The Harder They Fall

When the sun rose the next morning, Poppy Pomphrey decided it was time to emerge from her safe hiding place and see what damage the storm had done. Her infirmary was clean and tidy, all the beds in their proper places, no noisome potions on the shelves, no unidentified bodily fluids mucking up the floors. She performed a quick freshen up charm and went down to breakfast.

The hallowed halls of Hogwarts were dust free. Several portraits greeted her with a cheery “Good morning!” and the stairs swept majestically into alignment for her. No students lurked in the dark corners of the school, sleeping off the excesses of the previous nights festivities. In fact, a few students had risen early, looking surprisingly well rested. They smiled and waved to the medi-witch as they entered the Great Hall for breakfast.

Madame Hooch was already in her place at the head table, shoveling down porridge like she was stoking a coal furnace. “Morning, Poppy! You missed one humdinger of a party last night.”

Madame Pomphrey regarded the energetic teacher dubiously as she took her own place for breakfast. “Hm! So I heard!”

Rolanda Hooch just laughed and continued eating.

***

“Mmm… Good morning.” Hermione Granger stretched, her whole body tingling and alive with the pleasure of a new day.

Severus Snape mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “Five more minutes, mum?” tucking his large nose behind her ear and cuddling close.

“Um, Severus?” Hermione used his first name experimentally, reasonably certain she was entitled to after the night they had just shared, but not confident he would feel similarly.

“What, my darling, dearly beloved, o moon of my delight?” This morning sarcasm was uttered without opening his eyes.

Hermione bit her lip to keep from laughing at him. He was absolutely adorable when he was still half asleep. “Well, I was wondering how we arrived here, and what happened to my clothes. The clock says it’s nearly breakfast.”

“So?” He opened his eyes and pulled her on top of him. It seemed the night’s exertions had not worn him out entirely. “Miss breakfast.”

“But I’m starving.” Hermione complained without whining, a rare accomplishment in a woman of her age. “And I need to eat before the train leaves.”

“The train?”

Hermione lifted her eyebrows at the sleepy eyed potions master. “You know, the Hogwarts Express? The train to take me home? End of term? Is any of this sounding familiar?”

Severus groaned and buried his head between her breasts. “I was hoping you’d forgotten.” She laughed. “But, if you must eat, I suppose it’s in my best interests to make sure you keep your strength up.”

“What about your strengthou nou need to keep that up too.”

“Oh, I’m already up.”

“I can feel that.”

“How hungry are you, again?”

Hermione considered the question. “Well, if I get to breakfast late, I’ll have to eat really fast.”

Severus began nibbling the undersides of her breasts, drawing circles on her lower back with his hands.

“Or, maybe I’ll just buy some chocolate frogs on the train.”

Grinning into her bosom, Severus rolled them both onto their sides.

“On second thought, I’m not really all that hungry for food.”

***

Minerva McGonagall looked at herself in the mirror. Every graying hair was in place. Her starched blouse and neatly pressed skirt did not betray even one inch of the wanton woman she knew she could become.

“Ready, gorgeous?” Ahrimanes, the demon, pinched the Headmistress’ backside.

Minerva jumped then lightly slapped the mischievous creature across the top of his head. “Daft boy.”

“You know you love me. Admit it.”

“Is everything set?”

“How can you doubt me?” Ahrimanes offered her his arm. “Shall we away to breakfast?”

Nodding, Minerva took his arm securely. “Let’s!”

When they arrived in the Great Hall, most of the staff and students had assembled. Everyone looked remarkably relaxed, and the students were behaving with uncharacteristic calm. Usually the morning before the Hogwarts Express left at end of term, frantic students rushed about like headless chickens, half dressed, half packed, and with appetites either frantically ravenous or nervously distracted.

“What did you do?” Minerva asked the dusky demon, awed at the sight of perfect, smiling children eating well-balanced, nutritional breakfasts.

Ahrimanes smiled. “Trade secret.”

“How long will it last?”

“Long enough.” The demon’s smug assurance was less than convincing, but Minerva let it slide.

“Ah! I see Minister Fudge and his nephew have arrived.” A predatory gleam in Minerva’s eye went unnoticed by all except for the demon by her side. “Let’s welcome him, shall we?” She intercepted the Minister and entourage at the door. “Minister Fudge! How delightful that you have arrived early! Please, come join us for some breakfast.”

Minister Fudge regarded the current scene of scholastic tranquility with a strangled expression. “Headmistress. How pleasant to see you up and about this early.”

Headmistress McGonagall laughed, a patently false trill devoid of humor. “Oh, Minister! You know that a Headmistress is never off duty.” She released Ahrimanes’ arm. “Minister Fudge, may I introduce you to Professor Wells? He’ll be filling the Potions position next term.”

“Professor…Wells?”

Ahrimanes bowed in the courtly manner of the ancient Sultans of Zanzibar. “A pleasure to meet you at last, Minister.”

After a moment of hesitation, Cornelius Fudge recovered, proffering a stiff little bow of his own. He smiled for the first time since entering the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. “Potions, eh? Has something unfortunate happened to that Professor Snape? Done something a little indiscreet has he? Found himself in a compromising position, perhaps?”

Minerva laughed again, another of those mirthless little trills, and took the Minister’s arm. “Come join us for breakfast and I’ll tell you all about it.” She could see the wheels clicking in his head, trying to figure out how he could turn this new development to his benefit.

“You know, my nephew has always wanted to join the staff of Hogwarts.”

“I didn’t know your nephew was a teacher?” McGonagall inquired politely.

“No, of course he’s not. He’s an administrator,” Fudge clarified.

Minerva, who had taught for more years than Fudge’s nephew had lived, found this incredibly insulting. “Is that so?” She lost all sympathy for him then and there.

***

“Morning, Harry! Beautiful morning, isn’t it?” Ron sighed happily and attacked a tall stack of pancakes. He paused every couple of forkfuls to smile and wave at someone over at the Hufflepuff table.

“You think so, Ron?” Harry stared meditatively into his pumpkin juice.

Ron heard the mournful note in his friend’s voice. He put his fork down. “What’s wrong, Harry?”

“Have you ever had something happen to you that completely changes the way you look at life?”

“Is this about you and Draco?”

Harry shook his head. “Nah. I’ve known for a while that I’m gay, and you have to admit, he is gorgeous.”

Ron frowned. “Then what is it?”

Harry blushed. “Well, I was coming out of the Slytherin dorms this morning, and you know how you have to pass right by Professor Snape’s room’s to get to the Great Hall?”

“Yeah?”

“I saw Professor Snape coming out of his rooms.”

“Yeah?”

“He was with Hermione.”

“Well, duh!” Ron picked up his fork again. “They had to have sex to save us from the curse, you know all about that, right?”

“Huh?” Harry shook his head. “You’ll have to tell me later. But, here’s the thing. Professor Snape was, well, you’ll never believe it: he was smiling! Hermione said something and he laughed! And I don’t mean one of those snide little heh-heh-heh laughs he does when he’s about to deduct house points. He was laughing like…”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“He sounded like he was happy.” Harry was completely confused. “I thought Snape was never happy.”

Ron just shrugged. “Maybe they just had sex.”

“Ron! He’s more than twice her age, and even if he was saving us from some curse, he was probably just being chivalrous or something. The thought of Snape with his greasy hands all over our Hermione? Hermione and Snape having sex? That’s disgusting.”

“Only if you do it right, Harry.” Hermione Granger had arrived. She nudged in between her two best friends. “What’s for breakfast? I was up all night shagging the Potions Master, and I’m starving. It really works up an appetite, you know?”

Harry lapsed into stony silence until Draco Malfoy arrived to stir up trouble. He pretended as if he hadn’t seen Harry and went directly to Hermione.

“So, Granger, I hear you spent last night in bed with good old uncle Severus?”

Hermione smiled. “You heard correctly.”

Draco grimaced. “That’s disgusting.”

Harry stood up. “Only if you do it righracoraco.”

“Wasn’t I disgusting enough for you last night?”

Harry shook his head. “I want a rematch. My house. Tonight. Bring lube.”

Draco was startled into momentary silence. “Shall I get takeout too?”

Harry considered it. “Do you like curry? There’s a nice place around the corner from my place. We could eat first.”

“You mean, like a date?” Draco regarded his former rival warily.

Harry shrugged. “If you like.”

“Yeah, Potter. I like. I’ll be there at 6.” Draco turned and marched away.

“Way to go, Harry!” Ron pounded his friend heartily on the back.

Harry sat down again. “Sorry, Hermione.”

“It’s okay, Harry.” Hermione was feeling magnanimous. “But if you can date Draco, the ferret boy, you can have no complaints about me dating Severus Snape, overgrown bat.”

Harry stood up again and shrieked like a girl. “You’re dating him?”

***

Minerva McGonagall was grinning inside. Minister Fudge had lost. The only thing left was to let him know in no uncertain terms just how badly.

Lifting a glass of pumpkin juice, she took a big sniff. “Mmm! I just love the scent of pumpkin juice in the morning, don’t you, Minister?”

Fudge cringed slightly. “I, er, no, I’ve never been that fond of it, actually.”

Minerva poured him a big full glass. “Come on! Drink up!” She exhorted him loudly enough to draw the attention of several students. “It’s full of vitamins and minerals. It’s good for you. Pumpkin juice keeps the eyesight healthy and the digestive system in working order.”

Ahrimanes, sitting on the Minister’s other side, drank deeply and sighed his satisfaction. “Yummy!”

To distract her from this unexpected crusade for pumpkin juice, Minister Fudge resurrected the old topic. “So, what happened to Professor Snape?”

Minerva feigned surprise. “What happened? Why, can’t you guess?”

Fudge leaned forward. “He was found in a compromising position with a student and you had to sack him?”

Minerva laughed, genuinely this time. “Oh, what a lurid imagination you have! Nothing like that.” She noticed Professor Snape, looking as well rested as she’d ever seen him, climb the stairs to the head table. “Professor Snape? Could I trouble you for a minute?”

Wearing a slightly quizzical expression, Severus Snape detoured around Madame Hooch to address the Headmistress and her guest. “Good morningadmiadmistress. Minister Fudge. So glad you could make it.”

“Minister Fudge. May I present to you our new Defense of the Dark Arts instructor, Professor Snape?”

Snape had been a spy for many years. He knew how to keep his expression neutral. But he could not restrain a glance at the student tables, wanting to see Hermione. Would she be happy for him? What would she say?

Fudge sank into his chair. “What an honor for you, Professor Snape.”

“Thank you.” If he was a little distracted by the students, it was understandable, given his dedication to teaching.

Minerva cleared her throat and delivered the killing blow. “Yes, Severus has impressed me with his recent work. Did you know that a high ranking official at the Ministry has been using Dark Arts to summon demons?”

“No. Really?” Fudge smiled weakly.

“It’s an unforgivable action, of course. I hear that if he doesn’t resign before the Aurors find him he’ll be serving time in Azkaban.”

“Oh. Is that so?” The minister took a thoughtless swig from the full glass of pumpkin juice in front of him. “What will I… I mean, what will he do?”

Minerva shook her head sadly. “That’s up to him. I hear the victims are crying for the maximum penalty under the law.” She smiled suddenly. “But, fortunately, Hogwarts is a safe place for our children. We don’t have to worry about such things here. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a class of smarter, braver, more well-behaved students. Have you, Severus?”

“No, never,” he agreed absently.

Minister Fudge scraped his chair back and stood. “If you’ll excuse me for one moment?”

“Of course.” Minerva nodded and watched the man sprint out of the Great Hall.

“Do I really get the DADA position?” Snape looked indescribably lost.

“If you want it.” Minerva smiled at the demon. “Ahrimanes thinks he’d like to stick around for a while. His skill at potions is unquestioned, though his methods are a little unorthodox, but I’m sure you can keep him in line.” The demon snorted. “Besides, I’m rather enjoying his company.”

Snape nodded distractedly. “I think I’m going to go tell… someone.” He wandered away.

Ahrimanes snickered. “He’s got it so bad.”

“Yes, well, so do I, so you’d better stick around.” Minerva nibbled daintily at a piece of toast.

“Or what?”

“I’ll sue for breach of promise.”

The demon gasped. “You wouldn’t! What did I ever promise you?”

“You promised me the world. Last night, do you remember?” Minerva put the toast down and scowled her most severe headmistressy scowl.

“You said you didn’t want it!”

Minerva shrugged. “Maybe I don’t, but you promised me anyway.”

“Fine. Fine. Have it your way.”

Minerva McGonagall smiled. “Excellent. After the students leave, in my bed, not that red rotating monstrosity.”

***

Minister Cornelius Fudge resigned in haste and without fanfare. His nephew remained in the Ministry, but never rose above the rank of a petty cash clerk.

Ron Weasley developed a reputation for juggling the affections of multiple women, but his pick up lines improved.

Harry and Draco still see each other, but they occasionally get into awful fights. At Ginny’s wedding, Neville had to pour a bucket of ice over the pair to cool them off.

Yes, Ginny and Neville settled down. Ginny still occasionally fantasizes about being the filling in a Draco/Harry sandwich, but Neville sensibly distracts her with the help of his latest herbology projects. He once grew a self-lubricating cucumber.

Two years after graduation, Hermione quietly, and without notifying anyone, moved into Severus Snape’s rooms at Hogwarts. It took him another year to notice she hadn’t gone back to her flat in all that time. When Minerva McGonagall discovered what Hermione had done, she promptly offered her the position of Potions teacher.

Ahrimanes still visits Minerva, but refused to consider teaching ever again. He says that teaching double potions to Gryffindors and Slytherins is worse than hell. I believe him.

***

A/N: All done! Thank you everyone for joining me on this wild ride! I had a lot of fun with it. I hope I answered everyone’s questions more or less satisfactorily and gave everyone a little something to take home. Until next time! -Flyingegg