that. I know already about at least 10 students who think themselves in love with Narcissa and who pity her for being married to an old man. Learning that I\'m even not up to kiss her, they\'d probably empty Dee Sprout\'s green houses by stealing flowers for comforting poor Narcissa. This would Dee make come to me - and though she at least never meddles in my private affairs, she\'d probably provide me with one of her \"poor, dear Albus\"-looks. Thank you very much - this I need so less as - and I\'m sure I\'d get that too - marital counselling by no other as Hogwarts new specialist for all matters of relationships Severus Snape. Considered to whom he\'s married I even couldn\'t afford shouting at him - Hermione keeps strongly to the principle \"He\'s a bastard, but he\'s my bastard and therefore I\'m the only one naming him one.\"

But becoming hexed by her I\'d probably rather like as another \"wise word\" from Minerva like \"You\'ve made your bed, now you\'ll have to lie in it.\"

Considered all this I decided to suffer the other way. I took the surprised Narcissa in my arms and kissed her - right on her soft, tempting mouth and thoroughly enough our daughter couldn\'t criticize. And Narcissa obviously had got enough pestering too - she kissed back.

Did I really believe this would get me out of trouble? Now I know better. It was just the start of it.

Raven\'s next question made Narcissa and me speechless. Beaming at us, our daughter asked: \"Will we get a baby now?\"

\"Uuuh …\" More I couldn\'t say.

\"Oooh …\" Narcissa wasn\'t more vocative as I.

\"Aubrey said when adults kiss they\'ll get babies,\" Raven said (and I wondered about the sexual education of the Sprout kids). \"And I\'d like so very much we\'d get a baby! I\'d like it even better as getting a pony.\"

This was the moment I proved myself as a coward. I faced two dark wizards - but by doing so I saw at least a chance to win. With my daughter I never see one and therefore I fled, murmuring something about being \"really busy now\" and an appointment. But by walking out of the stable I felt Narcissa\'s gaze in my back, sending daggers on me. And she was right - it was neither nice nor decent to let her back to deal alone with the little monster we\'ve created. But what should I have done?

Fact is: I\'d love to have anotbabybaby. I never thought that a single child is an ideal. I grew up with an elder brother myself and I loved him very much. But Draco - though Raven loves him - is too far away. Raven would need another child in the family and Narcissa and I would probably need it too because we\'re both prone for spoiling Raven too much.

Besides: I myself would love to have another baby. I\'ve always wished for a family and telling myself that looking after all the children in Hogwarts would make up for not having children of my own was always kind of cheap comfort. With Raven I learned that I don\'t like our students less in having a very special relationship to one child, but I learned too that my love for her makes me even able to understand more about the students. I may be a failure as a husband, but I think I\'m not too bad a father.

And to see another child grow … this time from the first day on … I\'ve always deeply regretted that I didn\'t know Raven in her first months.

Another child - no, Albus, stop dreaming. With the marriage as it is - there\'s no way. Narcissa will by now have made clear to Raven that she won\'t get a baby brother or sister. She\'ll be me only child - and that\'s how it is and with her being the wonderful girl she is, it should be enough for making me grateful to fate.

But … no. I\'ll go down to Severus and ask him for a sleeping potion. Now.


to be continued