Revenge of a Hermione Scorned.

A/N: Longer author notes at end. Smut is here. Be gentle with me. I\'m ill. Again.

To sum this up in my mind, I have been in some strange situations in my time. Shall we not mention the uideuided attempt to chat up Draco Malfoy just before graduation? Or the time I got myself locked in the vanishing cupboard trying to escape the attentions of a horny Michael Corner and ended up being vanished into the showers of the Slytherin changing rooms? On second thoughts, that’s an image I may want to keep, I have now seen what Quidditch does to the male body. Even the Slytherin male body. (Perhaps this could explain sudden interest in Snape? – no time for psychoanalysis now my dear.) My god, there are muscles defined that most people don’t even know about. Anyway, all these strange situations and that’s even before I mention Dementors, Lord Voldemort, and a pack of Death Eaters.

However, none are quiet as strange as lying sprawled on top of Professor Snape in the shallow end of the lake while attached to his wrist. I can’t imagine many other of the female students being jealous (on second thoughts, after that conversation with Ginny and Chloe, perhaps I can), but my god, the man has a body on him. I can feel it pressed against mine as we damply writhe together.

Am beginning to think luck is in, when it suddenly dawns on me that he’s actually attempting to push me off. Damn. However wrist attachment means that every time he pushes me off, I simply spring back against him. Oh my, the thoughts that are in my head right now, you are in danger of getting seriously aroused here Hermione…. Nope… too late.

Severus is sprawled beneath me. Oh yes, I think I’ve mentioned it before, but am going to have to say it again just for the delicious sound of it. Am somewhat nestled somewhere against his chest, can hear his heart pounding as we splash rhythmically together. Not sure I want to move just yet, decide to attempt wiggling a little bit closer… Yep, that’s it…. Am now fully pressed against him, our bodies grinding in the most interesting way. Shame the water has to be so cold though….

‘Miss Granger!’ he roars. Must he always call me that? Sweetheart would do… ‘When you’ve quite finished attempting to drown me!’

Ah… oops. Indeed, the water does seem to be coming up a bit high here. Could explain his frantic struggling. It’s with some difficulty I get to my feet, and pull him up out of the water.

Oh holy crap. This is just not allowed. Severus Snape is attempting to drag off his soaking wet robes. Um. I’m not a prude or anything, but it would be nice to have least been bought a drink before we get down to rough and ready copulation.

‘Don’t just stand there gawping, woman. Help me!’ He hisses through his teeth.

Stand in confusion for a moment then realise his difficulty. He can’t get robes, or usually high buttoned frock coat off due to the simple matter of binding. Suddenly, attempting to free hand from sleeve, he gives huge tug, and I end up with my face once more buried in his chest.

Doesn’t matter that I can’t breathe, or that my wrist is about to break due to strange angle it’s bent at. This is good. This is worth suffocation. Shall stay here and suffocate on the smell of sandalwood, and wet, hot, Severus Snape… What a beautiful way to go.

‘Oh for fucks sake!’ he finally roars, giving in to his frustration. He stands, strapped into his half removed jacket and robes, a tight…. Damp…nay, wet… white shirt plastered across his chest… Stare transfixed at sight of pale skin so close to my face, the light brush of dark chest hair that teases me with its closeness. Just one lick… just a little lick…please….

‘Give me your wand.’ He demands, dragging me free from my thoughts.

‘Um…’ tongue is refusing to work, or at least to obey any order that doesn’t involve it touching Severus’s body, think girl, where is wand? ‘I don’t have it with me…’

‘Why ever not? A wizard should always have their wand on them… what would happen if you were attacked?’

‘By what?’ I snarl back. ‘A giant bat?’

If he recognises the insult, he doesn’t mention it, although I do detect a brief narrowing of his eyes. Oh yes, baby, work those eyebrows…

‘You’re going to have to get mine,’ he finally sighs, after a pause where I wonder if he’s planning on killing me and burying my body in the forbidden forest while he has the chance. ‘I may be flexible enough to stick my head up my own arse, but I don’t think I can quite manage to reach my wand.’

Stand amazed…am well aware that standing there with mouth hanging wide open is not my most flattering pose, but fuck it, I think Severus Snape just admitted he had a sense of humour.

Not sure if that was a moth that just flew past or a very small flying pig.

‘Um…’ my, you are stretching the boundaries of your vocabulary tonight, aren’t you dear? ‘What do you want me to do?’

‘My wand, Miss Granger,’ he explains patiently, as if to a child. If I wasn’t so confused, and in need of things explained to me this way, I would be upset. Ok. So I have to get his wand. His magical wand. Not the wand you would really like to get your sticky little hands on right now. Oh gods, stop thinking like that. Wand. Get wand. Magical wand.

‘Where do you keep it?’ I ask, my tongue darting out to dampen my dry lips.

Did I just imagine it, or did he just start staring at my lips? Lick lips again… yes.. those eyes are definitely following movement of tongue. Oh my, now there is an interesting development.

‘Inside my robes. On the left side.’

Ok. So I have to lean in, oh, why does he have to smell sooo good? Am once more pressed against him, swallow deeply, must concentrate on getting his wand.

Takes all my willpower, but finally my fingers firmly grasp the long hard thin wood. Am trying desperately not to think of other long hard wood I would like to grasp. Triumphantly I pull it out, and grin proudly.

To my surprise he grins back. Is sudden, genuine, gorgeous grin, and am not sure if the wet patch around my feet is because of dripping water from plunge into lake, or because, I have quite simply melted. This has to explain why he scowls so much. If he smiled… he’d never get rid of the teenage girls that would follow him around.

‘Do you mind?’ he asks tentatively, attempting to gesture to tangles clothes.

Behave Hermione. ‘Of course not,’

With a great deal of self restraint exercised I wave his wand (made of the darkest wood I have ever seen I notice, and long and tapering) and his frock coat and robes are gone. He stands before me in a damp white shirt, and tight black trousers. His black hair is damply tangled around his face, which in the moonlight seems slightly softer, as if someone has ironed out the creases, even more so when he smiles.

Am suddenly aware of how close I’m standing to him, and attempt to step back. However find myself stopped by him, as he slides his free arm behind my back.

His mouth is getting closer to mine. Close so close. His dark eyes are filled with humour, and dare I say it, desire?

Am still waiting for something to fuck this up…. Nope… not happening yet….

Oh gods.

His lips brush against mine, inquisitively, tasting me, testing my reactions, I lean in to press back against him, but playfully (by Merlin, there is a word I never thought I’d use in relation to Severus Snape) he pulls away. Can’t help it, a frustrated little groan slips from my lips, and apparently that’s all the encouragement he needs, because suddenly his lips are devouring mine, his tongue is making, quite frankly, crude gestures in my mouth , and I’m silently thanking every god that ever existed that he can kiss like this.

Am single-handedly attempting to wrap self round him, not much else I can do but kiss him back just as fiercely. Wonder how hard ground is right now….

I have decided that this is the single most exhilarating moment of my life. Severus Snape is kissing me in the most teasing way, suddenly who is getting revenge on whom no longer matters, this is perfect, just perfect, feel as if I was made to kiss this man. Am pressed against him in the most intimate manner, and to say that the man is well endowed is an understatement, wiggle my hips a bit more to attempt to fit more snugly against him, mmm, I can almost forget that earlier he was attempting to shag Sybil Trelawney.

Fuck it. Apparently I’m second best to Sybil Trelawney. Am once more reminded of him writhing against stick insect with overly magnified eyes and scary taste in leather mini skirts, kissing her with lips that are now pressed against mine.

Bleurgh. Is just not worth it. With colossal amount of strength I push him away.

‘You bastard,’ I find myself howling. ‘Just because Sybil told you to sod off doesn’t mean you can get your kicks groping me. Fucker!’

Hand itches to slap him, but shall remained as dignified as possible in this situation. Turn on heel, (more difficult than it sounds as heel had sunk into mud, and was slightly undignified scrabble to pull it free) and storm away.

Its only when I get half way back to the school that I realise I’m no longer attached to him. Binding charm must have broken when we kissed. Now realise extent of Dumbledore’s sick sense of humour, and desire to match make.

When we kissed…

Refuse to admit how fantastic it was. Or how pissed off I am with self that I am currently damply traipsing back up to school rather than riding Severus like an overly enthusiastic cowgirl.

Hesitate at entrance to Grand Hall, am not sure how to explain why I am soaking wet, or slightly mud stained. Spot Madam Hooch in corner, and manage to pry her away from Dafydd, who looks distinctly unhappy to be torn away from his Games Mistress.

‘Fuck me!’ she swears. ‘What the hell happened to you?’

I sigh. Let the humiliation begin once more. ‘Um… Albus bound Severus and I together and we fell in the lake.’

‘Oh.’

‘Indeed.’

Hoochie smiles at me. I don’t particularly like this smile. This smile suggests further humiliation. ‘Sweetie, if you were bound to Severus, why aren’t you now?’

The cow blatantly knows the answer.

‘Because we kissed…’ I mumble.

Yellow eyes flicker over me. ‘It was that good then? But then, Snape always has been a fantastic kisser…’

Jesus fucking Christ. Has the man been with every female teacher in the school? Am I going to be treated to anecdotes of the time he and Minerva were caught in the transfiguration… No, will get that image out of my mind now!

‘And how would you know?’ I hiss, perhaps more violently than I meant. Or maybe exactly how I meant it, am unclear on this at present moment.

‘Well, Sevvie and I did have a little fling in, oh, I say, must have been your second year, but it wasn’t meant to be. Which was a shame as the sex was superb…’

I do not want to think about Severus in bed. Oh gods. No I don’t. However that doesn’t mean I don’t want him in bed…

‘Look,’ Hoochie places a reassuring hand on my arm. ‘I don’t know what the pair of you are up to, nor am I entirely sure I want to know, but you’re good for him. Anyone can see that. Sev needs someone intelligent, and heaven knows you fit the bill. Don’t let his cranky nature put you off, the man needs a decent lay!’

‘Well, he’ll just have to turn to Sybil tonight.’

Am still decidedly cranky, despite Hoochie’s words.

‘Sybil?’ Hoochie makes a snorting nose that reminds me of Ron climaxing. ‘Oh fuck, she hasn’t been trying to get him again has she?’

Mouth falls open… appears suspicions might have been right after all. However have no time to think this through as am being dragged backwards through hall once more. Having a distinct feeling I know whose firm grip this is (mind out of gutter, Granger), I cross my arms, sigh, and let him drag me out to deserted entrance hall.

‘We need to talk.’ Severus hisses at me.

‘Talk then. I’m not stopping you.’

Fold arms over chest. Am aware that nipples are attempting to pick up the Hubble telescope, they are that hard. Is either due to extreme arousal due to Snape doing his best Mr Darcy rising from the lake impression (which, ironically enough is true,) or because I am extremely cold, and wet.

‘What the hell is happening here?’

‘What do you mean?’ Am not expecting direct line of questioning from the Snape, although, remembering his potion lessons, I should have perhaps expected it.

‘Us!’ He says the word like it’s the filthiest word known to wizardkind.

I sigh. ‘It’s Valentine’s Day. Perhaps we should just put it down to tradition.’

‘Tradition? Oh no, there are some Valentine’s Day’s traditions I agree with such as the sacrifice of young virgins, but kissing ex pupils and current teaching assistants is not one of them.’

‘But groping ancient Divination teachers is ok?’

He sighs. Is extremely sexy sound, his breath slowly slipping from those oh so kissable lips. Damn it. Must everything about this man remind me of how much I want him?

‘For once in my life, I was attempting to be ‘pleasant’’ Not sure if he looks disgusted or abashed at the thought, ‘And decided that as we were going to have to chaperone together, I would meet you at the gates and walk you to the school grounds. Of course, one of the first ‘nice’ acts of my life is spoiled by obsessive stalker behaviour of Trelawney, who decided to jump me in the darkness.’

He shudders in most delightful way. Can’t help it. I giggle.

He glares at me. ‘You could have rescued me.’

Struggle to get self under control. ‘I would have thought, that a big, strong, brave potions master like yourself would have been able to handle a death obsessed stick insect like Sybil.’

He actually groans. Mind you, am close to groaning myself at how close I am to twirling my hair round my finger. He runs a shaky hand through damp hair.

‘You weren’t supposed to hear that.’

Suppose it is closest thing that I will ever get to an apology.

Shuffle from foot to foot. Can mentally hear Ginny et al urging me on. Then I do the single bravest thing have ever done. Sod facing Lord Voldemort. Sod the Dementors. Make a few mental calculations, distance between us, variation in height (quite a bit, never realised he was so tall), am I able to get my legs around his waist if I jump at him….

Run forward…

Fling arms round his neck and press lips to his hungrily. Am rewarding by small oomph and then an equally passionate reaction.

Ooooh. Am happiest bunny imaginable…. Could be happier though…. Ah… wait… he appears to have similar thoughts as we’re suddenly not kissing anymore (boo!) but are sprinting through school corridors in direction of his chambers.

Hoorah! Am going to be in his chambers, and am not going to be horribly pissed! Am in full control of faculties, with exception of lower abdomen which appears to be holding its own party at this moment in time.

Barely have time to register warm fire in hearth, or large four poster bed with cosy looking sheets before Severus is kissing me once more. Could die happy right now.

As I wrap myself around the delight that is the Hogwart’s Potion Master I wonder what the night will hold in store for me. Light bondage? Hot candle wax being dripped over my stomach (would someone explain to me why that is erotic? Please? Am sure third degree burns are not at all sexy), or being buggered with an ornate candlestick? What kinky delights is Severus going to introduce to me tonight?

Pray to Merlin its not going to be role play. Have horrible image in head of Severus in a dodgy porn star moustache offering to tinker with my plumbing… Not good. Perhaps in the future when am more comfortable round him. Hmm… am already thinking of future relationship, yet only three hours ago wanted nothing to do with man. Strange how fickle we females can be. Must be genetic influence, can think of no other reasoning. Perhaps hormones.

Speaking of hormones, mine are currently doing the tango… Severus is slowly planting butterfly kisses along the edge of my throat, his hands are stroking the small of my back, and his hair is brushing against my bare shoulder, softer than the satin I wear. Am suddenly finding it very hard to think straight, as his lips head straight for the hollow between my breasts revealed by my very low cut top.

Why must I be so inexperienced? Why am I now blushing, and getting nervous, as I suddenly realise all my little grubby desires are about to fulfilled. Wish I was wanton sex goddess who would now throw Snape onto bed and remove his trousers and underwear with my teeth, but am afraid to say I merely stand there, one hand pressed against the small of his back, one on his shoulder as he nibbles his way across my cleavage. Perhaps I should have actually read the copy of ‘The Joy of Sex’ that Ginny gave me as a joke for Christmas, instead of transfiguring it into a nice pair of slippers. Although perhaps could use slippers as a spanking device…

Decide the only way to over come inexperience is to actually get some experience, therefore when Severus starts directing me in direction of bed, I let him. Is something quite hedonistic about just lying on a four poster bed, hands grabbing at soft, cool, sheets while a man strokes your entire body. Hmm, while hedonistic, and deeply satisfying, suddenly am aware of feeling that am not in the least bit interested in the romance side of all this, but would like to get down to some down and dirty shagging… right about… now.

Think I somewhat surprised Severus by grabbing his head and pulling him down into very hard kiss. Somehow we’ve managed to get ourselves completely wrapped up in each other, limbs entwined, hands exploring new and interesting places, some… oh yes… very interesting places. Can feel how eager Severus is, huge clue would be the hardness pressing into my pelvis, and sensation is so, well, nice, and enjoyable that I decide to leave it there for a while. Apparently pressing back against it elicits a response from him, mainly a deep growl in the back of his throat which sends shivers down my spine. Am already tingling all over, am certainly very aware of the fact that Viktor, or Seamus, or anyone else never made me feel like this. In the most clichéd words I can utter… I am with a man!

And what a man.

In a matter of moments he has removed all of my clothes, (damn it, why have I gorged on Honeyduke’s finest so much recently?) and most of his. All that remains is a tight pair of black boxers. Oh, just the way I like them… But he’s still far too overdressed, and I am determined to explore the most interesting part of him imaginable.

Oh yes… I lean forward and slowly peel them off. Say hello to little Severus, Hermione. Or not so little as the case can be. To be honest, pricks, cocks, dicks, whatever, have never been that fascinating to me. Maybe it’s just a case of finding the right one… and this one is exquisite. Hungrily I wrap my lips around it, working entirely on instinct here, all I know is I want him, and I want him now…

He appears to have the same idea as his fingers slide up my thighs… woah. Long fingers indeed…

Right. This is it. Take control of myself, mentally grabbing the scruff of my neck. If you’re going to do this, you are going to do it properly.

I grab Severus, and push him back onto the bed, a moment later I’m straddling him, and with a very loud moan, I impale myself on his, to steal an overused description from many a romance, ‘throbbing member’, and show him exactly what this know it all can do.

Revenge may be sweet, but shagging Severus Snape is definitely sweeter!

A/N: In reference to Severus’s comments on Valentine’s Day traditions; In ancient Rome it was traditional on the 14th of February to hold a ‘lottery’ for virgin girls, with all the goaty old men participating. If I remember rightly, or, if this could be a figment of my over active imagination, there were some sacrifices as well. However this is from my very hazy Classics teachings (I had better things to be doing, like attempting to chat up boys from the boys boarding school up the road and sneaking fags out of my dorm window rather than actually studying), and I could be wrong. If I am… please stick it in a review and tell me!

I was going to end it here…. But I might add another chapter. I have a few ideas. Of course, *innocent whistling* if you review, am much more likely to write…

Also have been really ill for the last few days, whatever I had last week was merely a dress rehearsal for this, have not eaten in three days, and as I explained to Shem, I was sure writing randy scenes for delicious Sev would not lowerfevefever in the least. So apologies for delay in updating.